Chapters The Rise of Chancellor Puddinghead
“Cookie! Wake up! This election ain’t gonna win itself!” a voice boomed loudly in the ears of the orange mare asleep at her desk, a pile of papers forming a crude pillow.
Smart Cookie sat up and rubbed sleep out of her eyes. She could tell that it was early evening, with the sun making its’ descent and the moon on the rise. She turned towards the voice and saw the blurry outline of Ballot Box bearing down on her.
“Uh, boss, have ya seen them polls? It ain’t gonna win if we work or not. We’re getting’ clobbered,” She said blearily.
“Maybe it’s because Chancellor Mare’s personal assistant doesn’t sleep when she should be making itineraries!” Ballot Box shouted, clearing Cookie’s vision. She could tell he was angry, but his feature quickly softened and he rubbed his head with his hoof. “Look, Cookie, I’m sorry about that. You’re doing a great job, but I don’t think our candidate even has a shot. The chancellor is just too darn popular!”
“Shoot Ballot, you know it’s always hard runnin’ against an incumbent. Specially when yer candidate is the oldest fogey of ‘em all! He’s more borin’ than a sack a hammers, and if he weren’t an ambassador than he wouldn’t be even runnin’.” Cookie said reassuringly. Ballot Box smiled, and grabbed a piece of paper nearby, and stared intently at it with a furrowed brow.
“We’re polling very well on the borders of Unicorn territory, but that’s all. We can’t even touch the capital, and a lot of farmers are too busy battling frost to answer questions from door-to-door poll ponies. Our best bet is to appeal to them and hope that in the process we can appeal to the townsponies in the process,” He stated worriedly. His young assistant walked over and placed a hoof around his neck, pointing to the paper he was referencing with the other.
“See! T’ain’t that bad, we got ourselves a strategy and we got a fightin’ spirit! We’re still in this thang!” Cookie said, with a forced optimism she herself didn’t believe. Even someone as new to politics as her knew that polls that bad often led to landslide victories for the winning candidate.
“But we can’t do anything without a candidate for Vice-Chancellor. The ambassador hasn’t even been NEAR the Reinstag, let alone know any of the delegates.”
“Whah is that important?”
“Because, Cookie, the constitution states that the Vice-Chancellorship must be held by a pony from the Reinstag! I’m going to have to send a staffer to talk to the various delegates and see if any are interested in running.” He shook his head and sighed. “By the moon, I can’t afford to lose anyone at this point.”
“Ballot Box, sir, Ah could do it,” Cookie said confidently. The older pony turned toward her and smiled affectionately.
“Look, I respect your enthusiasm but you don’t know what we need for our campaign, you don’t have the experience some of our older ponies do.”
“Ahm young though, and that’s exactly what the ambassador ain’t. If anypony knows what this here campaign needs, it’d be me. Plus Ah hate that strategy stuff, Ah’d rather be out meetin’ people and puttin’ mah hooves to cobblestone,” Cookie said defiantly. Ballot Box nodded.
“Alright, I’ll send word that you are in charge of finding a running mate. Do you know where the Reinstag is?”
“Uh, it’s near the square right? Down on Market Street?”
“Yes, that’s the one. I want you there first thing tomorrow, with a smile and a desire to help the ambassador win!”
“You can count on me Bally!” Cookie said, with a mock salute.
“Don’t call me that,” Ballot Box said with false seriousness, and quickly turned around to check the mail. As he walked away he turned back and said, “Take the rest of the day off. You’ll need all the rest you can get to deal with the pompous flanks down at the Reinstag.”
With a smile, Smart Cookie put on her mountain cap and slipped out the door, into the streets.
Cookie awoke bright and early, as always and rolled out of her bed and looked out onto the city. She had a small room, with few furnishings outside of her bed, a chest of drawers, and a wash basin with a small mirror. She was not a very prissy pony, and outside of her usual cloth shirts she had little in the way of wardrobe. Her hat sat atop the wardrobe, and after putting her mane in a ponytail (seemed a redundant name, considering she had a tail, but it suited her) she placed it on her head. After loading her saddlebags with parchment, quills, and books she set off for Market Street.
It was a cold day, as cold as it always was these days. Cookie couldn’t remember the last time she was able to go outside without some sort of cover. The sky was overcast as she trotted down the street, and as she approached Market Street she entered the eponymous market. She found an apple stand and trotted up to it to catch some breakfast.
