This Hurts Me More Than It Hurts You
The rain was making the ground slippery and muddy. Still, the young filly ran as quickly as she could. She could hear the hissing of her pursuers as they gained on her. She slid as she frantically pawed at the ground for some footing. She rounded the next corner and continued her escape.
But she had miscalculated. This wasn't the alley to the next side-street. This was the forty-third dead end in town. She kicked the brick wall in vain, hoping to somehow discover a secret passage.
It was too late. The snake monsters that were following her had her trapped. They hissed softly as the swirling colors in their eyes came ever closer to her face. She tried to close her eyes, but the effects had been instantaneous. Her body responded like a lifeless zombie.
The snakes' master slowly trotted down the alleyway and smiled wickedly at her newest victim.
"Come with me, my pet," the witch said with a hoof gesture.
Despite her mind's refusal, her entranced body slowly obeyed the will of its new master. The filly screamed on the inside, but was silent on the outside.
How had it come to this?
One inappropriate introductory theme later...
"So, what's your conclusion?" asked the filly assistant.
Detective Noi removed the bubble pipe from her mouth. "Elementary, my dear Aura. The molding clay that had Truffle's fork markings is nothing more than a red herring. No, the real evidence lies in the sticky pink substance that was found on Ms. Silver Spoon's desk. It was actually pink bubble gum. That gum can mean only one thing."
She raised her hoof holding her bubble pipe up high. In doing so, she spilled its contents onto the grass. This was the signal that she had all she needed to know. She pointed it dramatically in front of herself.
"The one who stole Silver Spoon's glasses... is you!"
The blue colt recoiled and yelped.
"You were trying to break the record for Foal Free Press gossip."
He held a hoof against his head.
"You wanted to look smarter while performing this act."
He held his front hooves in a shivering posture.
"The only mistake you made was assuming that nobody would notice your favorite bubble gum on the scene of the crime!"
"Ahhhhhhhh!" The culprit's world crumbled around him.
"By Gorge, you've still got it, Noi," praised Aura.
There was just enough formula in the pipe for Noi to blow one last bubble. Meanwhile, Sun Glimmer held out her hoof and smiled with her eyes closed.
~Detective Noi
She will catch the bad girl or boy
Detective Noi
She uncovers the culprit's ploy
When the truth is a hidden mess
Call on Detective Noi the best
You know that she'll solve the mystery of class
As signified by her cutie mark's magnifying glass~
*Ding* *Ding-Ding* *Ding*
"Alright, my little ponies!" Cheerilee called. "Recess over!"
As foals from the swings and the rest of the playground scampered back to the school building, Diamond Tiara guided Silver Spoon over to retrieve her stolen property.
"H-H-Here," stammered Snips, "P-P-Please don't hurt me."
"Hmph!" Silver Spoon put her glasses back in their proper place before raising her nose to the air. "I should have my daddy sue the pants off of you."
"But I'm not wearing any pants," said Snips in confusion.
"Well," said Diamond Tiara, "as soon as you find some pants and start wearing them, we'll get both of our daddies to sue you twice as hard."
Spoon nodded, indicating that her friend's suggestion made sense. The duo then proceeded to trot away in matching huffs.
"I can't believe you'd do something this low."
Snips turned around to see his best buddy being disappointed.
"Snails, I-" started Snips.
"... without me!" wailed Snails, "I don't even know you anymore!" He ran crying all the way to the schoolhouse.
"W-Wait!" Snips called before scampering after him. "I would have let you have a turn, honest!"
Meanwhile, two earth pony fillies were busy giving each other a hoof-bump.
"Good work today, Aura," said Noi.
"Aw, shucks," Aura replied while rubbing her neck sheepishly.
Noi turned around. "And thank you for the new theme song, Sun Glimmer."
"You're welcome," said Sun, "Now, about the royalty fees..."
"Could you, maybe, put that on our tab?" requested Aura.
"Sure thing," said Sun with a smile.
"Alright, we'd better head inside before we're late," suggested Noi before she and Aura made a beeline for the building.
Sun Glimmer tilted her head. "Wait... what's a tab?"
After class, Noi and Aura trotted together down the path through town. They talked about a bunch of trivial things, mostly just stuff to remember laughing about later. When they were close to Aura's house, they said their goodbyes and Noi continued on her way. It was about time to go pick up Mom from work.
It was a bit of a trot down the less beaten path, but she knew the way like the pillow on her flank. She found the line of ponies standing out in front of the building a bit strange, but didn't think too much about it at the time. Some of the ponies looked at her walk right past them, but said nothing as she passed through the glass doors without a care in the world.
"Good afternoon, Noi."
The filly looked at the stallion in his white coat. "Hi, Doctor."
The doctor looked slightly embarrassed. "I'm afraid we have to hold your mom in for a bit of overtime today. It's a little busy around here."
