The Brief Reign of Princess Twily
Twilight bit her lip and redoubled her efforts as she concentrated on the boulder in front of her. Lifting it was easy enough; she was called the most powerful unicorn since Star Swirl the Bearded for a reason, but it was an entirely different story to balance a beach ball on top of it at the same time.
The rainbow-colored ball was light as a feather and enchanted to randomly change velocity at whim. On more than one occasion, the ball had nearly rolled off in its tauntingly slow motion and Twilight had to rotate the boulder back under it, sometimes blindly.
Now was one of those times. The ball rolled out of her line-of-sight and Twilight did her best to match its new direction. When it did not reemerge, Twilight panicked and spun the boulder like a pinwheel.
Unsurprisingly, the ball was knocked up and behind Twilight. Moving the boulder posthaste in the same direction, Twilight ducked – though she did not need to – as it passed overhead toward its target.
And Princess Celestia.
Twilight ran to where Princess Celestia had fallen and dropped the boulder to the ground. She did not look injured, but even for an alicorn, a boulder to the face could not be good.
“Princess! Are you all right? I’m so, so, so sorry!”
Princess Celestia struggled to her haunches, holding a forehoof to her head. She made the tiniest of painful moans and looked around.
“Twilight? What just happened?”
“Oh my gosh! I gave you a concussion! Oh no, oh no, oh no! I’m sorry! I’ll go get a guard and get a medical staff right away!”
As Twilight ran off, she felt a yank on her tail. Looking back, the yank had the golden glow of Princess Celestia’s magic.
“I am fine, Twilight. I was momentarily thrown, but looking around, I can guess what occurred. It shall take more than a mere boulder to injure me.”
Rising with a single, strong wingbeat, Princess Celestia walked past Twilight and beckoned for her to follow.
“But, Princess–”
“Trust me, Twilight. I am quite fine.”
“But your memory–”
“Is quite fine, but thank you for your concern. I am afraid I…dozed off mid-lesson once again. Please accept my apologies.”
Twilight’s jaw hung open for an instant before she said, “I should be the one apologizing, princess.”
Princess Celestia paused to look back at Twilight. With the usual smile, she said, “Your apology is accepted, but only if you accept mine.”
“But–” The slightest hint of a frown from Princess Celestia prompted Twilight to say, “I…I guess.”
“Thank you.”
The princess resumed walking. After four years, Twilight was familiar enough with her habits and the castle’s layout to know they were headed to the kitchen rather than the hospital. No doubt for some recovery cake.
“I shall also be busy all day for the next three days, so I must cancel our next few lessons. In the meantime, continue reading through the teleport safety manual. If you finish and think you are ready, find your brother and have him take you to the guard’s testing room for the teleport exam.
“If you pass” – Celestia sent a smirk back toward Twilight – “I shall finally teach you the spell.”
“Really?” Twilight shouted, eyes glowing. “Oh my gosh, thank you!”
“Thank you? For doing my job? I am your teacher, Twilight. It is past time I found the time to act like it and to teach you to teleport.”
“But Princess Celestia, you’re a great teacher. The best! And you rule Equestria at the same time and move the sun and moon. You’re amazing!”
Pushing open the kitchen doors with her magic, Princess Celestia said, “Thank you for the flattery.”
“It’s true,” Twilight said, stomping her hoof.
“Perhaps. I just wish I had more free time for you.”
An idea suddenly struck Twilight.
“Now instead of dwelling on this, how about we turn our frustrations onto some cake?”
Twilight nearly threw her book to the floor in frustration. Of course, even if the book deserved to be trodden on, ripped apart, and burned, it was still a book. Instead, she buried her face in it and sent her mane into an even wilder array than it had been.
Why can’t I find a loophole anywhere? Nobles always find strange old loopholes in these books on old, forgotten laws to get what they want!
Twilight lifted her coffee from her cup and turned her head away from the book to drink it. If her count was right, this was her sixteenth cup today. Staying awake for two-and-a-half days straight to maximize her available non-study time was no easy task.
Why are there no loopholes to give the princess a break?
Not bothering to put away her book-pillow, Twilight retrieved the next tome from the stack and held it aloft sideways to read it. Even with the speed reading spell Princess Celestia had taught Twilight day one, it took an eternity to read through the thousand page compilation of laws.
At this rate, Twilight only had five more eternities left to spend tonight before she had to go take her test.
She pulled down the next book: On Matters Extraordinary – Volume Two.