“One apple please!” she said cheerily
“That’ll be 3 bits,” the fruit vendor responded. Cookie’s smile immediately left her face.
“3 bits? How in tarnation are you not in jail for robbery? The price last week for apples was that much for a bushel!” she shouted. The apple seller looked at her with tired eyes.
“Maam, for the first time in years the frost came early. We saved as much as we can, but unfortunately we’re only at a quarter of our usual production, “she said apologetically, the fatigue evident in her voice. Her patron immediately was filled with guilt.
“Ah understand, and Ah’m sorry for your loss of business. But Ah just cain’t afford 3 bits,” Cookie replied sadly. The fruit monger considered for a bit before nodding and rummaging in a barrel next to her and placing a small golden apple on the counter of the stall.
“Tell you what, I’ll give you this Golden Delicious for the 3 bits. It’s the best I can do,” she said with a small, hopeful smile.
“Ah can work with that. Here ya are maam” Cookie said a bit more happily, giving the mare the 3 bits and thanking her heartily. As she stowed the apple into her saddlebags, her political mind had kicked into high gear. She knew the climate was changing, but losing half of an apple crop was not good. Maybe the Ambassador could spare some time visiting the apple orchards, connecting with people who have lost part of their livelihoods. She made a note to tell Ballot Box her idea. She continued on through the hustle and bustle of the streets until she reached Constitution Square.
The grey edifice of the Reinstag loomed over her, a monument to the hardiness of the earth pony race. The huge oaken doors were placed under a magnificent colonnade, topped by a frieze depicting significant historical events. The wings stretched far to the left and right, covered in two floors of windows. These wings were capped on the ends by battlements, ornate enough to be beautiful yet still fully functional. The most impressive feature, however, was the dome, which perched atop the center of the building like a griffon roosting. It was composed of interlocking metal beams, forming a look akin to a beehive that provided shelter yet allowed in large amounts of light into the chamber below.
“Hi,” Cookie started, with a smile. She was ignored. ”Ah was wonderin’ if you could point me to Delegate High Tower’s office?” She continues pluckily. The desk pony sighed and gestured towards a hallway to Cookie’s left.
“5th door to the left, past the fountain,” she said flatly, and returned to her paper. Cookie turned and walked the direction that had been indicated. This was her first shot, and she wouldn’t screw it up.
She screwed it up. Not only had he rejected her offer, he actually laughed in her face!
“Why would I want to waste my reelection trying to help that doddering old ambassador lose? He hasn’t got a snowball’s chance in Tartarus of beating Chancellor Mare!” he said, trying to compose himself as he did so. Cookie was almost in tears. After some deep breaths he continued.
“You want some advice? Get out. Wait till the next election when the Chancellor’s term is up. Then you’ll have a chance at actually doing something with your work. Young mare like you working for the ambassador, why, that’s downright wasteful!”
“Thank you for your time sir,” Cookie replied meekly. “And the advice.” High Tower nodded slightly and waved his hoof dismissively.
“Yes, yes, and uh…….good luck, I suppose.”
After letting herself out, she walked dejectedly down the hallway. High Tower was the most ambitious and powerful pony in the Reinstag, she was SURE he would have jumped at the Vice-Chancellorship. Now her number one lead was fighting off laughter, and she had hit a major setback.‘No, Cookie, don’t you get yerself all worked up over nothin’. He’s just one pony, the Reinstag is fulla ponies who’d do anything fer the shot at the number 2 spot,’ She said to herself, attempting a self -pep talk. It worked, it seemed, as she felt much better and set off to the next delegate’s office, certain of success.
Smart Cookie was right, there WERE a lot of ponies in the Reinstag, and all of them knew who the Ambassador was, and knew about his reputation, and all of them laughed their flanks off at the proposition of being his running mate. If she heard one more use of the word boring or fogey she was going buck them through a wall. As Cookie sat on a bench outside staring at the apple that was her lunch, she couldn’t help but feel hopeless. She had nothing to work with. She had a dull candidate running against a popular incumbent, a scenario no sane politician would get involved in. She wished Ballot Box were here, he’d have some sort of solution for her.
“At least you caint laugh at me,” she told the apple wistfully, taking a bite out of it.
