What am I to do now?

by Cool_Story_Reader

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, Alternate Universe, Sad
Length: 5298

Twilight wakes up in a hospital bed without memory of what happened. Why does her head hurt so much?

Twilight wakes up in a hospital bed without memory of what happened. Why does her head and back hurt so much? What happened to her last night?

I don't have a proofreader or editor so you can expect some mistakes. Also, English isn't my first language.

Not related to my first story in any way.
This is just a random idea I had and decided to write it down.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-08-03 13:50:03 UTC

Awakening

Stirring in her bed, Twilight Sparkle was slowly waking up. Coming to her senses, she could feel a massive headache which caused her to keep her eyes shut. After long reading or studying sessions in the late night this would sometimes happen. Waking up with an overworked wind was quite common for her.

Something was off this time though. She was barely able to move her hooves or her body. Not to mention the pain she was experiencing in her back.

Waking up a bit more, Twilight could feel that her bed didn't feel like it usually does. Come to think of it, she could not recall anything from last night. And that annoying beeping noise didn't help her headache either.

Wait a second… Twilight thought as she opened her eyes and observed her surroundings. It did not take long for her to realise that she was indeed not in her own bed or even in her own home. Looking to the left, Twilight saw where the beeping noise was coming from. The heartbeat monitor was showing her steady heartbeat.

At that moment the purple alicorn understood that she was in a hospital. To say she was confused and very worried would be an understatement. How did I get here? How long was I unconscious? These and many more questions were going through Twilight’s head while she was trying to remember anything that could explain why she was in a hospital bed.

Her unease was clearly visible on the heartbeat sensor causing it to beep very rapidly. Before Twilight could attempt to sit up in her bed, the room’s door slammed open and three quite worried doctors ran in. No doubt they heard Twilight’s growing heartbeat from the monitoring machinery and ran to her as fast as they could.

“Princess, please don’t try to move!” one of the three doctors shouted running quickly to her bed.

“What... is going on? What happened?” her voice came out pretty weak and silent much to her own surprise.

“I… Um… You were in an accident, Princess,” the doctor was evidently nervous, “please, try to stay still for now.”

An accident? “What accident? When did it... happen?” Twilight wanted to ask more, but stopped when one of the doctors had stepped out and she could hear a “She’s awake, your highness” outside.

Only a few seconds later Princess Celestia walked into the room. The bags under eyes clearly showed that she hadn't been sleeping well or at all maybe.

The doctor in the room bowed before her as she walked closer to the bed where Twilight was lying. Even after years of practice of hiding her emotions, Celestia looked like she would burst into tears at any moment while looking at her student.

“Please… Leave us,” Celestia said in a shaky voice.

“But, your highness, we… we must...” he wanted to perform a check up on Twilight, but realising that he was in no place to order the princess he simply bowed again, “as you wish, Princess.”

He then quickly exited leaving two alicorns alone in the room.

"Twilight... I'm glad to see  that you are... Alright," Celestia said with the same shaky voice while giving a slight smile to Twilight.

"Princess, I don't understand. What happened? I can't remember anything."

Celestia's smile instantly faded: "There was an... Accident in the castle. It happened around 1 week ago. Twilight... You... I... I'm sorry."

The white alicorn could no longer hold her emotions at bay as tears started to stream down her face. Trying to explain what had happened to her student proved too much to handle even for her.

Now Twilight was worried more than ever. She had never seen Celestia in such a state before. Something truly horrifying must have happened while she was unconscious.

"Princess, please, don't cry. I'm sure that whatever happened I can fix... Ah!" the sudden pain in her forehead caused her to scream out in pain.

Closing her eyes and putting a hoof on her head she tried to ease the pain. Twilight's mind automatically wanted to cast a spell that would stop the headache, but to her surprise nothing happened. The usual sensation of magic flowing through her horn and body seemed to be simply gone.

That's really strange... Why can't I... Sliding the hoof down her head a sudden realisation hit Twilight. She could not feel her horn at all. It was gone. All that was there was a bandage wrapped around her head.

The heart monitor was now beeping furiously indicating the mare's distress. If not the aching pain in her head and back she would have jumped out of her bead.

Seeing Twilight's state, Celestia quickly formed a magical barrier around her former student and tried to calm her down.