Noi glanced back at the ponies lined up outside the glass. "Yeah, I can see that."
"You can still go check on her if you want, though," said the doctor while pointing. "She's in the second room on the right, down that hallway."
"Thank you," said Noi before scampering lively in the indicated direction.
She pushed open the door slightly before peeking inside the room. "Mom?"
"Oh hi, Bonnie," said Mom while focusing on something on the tall table. "Good timing. Would you mind taking a seat really quick?"
Noi hopped up on one of the blue chairs right next to the door. "I heard it's going to be a while longer before you can call it a day."
"Yes," Mom affirmed. "You know how it is sometimes. When a nurse starts their work, they can't leave their patient until they know for sure that pony is going to be okay."
Noi chuckled. "Yeah." She tried to peek over at her mom's current task. "So, what are you doing?"
"Oh, the usual," said Mom in an almost forcibly casual tone. "Cleaning, sterilizing, vaccination... the works."
Noi stiffened. "V...Vacci...n-nation?"
"It helps me to know that some pony's life is better off when I do a job well done," commented Mom off hoof.
That was the moment Noi got a better view of the tools on the table. There was some cloth, some anesthetic, little tubes and... Her eyes widened. She gulped at the sight of those metal probes.
Her breath nearly caught in her throat as she whispered, "The Needle."
*crrk* *psht*
"This shouldn't take too long, sweetie," insisted... that pony, "I'm glad you decided to come in on your own."
Noi was off the chair in an instant and out the door the next.
"Nope! Nope! Nope! Nope! Nope!" she yelled as she barely avoided crashing through the hospital's glass doors.
"Bonnie?" Redheart asked before power-trotting out of the room. "Noi, come back!"
"How did I not see it?" asked the filly to herself while she ran.
She had a magnifying glass for a cutie mark for crying out loud. The lined up ponies and the overtime should have been enough to tip off a detective like her. It was the season of the needle. It was the one time of the year that her mother disappeared to let that... monster roam free.
"Where can I hide?" she wondered out loud while frantically looking around. "Home? No, that's the first place she'll look. Sugarcube Corner? No, that is literally the second place she would look."
As she crossed the locations off her mental checklist, she noticed that she was nearing the side of town with greasier joints.
"Hey, I saw Princess Twilight go in there once," muttered Noi. "The Redheart would never expect me to go in there."
With her mind made up, she pulled the door open and rushed inside.
"Noi!" called Nurse Redheart, "Noi! Come on, this isn't funny!"
She had tried checking throughout her house and the corners of Sugarcube Corner. But when she didn't find Noi anywhere, she was out of ideas. Redheart lowered her head and sighed.
"Are you and Noi playing hide-and-seek?"
She perked up at the familiar voice.
"In a manner of speaking," said Redheart with a nod. "You wouldn't happen to know where she's hiding, would you?"
"Nopey-dopey!" chirped Pinkie Pie. "Sorry, Nurse."
The nurse sighed. "Thanks anyway."
"All I know for sure is that she said something about going where Princess Twilight went in."
Redheart's ears sprang up.
"But that's silly. Twilight hardly ever goes into the Hayburger anymore." Pinkie shook her head. "Oh well. Good luck with your game of hide-and-seek, Redheart of the Funk."
A spoon was bent between the teeth of a certain filly a couple of tables away. She slowly turned her head. When she laid eyes on Redheart, she opened her mouth. The spoon barely touched the floor before she zipped around the table and curled into a fetal position behind her best friend.
"Di, what's gotten into you?" asked Silver Spoon. But the other filly was too busy shuddering to answer.
Meanwhile, Redheart was preoccupied holding a hoof over her face.
I knew I should have changed my caller ID, she thought as she calmly trotted to the exit.
"Thank you kindly for inviting me here," said Archer.
"Y-You're welcome." Tootsie Flute blushed while looking off to the side.
The two fillies gathered their order, found a table, and sat down. Tootsie kept fiddling her hooves against each other, trying to figure out exactly how she was going to say this.
"Um, Archer?"
Archer stopped squirting ketchup on her fries. "What troubles you, Flute?"
Tootsie took a breath and slowly asked, "Do you... think that... you'd like to-?"
Their table suddenly shook like a level one earthquake.
"What the...?" they asked simultaneously while looking underneath.
"Thank goodness I found some familiar faces." Noi sighed in relief. "You've got to help me."
"Noi?" asked Archer. "What in Equestria compels you to quiver underneath a table on this fine day?"
"This is anything but a 'fine day'," remarked Noi. "I have to hide."
Tootsie raised her eyebrow. "Hide from what?"
Noi whispered, "The Redheart."
"Redheart?" echoed Tootsie.
"Isn't that your mother?" Archer asked.
"No." Noi shook her head violently. "It takes the form of my mom, but I know its secret. It's a monster just waiting to strike. Please, I'm begging you guys. Don't let it know I'm here."
