There wasn't a way this day could get any worse.
The lines at the fruit market were ridiculous. Applejack was amazed that she managed to cut through it in order to sell anything. Besides that she thought she had been gypped. Two hundred bits for five hundred apples? What a rip-off!
She shook her head. The day was over now. All she had to do was get home. Her family would be waiting for her there. They aleays managed to cheer her up. Even when she was at her lowest.
And then she got home.
"Hoo, Nelly," Applejack said as she entered the room Big McIntosh and Apple Bloom were standing there, unusually quiet. "You two would not believe the day I've had! I'm just glad I'm finally home to rest my hooves. Did you know that the stallion who runs the fruit market is actually a weasel in disguise? I didn't until today! I..."
She trailed off as soon as she saw the looks on the faces of her siblings. Big Mac was staring at the wall, Apple Bloom's eyes were red.
"What's wrong?" Applejack was very concerned all of a sudden. "What happened?"
"AJ," Big Mac started. "Granny Smith passed away."
Applejack's mind blanked. She didn't just hear that. She couldn't have just heard that. That didn't happen. She'd give Mac a chance to try again. "What?"
"Heart attack," Big Mac finished.
"Stop that," Applejack said. "I just saw her this mornin', she was fine."
"It happened while you were out," Big Mac went on. "We tried to contact you but we couldn't find you-"
"Mac, this ain't funny," Applejack said firmly. She moved up the stairs. "Granny! This ain't my idea of a joke, and after the day I've had I reckon I'm in no mood! So come on down and-"
Apple Bloom started bawling.
"AJ," Big Mac started.
"Shut up," Applejack said. "Granny, come on!"
"AJ..." Big Mac started again.
"Granny!" she called desperately.
"AJ!" Big Mac shouted.
She looked into her brothers eyes and her world crumbled. She'd never lied to anypony before. Why was she lying to herself?
There's no such thing as a "lovely service."
The best case scenario it's boring, the worst case it just serves to remind you of the fact that you lost someone. Right now AJ didn't care how many people had showed up to pay respects. She didn't care about getting back home. She didn;t care about anything. All she wanted was her Granny back.
Scratch that. She didn't.
Her Granny had abandoned her while she was still growing up. She left Apple Bloom with nopony to raise her right. She'd skipped town. She ended up wishing that her Grandmother had never been born, so this wouldn't hurt as much.
Her friends all walked up to pay there respects and share their sympathies and she could barely hear them. She didn't care. She just wanted the damn funeral to be over so she could get her work done. She could handle this without Granny Smith. Who needed her? She was fine on her own.
She had to stop this. Element of Honesty and all. She had to stop lying to herself.
She stayed at the grave site for a long time. Everypony else had left. Until there was only her and one other pony.
"AJ?" said Rainbow Dash.
Applejack remained silent.
"Listen," Dash continued. "It's hard for me to know what to say here but... I've been where you are right now. I know how much it hurts, so-"
"No you don't," Applejack snapped. "You can't."
Dash hesitated. "My mom."
"What?" Applejack asked.
"I lost my mom," Dash went on. "I really have been here. You really don't wanna be alone right now..."
"Yes I do," Applejack said firmly. "I really do."
"You think you do," Dash said. "But trust me..."
"Why?" Applejack said. "It happened. Ain't no changin' it. I gotta get home, do my job, and take care of my family the old mare saddled me with! Now I'm raisin' Apple Bloom only with Mac's help! I wanna make a few things very clear! Yes, I wanna be alone! And no, you don't know what the hoof you're talkin' about! So why don't you just take every little piece of advice you have and take it someplace else! There's no room for it here!
Applejack turned around and stormed back to the farm.
She didn't care what Dash said. It wasn't the same thing. It couldn't be. All of the pain she was feeling right now. All of the anger. All of the contempt for the universe. This was never going away. This wasn't ever going to get better. This wasn't ever going to be something she could live with.
So Dash couldn't understand. She couldn't have gone through this. After all, this had to have happened, before she met Applejack. Applejack had seen her happy.
Dash couldn't know what AJ was going through.
Apple Bloom had gotten a few days off of school because of Granny Smith. Eventually though, she had to go back.
She didn't want to. She thought it might be because she didn't want to face the sun after losing her Granny. She thought it might be because her friends might be way too cheerful, or, what's worse, stepping over themselves to make her feel better. But it wasn't any of that. She new what it was. Or rather, who it was.
Diamond Tiara.
Only seconds after she walked through that door, she'd start on everything all over again. Blank Flank, Scootaloo's wings, her Cutie Mark. All of it. And Apple Bloom never wanted to deal with it. But not today. Please, Celestia, not today...
Diamond Tiara walked into the classroom and straight up to Apple Bloom. Right on schedule.
She reached into her bag and put a cupcake on Apple Bloom's desk. "Here."
Apple Bloom was stunned. "What's this for?"
"It's a substitute for an apology," Diamond said frankly. "Never really been good at the whole 'I'm sorry' thing..."
Apple Bloom carefully examined the cupcake.
"It's not poisoned..." Diamond Tiara said. "I made it myself, so it might not taste to good..."
"Alright, Di," Apple Bloom said. "What're you up to?"
"Nothing!" Diamond Tiara said defensively. "Why would you think-" She stopped herself. "Look. I know what it's like to be alone, alright? My mom is gone, my dad's never home, and I'm an only child. Usually it's just me, and that big empty house. That house felt twice as empty when my mom passed away. I know how you feel. I really do. I figured today I'd step off and give you some space. You're gonna need it."