“Who said that? Ah’ve got an apple, and Ah ain’t afraid to use it! Ah’m dangerous, and Ah’m in politics. Y’all better watch out!” the orange pony said, her eyes wide in fear and the apple in prime throwing position.
“If you’re in politics, how come I haven’t met you?” the voice replied, but behind her this time.
“Howdy!” the owner of the eyes said cheerfully. Cookie jumped in fright, dropping her lunch in the process. “Oh! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you” the voice said, its’ eyes showing concern.
“No, no it’s fine. Ah just was sorta lost in mah own thoughts, ya know?” Cookie replied with an understanding smile. She was able to take a look at her new acquaintance. She was pink, the pinkest thing the young mare had ever laid eyes on. Her tail and mane were also pink, and bushier than anything Cookie had ever seen. She had a yellow and brown dress on, with a red bow on her rump. She had the traditional ruffle of a politician, but her other accessories were a bit more baffling. She looked like she’d fallen out of Cookie’s parent’s bakery. She had what looked like an éclair on her backside, and her hat was a bowl of pudding with a brim! “That’s a …uh…very interesting choice of headwear.”
“Is it? I hadn’t noticed. What’s your name?” the pink pony politician politely put forward.
“Smart Cookie, at yer service maam,” Cookie said with a sweep of her hat. “May ah ask yer name maam?”
“My name is Puddinghead, and I am the Delegate representing the 3rd smallest province of our land…. the beautiful bureau of Belmont!” The delegate named Puddinghead said proudly, putting a hoof to her heart and looking into the distance dramatically.
“Uh Madame Delegate, what’re you looking at?” Cookie asked, looking into the same distance and seeing nothing.
“That tree is really pretty, don’t you think?”
“Ah suppose.”
“Anyway, like I said. I’ve never seen you before and I try to know everypony in the Reinstag. Granted, some don’t want to know me, but I know them nonetheless!”
“Ahm not in the Reinstag and Ah don’t work here. Ah am Ambassador Gray Rock’s personal assistant,” Cookie said with unabashed pride.
“Him? Isn’t he the boring old fogy trying to beat Chancellor Mare?” Puddinghead asked with a smirk.
“Yes, and he is NOT borin’! He’s just…uh…distinguished is all. And if you’ll excuse me Ah have to find somepony crazy…er…intelligent enough to run as his Vice-Chancellor.” Cookie began to walk away in a huff.
“I could do that!” she heard the delegate exclaim from behind her..
“Ya would? Why, that’d be mighty fine of ya!” Cookie replied with a smile, a huge genuine smile of relief returned by Puddinghead. “Just stop by the campaign office on Elm tomorrow and we’ll talk with mah supervisor!”
“Okey Dokey Smokey!” Puddinghead replied, and walked off with a happy bounce in her step that bordered on a jump.
As Cookie watched her go, she suddenly had a sense of worry. Did she just pick the strangest delegate in the whole Reinstag to help win an election? Yes, yes she did. But maybe Puddinghead is just the thing that her campaign needed to get it rolling. Explaining that to Ballot Box would be a different story entirely.
The Rise of Chancellor Puddinghead
“You asked WHO??!!” Ballot Box yelled incredulously.
“Ah told ya, her name is Puddin'head, and she’s the delegate for the Belmont Province,” Cookie replied calmly. She had known her over-worked boss would not take this information well, but she intended to sit this rant through until Puddinghead herself arrived. This could happen at any time, hopefully sooner rather than later.
“BELMONT!!? That podunk backwater of a mountain village flank deep in Pegasus territory? I knew I shouldn’t have put a novice on this job!” He yelled. He turned to a map on the wall and began moving multicolored pins around, muttering to himself. “Now I’ve got to pull one of my pollsters out of Coltogne to get down to the Reinstag to find a real candidate and that means I have to transfer…”
“BALLY!” Cookie shouted, pulling Ballot briefly out of his thoughts.” Ah just want you to meet this pony. This is who ah think can win this here election; ah stake mah reputation on it!” she said confidently. Ballot Box stuck a pin he had just picked out back onto the map near Mareis and turned towards his orange protege with an impressed look on his face..
“Alright, I’ll give you a shot. When does she get here?”. As if in answer a loud thump came out of the chimney to the right of Cookie, making both ponies jump. Suddenly a pink head covered in soot poked its’ head out from underneath the flue and smiled at them both. A bowl of pudding sat precariously on her head, somehow completely devoid of grime or ash. Ballot Box’s jaw was very near the floor, and Cookie couldn’t help but giggle at the politician’s antics.