As she read, she nearly skimmed over a very interesting little tidbit, but caught herself just before turning the page.
Wartime policies, section seven, subsection on domestic affairs, bylaws of court proceedings. In the event of a national crisis, the reigning sovereign may indefinitely suspend court proceedings until such time as the crisis is resolved should it require the direct attention of the sovereign.
This is it!
Twilight flipped to the back of the book and paged through the massive index until she reached the section she desired.
Let’s see. Co. Cra. Cri. Crisis. National. First entry on pages fifty-seven to fifty-eight.
Snapping the book open to page fifty-seven, but keeping the index wedged open with her magic, Twilight found the definition she was looking for.
National Crisis: An event which threatens the security of Equestria either economically, politically, militarily, directly threatens the life of the sovereign, or threatens at least one-third of the nobility.
Twilight frowned. Where am I going to find a national crisis? It’s not like I can just…make one. It’s so obvious! I can just make a national crisis! I’m plenty strong enough to make a credible one!
First, Twilight grabbed a quill and parchment at hoof and wrote down the necessary citations for later. Next, she closed On Matters Extraordinary and walked through the archives, reshelving her stack of books as she went instead of letting the archivists reshelve them. It would not do for somepony to stumble upon her reading material and guess what she was about to do before it actually happened.
With a barely audible click, the testing room door closed behind Twilight. A bit of the frizz of her mane got caught, but a firm yank freed her from the door’s clutches.
“So?” asked Shining. “How did you do?”
Twilight answered, “Fine,” and said nothing more. Instead, she retrieved her saddle bags and began the long march to the throne room.
“Twily, wait up. Where are you going?”
“I need to do something important.”
“The only thing you need to do is sleep, Ms. Bloodshot Eyes. Did you get any sleep last night studying for this exam?”
“No, but I wasn’t studying for this.”
Shining reeled and said, “You? Not studying for a test?” He picked Twilight up with his magic and put a hoof to her forehead. “Well, you don’t have a fever. But still, it’s bedtime for you.”
Squirming, Twilight easily overpowered her brother’s magic and ungracefully plopped to the floor.
“No,” she began, getting to her hooves and walking once more, “I need to speak with Princess Celestia.”
“Twily, she’s holding court right now.”
“I know. I’ll wait in line.”
“That will take hours!”
“You’re welcome to leave.”
Shining sighed, “What’s so important that this can’t wait?”
“It’s a surprise.”
“A surprise?”
Twilight nodded but said nothing. Despite her brother’s near-constant pestering, she made it to the end of the line for open court. There were a lot of other nobles milling about and quite a few objected to her taking a spot, but a death glare quickly silenced them. Unsurprisingly, Shining apologized for her.
As she waited, the line grew longer behind her but never seemed to shrink on the side that mattered. Her irritation only grew as she tapped her hoof and got into a few petty fights for it with the ponies around her in line.
Finally, finally, it was her turn. She was led inside the throne room with Shining following directly behind her.
“Announcing” – the herald paused, obviously confused – “Um… Announcing Twilight Sparkle and Shining Armor."
Princess Celestia immediately turned from a conversation with some earth pony and looked down at Twilight.
“Twilight? What happened? You look–”
Before she could say anymore, Twilight lit up her horn and threw her brother to the ground.
Shining groaned, “Twily, why did you–”
Interrupted this time by Twilight jumping on top of him and technically pinning him, he let out a grunt. Somewhere in the back of her mind, Twilight intended to apologize later, but right now, credible threats to Equestria did not apologize.
“Ehem. This is a” – Twilight pulled her notecards from her saddlebags – “coup d'état. I have thrown down your pitiful excuse for a guard. According to the second volume of On Matters Extraordinary, wartime policies, section seven, subsection on domestic affairs, bylaws of court proceedings, I demand you suspend court until such time as you can defeat me and reclaim control of the Equestrian government.”
Silence pervaded the throne room. Although she was sure that she would hear them coming, Twilight cast a quick spell to warn her if any guards tried to sneak up behind her. Her eyes, however, never broke contact with Princess Celestia’s.
And for once, Princess Celestia was lost for words and wore a blank look. After an intense stare down, she said, “I cannot do that, Twilight.”
Drat. Twilight clicked her tongue and looked away.
“After all, as you said, I do not currently have control of the Equestrian government.”
Twilight looked back, eyes wide and stinging a bit from the increased exposure, as Princess Celestia continued, “How can I suspend court proceedings if I am not in charge, Princess Twilight?”
Huh? Princess?
