The All American Soldier!

by Chad

Rating: mature
Tags: Random, Gore, Princess Celestia, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Human, Main 6, Princess Luna, Original Character, Comedy, Other, Adventure, Crossover, Sex
Length: 6326

After the RED team was fired, there was a six month gap where they all went missing. Where did they go? They went home to families, friends, they started businesses, got new jobs, even two got arrested, but what happened to Soldier during that time?

After the RED team was fired, there was a six month gap where they all went missing... Where did they go? They went home to families, friends, they started businesses, got new jobs, even two got arrested, but what happened to Soldier during that time? He got hired to save a foreign country, but not just any foreign country, Equestria...

Will Soldier save the day?
Will Soldier make life lasting friends?
Will Soldier stop talking about America?

You have eyes, don't you? READ!!!!!

Shout out to Heavy Weapons Brony. His stories "Lost, in the heat of battle" and "Permission to FREAK OUT!?" Inspired me to write this fic.

(I do not own the cover art. )
(Team Fortress 2 belongs to Valve.)
(My Little Pony belongs to Hasbro.)

Published 2014-07-31 15:00:03 UTC
Last updated 2015-06-19 19:34:35 UTC

Chapter 1: A New Job! (Edited and Fixed)

It was a terrible day for Equestria... The day that Pony-kind lost their freedom... The day the Changelings won the war... All hope was lost...

That was only six years ago... 'What is happening today?' One may ask, and all I can tell them is that it is a living hell! The Changelings have turned ponies into slaves of every kind! The sex-slaves are probably the least fortunate. Sitting around, tied up, getting rutted all day! It must be horrible for those mares! Some, when young, are forced to clean and take care of the Changeling's young.

The stallions were the lucky bastards, though we didn't look at it that way. We are forced to work in fields, in factories, and even had to serve those filthy love-sappers!

The princesses were forced to continue the rotation of the sun and moon, but are kept in cages and are treated like animals! They aren't fed well and only have enough energy to use there magic on the celestial bodies. After they finish they're job, they can't even move for the next twelve hours! And then they just repeat the on going torture!

There is literally no hope for any of us... except for me and my men! I am the captain of a rebellion that's been fighting for the past four years! We have been helping ponies of Equestria and have been trying to take our land back!

The Changelings forces haven't been getting weaker though. The damned things reproduce so fast that every time you kill one, there is a group of eggs somewhere hatching into new soldiers.

We need somepony that can take down tons of enemies quickly! We need somepony who is a trained killer! We need somepony who is crazy enough to charge right into the battle with only a... sword!? No a... Knife? NO! They need to be so crazy that they would use a... a... a SHOVEL!!! YES! They HAVE to be THAT crazy! We need a MERCENARY!!!!!

But the only problem is... there is no existing pony on this planet like that... but there is another world out there that has tons of said mercenaries, and we need a way to get one to help us. And I'm not gonna rest until we find the most dangerous one there is alive!

My name is Shining Armor, and I swear to Princess Celestia that I! WILL! NOT! FAIL! HER!!!

Shining Armor was in his tent which was in the middle of the camp. He sat at a large table that had many old books, maps, and scrolls on it, which were all written in a dead language invented when the Royal Sisters were only newborns. He looked around at the unicorns before him. "Alright, so do you all know your part of the spell?" He asked.

They all said: "Yes sir!"

"Alright then." He looked down at a book in front of him. He flipped it open to a page near the middle that was blank, he then levitated all the books, maps, and scrolls and piled them up onto the page. He then put both of his hooves on the page and looked at his soldiers. "We've spent months gathering everything we need, do NOT fail me, soldiers!" He said to which all the unicorns said their "Yes sir"s back. Shining looked down at the book and closed his eyes. His horn lit up and he and the book were surrounded by magic. The rest of the unicorns focused their magic as well causing Shining to begin to burst with different colors of magic.

