Two Thugs in Equestria

by EvanGravelle

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Random, Human, Dark, Alternate Universe
Length: 6943

What happens when two criminals find themselves in Equestria? Shenanigans of course!

Charlie and James are not exactly nice people. In fact they are some of the worst. They are Criminals and work for the mafia doing odd jobs. James loves the job but Charlie has recently found it lacking. He tires of his life as a Criminal. He tires of the shadow of death and violence that always hangs over his head while "at work". But then something happens.

The two are transported to Equestria and Charlie could not be happier. He is a brony after all. James on the other hand, does not like this world one bit.

So what will happen with the two opposites as they try to fit into Equestrian society? Well you will just have to read to find out.

Rated teen due to strong language and there may be some gore later on. I will add tags as they are needed.

Also this is my first fan-fiction so I would be happy for any constructive criticism.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-05-13 20:03:53 UTC

This is going to be real fun...

Charlie took a long drag on his cigarette and watched the smoke dance in front of him. It was majestic, free and really helped him keep his mind away from what was going on in the next room.  Inside were the muffled screams of Johnny Vinchenzi. Charlie kind of felt bad, but this was the life they chose. Not only that but he was a rat, and this organization had no need for the likes of them.

Charlie simply sat in the next room smoking his cigarette, completely devoid of emotion. He cracked a few jokes to his buddy James who was sitting next to him, but for the most part both men waited in silence.

The muffled screams started to intensify and then suddenly....

Bang!

The gunshot echoed throughout the abandoned building. It had made James loose his balance on the chair and he fell on the filthy floor.

Then the door nearest the two men opened and a man in an apron covered in blood motioned to the two of them to enter. Inside the room there were three other men. One was in a pool of blood and the other two had black suits with black ties, identical to the ones the James and Charlie were wearing.

Johnny’s body was on a plastic tarp and blood had pooled all around him. Upon closer inspection, James saw that both of his ears and his nose had been cut off, along with several finger.

“Ya really did a number to him didn't ya?” James said in his cockney accent.

The man in the bloody apron responded to James “ We had to make a point, we don't like rats. Now get him out of here."

“Whateva ya say mate. You boys got some heat for us? I don't like doing business without a piece?”

The two men in suits opposite of James and Charlie both drew Glock 17 Pistols and handed them to the two men.

One of the men spoke “ Do try to not use these, you're just dumping this body.”

“Ya never know wh-oof!” James was silenced by by Charlies fist to his stomach.

“We'll get in done.” He said with an expressionless face.

“Good, mess this up and you'll end up like Johnny here.” The man in the apron said with an evil smile.

James and Charlie then turned on their heels and left the building, dragging Johnny's lifeless body behind them.

James pulled out another cigarette as Charlie went to go get his car. He returned shortly with a black Mercedes S550. The spoils of a life of crime.

Charlie got out and popped the trunk, it was already covered in plastic so as not to leave any blood when their morbid deed was complete. The two men then proceeded to heave the dead body into the trunk. James shut the trunk with a satisfying Clunk.

The two men then entered the car, James sat shotgun.

“So, how much you think we're gonna get for dis job?” James stated.

“Oh, I don’t know. Five figures at least, but you can never be too sure. My guess is around 20 Grand between the both of us.”

“Not bad, considerin' the work were doin' eh? And here me mum thought I wouldn’t be successful 'cause I didn’t go to college. Pfft, who needs college? Eggheads...”

“I went to college bro. It was not a waste of time, I had some of my best times there.”

“Oh yeah? What did you study?”

“....literature.”

“HA!HA!HA! Are you serious! That's weak even for you!” James then proceeded to open the glove box and retrieve the owners manual to the car. He even started speaking like an educated person...for once. “ Well look here my good chum! It seems that master Charlie has obtained a useless degree at great expense to his coffers! I say, he really should have thought of a better career with that EXCEPTIONAL degree he has procured. McDonalds perhaps? No, that is much to far beneath you. I would highly recommend...Wendy's.”

“I get the point...and your little prop didn’t really make sense.”

James returned to his normal stupid self again “ Get outa 'ere. I'm a bloody comedic genius!”

“Sigh. Lets just listen to some music okay?” Charlie fiddled with the Mercedes' custom stereo until finally settling on a song.

“Ah good old Pink Floyd.”  Charlie said as James simply rolled his eyes.

