Twilight Sparkle, crazy ruler of the universe under Celestia's muzzle.

by surprisepony

Rating: everyone
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Cadance, Comedy, Random, Adventure
Length: 3337

5 years ago, Twilight was crowned Princess of Friendship. She wants more than that as time goes on, because what exactly does the Princess of Friendship do for economy except sit and give lectures? She got the power and it went right to her head.

When Twilight Sparkle asked close ones what she ruled over, Celestia said for her to take care of Ponyville and all magic in Equestria. Luna told her to 'take care of thy ponies of Ponyville in need of thee'. Cadence told her to wait it out and it should become clear to her alert when ponies ask for help. Spike told her to use her magic to her advantage; use it for keeping harmony. And from there, Twilight takes it a bit too seriously.
Featuring -
Applejack as the new smartest pony
Fluttershy- why is there nun-chucks on her floor?
Rarity staying out of sight for a messed up reason
Pinkie with her collection of inflatable ponies
Rainbow Dash messing around and getting a teensy bit jealous of AJ
A very screwed-up Twilight who kidnapped Cadence.

TAKE SERIOUSLY AT YOUR OWN RISK (in other words, taking it seriously is bad)

It's just something that me and my pff started talking about and I decided to type it up for the fun. I wanted to have fun writing this, so I can't say I care for any sort of negative thing you don't like about it. But then, please do me a solid and correct my grammar or leave constructive criticism. I know Shattered was terrible, but give me a chance.
Thanks and enjoy.

Published 2014-08-08 17:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2014-09-07 20:23:47 UTC

And from then, things go spiraling downwards.

"Good news, I've kidnapped Cadence." announced a lilac alicorn known as Twilight.
"You have got to be kidding me." groaned Rainbow Dash.
"YOU KIDNAPPED YOUR OWN FOALSITTER??!!!" screeched Pinkie, slamming the great round table which six ponies were seated around with her hoof.
"I know you kidnapped Lyra for spying on you, but this is getting extremely ridiculous." voiced a beautiful mare with a pristine white coat.
"At least yah' let Lyra go- Now what here is going ta happen to Cadence?! She's family too Twi. You can't just do that!" said AJ.
Fluttershy ran out of the room quickly and stealthily, thinking Twilight was mad. Nopony noticed her slip out, luckily for her. She wasn't planning on being pulled back into the circle of death, as it seemed to be.

There was an ample amount of chatter, screeching and yelling before Twilight calmed them. Irritation was starting to appear on her face, her ears twitching. A pet hate for Twilight Sparkle was having ponies talk over her, and especially not when she was in the middle of explaining. Before going to extreme measures, she made meek calls of; "Everypony, everypony, please." Then, an enraged Twilight decided to take it to the top notch. She thumped her hoof loudly three times on the table before silence came, everypony freezing their mouths and turning heads, eyes shocked, and only a small gasp managing to escape. And even then, the tense silence was quickly broken by Applejack saying-

"So what's the deal here Twi? Why'dya do it?"
"Well as you know, I'd make a much better ruler than Celestia-"
"Like we haven't heard that one million times." said RD, rolling her eyes in boredom.
"So I thought I'd be on the right track by taking the crystal empire!" said the purple mare, clapping her hooves an ignoring Rainbow's comment.Her face was one of glee and pride, eyes closed like she was waiting for approval, similar to a foal and a corrected math problem.

"Well that's a bit too mu-" Rarity began, only to get interrupted by Pinkie.
"Anypony know where Fluttershy is? Oh, oh! I know! She's playing hide-and-seek! 1,2,3,4,5- ready or not, here I come!"
Rarity looked at Fluttershy's seat, to find out that Pinkie was indeed right.

"Fluttershy darling! Where are you?" said Rarity as Pinkie Pie crawled under the table and zoomed from curtain to curtain, peeking behind them.
"She has to be somewhere" said Dash.

Twilight thought for a moment, her shoulder devil winning the argument. Oh dear. There didn't seem to be much of the angel left. The angel hallucination looked like it had been dragged through a park, and it's energy was wasted like it had walked, no , RAN ten miles. It seemed to be panting;
"Come on *pant* Twilight, don't *pant* give *pant* in!"

An eyebrow on the devil raised in unamusement at the angel. It only needed to say two words to win.

"Give in."

Of course, all this only Twilight could see, and it was only a short argument in her mind, but it very much affected Twilight's choice of action.

"You look for Fluttershy, such importance as me shouldn't be bothered by that!" said Twilight, trotting out of the throneroom with her muzzle high in the air.

"Here she goes again, getting all high and mighty" said Applejack, and the present Elements of Harmony nodded in agreement.

