The Pie Thief

by CrypticMetaphor

Rating: everyone
Tags: Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Apple Bloom, Comedy, Big Macintosh, Random, Adventure, Crossover
Length: 1508

Applejack attempts to capture her greatest nemesis

In times long past, there was, the Apple Family Pie. Nopony knew why, but this delectable delicacy had no equal in terms of texture, appearance, or taste. However with all treasures, there is always a thief ready to steal them. The Apple Family haven't been able to sell as many pies as they used too during events, ho-downs, or parties due to a troublesome series of thefts. The culprit? A wily, tricky, and guile savvy pony. His name....Woolie.

Published 2014-07-31 03:50:03 UTC
Last updated 2014-07-31 03:50:03 UTC

How to Catch a Woolie

The sun rose high in Ponyville, twas a calming one to say the least. The birds sang sweet tunes of calm and serenity in the glens and trees; however, all was not at peace on the Apple Family’s homestead. For you see, this was the day of the annual Pie Potluck. An event that was truly sacred in its performance and relied solely on one thing, the Apple Family’s world renowned Apple Pies, and Celestia almighty were they worth every bite. Each bite of any slice was like heaven itself, the taste, and the brown sugar they sprinkle ever so lightly atop the confection, words could not describe. However, with this day came a great challenge, the challenge of keeping at least one pie under hoof. That was why at the moment, Applejack was buying many supplies at the hardware store. Boards, nails, pulley’s wire, staples, and finally a net gun, the farm mare looked like she was preparing for a great hunt.

The owner, mister Hammer Head whistled at the haul, “Wow Miss Applejack, are you taking up a hobby?”

“Ya could say that,” Applejack placed some oil and a shovel on the counter, “Do ya by chance have any fly paper? In bulk?”

Hammer Head tapped his chin, “Hm, can’t say I do.”

“Consarn it,” Applejack placed the bits she owed down on the table and but stopped when she saw a large butterfly net, “What in the hay is that for?”

Hammer Head glanced at the net, “Moonlight Butterfly hunting, dangerous business and hobby.”

Applejack nodded with pursed lips, “I’ll take three.”

*

Applejack stood before her fellow siblings, both of whom stood at attention and wielded the butterfly nets and wore helmets. Big Mac wore a football helmet, Applebloom wore baseball, Applejack wore a straight up soldier helmet complete with war paint.

“All right ya’ll, for some of ya this is something you’ve done before,” she glanced at Applebloom, “for some of ya, this is your first time.”

Applebloom raised a hoof, “Um sis, what exactly is goin on here?”

Big Mac glanced at her sister, “Somethin we have ta do ta protect our pies.”

Applejack nodded, “Exactly, and since Applebloom is finally old enough to help us, we have an extra pair of hooves.”

She stood firmly as her face became serious, “Now as ya all know, the Annual Pie Potluck is happenin tonight and the family is comin, BUT,” she brought in a stand with flip paper on it, “that also means the Ball Dropper is coming.”

Applebloom raised an eyebrow, “Ball Dropper?”

Big Mac leaned over, “He dropped a hoof ball on her once.”

“Who’s he?”

Applejack flipped the paper to reveal a blury photo like the kind those Big Hoof photographers take. It showed a stallion with a dark brown coat, some black facial hair was on the front of his muzzle as well as silver piercings. One was in his lower lip while the other was in one of his eyebrows. His mane and tail were black and done up in a bunch of dreadlocks, some of which were yellow or green. Atop his head was a green cap from which his dreads spilled out from making almost a curtain of hair. The stallion was glancing at the photographer, his eyes almost glowing.

“This is our enemy Apple Family,” Applejack pointed her hoof at the picture, “He is known by many names, The Liar, Big Papa, Woolsworth, El Woolio, Black Lightning, and Grandma Swamp. But he’s known by his birth name of Woolie or as I call him, Woolie the Liar.”

Applebloom stared on in awe as her sister continued, “That no good pony has been stealing our pies for years since he moved here. But the thefts stop today!”

Big Mac coughed slightly, “Ah don’t mean ta be ‘that pony’ sis, but we haven’t caught him…ever.”

Applejack pointed at Big Mac, “That’s different, this time we’re ready for him. Now be warned ya’ll, this Woolie is a crafty son of a gun,” she started pacing, “Avoid conversation with the Woolie, the Woolie will lie, he might use words nopony don’t rightfully know, if he gets desperate, he might even start to dance or challenge ya to something called Marvel.”

