“Stinkmeaner, stop! We are not afraid to use lethal force to detain you!”

“Go ahead and try, nigga!”

Luna groaned. She supposed she should be thankful he’s blind. He’s been running around aimlessly, but that just meant his influence will eventually consume the town until he’s stopped.

“Princess Luna, violence isn’t going to work!” Twilight said. “We need to stop him from moving!”

In a flash, a pair of violet hoofcuffs appeared and binded Stinkmeaner’s hoofs...

“Is that all, nigga?!”

...which immediately broke apart after a brief struggle.

“It is impossible, Twilight!” Luna shouted. “If we cannot stop him, I will have to strike him down!” Her eyes turned white and her voice grew to explosive levels.

“Princess, no!”

Too late. Dark clouds appeared, blocking the sun. Lightning rumbled ahead as everypony but Stinkmeaner stopped fighting and ran for cover.

“Do you see now, villain? No matter what infernal power you bring from Tartarus, our might is, and will always be far greater that you!” she yelled triumphantly.

Lightning struck the ground around Stinkmeaner, coming close to setting some nearby buildings.

“How was that, Stinkmeaner? Do you see now the difference in our power?” Luna asked.

The old stallion sniffed the air. ‘Nothin’, I can’t see shit!”

Luna hunched over, sighing. “Of course. Then I will waste no more time!”

The clouds grew more violent, rumbling like a hungry dragon.

Stinkmeaner smiled and charged. “Now we gettin’ serious! Bring it!”

A blinding light pierced the clouds, causing everypony to cover their eyes.

“This magic! Sister?!”

Before she could get an answer, she instead received a smack to the face and got knocked down.

“Luna!”

The remaining clouds scattered and Celestia flew to her sister.

“Luna, are you alright?” she asked. She quickly cast a magical field around them so that Stinkmeaner couldn’t touch them.

“No,” she croaked. “Why did you stop me? I was about to finish him.”

“That’s exactly what he wants you to do, Luna,” Celestia said. “Kill him, so he can return to Tartarus and return, stronger than before. Besides, killing somepony wouldn’t look good for your image.”

“Then what do you suggest? We cannot bind him or kill him. What alternative do we have?”

Celestia frowned. “It may not seem like it, but I summoned what should be the perfect opponent for Stinkmeaner. Look, there he is now.”

Everypony stopped moving and stared dumbstruck at the figure. Balding head, green sweater, black glasses, and a familiar walking stick.

“Stinkmeaner?!” Twilight gasped. “Wait, he’s right here!”

“Exactly, Twilight,” Celestia said. “He claims to be a clone of Stinkmeaner.”

“That’s impossible!” Luna said. “Stinkmeaner’s an earth pony, and this… creature is completely different in every way!”

“Alright, now who’s the nigga that started it?!”

“Well, at least their personalities are identical,” Celestia said sheepishly.

The old stallion looked around, giving a toothy smile. “Finally, some nigga’s steppin’ up! Who’s it?! C’mon!”

The human walked to the source of the voice, smiling just as crookedly. “Ooooh, so you’re the one startin’ shit? Ya know what they say: age before beauty, nigga!”

Luna slowly dropped the barrier and stared at the scene with everypony.

The pair circled each other in perfect sync, despite not being able to see where their opponents were. They quietly muttered curses and spat at each other, but didn’t attack. Instead, their smiles grew wider with each passing second.

To them, this was going to be the ultimate nigga moment. To the ponies, the tension was taking over in the form of fidgeting and hoof-biting, as if waiting for a storm to pass without been drawn in and beaten to a bloody pulp.

The Stinkmeaners suddenly stopped. A tumbleweed rolled between them, realized where it was, and rolled back where it came from.

“C’MON, NIGGAAAAAA!”

The sound of clashing plasting rang through the air and the fight was on.

The stallion blocked a blow that threatened to crush his skull. He scowled when his body gave away, letting in a clean blow across his face.

He wiped the blood off. “Damn, nigga! You got skills!” He grinned maniacally and charged again.

The stallion (we’ll call him “Coltmeaner” because “Stinkstallion” or “Ponymeaner” doesn’t roll off the tongue as well) aimed for the knee, but was parried and was immediately put on the defensive.

“Well, well, well!” the clone (we’ll call him Clonemeaner) said. “You’re a little short for yo age, aren’t ya, bitch-nigga?”

Clonemeaner swung down, but Coltmeaner dodged just in time to stick his cane between the human’s legs, tripping him.

Smirking, Coltmeaner leapt onto Clonemeaner’s torso and pummeled his face.

“What! Whatchu got, nyu-kka?!” he screamed over the sound of his punches.

Meanwhile, Twilight nudged Celestia, her mouth agape. “Princess, what’s going on?! Is this how you wanted to stop him?”

“No... of course not, Twilight.” She covered a rising smirk with a hoof. “I expected a fight, just not one this… gruesome.”