The papers on top of the book all began to sink into it and fill not only the pages the book was open too, but all the other pages as well. They all continued this spell until every last scrap had soaked into the book. After the spell had been completed, Shining looked down at the book with joyful eyes, he quickly flipped to the first page and saw that the old unreadable symbols had turned into perfect Equestrian! He began to read and study the words and maps that filled the pages. He read on and on for hours until he reached the last page. He set the book down and looked at his soldiers.

"It appears that this 'Earth' is full of what we need. Sadly, lots of them are also easily killed or busy doing something else... we're gonna have to find one that is neither." He turned around and looked at a mirror that had once taken his little sister to the world he needed to get too. Seeing it made him reach up to his face and feel a large scar he had received from a changeling guard when him and his soldiers were trying to retrieve the mirror. He walked toward it and looked to his right to see a unicorn with a green mane and a blue coat, who was trained in breaking curses and spells, walk up next to him. His name was Gateway.

Shining Armor nodded letting Gateway know that he was now aloud to break the spell that only allows ponies to go in and out of it every thirty moons. Gateway said. "Remember, this WILL cause side-effects." He then closed his eyes and focused his magic on the mirror. He blasted a beam of magic at it causing a layer of golden magic to appear and give away. Gateway opened his eyes and slowly walked back to the table. It was clear that he used most of his energy on that spell.

Shining looked at the mirror and took a deep breath. "For Equestria..." He then jumped into the mirror.

Shining Armor came threw another mirror into a new world. He looked around to see that it was getting late and most of the humans living in the small town had already gone home. Shining looked down expecting to see a new body, but instead saw his normal pony body. He got confused but then remembered Gateway's warning. 'There Will be side effects.' Shining replayed the words in his head. "Looks like I'm doing this the hard way, I just hope nopo-... nobody stares."

After three weeks of searching, Shining Armor had found out about a team of hired killers that could help him. Sadly, most of them had families, jobs, or just disappeared. There were two left that needed a job, the Demo-man and the Soldier. Shining Armor had no idea where the Soldier was so he decided to talk to the Demo. Shining was standing outside of Demo's house. It was rather small and poor looking for a mercenary, but then again... he was fired...

Shining Armor had knocked about two minutes ago. He heard from inside the house was an older female yelling at what he assumed was the Demo, Due to his male tone of voice. He had a strange accent to Shining. All of the mercenaries he had met so far seemed to have a different one. The Engineer's was familiar, but the rest were not.

After a lot of yelling about 'Getting the door.' and 'Jobs', the door swung inward to reveal a dark skinned man with an eye-patch. He looked around until he heard Shining Armor's voice. "Ahem!"

Demo looked down at Shining. He then looked at a bottle of what Shining assumed was alcoholic, due to Demo reeking of it. "Ah think Ah've had me'self enough scumpy tah'day." Demo-man said, clearly drunk.

"Uhhh... hello, yes. Well, I have been looking for some-" Shining Armor began to say before.

"HAHAHA!!! What does a little pon-eh like yerr'self need me for?" Demo asked.

"There is a war in my country and we-" Shining began again.

"Ah'm bus-eh, little pon-eh! Take yer magic stuff an' go both-ah Soldier." Demo said. "He be out in the forest next tah Lumberyard. Poor guy can't ev'an find his house!" Demo said.

"Sir, you've clearly had to much to drink! Just sit down and-"

"No you listen, laddy!" Demo yelled. "None of me other imaginary fr'ends talk down tah me!"

"Imagine? I'm real!" Shining yelled back.

"Go both-ah Soldier! Yee one-horned horse!"

"I'm a uni-" Shining was cutoff by the door being slammed in his face. Shining face-hooved. "It looks like I got to find out where this ''Lumberyard' is..."

Soldier was sitting in front of a fire. He had his hands up near it to stay warm. To his right, about five feet away, was a pickup truck loaded up with tons of crates, these crates held all of his hats, badges, and the weapons Soldier used during his old job. Dear lord, did he miss his job. Blowing up robots all day never got old. That is all he would ever do, actually. Engineer, Heavy, and Demo-man protected the hatch from the bomb. Spy, Pyro, and Soldier himself mostly ran to the front-lines and killed as many robots as they could. Scout would help fight too, but he usually focused on picking up the money the robots dropped. Medic also didn't fight much, he mostly healed his teammates. Sniper would snipe of course from up high.