Comfortably Numb by Pink Floyd filled the car with its music. The two men listened until James eventually got irritated and turned off the music.

“That song is mad whack. 'Ave you ever been numb? It ain’t comfortable at all! Its all tingly and shit.” Charlie laughed at James' stupidity.

James then shoved his hand into his pocket and grabbed his his ipod. He also produced a USB cord and shoved it into one of the two USB port's on the stereo.

“Now here is a song!” James proceeded to turn the bass all the way up and the volume up as high as it would go. The following music nearly deafened Charlie but it did not seem to faze James.

Turn my Swag on by Soulja Boi flooded the car. Charlie could only listen to it for about thirty seconds before turning it off.

“What does swag even mean?” Charlie shouted.

“Well, Swag means.....swag. Bro its like undefinable. You just know it when ya see it. Like me I got swag. You...You ain't got none.”

“Double negative.”

“What?”

“Never mind.”

The two men eventually just gave up on music and drove in silence. James was playing around with his gun and Charlie was just focused on the instructions the boss had given him before the incident at the building. They were always vague and he really hated that.

After a few more minutes Charlie thought he found the right place, it was a deserted park and there were a couple of shovels casually thrown about.

“I think we're here.”

“No shit.” James said very indignantly. Charlie just sighed.

“Come on, lets get this over with.”

James was the first to leave the car and the first to open the trunk. As he opened the trunk, James forgot to step back so he was greeted with the always pleasant scent of death.

“Ah shit! That fuckin' smells like shit!”

“Yeah it does. Now calm the fuck down and grab his legs, ill grab the arms.”

The two men lifted the body and carried it out into the middle of the field. James then ran back and grabbed the two shovels left there by their associates. The two men were digging when Charlie started to strike up another conversation.

“Do you think we will make it into heaven?”

James genuinely thought about this. “I don't know. We've done some pretty bad stuff, but then again ain't god s'posed to be this bloke of great mercy an' shit?”

“I guess, I just wonder if he hears the prayers of a sinner.”

“Why you been prayin' ?”

“Yeah I have and no I will not tell you what about. Lets just put it this way, if God answers my prayers, you will not be seeing me again. Ever. “

“Alright, Alright. Calm down, don't get all pissy. And besides, don't you want spend the rest of your life with me?”

“I'd rather put a bullet in my head.”

That was the end of their conversation. The men dumped the body and then returned to their car. Charlie dropped James off at his house and then continued on to his own.

As Charlie neared his apartment he turned on the radio once again and listened to some of his own private music. He listened to 20% Cooler by Ken Ashcorp.

Charlie reached his home before the song ended and just sat in his car listening to the song in his driveway, thinking about My Little Pony. Despite James being his closest friend and co-worker, he would never tell him about his fascination...or was it an obsession? It did not matter, it was what he waited for whenever he came home.

As the song ended Charlie left the car and walked up to his door.  He inserted the key, unlocked it and then opened it. He took off his Suit Jacked and untucked his shirt. He then grabbed a beer from fridge and went to his computer.

His Rainbow Dash wall paper greeted him and made him crack a smile. No matter what he had done that day, Rainbow Dash could always make him smile. He then started reading some fan-fictions before looking at the time. It was 3:42 AM.  Despite it being incredibly late for most, Charlie knew he would not have a job for at least another week. Some random thug would deliver him his money for disposing the body so he had nothing to do the next day.

Charlie turned off his computer and then dragged himself to his bed and threw himself on it. He fell asleep almost instantly.

Charlie awoke in a white room. Everything was white. It was blinding. He called out but no one responded. He was starting to panic. Did he die? Is this the afterlife? Is this a dream?

“No, it is none of those.”

The booming voice terrified Charlie.

“Do not be afraid my child. I have heard your prayers, and I am considering them.”

James spoke and the words seemed to come from everywhere and nowhere all at once. “ Do you mean it? Even after all i have done?”

“Yes, your soul is not lost, although it is on the way. Your friend James is even further than you. A pity you spend so much time with him.”

“Yeah, we go way back...”

“I know, he is the reason you are in this life of crime. But I digress. I want you to say what you want of me.”

“But don't you already know?” Charlie stated sheepishly.

“Yes...but I want you to say it.”

“Okay....I want to....liveinequestria.”

