The Storms of War

D+78

Dear Mom,

I don’t know how much more of this I can take. My entire company, or what is left of it, has been stationed in Saint Feathersburg for the past few months. It is getting very cold here, but once the... mess... was cleaned up after our attack, and the builders got out here, the place turned a bit nicer. We have plumbing, at least. Many Gryphon and Pony civilians have come back to this town, the once that weren’t here during the attack. It is a bit odd, seeing Gryphons and Ponyfolk living here side by side. I guess it is easy to forget that Prance is populated by both. Anyways, it looks like this “Great War” is going to be a bit short. Princess Luna promised that once we have finished up here, all of us get to go home, and we are all placing bets on how long until someone assassinates Bristlebeak. Most of his people do not like him anymore, and many clan chiefs seek to restore their honor after the Feathersburg Slaughter. It is strange... we shelled the city, we killed them, but no one is mad at us.

I heart that Lieutenant Butter Bar is going to be okay, they are shipping him and Shadow Step back home. I guess now it is just Me, Bubbles, Blaze, Hoof, and the Major left in my squad. They are giving me and everyone else here a medal for gallantry. I just wanna go home.

Anyways, we are still rounding up prisoners sometimes, but things are getting quiet here on the western front. I love you very much, and tell Azure Skies that I will be home by Hearth's Warming Eve. I promise. And I WILL come back.

With love,

Corporal Steel Wing.

I sat in my seat, staring up at the stage. Blaze leaned over at me. “Hey wing.... didja like the last lady on the stage?” she whispered, grinning. I groaned and shoved her lightly. “Shaddup, the show is gonna start soon” I replied.

She chortled and sat back. Although it was frigid out, we had all gathered outside in our winter coats around small fires or huddled together in groups in front of the recently constructed stage. Word was that some showmare was going to be here to entertain us. Morale was in the tanks, and the recent show by Sapphire Shores and her group had gone over very well among us enlisted males. Her rendition of “Heartbreaker, Lifetaker” had been truly inspiring, but was dampened when Prince Blueblood, Celestias plothole of a nephew, had given a drawling speech about how he thought that only nobles should be allowed to be officers. Colonel Straight Razor had politely excused him from the stage and gotten him on the next flight out.

The lights dimmed, and music began to play softly. “Fillies and Gentlecolts....” started a feminine voice. “For neigh on a thousand years, ponies have waited and watched for the one that was truly the most powerful... yes, the greatest showpony around. And although many try to deny it.... none can stand against....” the voice trailed, before the lights flashed brightly, and a puff of smoke revealed a blue unicorn in a starry cape and hat with a wand.

“The GRRRRREAT AND POWERFUL TRRRRRIXIEEEE!”

She gave a bow as trumpets blared, and with a wave of her wand and a flash of her horn, the curtains opened behind her, illuminating a screen that was backlit, shadows playing across it to narrate her story.

“Yes, the Great and Powerful Trixie is here to wow you, to astound you, with an array of magical arts the likes of which you have NEVER seen before! For Trixie, who is indeed myself, has magic of the HIGHEST LEVEL!”

Behind her, shadows moved to show a lone pony walking across a featureless track. “For years, she wandered by herself, braving perils great and small. She walked from town to town as a mere filly, aiding the weak and serving the powerful, learning her arcane arts. Finally, she came upon the Great City of Canterlot, where Princess Celestia herself accepted her into Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns, through one of her aids. There, the Great and Powerful Trixie both learned and taught the fine art of illusion!”

The images behind her faded with the shadow that was supposed to be her vanishing, looming over a crowd. The screen went up and she vanished, reappearing a few feet away, on the front of the stage. “Now, with all of you suitably awed, I shall pick one at random from the audience to take part in my next trick! You will love it!” she said, smiling.

The whole time she ranted, many of us were rolling our eyes at how over the top she was. Her tricks were nice, but a few puffs of smoke were nothing compared to what we could see if we nicked a few pounds of Comp B from the armory, or a couple kegs of TNT. Blaze looked at me before I finally sighed. Screw this.