'Must suck for you!' Soldier heard Scouts voice in his head. 'We get to have ALLLLL the fun down here! While you juz' shoot from up on your perch!' Soldier remembered how the very next day, Sniper stayed on the ground and used his SMG and his huge knifes to dispose of over seventy-five robots and one tank! 'Yeah... well... I could'a done dat!' Scout yelled at Sniper who was too busy laughing while he rolled around in the money he collected.

Soldier smiled. "That was a good day." He said in his usual loud and gruff voice. He looked up at the night sky. "Hello, God." He said. "I have been a good little mercenary this year, but I got fired, and I forgot where I lived. I need a new job and house. So if you would so kindly-" He heard a bush to his left rustle. Soldier reached a hand to his back and pulled out his Reserve Shooter. He shot the bush once causing a dead coyote to fall out of it. "SEE YOU IN HELL, MAGGOT!!!!!" Soldier then reloaded his Reserve Shooter and put it back on his back. He looked back up at the sky and countinue. "-And that's what I want for Jesus-mas this year, amen."

Soldier finished his prayer and looked at his watch. "Twenty-three hundred hours (11:00 p.m.) already? Time to rest my body for the following day!" Soldier then laid down on the ground and fell asleep like a man.

"HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" Soldier laughed as he watched the American Army assault a Nazi base. "And Hitler though he was going to win!?" He burst out into more laughter.

An American Soldier approached Soldier and handed him a large mug of beer. "We've WON General Doe!"

Soldier took the mug and put one foot up on a potato bag and put his other arm at his side. "Big cup of my foot up Hitlers ass!" He then took a swig out of the mug. As he did this an American Flag rose out of the ground and stood high and mighty while the American Soldiers celebrated below. They all stopped to salute the flag and began to recite 'The Pledge of Allegiance.'

A manly tear rolled down Soldiers face. But then all of a sudden the flag blew up. "For Allah!" Yelled a terrorist as he too blew up a large group of American Soldiers.

"NOOOOOO!!!!!" Yelled Soldier as he ran toward his men. He was then stopped by a large fence that rose out of the ground, a man looked at him from the other side.

"I'm sorry, no illegal immigrants!" He said to Soldier.

"AAAAHHHHHH!!!!!" He screamed as he fell to his knees. Around him, Mexicans climbed the fence and ran into America. "NO! NO! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"

Soldier yelled at the sky. God looked down at Soldier and bluntly said. "Fuck you, Jane Doe."

"AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!! THE PAIN!!!!!" Soldier pulled out his normal shotgun and pointed it at his head. the barrel began to move like a mouth and said to him.

"Hello? Sir, are you alright? HELLO!?" Soldier pulled the trigger.

Soldier woke up screaming and drenched in sweat. "Oh sweet Celestia! Are you okay, sir!?" Yelled a male voice from behind him. Soldier pulled out his Reserve Shooter again and span around.

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" He screamed as he stuck the patriotic shotgun into a.... unicorn's mouth?

"Lease er, ah ish wah yer elp!" He said past the shotgun in his mouth.

Soldier raised an eyebrow under his helmet. He took the shotgun out of the unicorn's mouth but kept it pointed him. "What was that, Sally!?"

The unicorn rubbed its jaw with its hoof and repeated itself. "I said, 'Please sir, I just want your help.' And my name's not Sally! It's Shining Armor."

"Yes, I see that you are wearing armor that shines." Soldier said.

"No! My name is-" Shining tried to tell Soldier who just decided not to listen.

"Alright then, Sally, what do you need?" Soldier asked.

Shining Armor let out a long sigh as he face-hooved. "Oh ha ha! Very funny!" He yelled. "This isn't the time for jokes! And you can quit acting like you really think my name is Sally!"

Soldier cocked his head. "Acting?" Soldier looked around. "I don't see a famous actor anywhere." Soldier said.

Shining was about to say something when he realized it. "You... actually think my name is Sally?" He asked? "You seriously think that?"