“Actually it’s pronounced Mahvel.”

“Thank you,” Applejack turned her head and thanked the brown coated stallion behind her, “Now as I wa-“

Her head snapped around and stared bug eyed at the smirking stallion, his cutiemark was an odd symbol, it was a black circle with a black diamond I the middle. However, there was a line going horizontally through the diamond the bottom triangle was yellow and the background behind it was black. The top however was the reverse, the top triangle black with a yellow background.

“Heya AJ,” Woolie checked a wristwatch on his left foreleg, “Hm…is it time already to steal a pie from you?”

Applejack snorted as the apple siblings formed a triangle formation, “Not this year ya varmint.”

Woolie took on a state of mock fright, “Oh no! I am to be captured?”

Big Mac kicked his egs in the air before they all charged, “Eeyup!”

As the dreaded nets flew through the air to capture the wily stallion, Woolie glanced at all three in turn…then backflipped over Applejacks head. All three nets fell on either Apple sibling and they stood dumbfounded as Woolie laughed behind them. He turned to trot away, only to smack into a tree. Far off in the distance a laugh was heard accompanied by the word, “Scrub!”

Woolie rubbed his muzzle and grumbled, “All according to keikaku, eyes on the prize.”

Woolie trotted into the farmhouse and glanced around and saw a pie sitting on the kitchen table, smirking, he stepped forward but stopped.

He narrowed his eyes and concentrated on the pie, “Hm….,” he inhaled sharply, “Ah the hell with it,” he swiped the pie.

Nodding he turned to leave…only to freeze at the sounding of something cocking. He looked at an elderly Granny Smith pointing a net gun at him.

“Ah got ya covered Grandma Swamp.”

Woolie slowly placed the pie down, “Whoa there shoots mcgee, I’m not Woolie.”

Granny raised an eyebrow, “Yer not?”

“Nope,” he smiled and pointed to himself, “I’m Woolsworth Madden, Woolie isn’t even here yet.”

Granny Smith lowered the gun, “Oh…do ya know if he’ll be makin an appearance?”

Woolie nodded, “Mhm,” he pointed to the door, “He’s in disguise as your grandson, don’t be fooled by him, he’s a crafty one who has a way with words and mares.”

Granny smiled, “Well thank ya kindly sonny, tell ya what, you can have that pie there as a reward fer helpin.”

“Thank you,” Woolie picked it up and majestically leapt out the open window as the front door burst open. The sound of a net being loosed graced the Woolie’s ears as he chuckled. As he trotted away, he felt the ground fall out from under him. Wailing like a wild mud crab, he plummeted to the bottom of the pit, his prize landing atop his head. Looking up, he saw Applebloom smirk down at him.

“Ah gotcha! You ain’t gettin away!”

Woolie stood and glanced around the pit, “Your right,” Woolie smirked as he gently prodded the walls, “I can’t get away, but climbing out of this pit is a different story.”

Applebloom blinked, “What? There is no way you could climb out, me and mah sis dug this hole perfectly!”

Woolie shrugged, “If you say so, but the second you look away I’m going to be outside of this hole for,” he raised his front hoof to the sky, “MY HOOF CAN PIERCE THE HEAVENS!”

Applebloom meeped and lowered a ladder and climbed down, “Just ta make sure ya can’t get out, I’m gonna check the walls. Hm…no rocks or hoof grips….”

She turned her head and noted Woolie already out of the hole, “Sorry little filly, but this pie must be consumed!”

Woolie broke into a gallop; he saw his goal ahead, the road to town.

Woolie grinded to a halt and stared at Applejack who was wielding a butterfly net, to barrel mounted net guns, and complex contraption reminiscent of a cage dangled above his head.

“HA! Now ah got ya you pie thief!”

Woolie then broke into a fit of maniacal laughter, “Foowlish apple mare. This pie wasn’t stolen,” he pointed to the farm house, “your grandma GAVE it to me.”

“Horse apples she did!”

Granny Smith’s voice was heard from the front porch, “Applejack, leave Woolsworth alone. That pie there is for him, see ah caught Woolie,” Big Mac glanced at his grandmother in utter disbelief, “He keeps trying to tell me he’s Big Mac.”

Applejack looked to Woolie who then whispered in her ear, “Woolsworth ‘Woolie’ Madden, remember that name.”

He then sauntered off as Applejack roared in anger, “WOOLIE THE LIAR STOLE OUR PIE!”

Author's Note

Just a little one shot I thought up at lunch