Twilight was actually heading to Fluttershy's cottage, she just wanted to find out if she was there HERSELF. Nowadays, there seemed to be so much difference in credit: when you do it as a team, you get less, but when you do it yourself, it's another bragging right.

She thought of how much Rainbow Dash liked to brag, even after the Mare Do Well 'episode'. She loved showing of her athletic skills, whilst Applejack was more modest. Rarity enjoyed a mild boast, only showing her most magnificent things, but exaggerating them well. Pinkie- well, when you're her, what is there to boast about? There was only one time when she had made a huge cake for the alicornation, and just gave a little tour round the cake, showing her marzipan elements of harmony gems, the fondant crown at the top and how she used zap apple jam for the filling and six different colors of batter, one for each level. Fluttershy did the opposite of boasting whenever a pony tossed her a compliment. Modesting? Modestifying? Humbling? Whatever it was, she did it. And as for herself, there was a lot to be proud of and she couldn't help showing off.

Eventually, after her long think, she reached Fluttershy's cottage. There was a note on the door. It was done in her trademark ink, turquoise-

Dear Mr Gardens, you're probably wondering why I'm not in. It's okay, please still do my geraniums, petunias and lilies. As you know, Fluffy the cactus does not need his water this week. I'll pay you double tomorrow, promise~ Fluttershy

Twilight giggled to herself. It was funny how she gave all her individual plants names. The lilac alicorn remembered Cotton, one of the first cacti she saw. Twilight Sparkle was about to go see if Cadence had recovered from her knockout, until a black object on Fluttershy's floor caught her eye. She took a closer look at the window that she could see the object from. It looked like a foam cylinder at first, but then she realized that it had a chain attached to the top, linking it to another black cylinder. She then saw that both of them had a sliver cap part...Nunchucks...

But why would Fluttershy have nunchucks? As far as Twi knew, Fluttershy wasn't any sort of martial arts specialist, and even then, weapons in Equestria were rare and one would have to have a license to own them. She would talk to Fluttershy when she reappeared, and ask if she did martial arts, just not mention the nunchucks and pretend she was never there. Twilight used a 'back to normal' spell to reattach the note to the door, and flew away when she saw a strong, beige stallion coming up the pathway with a watering can.

Back at Twilight's magnificent Castle (the lilac mare demanded they call it that, but when Twilight Sparkle wasn't around they called it Fort Crazy, and it was a standing joke that when writing to each other, in place of the words 'Fort Crazy' they did a small diagram of a castle and Twilight with derpy eyes, tongue stuck out and little spirals coming from her ears.) four Elements of Harmony were moving about the Castle, which seemed to have the same qualities of Doctor Whoove's TARDIS which only Pinkie had been in. They had no luck finding Fluttershy, because only after five minutes they gave up, and instead went to exploring the Castle, because Twilight didn't really want them going into any rooms other than the main hall and throne room with the exception of the few corridors it took to get to them.

Twilight's bedroom was perhaps the most heavily decorated room, and the library was even bigger than the great hall. Occasionally they called for Fluttershy, but she was never there. As they walked, they disussed about Fluttershy, and knowing her, she'd of probably made her way to the safety of her own home.
Wasting their time was not an option, as Twilight could be any minute, and they still had to make it to the throneroom before their now slightly snobby leader, made her way back so they stopped calling for the animal-loving pegasus. Rainbow suddenly began to get tired of flying her way through Fort Crazy, the reason being that all they had seen was corridors for the last minute, not a single unexplored room. She let out a groan, and explained why.

"I know sugarcube, but there's a door over there." said an orange earth pony, pointing to a distant door. It looked like it was going to take them more than a minute to get there. There was a plain pine door on the way, but the four friends had already discovered than pine meant prison or privacy (bathroom).

Rainbow Dash, who was closest to the side the door was on, nudged it open with her hoof. A few mint green hairs lay on the ground, as well as a long strand of very pale green mane or tail hair, and judging by size, it was probably off a tail. Three of Rainbow Dash's friends walked on as she had a peek through the door.
"Hey guys?"
They stopped and slowly returned to the pine door.
"Whose hairs?"
"Ah think this is where Twilight kept Lyra prisoner. It has all a pony's basic needs. Just and no more."
"Look! There's a frame on the wall! I think there's some sort of treaty..." Said Pinkie, adjusting her Sherlock hat and moustache, which had seemingly appeared from out of nowhere.

"'I swear on my life to never spy on Princess Twilight Sparkle'. Hm. That's all it says. There's just Twi's royal seal at the top, and Lyra's signature, which kinda looks like a lyre, even if it is her hoofprint. Kinda funny!" said Applejack.
"And Lyra's never going to break it, 'cause she swore on her LIFE! She'll get killed if she does!" said a rainbow tailed mare.
"Come on girls, we cannot waste time. Onto the the next door!" said a pony with sapphire eyes.