The real princess’s horn lit up and Twilight found herself wearing her regalia, although it was shrunken to a normal filly’s size.
“Seeing as you have bested my guard and betrayed me, I shall leave you to your new role while I go…build a resistance or something.”
Waving a hoof, a regalia-less Princess Celestia turned into an explosion of light and disappeared.
Silence once more descended upon the hall, and all eyes turned to Twilight where she awkwardly stood fidgeting on top of Shining.
“Um… Well, uh, Princess, err, ex-Princess Celestia is currently building an army, so we are in a national crisis. Therefore, according to–”
Sitting atop Princess Celestia’s throne, and with but ten minutes of sleep, Twilight waited for the next petitioner for the court. Somepony had found yet another loophole awfully fast that forced her to unsuspend court because there was no proof that Princess Celestia was raising a rebellion.
“I don’t care about etiquette, or manners, or any of that nonsense, Silver Scroll. Bring me some coffee and something sweet, or there’s going to be another national crisis in the next ten minutes.”
Silver Scroll was Princess Celestia’s assistant and summarized any details of a petition which were given in advance. By no means was it required to do so, as Twilight had proven, but most ponies did so as a courtesy, or to increase the likelihood of their request being granted – either way.
It seemed Silver Scroll did much of the document running necessary to keep court running and filled out much of the paperwork. Much, but not all, as Twilight was learning.
“In fact, new law,” Twilight growled. “The princess is allowed to have as much caffeine and sugary treats as she wants during open court and it will be considered the very height of manners in Equestria.”
“Apologies, Your Majesty, but you can’t–”
“Yes I can!” Twilight shouted, pounding the throne with her forehooves. “I spent two-and-a-half days reading through Equestrian law at breakneck speeds! I know the obscure laws! If I say I want coffee, I get coffee!”
Shining faked a cough next to Twilight. When she looked his way, he nodded down away from the throne at where a unicorn stood waiting and looking on with a mix of scorn and derision.
“Oh, goody,” Twilight said. “Another noble, right? What do you want?”
“Well, there is an old school that–”
“Denied. Schools are now sacrosanct. Have a bad day.”
“Twily,” Shining scolded. He accompanied his one word with his best disappointed look.
“Fine,” grumbled Twilight. “Get on with it but keep it short.”
“Thank you, Your Majesty. Now, there is an old school that is no longer in proper use in Manehattan and–”
“How many ponies still use it?” Twilight asked.
“I did not count…”
“Guess then.”
“Perhaps twenty.”
“And are there other schools around within a convenient distance for these ponies to go to?”
“Presumably so,” the noble answered.
“Ugh. Hey,” Twilight said, turning toward her pool of advisers, “which one of you is in charge of education?”
A pink pegasus mare that bore a marginal resemblance to Cadance stepped forward and said, “I am, Your Majesty.”
“Do you know what he’s talking about?”
“I do. There are other schools nearby, but they are getting a bit overcrowded and the mayor of Manehattan is not–”
“Thanks. That’s all I needed.” Turning to the noble, she said, “Do whatever you want with the school.” Then turning her attention back to the pink pegasus, Twilight added, “And you, see to it that another school is built nearby. And anywhere else that’s getting overcrowded too.”
“But the bits–”
“I read in a journal there’s a unicorn in Ponyville with an interesting gem-finding spell. Go find her and start digging.”
A gray unicorn stallion from her advisers coughed and said, “Your Majesty, that would crash the gem market.”
“So what?” Twilight snapped. “Gems are useful and not just shiny. When ponies start realizing that, the market will be fine. And if not, whatever. Schools are more important.”
Looking back toward the noble, Twilight asked, “What are you still doing here? Begone before I change my mind.”
When he was gone, Twilight turned to Silver Scroll and asked, “How many more before I can go do sleep? Err, go to sleep.”
“Only a couple dozen, I believe. Although there could be some last minute turnouts like yourself.”
Twilight let her head hit the base of the throne. “Ugh… Where’s my coffee?”
Fully rested and more than a mite embarrassed, Twilight found herself once more atop Princess Celestia’s throne at the dawn of a new day. Fortunately, nopony had insisted she cycle day and night at either opportunity. Wherever she was, whatever she was doing, Princess Celestia had taken care of that duty.
Silver Scroll was again at Twilight’s right and Shining was at her left. She had apologized to him immediately after awakening, several times in fact, but she still tried to avoid looking directly at him. Now that she was thinking clearly again, yesterday was not exactly how she wanted to go about helping Princess Celestia.