Soldier sat there for what felt like minutes before he said. "Alright then, Sally! I'll see you around!" Soldier put his Reserve Shooter on his back and walked over to his pickup truck and open the diver's seat door.

Shining Armor had been sitting in shock for a while before he shook his head. He turned around to see Soldier crawl into his pickup truck and start the engine. "W-wait!" He yelled as he ran up to the pickup truck. Soldier looked out the window and down at him. "Sally, Sissy, call me whatever you want too! But, please help me!" He yelled.

"What do you want?" Soldier asked as he pulled a half smoked cigar out of his jacket pocket and lit it. He took a long drag on it and blew the smoke out the window.

Shining Armor looked up at the mercenary and asked. "Would you like your old job as a mercenary back?"

Soldier got a surprised look before he smiled and yelled. "Which maggot should I gun down first!?"

Shining smiled with a mix of relieve and happiness. "We'll get to that later. But first... what's your name? Me and my men found out all sorts of bizarre things about you, and that was the only thing we couldn't find."

Soldier looked down at the unicorn and yelled. "I am not going to tell just anybody my name! You must earn my trust! Until then, you call me Soldier!"

Shining had already covered his ears. "Alright, alright! You didn't need to yell!"

Soldier chuckled as he took another puff from his cigar. "So, Sally. Where will I be liberating?" Soldier asked Shining Armor.

Shining uncovered his ears and tried to look more formal. "In the magical land of Equestria."

"... O-kay!" Soldier yelled.

'Great! He doesn't even care! I was so tired of explaining everything to each of these mercenaries!' Shining thought to himself. "Alright then." Shining walked around to the other side of the pickup truck. Shining looked at the car door for a moment before he asked. "Could you open the door for me?"

"Discipline!" Soldier yelled out the window.

"Alright, alright!" Shining used his magic to play with the door for a while until he found out how to open it up. He crawled inside and shut the door. "Now then," He pulled out a map. "I need you to go here. " Shining pointed at the map.

Soldier looked at it. "Why there, Sally?" Soldier asked.

"Because, it's the only way home."

"*Gasp* HOME!!!!!!!!" Soldier yelled. He slammed his foot down on the gas pedal and took off for the far away city.

Soldier and Shining were in the pickup truck, in front of them stood the statue that had the mirrors at the bottom. Shining was thinking of a way to get Soldier's truck through the mirror portal when suddenly, he had it. "I'll be right back, get ready to drive through, and please drive slowly! You've torn up this walkway to that school enough already." He glanced down at the ground. It used to look real nice, but now it was covered in tire tracks.

"You've got it, Sally!" Soldier said. He climbed back into his truck and waited.

Shining Armor turned around and began walking towards the portal. He stepped through it.

Shining Armor popped out of the portal into Equestria. He took in a deep breath of the fresh non-polluted air. "Captain Armor! You're back!" Yelled a mare. Another stallion yelled with joy as everypony else in the room ran up.

"What was it like?"

"Did you become a human?"

"What're hands?"

Shining pushed everypony away and began to speak. "All questions will be answered! But right now I need this mirror outside!" The pony soldiers said their "Yes, sir"s. A unicorn used his magic to levitate the mirror as he walked out the tent flap that was being held open for him.

"Where do you want it?" Asked the unicorn.

"Facing an open area!" Shining commanded. The unicorn nodded and placed it down facing the middle of camp as other pony soldiers cleared the other ponies. Shining was walking up to the mirror from behind to go back through and give Soldier the okay. But just as he was coming up next to it, Soldier's truck came squeezing through. Bits and pieces of the statue came through with him. The mirror snapped in half and broke just as Soldier finished coming through.

Shining Armor coughed on the dust in the air for a little while before he looked up at the truck with anger filled eyes. He approached it while Soldier came out slightly laugh. Soldier took a puff of the cigar he had in his mouth and looked down at Shining Armor. "Hello, Sally! I got bored and decided to see what was taking so long!" He said with a huge grin on his face.

"YOU IDIOT!!!!!!" Shining screamed. "YOU COULD HAVE KILLED SOMEPONY!!!!!!!!!"