“Do not be shy my child. I know your reasons but if you want to live there you will have to agree to my conditions. First you will bring James with you. Second, you will refrain from from corrupting the inhabitants of this world. Thirdly, if you do not change your ways while in this land, you will find yourself in hell. Now, wake up.”

Charlie awoke to a sun beating down on his face. He was in his black suit and tie. He patted his waist and felt a gun there. He opened his eyes and saw James still passed out next to him, wearing the same clothing.

As Charlie sat upright his breath was taken away. Sitting right in front of him, almost studying him was that most familiar purple unicorn.

“Well hello there.” Charlie said rubbing the back of his head.

The Purple Unicorn, Twilight Sparkle simply jumped up and fainted.

“Oh this is going to be real fun...” Charlie mumbled to himself.

“What the fuck happened last night? I feel like a used fucking condom.” James blurted out as he awoke. Rubbing his face.

“Real fun...”

2: I suppose it was.

Almost immediately after Charlie and James had woken up, all hell had broken loose. Charlie was lost in thought as he had literally spoke to God and James was freaking out because of the crazy colours...and the purple pony unconscious on the ground in front of them.

James was almost crying now “ Mate! What the bloody hell is goin' on! I'm freakin' out!”

“Just calm down. I...I don't know how to explain what happened but lets just go with it okay?” Charlie knew exactly what had happened but he was not ready to tell James about his talk with God. James knew nothing about Equestria so Charlie felt he could play dumb for quite some time until everything fell apart and James went on a violent killing spree....too much?

“And what the fuck is that!” James shouted pointing at the unconscious body of Twilight Sparkle. “ It has a bleedin' horn! An' its purple!”

“I don't know. And stop shouting! You're giving me a headache. Listen alright, I woke up to it looking down at me, I spoke and then it passed out.”

“Why was it lookin' at you? It was tryin' ta eat you!”

“Its a horse idiot, horses do not eat meat.”

James was about to retort but then the two men noticed Twilight open her eyes. She had a look of complete terror, above here were two strange creatures one freaking out and shouting and the other simply standing stoically. Both were in dark dress and looking very imposing.

Not the best wake up for an innocent pony.

“Hey there.” Charlie cooed to Twilight.

“A-are y-you guys going to eat me?”

“Nah, pork, cows and chicken is all we eat. We don't eat horses.....WHAT THE FUCK! You just talked!”

Twilight looked absolutely mortified.

“Shut up James! Don't scare the poor thing.”Charlie shouted at James. He then turned back to Twilight. “ Hey, whats your name. Don't worry we will not eat you, my friend here is just an idiot.”

“U-um okay. My name is Twilight Sparkle, student of Princess Celestia, the greatest ruler our land has ever known.”

“Pfft. Queen Elizabeth was the best ruler. You're stupid princess ain't got shit on her.”

“Shut up James that's ancient history.”

“If your stupid country woulda stayed with us Brits we would see eye to eye 'ere!”

“I'm Canadian Idiot.”

“Same thing.”

“That's like me saying The English and the Irish are the same.”

“We is two different peoples!”

“Exactly, now would you kindly shut up.” Charlie turned back to Twilight  “So Twilight, where are we exactly ? “ He asked stupidly knowing the answer to his dumb question.

“We are in Equestria, more specifically we're just on the outskirts of Ponyville.”

James broke into a fit of laughter “ P-p-PONYVILLE!? Ha! ha! ha! Ha! That is too rich! That is by far the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard!”

Both Charlie and Twilight had expressionless faces. Twilight looked up an Charlie to see him facepalming while James rolled on the grass laughing.

“I think I like you better...”

James noticed Twilight's compliment and nearly died with happiness. “ Thanks.” He said with a smile.

“ Well people are probably wondering where you went, don't you want to get back to town?”

“I suppose. I saw a huge flash of light last night and came to investigate this morning. I came before Spike woke up....Oh no! Spike! I totally forgot about him!”

“Well don't let us stop you, we will probably camp out here for a while....” Charlie had read enough fan-fictions to know what she would say.

“Well...we can't have you two living out here like animals. Even if one of you clearly is.” Twilight pointed to James who had left the group and started urinating behind the nearby tree. He flipped them the finger and shouted “ Hey faggot! Wanna suck it! If not turn the fuck around!”

“Tell me about it.” Charlie stated.

“So i suppose you guys can come stay with me in the library. Please tell your...associate to refrain from vulgarity and obscenity, I wouldn't want ONE of you to ruin the reputation of a.........I'm sorry I never asked WHAT you guys are?”