Perhaps she would even go so far as to suggest it was a complete disaster.
Just looking around the throne room, she had so many ponies she had to apologize to. She had yelled at everypony but the guards gathered here at least once yesterday and at many important and influential ponies that petitioned the court as well. It was like her stimulant-laden, sleep-deprived brain did not understand the concept of an indoor voice.
Yes, yesterday was definitely a disaster. The only thought keeping her together was the simple fact that Princess Celestia had simply gone along with it.
Maybe she’ll only send me back to magic kindergarten.
But for now, Silver Scroll and everypony else insisted she was the reigning princess and forced her onto the throne again.
“C-call in the first petitioner,” Twilight squeaked.
Nodding the herald shouted, “Announcing Princess Celestia!”
Twilight nearly fainted.
“I believe you meant ex-princess, Lined Weld.”
“O-of course, princess,” the herald said.
Princess Celestia chuckled as she approached the throne.
“H-hello, princess,” Twilight whispered, sinking into the cushion on the throne. As it was large enough for Princess Celestia, it managed to conceal everything except her head.
“Greetings, Princess Twilight. I believe this is the point where I throw Shining Armor to the ground and announce my coup d'état to the world.”
“T-that is s-something you could d-do.”
Princess Celestia’s horn glowed and she reclaimed her regalia. Ascending the stairs to her throne, she sat next to Twilight and whispered, “I put a book covering basic teleportation on your bed. We shall talk later. For now, why not give it a read?”
Twilight nodded nervously and bolted from the throne room. Once she had escaped from prying eyes, she stopped to catch her breath and sighed.
Is she letting me off the hook?
Shaking her head, Twilight walked toward her tower and tried not to panic or relax.
Celestia knocked on Twilight’s door. As amusing as the last two days had been, more amusing than anything in the last four centuries actually, she could not let the matter drop without saying something.
“C-come in!”
After opening the door and getting a nervous greeting, Celestia said, “Good evening yourself, ex-princess.”
Celestia suppressed a chuckle as Twilight gulped.
“I-I’m sorry. Really. I didn’t mean…what I did. I mean, I did sort of in the grand idea, but not in the implementation. Not that I wanted to overthrow you, but I wanted to give you some time off and I sort of got too involved on the first and only loophole I found and–”
Putting a hoof to Twilight’s muzzle, Celestia sat down next to her and wrapped a wing around her.
“Twilight, first of all, let me thank you for the sentiment, if not the execution. I did, in fact, enjoy my day off immensely.”
“R-really?”
Celestia looked down at the adorable, doe-eyed look Twilight was giving her and returned it with perhaps her most genuine smile of the year.
“Quite so. Of course, I first had to look up a few old laws to get you back on the throne–”
“That was you?”
“Yes. You would hardly have learned anything from this if you had barricaded yourself in your room until it was over.”
“Oh. I learned that sleep is important.”
This time Celestia did not bother holding back her laughter.
“Yes, that is quite true, Twilight. But I was hoping you might have learned something more important.”
“Don’t usurp the throne?”
“Now you are not even trying.”
“Um… How about, think if what you’re doing is right, even if it’s kind.”
“That sounds like an excellent lesson.”
After a few minutes of quiet contemplation and much fidgeting beneath her wing, Celestia asked, “What’s wrong, Twilight?”
“Well, I just – I’m still your protégé, right?”
“Of course, Twilight,” Celestia answered, hugging her closer. “In fact, perhaps I should start teaching you politics in addition to magic. You performed quite well for a first attempt.”
“I’m not so sure that’s a good idea, princess.”
“Oh, nonsense. I think I shall be upholding your decisions as an excuse to deal with some of the problems that have been plaguing me for decades.”
“What? How did my…situation solve your problems?”
“Ah. There are merely a few issues that had a good, obvious answer you chose. Unfortunately, those answers also happened to be the paths of most resistance and shall make many ponies very upset.
“But what can I do? I was not on the throne, but that does not make the decisions any less binding. Or at least, that is what I shall say.
“Oh, and I wholeheartedly approve of your sweets law.”
“T-thanks.”
“Now, if you will excuse me, I should be returning to my duties. I shall see you tomorrow for your lesson.”
“Goodnight, Princess Celestia.”
“Goodnight, Twilight.”
As Celestia left the room and walked through the halls, the idle joke she had made endlessly pestered her.
Maybe I should teach her politics. She would make a good princess.
Author's Note
Editor - amacita.