"Twilight, please calm down. You must not get up. I will explain everything to you," her voice came steady despite the fact that she was crying.

Instead of a silent whisper Twilight's voice was more like a scream now: "Calm down?! How can I possibly calm down? Where is my horn? What in the name of Equestria happened? I can't feel my magic, I... I..."

Walking next to the distressed mare and dropping the barrier, Celestia put her hoof on Twilight's chest and looked into her eyes. This caused the former alicorn to stop her worried rant.

"Please, Twilight... This isn't easy for me either," a tear fell from her cheek onto Twilight's hoof.

Twilight stopped talking, but she could not calm down, as was indicated by the heart monitor. How could she be calm? Her horn was gone.

Taking a serious tone, Celestia asked: "What is the last thing that you remember?"

Thinking for but a few seconds and trying to keep a calm voice Twilight answered: "I remember... I was in the library in the castle. It was night time... I was reading... Something... About magical spells."

Closing her eyes and thinking harder she continued: "There was an... Explosion."

The last word was silent like a whisper again and saying it sent shimmers down her spine.

"And... A lot of pain... Then everything is black," those words were also silent.

Opening her eyes Twilight saw that Celestia was no longer facing her, instead she was looking out the window. It was nearing sunset, she would have to lower the sun soon.

Looking at Twilight again she started explaining: "We are not really sure what happened. I was in the throne room when I heard the explosion from the library. Of course me and Luna and many guards rushed to the source," another tear dropped from her cheek, "When we arrived the doors were knocked out of their hinges. When we looked inside the room, flames were everywhere."

Taking a brief pause to calm herself she continued: "The first thing I noticed was that... You were lying there, unconscious, while the flames were nearing your body. You were bleeding heavily. We took you to the finest doctors... But there were some... Complications."

Celestia needed another moment to calm herself: "Apparently the explosion was strong enough to cripple your horn. Most of it was already gone... The doctors needed to stop the bleeding from it. Since there is no real way how to prevent severe bleeding from the horn, they had to remove it. After that, they were able to close the wound."

Stepping away from Twilight, Celestia walked towards the window. Looking out of it she noticed the moon was already being raised by her sister. Her horn glowed a golden aura as the sun started to slowly fall down the horizon.

Closing her eyes she continued again: "I'm afraid there is more... The explosion also caused you to fly through the air. The doctors say that you hit the wall with your back. Your spine was undamaged, but... Your wings... Almost every bone in them was broken. Not only that, but the nerves in them were damaged beyond repair. Even if the bones healed, the wings would just be hanging limp by your sides. The doctors removed them as well."

The sun was already halfway across the horizon: "The rest of your body is relatively fine, apart from a few scrapes and bruises. We are not sure what caused the explosion. Though the investigation showed that it was from a magical origin, a powerful one."

The sun was now lowered leaving a full moon in the sky which filled the now very silent room with a grey light. Celestia kept on watching the moon for a few more seconds before turning back to Twilight.The alicorn was no longer crying but her face still held great sadness.

She spoke with a calm voice: "Twilight, I... I am so sorry for what happened to you."

Twilight listened to every word Celestia said. She no longer had a horn or wings or magic. One would expect that she would be in shock or horror from such news. But no, she felt nothing. Her face held no emotions and she was calm. Even her heartbeat was stable.

"Twilight?..."

"So this is it? What am I supposed to do now?" even her voice was calm.

Celestia was not expecting Twilight to take the news so lightly: "You will have to stay in the hospital for a few more weeks until your scars heal. After that you may return home..."

"And then?... What am I to do without my magic? What can I do?" she did not lift her head or move while talking.

"Twilight, don't talk like that. We..."

She was cut off by the door opening. The doctor from before walked in again.

"Your highness, I'm sorry but Twilight needs to have her rest. I must ask you to leave now," the doctor said in a rather serious voice.

The alicorn let out a deep sigh and said: "Alright, I understand."

Before exiting the room she said: "Twilight, I can understand this is the most tragic moment in your life, but don't do this to yourself. You have your whole life ahead of you."

Twilight said nothing, she just laid there.

"I will tell your friends and family that you are awake. No doubt they will visit you as soon as possible," with that she exited the room and the doctor followed her.