Charlie smirked “ We are humans. We are greedy, selfish violent people. We are also generous, selfless, peaceful people. We come in a bunch of different colours and sizes. We use technology and are pretty smart..” Charlie gestured to James “ With a few outliers of course.”

Twilight laughed. James then decided to show up. “ So I'm bored. What do you ponies do for fun? Fight? Drink? Fuck?”

Twilight's entire face turned a very deep crimson at James' comment about sexual activity.

Charlie was surprised at Twilight's reaction. He did not think that sexuality was even known in Equestria. I suppose it makes sense though, I mean how else would they reproduce?

Charlie looked at the still embarrassed Twilight and asked the question that had nagged at him ever since he started watching the show.

“So Twilight,” Twilight perked up and looked at him. “ How old are you exactly?”

“I'm seventeen years old.” She said a bit proudly.

“You're that young and living alone?”

Twilight had a look of confusion on her face. “Yeah its pretty normal for ponies to leave their parents around fifteen years old.”

“That cool, I guess. It's just a little weird considering that it is illegal for your parents to leave you on your own that young.”

James scoffed. “Like legality ever mattered to YOU.”

Twilight looked confused. “ Are you guys like, criminals or something?”

Charlie shot James a worried glance before Charlie took it upon himself to answer the question.

“Lets just get you back to you place and then we'll explain what we did before we ended up here. Sounds good?”

Twilight nodded but looked a bit worried. What were these guys avoiding?

Little did she know that the two men following her were some of the most nefarious people on their home world and were monsters in their own right. But one thing at a time.

A/N: Sorry for a short chapter and a long wait. Midterms just finished so i was really busy. I should be able to update much more frequently. Peace.

A Grimy Past

“So, 'sup with the tat on ya' ass?” James said ever so intelligently.

“It is not a 'tat', It is a cutie mark. It is also not on my 'ass', it is on my flank.”

“Same shit. Look pretty gay anyways.” James had his suit jacked slung over his shoulder and had just his white dress shirt on. He then rolled up his sleeves to show arms covered in  tattoos. “ See this? This is fuckin' badass. This is how tat's are meant to look. Yo shit is mad gay.”

“Well I cannot say your 'tats' are without merit, but they seem a little...much.” James' arms were decorated in armband tattoos that ranged from fire to tribal designs to calligraphy. All of the colors were vibrant and really attracted the eye.

James for the first time in his life let someone else have the last word. Charlie silently thanked God for this small blessing.

The trio had been walking for about five minutes in relative silence until Charlie spotted town.

“Well, who's prepared for an angry mob to show up the minute the other ponies see us.”

“Oh they aren’t that bad, I am sure I could get them to come around.”

“Don't matter anyway, we got heat son!” James said as he pulled out his Glock and held it sideways pretending to shoot invisible ponies.

“I seriously do not think anyone should bring firearms into a place where they are nonexistent. And letting you have one is pretty much like giving a toddler a bottle of antifreeze. There really is no good outcome.”

“Um, excuse me what what is that your friend is holding, and what's antifreeze?”

“Well my 'friend' here is holding a gun. It shoots pieces of metal at stuff really fast. I highly recommend not touching it...ever. And antifreeze, well lets just say that there is a very good chance James here sipped some while he was in his formative years.”

Twilight looked at Charlie with a mixture of wonder, disgust and confusion. It took a full seven seconds before James realized he had been insulted.

“Hey!” James shouted and punched Charlie in the shoulder.

“Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.” Charlie mumbled to twilight. She chuckled at his remark.

“You best not be talking 'bout me. Ill smack you so hard.” James made a slapping motion with his hands. Charlie simply waved him off.

As the trio finally entered the town, they noticed a distinct lack of...anyone. There was literally no one in the town.

“Well, this is inviting.”

“Hmm, this is looking alot like Zecora all over again...”

James raised an eyebrow. “ Who the fuck is Zecora?”

“Zecora was a zebra pony who would show up in town to find it vacant, much in the way we just have. The ponies were all afraid of her. After a little...misunderstanding, we convinced the villagers she was good and we all became friends after!”

“What kinda' pussy ass motherfucker lets 'erself get disrespected then makes friends out of all them blokes who disrespected her!? Where I live, bitches like that get iced. Just ask Charlie.”

Twilight looked up at Charlie. “ What does 'iced' mean?”