The sitting fillies looked at each other in confusion. Archer shrugged her shoulders.
"Excuse me!"
A familiar white mare wandered toward the table.
"Have you seen some pony about your age with a tan mane and a pillow cutie mark around here?" she asked.
Archer and Tootsie looked at each other and blinked before turning back to the mare.
"My apologies," said Archer, "but I'm afraid I cannot help you."
"Sorry, Ms. Redheart," added Tootsie.
The mare sighed. "Thanks anyway, children." She turned and walked toward another table. "Excuse me! Have you seen a foal around here with a tan mane and a magnifying glass cutie mark?"
"You guys would actually lie for me?" whispered Noi from her spot.
"What are you talking about?" Archer asked.
Tootsie grabbed a bite of her hayburger and swallowed. "All we did was apologize for not telling her where you were."
Noi smiled. "Thank you. I'm going to make a break for it."
As soon as Redheart had her back turned toward the entrance, Noi zipped straight out the door. Business returned to normal at the Hayburger.
"By the way, Flute," said Archer, "were you asking me something earlier?"
"Huh?" said Tootsie, "Oh! Well... I was going to ask if you'd like to..." She shoved her food forward a bit. "... finish my fries. I'm not that hungry."
Something grumbled on Tootsie's side of the table.
"That sounds awfully similar to a hungry tummy," Archer commented.
"Eh heh heh," she chuckled nervously, "I must need to find a bathroom." She got up and trotted. "I'll be right back!"
Archer blinked. "Well, okay then."
She rested her front leg on the table while leaning her head against the hoof's flat side.
I wonder if she's coming down with a stomach bug, thought Archer. I hope she feels better soon.
Meanwhile, Tootsie closed the door behind her to the little filly's room. She sighed.
Someday, she thought. Someday.
Noi continued to gallop away from her pursuers. At some point, a couple uniformed security ponies joined the chase. Their strength was what brought her in last year. She couldn't let them catch her and take her back to that needle-toting beast. She swore on her pillow-marked flank that it would never happen again.
Redheart skidded to a stop as she looked onward in surprise.
"When did she have time to set up that trebuchet?" she asked.
The filly kicked with her magnifying glass-marked hindquarters against a lever. Several pillows were launched into the air. Most of the ponies that had been walking around had enough sense to panic and run around until they got out of the way. The securities, however, had their faces redone with new feathery jobs.
"Noi, I get it!" called out Redheart as she resumed her gallop. "You don't like shots. But don't you think this is going overboard?"
"Stay away from me, Redheart of the Funk!" the filly cried out before resuming her frantic escape.
Not you too, thought Redheart with one shed tear.
"Oh! Oh! Is this the part where she's running for home base?" asked Pinkie Pie while stepping much faster than what normal ponies are supposed to while running.
"Pinkie?" asked Redheart, "What are you...? You know what? Yes. She's heading for home base. At this rate, I'll never catch her in time."
"Sounds exciting!" commented Pinkie. "You know, if you want help catching up to her, I have a plan so ridiculous that it just might work."
"I'm all ears, Pinkie," said Redheart.
"Really?" Pinkie tilted her head in confusion. "You look like you're made of much more than ears, like your eyes, and your mouth, and your tail, and..."
"Pinkie!" interrupted Redheart. "The plan?"
"Oh, right!" Pinkie suddenly lifted Redheart up and stuffed her into the Party Cannon.
"Wait, Pinkie, I take it back!"
"Fire at will!" Pinkie pulled the string trigger.
Redheart was sent flying at an insane speed. She screamed at the top of her lungs as the G-forces caused tears of fear to spray out of her eyes. It was a wonder how her cap managed to stay fixated on her head.
The poor Noi had no idea what barreled into her.
The contents of the filly's mouth crunched in reflection of her unamused state. She had a knack for identifying the Rocky Road's qualities. After all, her cutie mark was an ice cream cone. The taste, texture, and ingredient proportions in the dessert did provide some comfort. But the watery tears were still evident on the edge of her eye.
"I'm sorry, Bonnie," said Mom.
Noi swallowed before shaking her head slowly. She idly scratched her shoulder just a few centimeters away from the little bandage. She let out a sigh.
"No, Mom," said Noi, "I'm sorry for running out on you. If I had just faced that needle in the first place, you wouldn't have had to unleash the beast to trap me."
Aside from a few more crunchy mouthfuls, silence permeated the atmosphere.
"I love you, sweetheart," murmured Mom.
"I love you too, Redheart," whispered Noi.
Author's Note
For more fun, apply the following during a second reading: Every time you see me reference or shout out to one of my other one-shot stories, take a drink.
Alternatively, take a drink every time Noi's cutie mark changes.
(The Poetic Frost does not condone intoxication via alcohol poisoning. He does, however, find some of its results hilarious.)