They went into a small room, which was very bare, except for a trapdoor. They opened it up, climbed and flew down the surprisingly clean iron ladder and eventually they got to the bottom. There were four different corridors, each one lit with torches. Maybe it was just as well that Fluttershy was missing, as even though the corridors were lit, they gradually descended into darkness.
"Well girls, the answer is obvious. We're going to have to split up. Oh, and shout really loudly if you find something. OK?" instructed Rarity.
"OK."
"Okie dokie lokie!"
"Eeyup."

"Well, come on y'all! Pick a way and let's get going! Yee-hah!" Said AJ as she ran into a nearby corridor.

After a good ten minutes of walking, RD came across a dead end. There was no light, and it seemed wrong to be brave here. She felt like she was forbidden, a trespasser on private grounds. But it wasn't a wall that stopped her from going anymore, it was some iron bars. They were rusty, unlike the ladder, and she could swear that when she put her hoof on the iron, tapping it and testing it for safety, some of the rust peeled and fell to the ground, tiny fragments of it scattered beneath her hooves. She could see an unconscious, maybe dead pony. The colors were hard to tell. Was it a unicorn or pegasus, or the strong earth pony? All three?!

There was a pause, a pause where the cyan mare's heart skipped a beat.

"UH, GUYS, I THINK I FOUND CADENCE!"

Author's Note

It's very amateur, but I'm pretty young.
Instead of yelling your head of at me because there's something you dissaprove of, tell me without using caps.
give an r&r to help.

A gunshot changes lives.

They all rushed to Rainbow Dash, who was trying desperately trying to use her wing feathers as a lockpick. Not that she couldn't do it, but it had been years from when she was ten and getting into padlocked diaries, which were all the thing back then, an opportunity to keep your secrets safe. She'd lost the key for her's and pretty soon, she could pick any lock.

No, no, remembering was the problem.

They came, with Applejack as the first in line.
"Lemme help ya there." and with that, she busted the iron with her two, strong, apple-bucking back legs. There was literally a cloud of rust, made up of fragments which had flew of the iron bars from the impact of AJ's hooves.

Only a small glimmer of the reflections that shone off the coats of the 'mane four' could be seen in the darkness of Cadence's cell. Rarity manged to light the way with her horn, and Pinkie and Applejack soon had Cadence spread across their backs. The narrow tunnel had just enough room for the two ponies to lift Cadence back down the tunnel. They left the busted iron bars, forgetting to magically repair them. Rarity forgot to do this, because keeping a wide spread of light alive takes much concentration, so much that her face was screwed up and she was sweating heavily by the time light in the tunnel reappeared in the form of torches.

On the way back to the junction where you could see the four tunnels, they talked about what they were going to do to Cadence;
"Maybe we could go an' return her to the Crystal Empire."
"I don't know AJ. It seems like a pretty long journey, considering that we all have to share a bank account with Twilight now, on a CREDIT ONLY BASIS, and she's the only one who knows where the credit card is. We can't take the train. We could borrow money, but it's quite a lot to borrow. Four ponies plus um...luggage to the Crystal Empire, come on!"
"Only Fluttershy makes money at her secret Saturday job at the hair salon, but Celestia knows where she is!"
"I could loan some money of the Cakes! Aw...I already owe them...I guess I'll have to ask Twilight for a Twenty in bits." said a half-depressed Pinkie Pie.

The farm pony thought for a second.

"Maybe we could just keep some of the bits secretly for ourselves. You know, say we all had a drop in sales, say that you were sick for three days and couldn't get paid for them, say that you closed for maintainence for a couple days. We wouldn't have to hand the bits to Twilight. Or we could sell some things-"
"Like my life size inflatable collections!" beamed Pinkie, hauling an realistic, inflatable Fluttershy out of nowhere.
"You mean, collection and not, collections?" inquired RD.
"Nope! I mean collections! My cutie mark crusaders collection, my Canterlot ponies collections, Elements of Harmony, Crystalised Elements of Harmony, the Princesses, power po-". She cut of abruptly when a cyan hoof covered her mouth.

"That's kinda creepy but impressive. But, then again, who would buy them?"

Pinkie's face changed from excited to thinking.

"Well, I don't use them, but maybe I could blow them all up one last time..? Before I bin them or give them to somepony. I mean, I do have the wonderbolts," R.D's ears pricked up with interest."and a fan might want them or even the power ponies."