"But I didn't! Learn to use your luck wisely, Sally!"

Shining Armor face-hooved. "You... are really lucky, Soldier!" He turned back to his confused and slightly scared pony soldiers. "I need this place cleaned up, and I also need our mercenary's things unloaded into the tent we have set aside for him!" They all said their "Yes, sir"s and got too work.

Soldier looked around at the vast amount of ponies who looked like they had been through some tough times. They all looked at him with either joy, confusion, or fear. He looked around at them, trying to think of some first word that they will remember him by when suddenly. "These are some weird weapons ya got here." Said a stallion from behind him. He turned around and saw that the three ponies that were unloading his crates had begun to look at the items inside.

"GET YOUR FILTHY HOOVES OFF MY THINGS, MAGGOTS!!!!!" He screamed at them. They looked at him and ran away full of fear. "I'll just take these to my tent by myself!" He picked up his weapons and hats and put them back into their crates. He then began to carry them to his tent when Shining Armor walked up to him from the group.

"You know, that tent we're letting you stay in is the biggest and comfiest one we have, you should respect the mares and stallions you're going to be fighting with or you could end up in one of the tents that the animals sleep in." He threatened.

"Shut your trap, Sally!" Soldier yelled as he walked into his new tent and set the crates down. "I can't believe you maggots have been living in these tents for, what was it? FOUR YEARS!?" He asked.

"Yes," Shining looked around the tent. It was a comfy looking place to live, there was a cot to the far side of the huge tent, there was also a book-shelve to the left of the tent where a table with multiple chairs sat. Finally to make it even better, there was a food storage locker that had all sorts of vegetables and rations. On the right side was not really anything, there was a chest to keep things in but Soldier asked for it to be removed so that he could let his crates 'live' there. "What's wrong with them?"

"What if the enemy attacks!?" Soldier yelled. "They could bomb you and your tents wouldn't stand a chance!"

"I-I... bomb?" Shining asked confused.

"EXACTLY!!! You need a fortress! And all of your team needs to stay in it! You could call it... Fortress of Teams!"

"Orrrrrrr, it could be called Team Fortress." Shining said.

"No way in history of mankind would someone anywhere call ANYTHING Team Fortress!" Soldier yelled.

Every reader stares with confusion.

"Uh... anyways... Like I was saying, show some respect to these ponies. They've been through a lot. and one day they might even save your life..." Shining then turned around and left then tent.

Soldier stared at where Shining had left. He thought about what the unicorn said. "Save my life? I don't need any of Sally's weak soldiers to save me! I've got the power of America to keep me alive!" Soldier the took what was left out of his cigar out of his mouth and dropped it on the ground. He then stepped on it to put it out.

Author's Note

Hey guys and girls. New story, and look! Soldier! I hope I'm capturing his personalty. Tell me if you see in problems with this chapter, and don't expect a chapter everyday. Sometimes It's a long time before I update my stories.

Leave a like and favorite if you enjoyed this so far. See you guys later.

Soldier: Why don't you make a video? Are you really going to force these maggots to read!?
Yeah, I do!
Soldier: My god! You sick communist bastard!
Hey! I'm American too!

Oh that's right! I just wanna say that I wasn't trying to offend anyone. I was just trying to capture Soldier's personality.
Soldier: And you've done me proud, boy!

Chapter 2: Don't Mess With Red, White, and Blue.

Author's Note

Sorry this took so damn long. I'll try to make it up to you guys.

Chapter 2: Don't Mess With Red, White, and Blue.

Soldier was laying on the ground, the fighting raged on on the other side of the US / Mexico border. Soldier was dead from the shotgun blast he brought upon himself. Next to him was a medal machine that lit up and began to show a holographic version of himself. He then felt his wound heal as a red beam of medic-gun was let loose into the holograph. He shot up and took a deep breath just as his wound was fully healed. "*Loud gasp* AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!" He had been revived.

"Soldier!" Yelled a familiar German accent behind him.

"Medic!?" Soldier yelled as he spun around.