“Good mornin' Madame Delegate! Welcome to the campaign headquarters of Ambassador Grey Rock. This is the boss, Ballot Box.” Cookie said, gesturing towards the stunned campaign manager. Ballot Box just kept staring at Puddinghead, who trotted over to him.
“Is he always like this?” she said, poking him gingerly with her hoof.
“Nah. Normally ah cain’t get him to stop yellin’ about something,” Cookie said with a slight smirk.
“He seems stressed, I can’t imagine why.”
“Well, if ah were to take a guess, ah’d say it was on account of the fact that the pony his protégé selected to run for the 2nd highest position in the land just popped outta the chimney with a bowl of pudding on her head. But that’s just a theory,” Cookie said with just a hint of sarcasm. She blinked and suddenly noticed the delegate had vanished. She looked left and right but couldn't find her. She blinked again and Puddinghead had appeared with a bucket of water, which she proceeded to throw onto Ballot Box.
“WHA- HOW? WHY? WHO?” Ballot Box sputtered.
“Calm down Bally, this here is the pony ah selected to run with Grey Rock, “ Cookie said reassuringly. Puddinghead nodded enthusiastically.
“Yeah! It sounds like fun! I’ve never been a Vice-Chancellor before!” she exclaimed. Ballot Box just blinked out of confusion, but attempted to regain his composure.
“Uh...yes I’m sure it would be. Now I need to ask a couple of questions to see where you stand politically. So we know what your strengths are compared to the ambassador,” he said, pulling a clipboard off of his desk.
“Shoot!” Puddinghead replied, her smile at odds with the campaign manager's false severity.
“What is your opinion of the ambassador?” he began.
“Well, I’d say he was one of the most boring-est ponies I’ve ever seen. I mean he’s GREY, but that’s not really his fault. And his cutie mark is a rock! That’s not nearly as fun as the one I saw last week. That mare had a cutie mark that was a firecracker! How do you even get a cutie mark like that? I was gonna go ask her and then-“
“THANK YOU, Madame Delegate.” Ballot Box said, clearly exasperated. “Next question: How do you view our closest neighbors, the Unicorns and Pegasi?”
“Well the unicorns seem fun, but they have that weirdo magic. The Pegasus-ses-ses-es are really rude, and they keep making things colder for no reason.”
“Ah think you mean Pegasi, maam” Cookie interjected "And we can't prove the temperature changes are ALL their faults, ah mean ah've read about where they don't control any weather!" Cookie said. Puddinghead stared at her numbly before turning back to her interview.
“Whatever, anyway they just stay in the sky mostly, so they don’t worry me at all!” she finished, ignoring her discoverer's words. Ballot Box couldn’t help but smile at Puddinghead’s positivity.
“I think I’ve heard enough maam, thank you for coming by. I’ll send you a full survey for press release shortly. Welcome to the campaign.” He said, extending his hoof to shake. Puddinghead smiled broadly and bumped her hoof up against his, making a faint clop sound.
“Thank you Bally!” Puddinghead said, and walked away bouncily. They heard the door creak and then slam. A faint whistling sound could be heard through the window, fading until it was lost on the wind. Bally sat down and turned to Cookie, who was standing smugly near the fireplace.
“That, has to be, the craziest mare I’ve ever met,” he said, his eyes wide with confusion.
“And she’s perfect, right?”Cookie said, smirking knowingly.
“She’s exactly the opposite of the ambassador! She’s clever, she’s funny, and she’s fun. She practically oozes happiness and sunshine. She has a distinct image. She is the sort of thing that not only this campaign needs, but what this country, no, the whole earth pony TRIBE needs. This means big things for you Smart Cookie.” the elder pony politico said, his voice reaching a hopeful crescendo as he did so, his forelegs thrown up in the air before resting on his orange friend's shoulders.Cookie stuck her chest out in pride, happy that she’d followed orders and succeeded.
“Ah do mah best sir,” she said humbly. Ballot Box quickly turned to his clipboard and began flipping through pages and scribbling on a few.
“Now, Cookie comes the hard part. You and Puddinghead have to take a coach to the border and meet the ambassador. He’s currently negotiating with a representative of the Unicorns.” The smile fell off of Cookie's face as her boss spoke, her eyes filled with a sudden dread she could not fathom.