“You do not sound like you are complaining, sister,” Luna snidely said.

Celestia ignored her. “Anyways, if all goes according to plan, whoever wins would be too exhausted to resist capture, and then we’ll send them both to Tartarus where they belong.”

Luna nodded. “That seems appropriate. Nopony but the offender is hurt, and we can increase the security of Tartarus afterwards.”

“But what about all these-” Twilight ducked to avoid a tooth flying her way “-ponies who were affected by Stinkmeaner?”

“They should return to normal after both Stinkmeaners are out of town,” Celestia said. “Look, they’re taking themselves out.”

Indeed, after Clonemeaner knocked his pony version off him, they continued fighting while moving closer to the edge of town.

Even though they moved quickly, everypony only had to follow the blood trail and sound of swears.

“Nigga, you slowin’ down, huh?” Clonemeaner chuckled. His nose was bleeding and some of his hair was ripped off.

“Ha! Ya wish!” Coltmeaner, meanwhile, had cracked glasses and a cut lip.

They clashed sticks again, reenergized by each other’s taunts.

“Jeez, they’re really into this, huh?” Twilight asked. She saw Applejack and Rainbow walking to her, dirty from the earlier scuffle. “So you’re back to normal? What happened, both of you?”

“Ah… don’t really know mahself,” Applejack said in a slurred voice. “At first, I wanted to stop Stinkmeaner, but when I felt somepony punch me, Ah just… reacted.”

“Yeah, that’s what happened, I swear!” Rainbow said, looking around nervously. “So… what, we just wait for them to burn out? Oh, I could use some popcorn right now.”

“Rainbow!”

“What? I get bored when I’m not in the action!”

The Stinkmeaners were on their last leg now. Supporting themselves on their canes, they gave each other time to recuperate.

“Heh… that all, nigga?”

“This ain’t jack shit! “ Clonemeaner chuckled. “But damn, ya sure know how to fight. Who’re you, anyways?”

“Colonel Muthafuckin’ Stinkmeaner, that’s who!”

“Bullshit! Nigga, I’m Stinkmeaner!” Clonemeaner shouted.

“Like hell you-hold up.” Coltmeaner rubbed his chin. “Didja get a letter from one of those scientists to fuck up a nigga named Freeman?”

“Hell yeah!”

“Ha! So you ARE me!”

“Hot damn!” Clonemeaner limped over to him. “Tha hell happened to you? You got shorter!”

“Nigga, that’s exactly what happened!” Coltmeaner laughed and bumped him on his thigh. “When you die, ask the D-man how I kicked his ass.”

Both Stinkmeaners chuckled and leaned on each other.

Luna’s jaw dropped. “Is this a jest?! Were they not killing each other mere seconds ago?”

“I suppose even if they are hosts of unimaginable ignorance, they’re still intelligent enough to know when to stop fighting.” Celestia sighed. “Great, there goes my twenty bits.”

“I beg your pardon, sister?”

“We should get them now, while we have the chance!” Celestia primed her horn and flew towards the Stinkmeaners. “Both of you! If your little fight’s over with, prepare for Tartarus where you belong!”

Luna reluctantly joined her sister’s side. “Indeed! Neither of you can fight back now! Simply surrender yourselves and we will be as quick as possible!”

The two looked at each other, at the princesses, and back to each other.

“We’re really gonna go through with this?”

“Might as well.”

Without another word, they threw a punch to their respective princesses’ muzzles.

They covered their bleeding noses while everypony froze.

“Ding ding ding! Time for lesson number two, nigga!” Coltmeaner screamed, pulling out a new pair of glasses from nowhere. “Listen up, ya bitch-asses! All the shit y’all’ve seen be what we call a nigga moment!”

“What’s a nigga moment, you ask?” Clonemeaner interrupted. “It’s when two niggas kill each other’s ass for the most trivial of shits!

“However!” Coltmeaner raised a hoof. “Niggas can also create bonds with each other, also through trivial or ignorant things!”

“Like now!”

They lunged at the princesses, this time, hoping to land a kick.

Twilight was the first to recover from the shock, however, and managed to knock them back with a magic barrier.

“Enough!” she shouted. “Stinkmeaner! Both of you! I’ve had it with you niggas!”

Celestia flinched. “Uh, Twilight-”

“So y’all think you can stir up all this ruckus and get away with it?!” She stomped and walked up to Coltmeaner until their noses touched. “You come into MY town, beat up MY ponies, and just ‘cause ya got a new friend, ya think you’ll get away with it?!”

“Dear Twilight,” Luna said nervously. “Er, perhaps you should leave him to us? We are more prepared to deal with-”

“SHUT UP!”

“Eep!”

Twilight returned to the Stinkmeaners, steaming from her ears. “I’m done staying in the sidelines! Come at me, nigga!”

Their jaws were the same as most ponies’, but they picked themselves up quickly.