"Where ya been, Solly?" Asked the well known Scout.

"HAHAHAHAHA!!! My team!" Soldier yelled as they all took a few steps closer. "Fall in, men!" Soldier then picked up his shotgun and cocked it.

Demo-man shot a grenade at the fence and blew a hole in it.

"LEEEEET'S DO IT!!!"

"FORWARD!!!"

"YEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"

"HUDDAH HUDDAH HUH!!!!"

"Let's do dis!"

"Cowboy up!"

"Let's have a go at it!"

"After you!"

They all yelled a mighty battle cry as they ran through the opening in the fence. Soldier was about to have the time of his life when.

"GET UP, YOU IDIOT!!!!!!" Soldier shot up out of his cot. He began to swing his fists around at the air until he realize that who woke him up was a lot shorter that him.

Soldier looked down at the unicorn who seemed to be furious with him. "What do you want, Sally?"

"CAN YOU NOT HEAR!?!?!?!?!?" Shining Armor yelled. "WE'RE BEING ATTACKED!!!!!!!!!!! AND YOU'RE SLEEPING THROUGH IT!!!!!!!!!!"

Soldier listened and heard metal colliding, ponies screaming, and what sounded like two-voiced things screaming battle cries. Soldier looked down at Shining Armor. "I've slept through torture. So I can sleep through ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!"

Shining Armor face-hooved. "Just get out there and DO! YOUR! JOB!!!!!"

Soldier ran over to the his crates. He realized that he took off his helmet and RED jacket to sleep, all he had on was his pants, boots, and a white tank-top. So he could not carry as much ammo. He searched through the crates until he found his Market Gardener. Soldier turned around to face Shining.

"In war, sacrifices MUST be made!!!" Soldier screamed as he removed Shining Armor's purple helmet.

"What are yo-"

*CLANK!!!!!*

Shining started to say but was cutoff by the Market Gardener being brought down on his head. Shining Armor fell to the floor, unconscious. That was going to leave a nasty bruise, but luckily Soldier did not hit him hard enough to break the skin... or kill him for that matter.

"And that is why I am taking your place as commander, MAGGOT!!!" Soldier yelled as he turned around and reached into his crate to pull out his Team Captain hat. He placed it on his head, and a second later it slid down a little bit to cover his eyes. He then pulled out his Rocket Jumper and set it beside him. He knew he was going to have to blow some stuff up, so he then looked in a few different crates until he found his Liberty Launcher. He filled it with four rockets and put it on his back with his Reserve Shooter. Most of the old team slept with at least one weapon. Don't judge, Heavy sleeps with his freaking mini-gun!

He then took as much ammo as his pockets would carry. Four more rockets for the Liberty Launcher and four for the Rocket Jumper. He then filled his back pockets with a tone of shotgun shells. He had put two other rockets into his Rocket Jumper until he realized that the sound of fighting outside had stopped.

He then ran to the tent flap with the Rocket Jumper in his right hand and the Market Gardener in his left. He burst through the tent flap to see that tons of pony soldiers were either dead or injured. What Soldier saw was horrifying.

There was little pony females and males being tied up with there little pony children and thrown into cages which were in the back of carriages. Some of the young pony men tried to escape but it was no use. They were either killed or captured by the ugly enemy which I knew all to well of.

"MOON PEOPLE!!!!!!" I yelled. Everyone looked at me, the little ponies cheered while the Moon People sent four of their ugly soldiers that had even uglier spears to try and capture me, but I talked them down and ruined there ego! "You sick bastards are the cause of every single war!" They acted like they did not know that it was their fault. "You all invented roller skates!" They backed up a little, it was working! "You are the hippies of all hippies!!!!!!!"

"Why haven't you fools killed that thing already!?!?!?!?" Yelled a Moon Man. I was too fast though. I jumped up in the air and shot a rocket from my Rocket jumper down at the ground. I flew high up into the air like a SCREAMING EAGLE!!! I then began to fall like a nuke above a foreign country. I brought my shovel down upon a Moon Man's head.