“All the way into unicorn territory? Stuck in a coach with her? Ah mean ah want to be her friend and all, but that don’t mean I’ll survive that, “ she said fearfully.
“You deserve it, for getting her to start calling me ‘Bally’." the brown pony said, grinning from ear to ear. "Don’t you worry, I’ll arrange everything. In the meantime, I need you to start brainstorming slogan ideas. I’m thinking ‘Rock and Pudding, together at last!” Cookie sighed and rolled her eyes.
“Sir, if ah may. That sounds simply awful, you will need mah help.”
“What about……………. Grey and Pink: Better than you think?”
“Shut up and give me that quill!” she said, tackling her mentor. It was going to be a long night.
Cookie woke up blearily, and sat up with a slogan idea stuck to her face. ‘Vote Rock/Pudding. Because they’re 20% Cooler!’ How on earth did they come up with that? What sort of math is that even? She looked out the window and it looked to be mid morning. She smelled something and saw an éclair sitting on a plate next to her. Suddenly she realized she was hungry and dove into it, tearing into its flaky creaminess with the ferocity of a diamond dog. Suddenly Ballot Box walked out from the foyer, with Puddinghead in tow.
“You ready to go? Your carriage is due here in 5 minutes!” Ballot Box said, with a huge grin on his face. Puddinghead was also smiling, and had with her a huge bag that looked like it was full of crème.
“Did you like the éclair? I gave one to you out of my dessert bag so you’d be ready for the morning. You do know you’re supposed to put it in your mouth, not rub it on your face, right?” the pink pony said, her puzzled look being returned by a soft plop of icing onto the table in front of Cookie, who merely glared back at her.
“Let’s just go,” She said flatly, brushing through the two smirking ponies towards the door. They turned to follow her out, and together the three entered the street where sat the coach with a gentlecolt waiting patiently for them to arrive. Cookie noticed her travel bag up nestled with a bag shaped like a cupcake, before both were smushed by huge bag dripping with crème, thrown by the delegate, who followed behind with a jump. Before she could get in, Ballot Box turned to Cookie and gave her a quick hug with one leg.
“Good luck, kid. You’re gonna need it to convince that bag of dust that Puddinghead will help him win,” he said warmly.
“Thanks Bally!” Cookie said with a smile. She climbed in next to a very jittery Puddinghead and they were off. As Ballot Box vanished into the distance, the steady clopping of the driver along with the bumpiness of the cobblestones mixed hypnotically, making Cookie’s recently opened eyelids droop heavily. As they drove out of the city the warm sun began to make her even drowzier. Her eyes would have closed completely, allowing Cookie to float along in dozy bliss, had a pink shape not popped out and begun speaking to her.
“HeyCookiehowlongisitgonnatakehuhhuhhuh?” was the noise that emitted from Puddinghead’s mouth.
“Madame Delegate, you seem a bit more jittery’n normal,” Cookie said, trying to not sound as agitated as she was.
“Weeeeeell I’m really excited to meet the ambassador and so I ate some cupcakes and cookies and pies and éclairs and now I’m supersupersuper wired.”
`”Ah hadn’t noticed,” Cookie said, her sarcasm palpable. ”Now will ya be quiet and let me sleep? Ah need to be in top form if ah’m gonna convince the ambassador you’re runnin mate material.”
“Okey dokey croaky!” Puddinghead said in her usual singsong voice. As they sat in silence the hypnotic bumps were replaced by the relative smoothness of the dirt road as they finally reached the countryside. The sounds of nature filled Cookie’s ears as she began to drift off again. Her vision blurred, and her eyelids drooped heavily. She yawned heavily and laid her head on her crossed legs. Aaah, THIS was travel.
“Cookie! Wake up!!” Puddinghead said, with a hint of panic in her voice. Cookie sat bolt upright and looked around. Everything looked good, just farmland and trees. Every once in a while a farmpony would look up at the coach passing by. Nothing worth panicking about.
“Maam, ah am tryin’ to get some shuteye. What do you need?” Cookie asked, perturbed by the ponies energy.
“Are we there yet?”
Cookie stared at Puddinghead, eyes half closed in dull realization of what she had gotten herself into. This was like travelling with a foal! Accepting the fact that she would not be able to sleep, Cookie looked out at the countryside and sighed.