Rainbow Dash leaned over to Pinkie's ear, and in a low whisper said, "We'll discuss the goods later..."

"Well, I on one hoof, think Applejack's idea is splendid!" Announced Rarity
. The farm pony's cheeks changed color; from orange to Pinkie's mane. She tried to change the subject, she always felt uncomfortable accepting praise. Accepting praise just reminded her of the book, A True Manehattanite's Guide to Proper Etiquette and Manners , and it told her that when a pony get's complimented, they should soak it up, wear it, to seem confident.
Muttering in her head "Well boasting ain't good manners." she continued reading, under careful watch of Aunt Orange, who told her to recite everything she read, or a beating was in the deal. Aunt Orange may have seemed nice enough, but she wanted so badly to have a brilliant child, she took to violence.

She thought of her Manehatten school, Miss Top-Notch's all fillies Academy. Half of the lessons were based around that book, and Monday was a doomsday. All Monday was spent on manners. Manner Monday they called it. Thank Celestia she was only there for three weeks, going back to Ponyville, right before the next Manner Monday was based around cutlery.

She washed away these thoughts, and started a conversation.

"Ever realize how Twilight's...kinda snobby these days?" Said an orange mare.

There were mutters of argreement, and they kept walking, until a distant scream interrupted them.

"RRRAAAARRRRIIIITYYY!!!!!! WHY ARE YOU NOT IN YOUR SHOP, I NEED MY QUEEN CORONATION GOWN!!!"

All were silent in the tunnel, and not a single breath escaped any of their mouths. Rarity looked especially terrified, and she shut her eyes tightly.
Then they found out why Twilight was especially ticked off at them.

"I FOUND THAT NOTE YOU WROTE ABOUT ME!!!! THE ONE WHERE YOU SAID I WAS CRAZY AND INSANE!!!!"

The elements looked at each other with wide and worried eyes. There was a pause, and a deep breath from the purple alicorn before her screaming continued. They all knew what she was talking about. The notes they had mailed to each other to be sure Twilight wouldn't hear their conversations.

"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!!!!!!!!!"

The final scream echoed all throughout the castle, bouncing off every wall. Then, a long pause afterwards, the sound of a door slamming could be heard in the tunnel. All of the mane four were frozen in place, standing still like statues, not even blinking or breathing. It looked a bit like Twilight had realeased a cockatrice in the tunnel, and it caught all the remaining elements with it's eerie, deadly gaze.

Finally, the silence was broken when Cadence slipped off AJ and Pinkie's backs.

"Oh.." said Rarity.

"Maybe if I just get back to the boutique, finish up Twilight's gown, she'll forgive me." said a slightly optimistic Rarity, though her lips quivered and a single tear rolled down her face.

AJ picked up Cadence along with Pinkie. She was still unconcious, unmoving, eerily still and cold.

Twilight had captured Lyra for a couple of photos, so Celestia knows what she would do to Rarity. The four continued walking, and when they left the castle, Cadence was hidden at Sweet Apple Acres, without causing any attention, thanks to Rarity's teleportation.

Applejack and Rainbow Dash headed to the barn to hide Cadence whilst Rarity worked on Twilight's gown at the boutique, and Pinkie went with Rarity, to get some space to blow up her inflatables.

Rarity was just adding another layer to the gown, the final one before the sequins came on, and Pinkie was deflating her mane six, the last of her collection to deflate.

"I'm just going to get the sequins, ribbons and gems, will you be a dear and watch the shop for me Pinkie?"

"Okay!" replied Pinkie, grinning enthusiastically as Rarity went into the storage room, where bolts and bolts of material lay shelve after shelve.

Pinkie had finished deflating R.D and was about to move on to her last inflatable, Rarity, when Twilight burst through the door.

"That is IT!" she screamed at the smiling, inflatable Rarity.

"You didn't bring my gown, and now you'll pay!!" she screeched.

Pinkie Pie watched in horror, and hid behind the counter. She stayed as a small, pink, shivering ball, and looked up above the counter. What she saw petrified her, and left her gasping.

The powerful, enraged alicorn's horn fired up, and shot the inflatable Rarity. She turned around quickly and ran before anypony noticed, thinking the 'BANG!' of inflatable Rarity was just her horn. Twilight ran away, thinking Rarity was dead, while really, she had only shot an inflatable.

Just as Twilight opened the door to make her escape, Rarity came down the stairs, unsure of the banging noise. She came quickly, and looked worried when she appeared at the bottom of the stairs.

Pinkie Pie was in genuine shock, confused as to what to tell Rarity.

"You might want to hide for a while..." said Pinkie, as she tugged Rarity up the stairs, away from the windows that she couldn't be seen through for some time.