“Uuhhh...”

“Means their dead.” James said offhandedly.

Twilight's jaw dropped. “Y-y-you killed people?”

“Damn strai-oof!” James' sentence was cut short by a sudden case of fist-in-stomach.

“Well Twilight, me and James lived in a violent world. And an even more violent city. And we just so happened to have a seriously violent career. But lets not dwell on that, once we get introduced to the peopl-er ponies. I will tell you my entire lifestory up until we met. Sound fair?”

Twilight just nodded.

The trio continued to walk through the deserted city. James was getting the creeps, but Charlie just thought it was funny, it was like being the 'boss' and walking through your old neighbourhood. Everyone was afraid.

Twilight decided to stop in the town square and made an announcement to the hidden people of Ponyville.

“CITIZENS OF PONYVILLE. WITH ME ARE TWO CREATURES CALLED HUMANS. THEY ARE NOT TO BE FEARED. ONE OF THEM IS NICE. THE OTHER IS......LOUD. NEVERTHELESS PONIES, YOU HAVE NOTHING TO FEAR.” Twilight finished her little speech gasping for air. whose sense of hearing was seriously dulled by constant loud music, just stood there with the always present stupid look on his face.

Fifteen minutes later.

“Well it doesn't look like anypony is going to come out. Lets go to my house, while I'm there I can send a letter to the princess. Maybe she will be able help with your predicament.”

“Hold up! You can just hit up tha' princess? I call mad bullshit.”

“James, I am her student and she is my mentor. I write her letters every week. I would also appreciate it if you would stop swearing, it is not going to help you make friends with the ponies.”

“Whatever.”

The three eventually reached Twilight's house. Twilight walked in first and called out for spike.

“Spike! I'm so sorry I was gone for so long. You are never going to believe what I found!”

Footsteps were heard as Spike ran up to greet Twilight.

“Twi! I was so worried when you did-MONSTERS!” Spike screamed as he noticed the two large creatures dressed in black.

Spike then ran at James who was to closes to him and tried to attack. It did not turn out well for spike.

James who was in shock of seeing this purple...thing. Reacted to Spike running up to him by kicking him in the face. Spike flew across the room and collided with the bookshelf.

“Dude, what the fuck was that!?” Charlie shouted at James.

“That little bugger was goin' ta' eat me! I fuckin' showed 'em who's boss.” He said proudly.

“You are literally the most retarded person I know.”

“You're just sayin' that 'cause I ain't a pussy like you.”

“No , I'm saying that because you are an idiot. That thing is a tiny! Seriously how dangerous could it be if it lived in a library with a purple pony.” Charlie then looked towards Twilight and said “ No offence.” She waved it off with her hoof.

Twilight levitated Spike, who was now unconscious, and placed him in his basket at the top level of the library.

“Well seeing as how Spike is unconscious and I cannot exactly introduce you to him right now, I will send my letter to the Princess. You guys just make yourselves comfortable.”

“Sounds great!” James shouted as he jumped onto the nearby couch.

Dear Princess Celestia,

It seems we have two new visitors in Ponyville, or Equestria for that matter. There are two creatures who call themselves Humans. They can speak Equestrian and are more-or-less non-violent. I am at a loss as to how they got here and I was hoping that maybe you could shed some light on this predicament. Please respond as soon as possible.

Your faithful student,

Twilight Sparkle

Twilight then sent the letter using her own magic. While she used Spike for most of her letters, she could send them herself. She just preferred to let Spike do it as it was, frankly, a waste of her magic.

“There that should do it.”

“'Aight, so now what we gonna' do while we wait fo' this princess of yours.”

“Well, like I said make yourselves at home. You could read, but I doubt YOU would be into that.” She said glaring at James. “ Or you could just sleep...”

“I'm down. Peace!” James shouted before turning on his side and falling asleep.

“Well that took care of him nicely.” Charlie said rather happily. “ I wish I could have done that at my grandmothers 80th birthday.”

“What happened?”

“Lets just say that James plus alcohol plus a loaded gun plus a hyper-active libido equals a terrible time for everybody and the police showing up....” Charlie started to shake his head as he relived the incident.

“Ahh.” In all honesty Twilight had no idea, but she could only imagine what an inebriated James would do at a social gathering.

Alrighty, time to get some mane six info out of Twilight. “So Twilight, you got any friends ?”