Twilight was left alone with her thoughts. She laid there almost not moving at all for hours. No matter how hard she tried she could not think of anything than her current condition. I can't use my magic... What do I do now? Will my friends even want to be my friends anymore?

Twilight was a logically thinking pony. Therefore she realised that she should be sleeping right now, or at least think about something else. She should let her body and mind rest. But why couldn't she sleep? Why couldn't her own mind just shut down for a bit?

Moving her head to the left and looking out the window she saw the full moon hanging in the night sky. Usually when she couldn't sleep she would go stargazing. It was one of her favourite hobbies alongside reading. Under the moonlight she always felt tranquil and at home. That could put her mind at ease. Tonight and for many nights to come Twilight would be chained to this bed.

Letting out a deep sigh she moved her eyes back to the ceiling which she had already been observing for hours. If she couldn't stargaze, Twilight would read any book from her shelf. Reading took her mind off of anything. Alas this place held no books or any literature.

What did I do to deserve this? Tears started forming in her eyes. No more magic. No more flying. Nothing...

Things will never be the same.

Twilight didn't sleep at all during the night. Her thoughts would not allow her to rest.

It was now morning and the was shining outside. Taking a better look at her surroundings, Twilight recognised that she was in Canterlot's private hospital. Only high society ponies were let here. This was also the place where some of the best doctors from Equestria worked.

Twilight could hear some footsteps from time to time outside the door. Doctors were walking from one place to another. Unlike most rooms, Twilight's was guarded by Celestia's royal guard to make sure nopony without permission could enter.

At one moment Twilight could hear some talking outside and soon after the door opened. The same doctor from yesterday walked in.

"Ah, you are awake. I trust you had a good nights rest," he said while coming closer to her.

Twilight wanted to say she didn't sleep at all, but, realising that he would probably scold her for that, just nodded.

"Good, now I must check how the healing process is going."

The next few minutes went by with the doctor taking off her bandages and checking the scars. It hurt when she needed ro role to her side so the doctor can check her back wounds, but she said nothing about it.

After all the bandages were replaced he said: "Your scars are healing quite well. I reckon in about 5 or 6 days we can let you go home."

This news meant very little to Twilight. The outside world would bring her little joy.

"Visiting hours will be soon. The princess informed me that some of your friends will arrive. You will be allowed to have a talk with them for a short while," gathering the used bandages the doctor started walking towards the door.

"Wait," Twilight suddenly said, "Can I maybe have a book to read, please?"

Turning back to Twilight he said: "I am sorry, Princess Twilight, but you should remain in a laid back position. We can't risk the wounds from your back opening. You could of course levitate the book, but you don't have..." he cut himself off realising what he was about to say. Princess Celestia had informed him not to mention anything magic or horn related near Twilight.

"Your highness, I am so sorry. I wasn't thinking... I..."

"Leave. Please, just leave me alone," Twilight said in a rather angry voice.

Not wanting to anger her any more, he left the room. Despite not having a horn anymore Twilight was still a princess and nopony wanted to make her mad at them.

I'm not even allowed to read a book. Everything is slowly being taken away from me.

The next few hours went by painfully slow with not much to preoccupy her mind. Visiting hours were soon. Her friends would no doubt be here.

What do I even say to them? Do they even know what happened? Can they understand?

It was not long until Twilight could hear some familiar voices outside her door. All of her friends were here. Well, this is it.

A moment later the door shot open and an excited pink pony rushed in the room.

"Twilight!" Pinkie pie shouted, "oh my gosh we missed you so much! How are you? How do you  feel?"

All of the shouting didn't help Twilight's headache. She grunted while putting a hoof on her head.

"Pinkie!" Applejack shouted, "we were asked to talk silently and calmly, remember?"

"Oupsy, sorry."

All of her entered the room and for moment nopony said anything. Mainly because they didn't know what to say. They were all aware of what happened to Twilight and felt sorry for her, but no one knew what to say. All of them had a worried and sad expression on their faces. Fluttershy even had tears in her eyes. Except Pinkie who was smiling all the time.

"So... How are feeling, Twi?" Rainbow Dash broke the silence.

"My head and back hurts," she said followed with another grunt.

