Cool Stuff

by Kronos

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Sad, Romance, Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Rarity, Fluttershy, Adventure, Pinkie Pie, Twilight Sparkle
Length: 1008

Swag.

Check my swag.

Published 2012-04-14 18:12:08 UTC
Last updated 2012-04-14 18:12:08 UTC

One upon a time...

Celestia was riding a frikkin' dinosaur and Luna was all like, "Celestia, check your swag."
Celestia put down her bong and was all like shut up Luna your fat ugly griffon.
"That's racist, Celestia."
"Yeah, well you can suck my-"
BOOM!
A massive explosion shook the foundations of the earth with its sheer intensity.
"What was that," Luna asked.
"Kevin Bacon," Celestia said, as smooth as your mum's butt.
"Hai guys," said Kevin Bacon as he blasted to the moon in Apollo 13 and promptly got eaten by those worms from tremors.
"Crap, son," exclaimed Blueblood as he watched the moon explode. He patted down the freshly dug earth with his spade before.
"Woops, I left an arm uncovered."
He promptly proceeded to bash the arm with his spade. Blood sprayed across his face, forming a small, red moustache. He danced to the awesome sound of crunching bones which sounded kind of like a drunk Skrillex.
Wakachee wubooble wun screek screach screech screckchy.
"Skrillex, I choose you", said frikkin' Ash.
"Stuff this bullcrap," said Rarity, "Pikachoo, I choose you."
A ball of bright light flared into being as Pikachoo appeared in front of Rarity.
"Pikachoo, use sneeze," shouted Rarity with the command of a thousand Maximus Decimus Meridius'.
Scootaloo be all like, "Lolwut?"
Pikachoo lent back and, taking a deep inhale, cried "Pikachoo."
A thick layer of mucus coated Ash and Skrillex, melting them.
"No," cried Ash.
"Wub wub wub," cried Skrillex as his serpentine form dissolved in the thick green jelly.
Then Pinkie Pie flew in in her F-15 eagle. She mounted the machine guns and trained them towards Twilight in her biplane. Opening fire, she caught Twilight in the face, her head exploding in a shower of blood. Luckily, Twilight had cast a spell where she could regrow her head. She then jumped off her biplane and landed on the wing of Pinkie's F-15. Steadying herself against the wind, she braced, before leaping towards the cockpit of the plane. Her horn made contact with the fiberglass, shattering it. She then pulled out a 9mm glock, put it to Pinkie's eye and blew her brain out. Twilight then exploded in a shower of baby nappies.
Littlepip was standing with his mouth open, eyes closed, facing the skies like the little abomination he is. He then received a face full of soiled nappies. He went home crying except he got hit by a truck. His parents attended his funeral but no-one else did. A truck then plowed into his funeral, killing both his parents. Also, the minister pony who got in the way, poor guy.
Then lightning hit Iron Will, making him into Titanium Will. It was like digivolving, except then he went round Fluttershy's house and broke her legs because she still owed him money. Then he was killed by rarity who punctured the back of his neck with a screwdriver. Rarity then went to hell.
Also, Rainbow Dash died. :(
Then there was rainbows and candy, although the rainbow's would never be quite as bright now that my precious Rainbow was gone. :'(
Next came ThunderBlaze. My OC. He's not an Alicorn, don't worry. He's an Awesomecorn. Instead of a horn he has a chainsaw, and instead of wings he has two jet engines. He has a red and beige polka dot mane and an awesome leopard print coat which is only slightly gaudy. He has irises which flash like strobes giving him the power of SEIZURE VISION. He uses this power to great effect yet its also a curse because when he meets people, he has to keep his eyes closed, always. Unless he wears sunglasses, but those would clash with his cutiemark. His cutiemark is a picture of himself because he finds nothing of greater value in life. Also, there's a bit of recursion going on there but-
EXPLOSION
Luna and Celestia were fighting the evil Discordzilla (half Discord half Godzilla) when they were like, "Hear, Discord, have a hit."
So he did and they all got high.
Always I want to be with you and make believe with you...
Then batpony came and started doing standup.
"So Airline food. That hasn't been invented yet."
AND all the PONIES were like "lolololololololololol."
They were faking it though because they didn't want to hurt his feelings and be mercilessly beaten to paying their taxes. They just pictured that they were listening to the comic styling of Russell Brand and everything was just dandy, and not beano.
Gosh I'm hungry.
Did you know that Blueblood is best pony. He's handsome, he's smart, he's of nobility and he's misunderstood.
Then Fluttershy went to the hospital to have her broken leg looked at. The doctor's were all like, "Crap, son."
There was nothing they could do, so they amputated it and replaced it with a roll of unopened wrapping paper. To this day she still goes by the name of 'Festive Flutters; Pirate Queen'.
So the Bernoulli numbers, they have a deep link to number theory...
Then Nightmare Moon came from an alternate dimension to visit Luna but accidentally stubbed her thumb.
Cutiemark Crusaders serial killers, yay.
Nightmare Moon was crying and Luna consoled her but the tears just kept coming so Luna gave her a lollypop and she got better and turned into another Luna. Luna then fell in love with herself.
Here's how it be; falling in love with oneself, be it opposite gender or not, is st least as weird as incest. Deal with it
Then they went to Appleloosa and Braeburn came out to greet them but he had a bad throat so he couldn't do that annoying thing. Luna and Luna promised to kiss it better so they cutt off his head and did his best. then they banished his corpse to the moon to feel the power and kept his head an buried it underneath Twilight's library. To do this they needed a lot of TNT. And then there was juice. So much juice. Juicy juice. Yum.