“Ah don’t know, maam. Unicorn lands are a good distance away, so it’s gonna be a few hours before we get there.”
“Want to play I spy?”
“Madame Delegate, wouldn’t you rather discuss politics or the election or sumthin?”
“Nnnnope! I spy is a much more fun way to spend time!”
“Alright maam, ah’ll play with you. On one condition.”
“What’s that?”
“You’ll let me sleep as long as ah want when we reach Unicorn territory.”
“Deal. Okay… I spy with my little eye something…….Pink.”
“Is it you?” Cookie said sarcastically.
“Nope! That’d be too easy.”Puddinghead said, giggling.
“Is it your mane?”
“Wooow! You’re good at this! Your turn!” Puddinghead was bouncing in anticipation.
“Ah spy with mah little eye sumthin……….blue.”
“Is it the sky?”
“Yes it is Madame Delegate.”
“Don’t call me that, Cookie.” Puddinhead said suddenly. Cookie froze, her eyes darting back and forth out of anxiety. Had she said something wrong? Maybe Puddinghead would refuse her offer now that she'd been offended. For once, the politician looked serious.”Friends call each other by name. Call me Puddinghead!” she said, beaming to her friend. Cookie let out a sigh of relief before smiling back.
“Alright Puddinghead. Your turn!” Cookie said, amused by her now friend’s nonchalant demeanor regarding her own credentials.
The coach drove on, and Cookie’s fear and apprehension melted away the longer their game went on. The sun began to set, and the two ponies couldn’t help but look at each other and smile.To the two ponies, this looked like the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
The Rise of Chancellor Puddinghead
“Ah don‘t think you understand me mister. We’re here on important business and we gotta see the ambassador!” It had been a little over an hour since the duo of Puddinghead and Smart Cookie had arrived at the Earth Pony embassy. Most of that time had been spent arguing with the guards, a mixed outfit of Earth Ponies and Unicorns who stubbornly ignored almost all pleas from Cookie to allow them into the room.
“Miss, we were instructed to let no one in, and that means YOU! Now take your little pink buddy and go wait in the library. This is the last time I’m saying this before I have you thrown out completely!” the guard snarled, nodding his head towards a door to their left. Cookie turned to Puddinghead, who was rummaging through an umbrella stand. The pink pony’s flank stuck out, and swung back and forth as she dug. Cookie snickered at the sight of it.
“Puddin’head-, “Cookie began, but looked at the guard, who was frowning at her breach of protocol. “Uh...Ah mean Madame Delegate it is mah duty to inform you that we must retire to the library.” Cookie said, standing at false attention and pointing stiffly towards the library. Puddinghead surfaced and looked at her quizzically, but shrugged and walked off bouncily. Cookie’s façade satisfied the guards, who at long last ceased watching her. She sighed and sidled up to her friend.
“Those guards need a drink or sumthin’,” she whispered. Puddinghead giggled and nodded.
They reached the door and opened it, its’ hinges creaking loudly as it did so. As they entered the library, the rich smell of parchment and ink filled their nostrils. The warm glow of several candles illuminated the room, revealing hundreds and hundreds of books on wall to wall bookshelves. Daylight also streamed in from small windows ringing the circular roof, making the room feel more open. Their eyes were drawn, however, to a hooded figure seated at the table directly in front of them. It was poring over a book, with a large pile of books unread in front of her. The purple glow enveloping the pages as they turned gave her away as a unicorn. Cookie began to approach the figure cautiously, while Puddinghead darted over to a shelf and began looking at books.
“Uh, hello?” Cookie said tentatively. The pony kept reading. “Hello!”Cookie repeated, a bit louder and with a friendlier tone. The pony jumped back, absentmindedly dropping her current book.
“Aaah! Who? What? I am trained in magic and will not hesitate to transfigure you!” it said, with a mare’s voice. The mare threw back her hood and looked at her opponent through violet eyes, her horn lowered and aglow with purple light.
“Hold on there, ahm just tryin’ to be friendly. No reason to get violent and start turnin’ ponies into toads.” Cookie said with a nervous laugh, throwing her hooves up defensively. The unicorn lowered her head, her horn losing its’ purple glow. Cookie sighed with relief and smiled. “Mah name is Smart Cookie, personal assistant to Ambassador Gray Rock and babysit-…uh…minder of Delegate Puddinghead.” The mare gave her an inquisitive look, and Cookie turned and pointed at the politician. “That’s her over there,” Cookie said awkwardly. The unicorn followed the orange ponies’ hoof and gaped when she saw the Delegate, who was balancing three books on each hoof and 2 on her nose, all while hopping on one foot. The pink politician tried to wave, but toppled over in a heap of parchment and ink. Cookie stared blankly at her companion.