"Oh come on Twilight. Why the long face?"

"I don't have my horn anymore. Sorry if I'm a little down in the weather," she said the last part with a noticeable annoyance in her voice.

"Darling, we understand how you feel. Is there anything that we can do to help you?" Rarity spoke.

"No."

"Ah come on, Twi! Don't act all depressed on us. So what if you don't have a horn or wings?" Rainbow spoke again.

"Act depressed? Who says I'm acting? I've lost the only thing I was good at. I'm useless now."

"Darling, don't ever say that! That is not true!" Rarity said with a gasp.

"Don't lie. You know it's true."

"Twilight..." Fluttershy whispered, but it went unheard by everypony.

"Sugarcube, it doesn't matter to us. We won't think any less of you."

"I might not have a flying buddy anymore, but what you gonna do, right?" Rainbow received a nudge from Applejack.

"I... Just... Don't wanna talk about it, girls."

"Where's Spike and Celestia?" Twilight asked with a sad voice.

"They both really wanted to come, but there were some important matters at the castle. Something about a meeting with the dragons. Celestia needed Spike's presence for the meeting," Applejack answered.

Twilight sighed and silence filled the room once again.

"Twilight, you really need to turn that frown upside down. How can we cheer you up? Oh, I know! We'll throw you a big "Twilight is better again party" when you get out of the hospital!" Pinkie cheerfully said.

"Better? How will I be better?"

"You'll be out of the hospital, silly!" Pinkie answered with the same enthusiasm as before.

"Please, I don't wanna talk about it... Stop," Twilight said while being on the verge of tears.

Only Rainbow Dash noticed Fluttershy, who was already crying, seeing her friend in such a state.

"Fluttershy, are you okay?" Rainbow asked with a worried voice.

Through sobs Fluttershy tried to say something: "I... I... I'm sorry, I can't."

"Fluttershy, no need to shed tears for me. I am not worth it," Twilight said with a serious, but sad tone.

"Twi, seriously, stop! What, are you gonna be depressed forever?" Rainbow yelled, quite irritated by Twilights negative thoughts.

"I don't know..."

The door opened and a doctor walked in saying: "Visiting hours are over for, Princess Twilight. I must ask you to leave."

"What? Already?! We just got here," Rainbow said angrily.

"Yes, sorry, but she requires her rest. And you aren't helping at all with your screaming."

"Ah come on!"

"Rainbow," Rarity said irritated and continued, "we will leave if it is necessary."

"Fine..." grunted Rainbow.

Before leaving they all turned to Twilight and Applejack said: "Don't do this to yourself, Twi. We'll be here tomorrow to visit."

Twilight didn't respond. She just  watched as they all slowly exited the room except for Fluttershy, who was walking closer to the bed.

"Twilight, I'm sorry I didn't say anything. I just... Hope you'll be alright, I really do," she said with a shaky voice.

"It's okay. Don't worry about me. I'll be... Fine I guess."

Fluttershy said nothing and headed to the exit. After a few seconds they all left and Twilight was alone once again.

The rest of the day was uneventful. Apart from a few doctors showing up to check on her and her scars. To Twilight time seemed to stay still since there was nothing to preoccupy her.

Eventually the sun was replaced by the moon and day turned to night. Turning head to the window again she saw the same full moon from yesterday. Just like yesterday she wanted to go watch the stars but sadly she could not.

Unlike yesterday Twilight felt really tired. Her eyelids grew heavier each moment until she finally fell into a deep sleep.

Opening her eyes Twilight finally woke up after a long sleep. The smell of books filled her nose. This brought a smile to her face.

Getting out of bed and spreading her wings she wanted to go make breakfast. A sound of hoof steps from behind interrupted her intentions. Turning around Twilight saw Princess Luna next to her.

"Good evening, Twilight," Luna said with a calm voice.

"Princess Luna? What..." suddenly she remembered that she was lying in the hospital bed. No... That must have been a dream. I am in my library, everything is fine. My library... Which was destroyed.

"This is a dream, isn't it?" Twilight asked in a very sad voice.

Luna nodded: "I am sorry."

Twilight sat down on the floor and took one of her final glances around. This might be the last time she sees the place she called home. Looking around the bookshelves brought back so many memories.