“Yes several, but I don’t think any of them would be able to stomach a look at you. Fluttershy and Rarity would faint. Rainbow Dash and Applejack would try to kill you and Pinkie....well I don't know what Pinkie would do.” She stated. “Oh, look at me saying their names like you would know them.”

Charlie was unable to hid a grin. “ Don't worry about it.”

“Okay then...” Twilight was getting a little suspicious by Charlies behaviour.

“ So Charlie, want to tell me about your past?”

Uh oh. Okay, lets ease Twilight into this.

“Ahem...uh...How do i put this.” He drew a large breath. “ I am not what you would call a law abiding citizen.”

Twilight looked seriously shocked at this information. She was about to say something but Charlie decided to say something before she got a word in.

“Now just wait a minute, It's not like im some killer or something...” Oh God I hate lying to her, but its not like im gonna outright say I killed people! “ What me and me compatriot” He gestured to the now sleeping James. “ Would do is to....liberate certain people of the assets they no longer needed.” Oh great now I'm making my self out as some kind of Robin Hood. “ James and I were also some of the best at disposing...things. And taking care of...problems.” Twilight was looking angrier and angrier by the minute. “ I don't exactly like this life, but it is the one i chose and have to live.” Well that part is true i guess...

“So you're a problem solving thief who is an expert and disposing things.” She said flatly.

There was a few seconds of awkward silence before Charlie responded with “...Yes.”

Twilight shot him a glance that said Are you serious? Better than words ever could.

Charlie simply shrugged.

“You know I will have to tell the princess that you are criminals.”

“No you can't!” He blurted out. “ This is my second chance at a good life and I don’t want my past to soil it.”

“You are a thief!”

“Pleeeease don't tell the princess!”

“Well we'll just have to see...”

Suddenly a book flew out from seemingly nowhere at hit Charlie in the back of the head.

“Shut the fuck up! I'm tryin' ta' fuckin' sleep here ya dick!”

Charlie just felt his eyelids begin to sag and at the exact moment that his face made contact with the wooden floor, he promptly fell into a state of unconscious. The last thing he heard was James mumbling something about how he was “...a giant pussy.”

Memories

Chapter 4

The heat was oppressive. The air itself was hot, and every breath of the superheated oxygen strained Charlies lungs.

“Christ couldn't we have picked a better place to invade?” Charlie joked to his squad mates.

“Fuckin' ragheads...” Mickey, the team's support gunner said. “ I don't know how they do it. And then they run around in fuckin' pajamas, the fuck is with that?”

Lieutenant Wallace turned around. “ Stow that shit. We gotta be on high alert, we've had three ambushes in this town in the past two weeks. I don't want to go home in a body bag, so pay attention.”

“Sir yes sir.” James said with a lazy salute.

The Lieutenant scowled, he hated it when James gave him a poor salute. It was a sign of disrespect, while it would be a good idea to discipline James for his behaviour, it would be pointless to distract the team in a hostile environment.

The team slowly crept up the empty street. The sun bleached buildings showed no signs of life. Charlie scanned the rooftops with his L85A2 rifle, he saw no movement whatsoever.

“Sir?” Charlie asked hesitantly.

“Yes corporal?”

“Every notice how when no one is around, It means something bad is gunna' happen?”

“Relax Marine, if we get attacked we got us some air support to pound the fuck outa' them.”

It was tense as the troop slowly marched through the town. No one said a thing.

James walked up to Charlie “ Hey Charlie?”

“What?”

“When we ditch this party, I got us a job when we get back home.”

“Illegal?”

“The best jobs are.”

Charlie lightly chuckled. “You know, I'd think that after that last run in with the law yo-”

“Contact! Contact! Left building!” The lieutenant screamed.

In the time it took for Charlie to register what was happening, an RPG had exploded next to the Lieutenant. The officer screamed in pain for a few moments before succumbing to his injuries.

Everyone in the squad had opened fire on the group of men firing at them from the tall left building.

Charlie could barely register what was happening, he had expected contact, but nothing like this. As he looked around he saw Mickey lying on the ground, a round had ripped through his throat and a pool of blood was growing around his now lifeless body.

Distraught by his dead comrade, Charlie was caught off guard by a bullet impacting with his left shoulder.

Charlie snapped back to reality in an instant. “ Shit! I'm hit!”

“Shut the fuck up! We all are!” James screamed to Charlie.