“Huh. First time seein’ a nigga woman in a nigga moment.” Coltmeaner smirked. “Fuck it!”

They collided in a storm of limbs, all three smiling maniacally.

“Sister, we must do something!” Luna cried. “She has been taken over the the veil of their ignorance! Sister…”

“Bet it all on Twilight!” Celestia screamed to a nearby bookie, shoving a pouch of bits in his face.

Meanwhile, the battle between the Stinkmeaners and Twilight continued. It was hard to determine who was winning, as the fight devolved into a three-way melee among its participants.

Everypony thought Twilight had the early advantage, what with her magic and the Stinkmeaners’ exhaustion. However, they were quickly proven wrong when the pair moved faster than ever.

Twilight was slowing down. Being teamed up on was draining her faster than she thought. The only reason she wasn’t out cold was because of her magic, and even that was being overcome by the two niggas.

Coltmeaner winded up and swung his cane down. Twilight barely blocked it with a magical shield, leaving four small craters under her hooves.

“You’re open, nigga!”

Twilight didn’t know how someone blind could sneak up on her, but Clonemeaner did, sending her flying.

“Oooh, I felt that, nigga!” He poked her with his cane. “What now, bitch? What now?!”

“Twilight, you must get up!” Celestia cried.

“Uh, Princess Celestia?” Applejack asked quietly. “Why don’t we just help her out? With the five of us, we can take ‘em, right?”

“Yeah! I could go another round with that old geezer!” Rainbow said, clopping her hooves together anxiously.

“No,” Celestia said. “If anypony else gets involved, the match is null-I mean, this is something Twilight must accomplish on her own.”

“Then why did you intervene in the first place?” Luna deadpanned.

Her face twisting into one of fury, Twilight bit down Clonemeaner’s cane and snatched it out of and stopped her from building momentum with his own cane.

“Let’s see how YOU like it!” she screamed. Not bothering with her magic, she swung the cane like a golfer, and their heads were the golf balls.

Clonemeaner stepped back. Coltmeaner ran up to her instead and stopped her from building momentum with his own cane.

“Ya weren’t expectin’ that, were ya?” he cackled. He twisted his body, and the cane slipped out of her grip, returning to its owner. “Whatchu gonna do now, nigga?”

Her eyes twitched in panic, but fury overtook once more. Her horn threatened to blow up with energy.

“How’s this then!”

A flash of light, and her horn fired a violet beam that encompassed the Stinkmeaners. Everypony screamed and covered their eyes.

When the light extinguished, everypony opened their eyes.

Where the niggas stood, a giant charred crater remained. A thick scent of burnt hair and melted plastic lingered, causing only the princesses to approach the site.

“Ha! Y’all were talking that good shit, a minute ago!” Twilight screamed to nobody in particular. “Now ya got fucked-”

Luna slapped her noggin, silencing her and removing the crazy look from her eyes.

“Whu… what happened?” she asked, clutching her head. “The Stinkmeaners… were fighting, and then…”

“Don’t worry, Twilight,” Celestia said, smiling. “You’re done perfectly. Now all that remains is to find them. We can take it from here. And speaking of taking…” She picked up her now enormous bag of bits from the bookie, who struggled to support its weight.

“But Princess, aren’t those two just, ya know… burnt to a crisp?” Applejack asked, pointing at the crater.

“I highly doubt it. Look.” She pointed up in the sky, and they saw two trails of smoke leading into the Everfree Forest.

“Ugh... tha fuck happened?” Clonemeaner groaned, struggling to stay afloat.

“Fuck if I know!” Coltmeaner reached land first. He shook like a dog to dry himself and smelled the air. “Where tha fuck are we now?”

“Exactly what you said!” The human wrung his sweater and tapped the ground. “I doubt we’re at that ol’ town anymore. Doubt a small place like that have a lake this big.”

After drying themselves, they walked around, trying to find an exit.

“Shit!” Clonemeaner stumbled on a vine, and fell into a entire cluster of them. “Fuck! We need ta get out of this shit!”

“You’re telling me!”

“Fuck this!”

“Tha fuck?!” Clonemaner looked around pointlessly. “Was that you, Stinkmeaner?”

“FUCK YEAH!”

Either it was an echo, or more than one Stinkmeaner answered his question.

“What?” Coltmeaner tapped his copy. “Clone, is that you?”

“YEAH, IT’S ME!”

Coltmeaner smirked. He didn’t know how, or why it happened, but he knew now was the time to fight back for real.

Author's Note

Here's the next one! You can already guess what the last chapter's going to be called.

I wanted this to be about 3k words, but I just wanted this up before I have to go to my classes tomorrow. I don't know when I'll upload the last chapter, but I'm sorry if the ending was anticlimactic.

If you spot any typos, I'm sorry. The editor for the first chapter, Maromar, he didn't seem to be online lately, and being an impatient SOB, I looked it over myself.