“Would you believe she’s the candidate for Vice-Chancellor?” Cookie said flatly. The purple mare shook her head, and busied herself with organizing the books that had fallen off of the delegate.
“My name is Clover, and I am normally Princess Platinum’s advisor on prestidigitations and conjuration,” she said with an annoyed look on her face. “However, these talks are of utmost importance to his vociferous majesty King Krypton. Therefore I have been sent to assist in the deliberations, against my will of course.” She added, scowling at a green book she had picked up like it was its' fault. “Unfortunately those guards won’t let me in to do my job! I’ve been in here reading some earth pony literature. It’s quite fascinating, especially how your electoral process works.” She said, gesturing to the pile of books behind her. Cookie beamed and grabbed a book that caught her eye, with a red cover and gold inlays.
“Ooh! Have you read this? It’s “The Hydra” by Thomas Hooves! It’s one of mah favorite books on earth pony political theory!” the politico-pony said with a grin. Clover nodded in response and walked over to a smaller blue book lying to her left.
“Why yes, I liked it too! However I prefer-“SLAM! Clover was interrupted by the door being thrown open as a well dressed unicorn walked in. Her jagged blue mane was swept to one side, and she had a set of violet spectacles set at the end of her nose. Her tail twitched with agitation.
“Hey, Clover. We’re leaving this earth pony hovel, heading back to the princess.” She said in a clipped manner. Cookie felt her heart sink. Deliberations of this level of importance don’t just end, something must have gone wrong. Puddinghead was too busy with her book fort to participate, but Clover walked up to the ambassador, cutting off her path to the door.
“Ambassador, surely that’s not the end. Two days is not enough to make any progress. There’s never been a crisis of this magnitude, and deliberation is necessary.” Clover pleaded. She no longer had the presence of an accomplished wizard, but seemed more of a confused foal.The ambassador glared at her angrily.
“Don’t you think I know that?! I was told get the food back, no matter the cost. I did that, and man…..we got bucked. ” The ambassador said, shaking her head. Cookie’s surprise doubled as the ambassador talked. Her speech was almost as informal as Puddinghead’s. She began to wonder whether all politicians were nuts, or just the ones she kept running into.
“Madame Ambassador, what did we lose?” Clover asked a hint of dread in her voice. The ambassador’s tail drooped, the anger leaving her magenta eyes. She walked over to a window and looked out over the fields, the dying sun throwing orange across her white coat.
“We had to cede them the southern fiefs.” She said dejectedly. Cookie felt the air leave the room. Clover was visibly shocked, and even the guards dropped their tough colt faces and expressed surprise. “It’s what the earth ponies wanted, and we are in no position to argue.” The ambassador put her head low and headed towards the door. She stopped and turned to the apprentice wizard behind her. “Clover, write the princess. Tell her the food shipments will start arriving in a week, as will the refugees.” With that she left, the door closing softly behind her. There was silence in the library, as Clover and Cookie simply looked at each other.
“Don’t worry Clover, ah’ll try to make sure your people get treated right.” Cookie said defiantly. Clover gave her a look filled with sadness, shook her head and walked towards the door. She opened it up a touch, just enough to fit through, and took her leave. Soft sobbing could be heard before the door quietly closed, leaving nothing but silence in the library; silence…and Cookie.
“Well that was boring!” a chipper voice said from behind Cookie. Oh right, she thought to herself, Puddinghead’s still here. Puddinghead had abandoned her fort, which stood standing off to the left of her. She turned towards the pink politician angrily.
“Puddin’head, did you even pay attention? We just cheated the unicorns outta their land!”
“It’s not that bad Cookie! They get food from us, and nopony gets to starve!” Puddinghead said cheerily. Cookie stomped her hoof impatiently.
“But what about them ponies that lose their homes, what about them?” she snapped.
“Those southern fiefs of theirs are primo farm land. Unicorns don’t farm though, so it’s just wasting. We can make more farms there, so we can feed everypony like we always have!” Puddinghead said.