Charlie crawled over to the dead Lieutenant, bullets riddling the ground around him. He searched the body and found the radio. He turned it on.

“This is Hitman two actual! We are requesting immediate air support! Danger close!”

The radio crackled to life. “ Roger. Two fast movers inbound.” Said the radio operator reffering to a pair of Tornado GR4's.

Charlie was now the single focus of all the attackers fire. He looked up at the building and took another round in the chest.

“Charlie!” James screamed over the roar of gunfire.

Charlie did not even respond. He looked to the sky and saw the two Tornado fighters incoming. He took another round to the stomach.

“Charlie!” James screamed again as he scrambled to aid his closest friend.

Once again Charlie did not respond, he simply looked at James. Charlie was loosing blood. I'm going to die. It was strange feeling, facing your own mortality in the face, and then accepting it.

“Charlie don't you fuckin' die on me!”

Charlie cracked a smile before passing out.

“Charlie!” James screamed again.

“Charlie!” He repeated.

Why can I still hear him?

“Charlie wake the fuck up!”

Charlie awoke in a daze. Apparently James had been shouting at him for the past few minutes.

“Charlie you okay man? You were shaking and screaming.”

Charlie rubbed his eyes and looked around, Twilight was looking very worried.

“Y-yeah I'm fine. I just had a dream...”

“Iraq?”

A long sigh escaped Charlies dry lips. “Yeah...”

“Whats Iraq?” Twilight asked, slightly intrigued at this new word.

“Iraq is a country.”

“Okay...So why did a country make you have such terrible dreams?'

“There was a war in Iraq. James and I served in it, I saw some pretty messed up things...”

“Umm...” Twilight looked embarrassed. “What exactly is a war?” Twilight was clearly not used to asking the questions.

“A war is when two countries fight against each other. They send soldiers, like James and I, to fight and kill the other country's soldiers. It is a terrible, but common part of humanity. No one should ever have to experience war... it messes you up.” Shortly after experiencing his injuries in Iraq, Charlie had been diagnosed with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Charlie had told James about and James had been remarkably supportive of his friend.

“That's terrible!”

“Yeah...it is. Now lets forget about this whole conversation, I don't want to jade you just yet.” He put on a fake smile, the memory of seeing his platoon decimated and him sitting there, nearly dying on a filthy street was still fresh in his mind.

James was quiet for the entire conversation. He was dumb, but not dumb enough to joke about the war in which they had lost so many of their friends. It may not be very apparent, but even James had limits on what he would say, he knew how messed up Charlie was.

“Wait a minute, you said you were a criminal before and now you are saying you're a soldier, which is it?” A tinge of anger was audible in her voice.

Charlie just shrugged. “We were both. We joined at the same time, did our minimum service of four years and then we delved into our current line of work.”

"How old are you?" She inquired.

"I'm 28. Graduated university at 22, joined the Royal marines until I was 26 and worked with James here for the past two."

“Alright then, Sorry if I seemed a bit angry, Its just that here the Royal Guard are the closest thing we have to soldiers and a contract with them is for life so I thought you were lying to me..."

“Don't worry about it"

Twilight nodded before turning to walk away.As she was walking away she suddenly remembered something. “ Oh Charlie, Princess Celestia sent us a letter back, she is going to be here tomorrow. She wants no one to know you're here so...just relax and stay away from the windows.”

“That's cool and all, but isn't this place a library? A public one? As in one that people just walk in to grab and read book whenever?” Charlie asked, his voice escalating in panic with every question.

“No one really reads in Ponyville.”

“Straight up!” James shouted.

Twilight just deadpanned then continued her explanation. “ Anyways...No one really reads here except me and Dash. Rainbow only reads Daring Doo books and she just checked out a couple last week so she should be busy for quite a bit longer.”

“Alright, I just dont want to be sent to the moon for disobeying the princess.” Charlie slapped a hand over his mouth at his comment.

Twilight's eyes narrowed.” How would YOU know that Celestia can send ponies to the moon?”

“Uhh...” Shit!   “That was just a Human saying.”

“Hmmm.” Twilight turned around and left Charlie.

I've got to remember to NOT use any brony sayings. Might cause the world to implode or something.

“Hey James, can I talk to you for a minute?”

James, who had been sitting in the corner playing with his Glock looked up at Charlie. “ Yeah, sure.”

James walked over and sat down next to Charlie. “That dream...I haven't had it in months. Why is it coming back now?”