"I apologize I couldn't come to the hospital in person. My sister went on a diplomatic mission to the dragon kingdom and I have stay at the castle," her voice was clear and soothing.

Twilight didn't answer. She sighed and looked at Luna.

"I am sorry for what happened, Twilight. My sister told me that you are troubled. I thought I could try and help you."

Sighing deeply and looking at the ground Twilight said: "I just don't know what to do. What can I do? I feel like I've lost my purpose."

"How can you say that?" Luna asked not hiding her surprise, "your horn and wings are not what made you you."

"What else am I good for if not for my magic? I am the element of magic. I don't even know if the elements will recognise me now."

"So you are saying that it was your magic that gave you your great mind? Did it give you your friends? You underestimate yourself, Twilight."

Luna sat down as well to be at the same level as Twilight. She lifted Twilight's head with her hoof and looked into her eyes.

"Do not fall in depression, Twilight. You are worth far more than you think," she finished with a smile on her face.

Twilight blushed at the praise the princess was giving her. Was Luna telling the truth?

"Do you really mean that, Luna?"

"Of course."

The world started to become blurry around them. Soon it started to disappear.

"Your dream is ending. I must be on my way. Remember, Twilight, you are worth more than you think," she said while taking off from the ground.

Twilight looked at the night princess who vanished right after. Soon the world was gone and everything turned black before her eyes.

Twilight awoke in the same hospital bed as before. Looking out the window and judging by the sun's position in was around noon. In a moment she remembered the dream she had and couldn't help but think if it was just a dream or did Luna truly visit her.

Am I really worth more than just my magic. Or was that just something created by my imagination to make me feel better?

The rest of the day went by slowly as nothing interesting happened as usual. There wasn't much to happen really. The doctors would come in from time to time to check on the purple mare. When visiting hours arrived her friends came to visit again. Twilight didn't wanna talk to anypony so she made up excuses which would make them leave her alone. She wanted some time alone so she could think.

The rest of the days went by the same as this one. Except Luna didn't visit her dreams anymore. Twilight's friends started to worry about why Twilight didn't want to see them. It was unlike her to be like this. Did they say something that made Twilight mad?

The week was soon over and the day when Twilight could leave the hospital had arrived. Twilight didn't feel much relief from it. The only thing she was looking forward to was relaxing at home and reading a good long book.

The doctors had removed the bandages yesterday and Twilight was allowed to move around a bit in her room. She had asked for a mirror and they brought her one. Looking at herself only brought her sadness. Instead of a horn she had a big scar. Luckily her hair was long enough to hide it. The same could not be said about the two other scars. They were big and very noticeable on her back. She would have to find some sort of clothing to wear while walking in public. Not that it would happen often now. Hiding in her castle from public was the best choice in her mind.

A doctor entered the room while she was observing herself.

"Princess Twilight, I am here to inform you that you may now leave the hospital. Please accompany me to the exit."

Twilight didn't say anything. She just turned around and followed the doctor while he was leading her outside.

"Is there anypony waiting for me outside?" Twilight asked, already expecting her friends to greet her any moment.

"Not that I know of, Princess."

This surprised Twilight. Strange. Why haven't they shown up? Are they mad at me for not speaking to them?

They reached the exit, but before Twilight went out the doctor bowed and said: "We are here, Princess. If anything goes wrong with the scars please contact us. We will help as much as we can."

"Thank you, goodbye," Twilight answered while opening the door and stepping outside.

The rays of sunlight blinded her for a moment. When her eyes adjusted Twilight could see many ponies walking by. To her surprise nopony paid much attention to her. Usually she couldn't walk a few feet in Canterlot without somepony bowing to her and greeting her. Probably because I don't have wings anymore. Atleast I a can get home in peace.

Twilight started walking towards the train station. At first she wanted to visit Canterlot castle, but decided against it in the end. Princess Celestia wasn't back yet anyway.

It still felt weird to her that nopony was here to meet her when she left. Maybe they didn't know that I was leaving today? I'll find out when I get home I guess.

The train ride took a few hours and by the time Twilight had arrived at her hometown it was already afternoon. Walking to her castle she noticed something was weird about Ponyville. There were very few ponies on the streets and no one seemed to pay much attention to her just like in Canterlot. Sure some of the ones Twilight knew would wave at her and say hi, but nothing more.