“Hey! Thats EXACTLY what the draft officer said! Now I'm over here!” I said sarcastically as I stood up. This was greeted with a roar of laughter as I took a mock bow and sat back down, grinning at Blaze. She smiled back and fist bumped me. “Nice.”

Trixie... Excuse me, the Great and Powerful Trixie, sputtered with indignation. Finally, she smoothed her robe. “The Great and Powerful Trixie sees that her talents are wasted on lesser minds. Fine! She shall be off then!” she said, turning around... only to flinch as a distant explosion went off. Most of us didn’t even pay attention as we got up, chatting.

“Hey, Wing, you wanna get some grub at the mess?” asked Blaze as we moved out of the entertainment area. I nodded at her. “Sure thing. What are you gonna get, the gray stuff or the green stuff?”

She snorted as we walked through the broken buildings and busted vehicles, passing a tank who's engine was still burning. Wandering through the rubble, I looked at a tree stump that until yesterday had been a bloody tree, stained with civilians who had been nailed to it. A moment later, I was on my hands and knees, trying to heave my guts out as a wave of sickness came over me. All of a sudden, I could not stop sobbing, seeing Silk staring at us, that expression of surprise etched forever on her face as a round blasted through one side of her helmet and out the other. A gurgle came out of my throat to join the vomit on the ground, and around us a few stopped to look as Blaze leaned over me.

I didn’t hear what she said as I sat up a bit, looking at my shaking hands. It was all a game, wasn’t it? It was all a game, and we had already won but we were still dying. What the hell was I even DOING here? I wanted home all of the sudden, more badly than I had in the last three months. I wanted nothing more than to curl up on my bed and cry my eyes out, and forget this whole bucking-

“Wing! Snap out of it!” came Blaze's voice. “Come on, people are staring! Get a grip!” she said, grabbing my chin and pulling it up to look at her and she stared into my eyes. “Look... come on. Lets go see the doc. You in there?” She said, taking my hand.

I pulled it away and stared at her. Slowly, I managed to get my mind under control, taking deep shuddering breaths as I forced my mind back into reality. NO! I would NOT flip out and get taken off the line. I would NOT leave my friends. I shook my head. “No... no Doctors. I'm... I’m fine. Just got dizzy for a minute, just tired...” I said, gulping. For a minute, she stared, before nodding.

“Alright. Lets just get some food...” she said, pulling me to my feet. We headed off to the mess hall, milling around with a couple hundred other ponyfolk, before finding a quiet spot in a corner to sit. As I ate, I kept stealing glances at her, noticing her doing the same. A few minutes later, I signed, putting down my fork. “What?” I asked.

She looked up again. “Nothing! I'm just worried!” she said, sounding a bit hurt.

I glared. “Worried about what? That I'm gonna salute you? That I will wave you out of cover? I know that everyone still talks about it!” I said, anger welling up inside me. I KNEW she still had a grudge against me, I knew they all still did!

THAT line of though was cut off with a slap as she stared at me. “NOPONY blames you wing! It was a mistake, one that others have made too! Chances are, he was gonna get shot anyways!” she said, looking through red eyes.

I have no idea what happened next, but a moment later I was on my feet, wings slightly out, stiff legged in the “Feeling Threatened” stance of the Pegasi. Grabbing my food, I headed out of the hall, suddenly just wanting to be away from everyone. They all stared at me, and I could hear whispers as I passed. I knew they were talking, muttering about me. There was a clatter at my feet as warm liquid spread over them, and I looked down to see that the shuddering of my tray from my hands had knocked my mug of cider off, and I cursed as I dropped the tray and finally ran out. Air, I needed air!

I sprinted out of the mess hall into the snow falling outside. Spreading my wings, I jumped into the air, flapping as hard as I could as I heard Blaze yelling after me, calling my name. For once, I ignored her as I rose into the air quickly, flying out of her sight into the city. A few other airborn messengers looked at me oddly but I angled for an area I knew would be nearly empty, a large storage house that held mostly sauerkraut in barrels that no one wanted to eat. It was large and had plenty of dark areas in it for hiding.