“Maybe it's 'cause you're in a new place?”

“Nah, I dont think so. I think it's something different...”

“Well don't worry about it man, I'll help you through it okay. Just 'cause I bust you're balls doesnt mean I don't love you man.”

Charlie looked up and saw true emotion in James' eyes. Despite all of his faults, he really is my best friend. Scratch that, he's my brother.

“Thanks man, wanna see what kind of trouble we can get into?” Charlie said with an evil grin.

“Damn straight.”

James got up first and gave his hand to Charlie who grabbed it up and let James pick him up.

Charlie started scanning the book shelves. It has got to be here somewhere...ah here it is!

Charlie smiled as he looked at the book A Guide to Pony Anatomy.

James looked at Charlie and new exactly what he was thinking.

As Charlie scanned the pages, he found the page he was looking for. “Oh Twilight, Can you help me with something?” He called.

“Sure what is it?”

“What is the main purpose for this body part? I'm a little confused when it comes to ponies.” Charlie turned the book so that Twilight could see what the page was. Twilight turned a bright red as she saw the close up of a male pony reproductive organ.

Twilight tried to respond but she could do nothing but stutter.

“Ha ha ha!” Charlie dropped the book as he fell to the ground laughing. James was laughing too.

Twilight, now realizing that they had known exactly what it was and this whole ordeal was just to embarrass her, became very angry.

“Well you seem to like embarrassing me, so it's now my turn!”

James was the first to recover from laughing “ Huh?”

Twilight's horn started to glow and James could feel himself being levitated. Charlie snapped out of his laughter once he realized that he was floating as well.

“I have to go out for a bit, so you two can keep each other company...close company.”

Twilight then forced both of the men to lie down on top of each other. James struggled to get away but was unable to.

“What the fuck is this? I ain't gay man!”

“Ooh, look's like some one isn't sexually secure...”

“Shut the fuck up nerd!” James shouted at Twilight.

“Well I got to go, so have fun!” She concluded ad she walked out of the door.

James and Charlie just tried to avoid eye contact as they were in such a compromising situation.

As Charlie was looking everywhere but into James' eyes, he spotted a purple dragon looking at them with disgust.

“Uhh, am I interrupting something?”

“NO!” The two criminals shouted in unison.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nightfall had come and all were asleep in the library. Charlie had been hoping for happy dreams, but he was not given that gift.

Charlie stood there above the kid. He was only fifteen years old. There were five men surrounding the kid, his face was bloody.

Of the five men, James was one of them. The others were members of the Mob.

The kid had been beaten for stealing from the Mob, he had taken some of the drugs they had given him to sell.

One of the Mafia members stomped his face again. The kid coughed up blood.

“You fucked up kid.”

One of the mobsters reached into his pocket and tossed Charlie a gun.

It was a brand new Colt 1911.

“Why are you giving me this?”

“Waste 'em.”

“What?”

“Blood in, blood out. Kill this fucker and you and your boy James are in the gang.”

Charlie pulled the slide back on the gun and pointed it at the kid's face.

As Charlie looked down the gun's sights, his hand had started to shake.

“Come on Charlie, don't be a pussy!” James shouted. “ We offed guys in Iraq and they were real motherfuckin' fighters. This punk is just some junkie dealer!”

James clearly wanted to join, but Charlie was not sure if he could do it.

“Fuck it...” Charlie mumbled to himself. “I'm going to hell anyways.”

He looked into the kid's eyes and saw tears streaming from them.

As he looked down the sights once again and lined up the kids forhead he felt his soul leave him. He became a husk. He had no emotion.

Emotionless, he fired the weapon.

Charlie awoke in a cold sweat.

“Christ...” No matter what he did, the dreams and memories of his past life haunted him.

As Charlie sat in the mattress that Twilight had pulled out for him. He was covered in sweat and was panting heavily.

He looked over and saw James still fast asleep on the couch.

Charlie closed his eyes and tried to fall asleep but soon gave up on that as it was impossible.

Charlie got up silently, opened the door and left the library. It was way past midnight so there was very little chance anyone would be out.

He mentally told himself that he was being stupid and that disobeying both the princess and twilight was a bad idea.

Sadly, at nearly three in the morning, Charlie was in no mood to listen to logic and reason.

Ill be back in time, no need to worry.

He had no idea how wrong he was going to be.