Approaching the castle she noticed that there were no lights in the windows. Reaching with her hoof to open the door Twilight thought she heard some whispers from inside. At that moment she understood where everypony and her friends had gone to.

Stepping through the door the lights suddenly turned on and many voices shouted “Surprise!”. From the ceiling a huge sign hung with the words “Welcome home, Twilight!”. Twilight felt some deja vu from the first time she arrived here in Ponyville. All of her friends stood in front of Twilight with smiles on their muzzles. Sighing she went past everypony and sat down on a nearby cushion. Being in the center of attention and talking wasn't something she wanted to do now.

The room fell silent while everyone waited for the princess to say something.

After a few seconds Twilight said: "Thank you all for coming. I appreciate it, I really do and I am thankful that you care so much. At the moment I feel like being alone and I don't wish to party or talk much. I must ask you to leave."

Everypony listened and exchanged glances with each other before looking back at the princess.

"Please. Just go," Twilight said with an annoyed voice.

Slowly everypony started to leave through the door. After a short while Twilight was left alone. Almost alone. Her friends had gathered around the princess and looked at her without saying a word.

"I asked nicely for everypony to leave."

"We're not leaving, Twi. Not until you tell us what’s wrong," Applejack said with a serious tone.

"What's wrong? I'm missing the one thing that made me who I am. I've lost my magic."

"So? It's not like magic was your whole life," Rainbow angrily commented.

"It was. It really was. Ever since I was a filly I knew I wanted to devote my life to it. I've read countless books about it. I practiced spells every day until I could do them properly. But now... What am I supposed to do now?" Twilight finished with a sad voice and some tears forming in her eyes.

"You could do lots, darling. You could... Ummm... You're good at... Oh my."

"See, like I said. I can't do anything else."

"You're good at... Reading..." Rainbow said with a fake smile.

"I don't even know if the elements of harmony will respond to me. What if something attacks Equestria again? We can't protect it anymore then."

"That is not true," Fluttershy spoke and everypony looked at her.

Not liking the attention she hid her face behind her hair and continued in a much quieter voice: "You will find a way, Twilight. Even without the elements. You're really smart and figure out what we or you should do."

"Fluttershy is right, Twilight. You're the smartest here and we know you'll find the solution to any problem that can happen," Pinkie said smiling the whole time.

"Do you all... Really mean that?" Twilight asked with a shaky voice.

"Of course we do, Twi. We don't care if you have magic or not. We like you for who you are," Applejack said with a smile.

"Yeah, you are the main reason how we solve most of the stuff we get into," Rainbow said with a genuine smile.

"I... Thank you... Thank you all," Twilight was crying now, but it was tears of joy this time.

"Awww. Group hug, everypony!" Pinkie shouted and somehow managed to extend her arms around everyone in the room.

The room was silent for a few moments. And for the first time in many days Twilight felt, well, better than before. She knew that she doesn't have magic any more. Despite that, she felt good. She now knew that no matter what would happen, her friends would be at her side.

"I'm so lucky to have such friends like you. Thank you."

"Don't mention it, darling."

After a while their group hug ended and it was getting late. The ponies decided to head to their homes. Saying their goodbyes one by one they left the castle.

Spike and Celestia weren't back yet so Twilight was left alone in the castle. Sighing she climbed upstairs into her bedroom and grabbed one of the books from the table. Lying down on her bed and opening it, she smiled. It was unusual to take the book and turn the pages with her hoofs. Might as well get used to this feeling I guess. I may not have magic anymore. Atleast I still have my friends. I know that I can be happy even without my magic.

Looking out of the window near her bed, Twilight saw the moon and stars. Taking the book in her front hoof she decided to go read it on her balcony. Lying on the floor she opened the book and started reading. Hours passed by like minutes to Twilight as she immersed herself in the story. Finally taking a break from her reading material, Twilight looked up at the night sky and smiled. After a few moments, she looked back at her book and her smile faded.

The story was now talking about unicorns and how they used magic to save other ponies from peril. Looking back at the night sky, she couldn’t help but wonder. But still... I just wish. I wish I could get it all back.

Somehow...