I crashed to the ground, rolling twice before getting up and staggering to the door, heart pounding. There was no one around, not even a guard, and I thanked Celestia for small miracles as I leaned into the door, pushing it open. The interior was nearly as cold as it was outside, but without snow falling in small flurries all over the place. Large crates stacked nearly to the ceiling, although most of the barrels of pickles had been ransacked a week ago.

I walked along the crates in a fevered daze, the lines around me blurred as I felt warm all of a sudden. Celestia, my hands would not stop shaking! I held them tightly to my chest as I finally collapsed next to a crate, curling up and squeezing my eyes shut. There was a tight seizing in my chest and I lay there, sobbing, images of the beach and the town running behind my eyelids. The look on the face of that burned foal, Radio Wave laying with a grin in the dirt, the back of his head gone. The smell of sulfur in the air as the big guns unknowingly shelled civilians. The single burning WESPE that was our only trophy.

And Silk Shimmer, laying in the mud, rounds entering her lifeless body as a sniper taunted us.

I cried my eyes red, alone and in the dark of the warehouse as the winds outside howled their anguish in time with my own.

It was dark when a hand on my shoulder woke me up. I kept my eyes closed before a soft female voice said “Corporal... come on, get up. You okay in there?”

I finally opened my eyes and sat up, blank faced. In the gloom was the green Major Leaf, squatting next to me. I just leaned back against the crate, looking at her, cradling my rifle in my lap.

“Corporal... Blaze told me what happened. Right now, I am not talking to you as your commanding officer. I am talking to you as your friend. What's wrong?” she asked, eyes peering at me through the gloom.

What WAS wrong with me? I wasn’t acting like a soldier, I was acting like a scared foal. I was trained as a soldier, I was armed like one, and everyone around me was just fine. Even Blaze had been through the same things as me and yet she was fine! And I was the one with a Destiny Mark for war! Was that all I was? Medals and Scars? Is THAT what I wanted to go home as some day?

“My mark is a Rifle, a Knife, and crosshairs, Major. I got my mark as a sniper. My mark is for killing people, and I am really good at it, but now I can't even look at it. Why'd I get that for a mark?” I said, fresh tears streaming down my face. I heard her swear softly.

“Corporal, what you get as a mark isn't your choice. You didn’t choose to be good at killing, you just... damn, there is no easy way to say it...” she said, sitting next to me. “You just have a knack for it, and it has saved a few lives already.”

Contempt welled up inside me as I snorted. “Yeah, I am really good at getting people killed or shot. Lieutenant Butter Bar, Shadow Step, Radio Wave... Wire-” I said, before she cut me off.

“Corporal, those were NOT your fault, and I don’t want to hear that kinda bullshit out of your mouth!” she snapped, glaring at me in the murk. “Corporal, this is a war. It isn’t some story! It isn’t some adventure! In war, people on the winning side still die! You gotta get one thing through your head! It is all just a game, like what you said. Blaze told me you said something about a game. This is all just one big game played for politics, and justice, and all sorts of things that don’t matter when you are in the mud and blood and guts. What you need to realize is that you and everyone you care about is already dead. You need to see that you are going to die, I am going to die, and there is nothing you can do to stop it. You are a sniper, and a damn fine one.”

I stared at her in the dark, her words stirring something in me. “Yeah, I'm a sniper. I got a question for you, Major... What the buck do I do when I get home?”

She giggled. “I never figured you for an optimist. What makes you think any of us are ever going home?” she said, pulling me to my feet, me earlier depression still there, but under check, replaced by a hollow sense of duty.

“All of us are just broken toys for a mad god. Lets get you back into the barracks” she said, clapping me on the back.

I guess that is true. All of us are pretty broken.

I bet my mom is so proud of me.