“It still just ain’t right to take a ponies’ home!” her friend replied, her tail twitching angrily. “You saw how sad them unicorns were!”
“Cookie, what’s worse? Being unable to eat or being without a home for awhile. Even though we are taking land, most Unicorns live in the north! I’m sure their pride just got hurt as all, they’ll get better!” Puddinghead said knowingly. Cookie relaxed visibly, and looked more relieved, if a bit surprised at the display of diplomatic tact. She opened her mouth to inquire about it, but all that was heard was a cough. She closed her mouth and puzzled for a bit before another cough forced her to turn around. In the doorway behind her stood Ambassador Grey Rock, placing a handkerchief away into his breast pocket before squinting intently at her through his monocle.
“Hello there, eh……..Cookie was it?” He said, having to search for her name. He was a very old pony, with his white mane and well worn face evidence enough of his age. His voice was flat, but deep, the sort of voice that a hypnotist would have. “You must listen to that pony over there, she is quite right. Yes, I did indeed broker a rather unfairly advantageous deal, and my heart does hang unwaveringly heavy over it.” He said in his drone, rarely changing tone as he spoke. “But I must implore you to understand my reasoning. It was the correct decision, considering the southern fiefs’ historical ties to the earth tribe. Now if you will indulge me, let’s begin with Chancellor Leaping Thought. He was the first earth pony to-“
“Mister Ambassador, if ah may stop what is surely a very interestin’ history lecture to get back to the problem,” Cookie said with false grace, trying to cover for the fact that Puddinghead had abruptly fallen asleep. “Why in tarnation would you make your only demand a place where ponies live and work?”
“Smart Cookie, you must understand that this order came from the powers much higher than me. Had it been purely up to me I would not have kicked them out foalsale. It is the will of the Chancellery that we do this, I am unfortunately powerless. Who, by the way, is she?” he said, nodding towards the now loudly snoring Puddinghead. Cookie smiled and began subtly poking her friend, to no effect.
“She is Delegate Puddinghead representing Belmont in the Reinstag. I brought her to meet you sir. Isn’t that right Madame DELEGATE?!” Cookie said through a nervous smile. She punctuated the last word with a loud stomp, which finally awoke the drowsy delegate who jumped in surprise. She wheeled on her friend.
“What!? Is that hot air bloated old fogey gone? He opened his mouth and I felt like a school filly again!” Puddinghead said in her usual chipper way. Cookie smiled awkwardly and started motioning towards the ambassador. The ambassador coughed awkwardly, then walked up to Puddinghead and extended a hoof.
“We shall form a precipitous duo, Miss Puddinghead, and perhaps your rather blunt insight is fortuitous,” he said, shaking hooves with the delegate. She smiled nervously, but then turned to Cookie with a disgusted look and whispered.
“He shakes hands like a cold fish!” she hissed at Cookie, who stifled a laugh with her hoof. The ambassador, who Cookie figured was either very deaf or very forgiving, did not appear to hear.
“Cookie,” he said, “The campaign has now begun, and I daresay you’ve done a fine job the past few months as my assistant.”
“Mister Ambassador, Ah’ve been spending most of that time away from you. How can you say ah’ve done a good job?” Cookie asked quizzically.
“My dear, had I not been tied up in these tense talks I would have you by my side immediately. You did more separate from me than you ever could by my side, and I thank you for that. However, I think you are the only pony that understands how my running mate thinks,” the ambassador intoned. Cookie snorted in disbelief.
‘How on earth could anypony understand Puddinghead? ’She thought.
”So I will be sending a note with you back to Ballot Box officially making you her secretary.” Grey Rock concluded. Cookie nodded, trying to conceal the smile on her face. Puddinghead was putting no effort into hiding her excitement.
“WOOHOOO! Now we can hang out all the time and you can keep me entertained during the boring…” Puddinghead said before the ambassador shot her a look. “Er…important campaign events!” she concluded hurriedly. She shot a wink to Cookie, who smirked a little. Gray Rock yawned loudly and turned towards the door.
“Ladies, I must take leave of you, for my nightly sojourns into the id have been irregular lately, and I am long overdue for another. I bid you a good night.”
As the door closed behind him the two mares left in the looked at each other, both wearing a grin. Despite all that had transpired, they weren’t thinking about the land deal, or even the campaign itself. They were simply happy that they were friends, and that they would be able to stick together for a very long time.