*BONK!!!!!*

Green goo that I assumed was their blood went everywhere as my Market Gardener smashed into the Moon Man's head. "Bleep. Bloop. Maggot!" I yelled, showing off my superior brain.

"What in the name of Chrysalis!?" Yelled a Moon Man that was to my left. It was all alone. I lunged at it and slammed my Market Gardener down on its head.

*BINK!!!!!*

It fell to the ground as I put a large dent in his head. I spun around to see the other to Moon Men. "You are all WEAK! You are all BLEEDERS!!!" I yelled right in their ugly hippy faces! They looked at each other and then ran as fast as an enemy scout after my team won! But I was not letting any of these Moon Men get away! I aimed my Rocket Jumper behind me at the ground and shot a rocket, sending me flying straight at the fleeing enemy. As I was flying through the air I dropped my Rocket Jumper to make it easier to capture the weak Moon Men.

I landed ontop of one and grabbed the other ones hind leg with my left hand before it could escape. I pulled it closer and stabbed my Market Gardener into the back of the Moon Mans useless skull. I pulled out the Moon Man blood soaked shovel and then stabbed it into the back of the one I was pinning to the ground. I left my Market Gardener stuck inside the dead Moon Mans back and stood up. I looked at my surrounding enemies. They looked back in fear and shock. I made the first move. They did not react quick enough.

"THIS AMERICAN BOOT IS GOING TO KICK YOUR ASSES BACK TO THE MOON!!!!!" I screamed like the American Soldier I was! I reached to my back and pulled out my Liberty Launcher. I aimed it at a group of Moon People, about twelve who did not have little ponies near them. God, was that good for me! I shot three rockets at them causing a large explosion followed by a shower of green blood and guts. "THAT IS WHAT YOU DESERVE FOR ASSASSINATING JOHN F. KENNEDY!!!!!"

One of the Moon People, their evil communist general I presumed, shook their head and stared at the remains of its men. It then shouted. "Listen up! The changeling that kills that sick bastard gets one hundred bits!" The evil Moon Men then all turned their heads back to me. Their eyes all narrowed. Their sharp teeth all showed. But I was one step ahead of them.

I reached into my pocket and pulled out a large shot filled with electric red liquid. I had received it from Medic before we parted ways. Medic had given me three of them. He told me. 'Zese will activate an Uber-charge when injected into zou. But, beware! Zey'll also make zou stronger, faster, and very violent! So use them wisely!'

I smiled and dropped my Liberty Launcher. I then injected the shot into my now free-handed arm. I pulled the shot out and dropped it on the ground. I began to feel the effects of it change my way of thinking. I held my head as the Moon People began to charge at me. I fell to my knees and began to scream as I was buried by Moon People trying to tear me apart. But it was to late.

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I screamed as I threw the Moon People off of me all at once. I was now fully Uber-charged! But something was different. I looked at all the Moon People that were getting back to their ugly feet and began to do things I could not keep myself from doing, even speaking!

"... My name is Panis Cupcake! I will eat you!" I jumped toward the Moon People in front of me, and began to tear them up, and eat bits and parts of their bodies, with my bare hands and teeth. They were all screaming for mercy, but I did not give it to them! I just kept filling up my stomach which seemed to be endless. It was both amazing and terrifying, but I did not care. I was going to kill these bastards one way or another, even if I had to eat them all!!!

All the ponies and Changelings that did not engage in battle watched in horror as Changeling after Changeling was torn apart and slightly eaten by this... this... human! The Changeling general could not think of anything. He just took his helmet off, set in down on the ground, and began to back away. "Re-... retreat!" He yelled, his tone filled with fear.

The few Changelings that were left began to flee back into the Ever Free Forest that surrounded the camp, keeping it hidden. The Changeling general had turned and began to run. But, before he could get one yard away, his hind leg was grabbed by none other than Soldier, who was suffering a bad cause of the munchies. "MWAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!" Soldier laughed like a maniac.

