Rainbow Dash Explodes Like a Nuke
Rainbow Dash liked to consider herself an outdoors pony. Hey, when you have clouds to sleep on and showers free from plumbing, you would most likely be like her. Floating on a cloud that's actually more comfortable than any other mattress in Equestria, taking a snooze from everything that was happening down below (and above, depending where your cloud was).
Sure, Rainbow Dash still went home. She still used it like a regular pony, just ten thousand times faster than everypony else. And she preferred the baths every now and again; rainwater just wouldn't cut it.
But when she returned home for one of those blissful, cold, relaxing baths... her three story house was sold.
Rainbow Dash was dumbstruck. She paid all the bills, she had her belongings in there. But... it was sold? This... had to be a joke... right?
Rainbow Dash puffed her chest out in pride and strutted toward the door.
Knock knock knock!
Rainbow Dash counted to—nopony was answering the door. It was her house. Those ponies needed to get their flanks out and find another place to stay.
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNO—
"What is—"
Punch!
The current tenant (No, the false tenant, Rainbow Dash reminded herself) collapsed at the door, unconscious.
Rainbow Dash felt lightheaded as she looked back and forth between her hoof and the growing welt on the crown of the stallion's head. His coat was a reddish brown, as if a tree got a suntan. His mane and tail were a sort of blue-ish green color with traces of a dark night purple at the bottom of both of them. His cutie mark was a down feather stuck into a clear ink container, a small and flowing line, doing a loop-dee-loop before fading. His wings were a tad smaller than usual, and they were messy, probably because of a lack of preening. In fact, as she looked at him, he looked absolutely atrocious, the kind of atrocious that would make Rarity faint and make her freeze in the fetal position for a week. And that... that wasn't saying anything at all.
But, boy, would she pay to see that!
Rainbow Dash cleared the thought out of her head and wondered what to do with an unconscious pegasus that may or may not need some medical attention. Looking at the welt on his head grow probably wasn't the best sign. She could break in (No, enter my house!) and give him an ice pack and go take a bath. Besides, Rainbow Dash had taken a buck to the face before, hard, and only had a fractured jaw. She didn't hit him that hard, surely!
Or at least she hoped.
Or she could rush the guy down to the infirmary using her awesome Sonic Rainboom. But, considering that she was the one who knocked the guy out, the nurses might become suspicious and the guy could sue for assault. And she had no money. All that she had was in that house at that specific time.
Rainbow Dash decided. She nudged the stallion inside his (My!) house and set him on the nearest sofa. She went to the kitchen and rummaged through the icebox to see if all her ice hadn't melted. Unfortunately, there was no solid ice. Fortunately, the water was freezing freaking cold! She pulled her hooves from the ice and shoved them underneath her wings.
"Aaahh," Rainbow Dash sighed, "C-c-c-cold..."
She heard a rustling from her sofa, then a lame groan that was so feminine that Rainbow Dash thought twice about the guy's gender.
"Head... hurts..." moaned the girlish sounding stallion.
Rainbow Dash was partially surprised that he woke up so soon. And mostly disappointed because she probably wouldn't be able to take her blissful ice bath. She grabbed a nearby sack and dipped it in the freezing cold water, that, to her annoyance, got in her nostrils. She tried not to sneeze as she twisted the sack and brought it over to the stallion-in-distress.
"Here, guy," she said as she plopped the sack of cold water on his lap. He plopped up and grabbed it before the contents leaked out.
The stallion looked at her, grunting in pain as he stuck the bag of cold water lazily to the crown of his head. "You've got a mean punch, girl," he said, as if he had one to many drinks of the Apple family's cider. "You should try not to, you know, nail me with one next time you come to visit."
Rainbow Dash's eye twitched. "Visit? No, sir, this is my house, thank you very much!"
The supposed stallion raised his eyebrow. "Sir? And also, you're crazy if you think this is your house. It's been abandoned for... two, three years now?"
Rainbow Dash scowled. It definitely was not abandoned. Many pegasi saw her go into her house all the time. It wasn't like she was going near Mach I speeds when she was doing it, cough cough, hint hint, nudge nudge. But this annoying voice in her head didn't get to her, as she kinda wanted to punch they guy in the face once again. But, keeping her composure, she ultimately decided against it. "That's bull crap," she said. "Who told you that?"
He raised his eyebrow sky high. "The pony who sold it to me, of course," he grunted. "By the way, I wouldn't imagine that a stupid mare would come crashing into this place. I would call the police at first sight, but I'm a nice guy." This comment made Rainbow Dash's eye twitch, wishing she could just shove it through that nice little gullet he had there. "So I will give you a few seconds to get the hell out," he concluded. He gestured to the phone behind him.
Rainbow Dash ground her teeth so hard she could imagine sparks flying from their tips. Honestly, She thought, this guy is absolutely despicable! Her scowl deepened. The very least he could do is not be a dick! She felt intense heat burn insider her, her mind clouding like the smoke of a fire. She felt a groan escape her, turning into a full-fledged scream as her hoof came in snap-contact to his face, knocking the sofa backward, its occupant flying through the air and hitting the wall near the stairs, barely missing a Wonderbolts bust that threateningly tipped toward either side among his impact. The guy was definitely unconscious now, with blood dripping from his nose as he collapsed into a sleep-like pose.
That was when the heavy warhammer of guilt smashed her in the gut. She didn't even know what she was doing, and then this happened. This is why we can't have nice things, Rainbow Dash thought, confused to who was a part of 'we'. She shook off the confusion when the door burst open, Twilight Sparkle trotting in.
"Rainbow...?" she asked, eyes widening at the unconscious body of the stallion, though she didn't actually know the stallion's status. "He's not...?"
"No," Rainbow Dash sighed. "This intruder claimed my house to be his own, and—"
"Rainbow!" Twilight grunted, hoof connecting with face in a second's notice, ruffling her lavender coat. "You're... really oblivious, aren't you?"
"Oblivious?" Rainbow scoffed. "I—"
"This is another house, Rainbow Dash."
"Another house? This is mi—"
"A replica of yours, Rainbow." Twilight broke the intimate connection between her hoof and her face. "Within the time you have come here, there was another house going under construction right next to yours! Believe it or not, the designer was your fan. So she designed it the best she could to replicate your house without making it too much like it."
Rainbow Dash's face went slack. That was when she realized the subtle differences: the wallpaper was different, the positioning of the Wonderbolts busts were off, and the stairwell was exactly on the wrong side. The designer, though, did manage to put the icebox exactly where hers was in her own house. More over, the banister wasn't scrolled at the end, and the second floor was the only other floor.
"Oh..." All emotion faded from Rainbow Dash's voice. "So... I just..."
Twilight nodded. "You just broke and entered. You probably broke the guy's face as well. Your house is right next door."
Dumbstruck, Rainbow Dash tried to speak. "S-s-soooo..." The words came out ghastly. "I-I've mistaken m-my house with this one?"
Twilight nodded once more. "Seems like you need to become a little more attentive, Rainbow Dash."
Author's Note
If I lived in a place where the houses were all the same (*cough, cough*—condominiums—*cough, cough*), this would probably be what would happen to me. I am honestly not that attentive.