"P-please!" Yelled the Changeling general, tears beginning to run down his face. "Don't hurt-"

*RRRRRRRRRRRIIIIP!!!!!*

The Changeling general screamed in pain as Soldier ripped his leg off. Soldier then bit a large chunk out of the leg and through the rest of it over his shoulder. Soldier swallowed the Changeling flesh in his mouth and then picked the Changeling general up. Soldier looked him in the eye and smiled. "I AM GOING TO EAT EVERY LAST BIT OF YOU!!!!!" Not a second later, Soldier began to chow down on the Changeling generals body.

After a lot of screaming and eating, all that was left was a pool of Changeling blood on the ground. Soldier had eaten all of him. Soldier then got to his feet and began to feel the Uber-charge wear off. He looked down at himself as he began to regain self-control. He looked around at everything he did, and said the one thing he could think of. "You kids these days don't know how to dominate!"

The ponies all cheered as the ones that had not been tied up began to untie the rest that were, the cages were torn apart to let the captured ponies out. Everypony was fine. Except for Soldier. He had a green look on his face, and the fact that there was a now awake and very pissed off Shining Armor yelling at him did not help.

"WHAT THE HOOF IS YOUR PROBLEM!?!?!?!?!?!?" Screamed Shining Armor as he stumbled out of Soldiers tent, holding his head which had a nasty bruise. "YOUR JOB IS TO HELP US!!!!! NOT HURT....... us?" Shining Armor looked at the horrific scene before him. He then looked back at Soldier. "Did... Did you do this?"

Soldier confirmed Shinings question by leaning over and throwing up a lot of Changeling blood, guts, and flesh.

"Dear Celestia... I... I can't even..." Shining said. "I knew you would kill them... but eat them? That's just disgusting!"

Soldier finished vomiting everything up and slowly wiped his mouth clean. He then stood up straight, while holding his stomach. "I will eat what ever I feel like eating!" Soldier yelled. He then groaned as his belly began to hurt. "Just not Moon People..."

"Moon what?" Shining asked. He then realized that Soldier does not even know what was going on. "They aren't Moon People, They're Changelings. They take the form of another-"

"*GASP!* THOSE MOON PEOPLE ARE SPIES!?!?!?!?!?!?" Soldier then ran over to his Liberty Launcher and began to reload it. "NO SPY WILL STAY AMONG US!!!!!!"

"SOLDIER!!!!!" Shouted Shining Armor. Soldier looked at the unicorn. "They are not spies! They are insect like creatures that feed off of love!" Shining looked at the ground. "I would know, because their queen fed off of my love for my wife... Cadence..."

Soldier cocked his head. "I did not realize that you liked the same sex as yourself, Sally."

Shining looked up at Soldier and glared. "I said wife! Cadence is a... Do you think that I'm a mare!?"

Soldier put his Liberty Launcher on his back and looked at Shining. "Are you not?"

"...I! AM! A! STALLION!!!"

"... Really?"

Shining Armor face-hooved and looked at Soldier. "Yes... I am. Now listen. Our country has been taken over by these things. We've hired you to help us take it back, free our captured friends, and save both of our princesses. I'll go into full detail tomorrow, now pick your things up and get back to your tent. I'll have my men clean this mess up."

"Like hell they will!" Soldier yelled, startling Shining. "Each and everyone of you are to get ready for battle! We attack while they're weak!" Soldier ran over and pulled his Market Gardener from the back of the dead Changeling he had killed. He then ran over and picked up his Rocket Jumper and ran into his tent. There was some sounds of Soldier digging through his crates and weapons being loaded.

Soldier came back out of the tent with his Armored Authority hat on his head, his RED jacket back on, his Liberty Launcher fully loaded on his back along with his Reserve Shooter, in his right pocket was Spys Ambassador that Soldier may or may not have stolen, and in his left pocket was Scouts Pretty Boy's Pocket Pistol which he may or may-(yes he stole both of them.), and finally, in Soldiers hands was Heavys Family Business.

Soldier cocked the large shotgun in his hands and smiled.

"...What do you plan on doing, Soldier?" Shining Armor asked.

"I plan on FREEING THE SHIT OUT OF THIS COMMUNIST LAND!!!!!"

Chapter 3: Time To Attack

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