Apple Bloom couldn't believe her ears.
"Plus, you know," Di continued awkwardly. "Cupcakes are tasty..."
Apple Bloom almost smiled at that. "Thanks, Di. I appreciate it."
"Don't get used to it!" Di giggled. "Oh, and if you want some advice? Talk to Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo. Celestia knows I wouldn't have made it through losing my mom without Silver Spoon."
Diamond Tiara walked off.
Apple Bloom put the cupcake in her lunchbox. She wasn't hungry right now. She was surprised at Diamond Tiara though. She almost seemed... genuine for a minute there. Like she had a soul.
She thought about what she said. She should probably talk to her friends. They would be there for her, they always were before. Even if they did work too hard to cheer her up when they couldn't, it was nice knowing someone was trying.
And besides, if she couldn't talk to them, who could she turn to?
What Mac had to do was focus on the Applebucking.
No room for anything else in his head. Not for his granny. Not for his marefriend. Not for his sisters. Just the work. He knew how to handle the work. The work was easy. It was something he knew he could succeed at.
He spent the next six hours bucking trees throughout the orchard. All fifty acres of it. The basket trailing behind him. Every so often he would go back to the coach and drop off a load of apples. Then go back to bucking.
It'd be fine, as long as he never took his mind off the work.
The bad news was he was almost done. There were only two trees left in the pasture.
He walked up to one and gave it a good strong buck. All the apples from it fell off and into the basket. Mac wiped his brow and looked up.
One more. One more apple left on the tree.
Mac gave it another strong kick. The apple didn't budge.
This wasn't fair. This was the one thing that was still solid. The one thing he knew he could still do after Granny-
No. He put that out of his head. He had to focus. He had to keep working.
Another strong buck. No movement from the apple.
This was perfect. This was just perfect. He couldn't do it anymore. The one thing he was sure he was good at. How was he going to go on now. Well, maybe he could talk this out with Granny! Oh wait, no he couldn't! Granny was-
No. He had to focus on the work. He couldn't let anything take his focus off the work.
Another stronger buck. Nothing.
Typical. This was just bucking typical. What was he expecting? Things to start going right? Ha! Fat chance on that ever happening again. That was long over. From this point on his life was a roller coaster sailing its way to oblivion. He may as well enjoy the ride, right? Screw the bucking. Screw Shy. Screw his sisters. To Tartarus with all of them! He was done. Done trying to work. Done trying to be there. Done being Big McIntosh Apple! There was no point anymore now that Granny Smith was dead.
"AAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!" With one final buck the tree fell over. The trunk snapped off at the base.
"You know," came a voice from behind him. "When I first got here I had trouble finding you in this great big apple orchard. I asked AJ and she didn't know. Really I should of just waited. You're a quiet guy usually. When you're not you tend to make you're presence known..."
Big Mac turned to find his best friend Toe Tapper, baritone for the Ponytones, standing behind him. He took a few angry breaths and finally came up with an answer. "Eeyup."
"It was the wrong tree," Tapper said. "I tried to tell you a few times but the apple was on the adjacent tree. You couldn't hear me. Or, at least, didn't care."
"Eeyup!" Mac said sharply and turned around. He started bucking the other tree.
"Will you stop bucking for two seconds and talk to be?" Tapper asked.
"Nnnope" Mac answered firmly. "Listen, I cant be at rehearsal today. I've got a lot of stuff to do around here."
"I'm not here about rehearsal," Tapper shouted over the bucking. "I'm here because we're worried about you! Me and Torch Song haven't seen you for a while now, neither has Fluttershy!"
"No time," Mac said through gritted teeth. "I've got a lot of-"
"No you don't!" Tapper shouted. "I talked to AJ, Mac! I'm not an idiot, I talked to her. You've been working overtime since the funeral! You haven't been answering anypony's calls. Do you honestly th-WILL YOU HOLD THE BUCKING FOR ONE DAMN MINUTE!!!"
Mac stopped bucking and looked at Tapper.
"Do you honestly think that you're the only one who ever lost somepony special?" Tapper seemed close to losing his temper. "Because you're not, Mac! Everypony else has! I have. Torch has. Shy has. Everypony. And we're here for you, we're willing to help you! Or at least we would be if you didn't have your head so far up your-"
Tapper was cut off by Big Mac's forehoof being buried in his face, knocking him to the ground.
Mac took a few deep breaths. He didn't mean to do that. He just lost his temper. He hoped Tapper was alright.
After a moment, Tapper picked himself up and wiped the blood off of his chin. "Better?"
"Nnnope," Mac sat down on the trunk of the fallen tree. "You okay?"
"Surprisingly yes!" Tapper said cheerfully. "You didn't even break my jaw! Considering the fact that you dragged Berry Punch's house down main street without noticing, it's shocking I still have a head."
A ghost of a smile came over Mac's face, then quickly faded. "Things aren't ever gonna be the same again, are they?"
"Nnnope," Tapper said, doing his best Big Mac impression. "That doesn't mean they can never be good again, though. Remember that I met Torch Song after I lost my dad. I've got a decent little life now."
"So," Mac said, a small quaver in his voice. "How is this gonna play out."
"It's gonna suck," Tapper said frankly. "It'll suck for quite a while. For a long time it's gonna seem like it will never stop sucking. Then eventually, it stops. Not the pain. That sticks around, but over time it fades. You end up hardly ever noticing it. Eventually, and this is how you know you've come out the other side of this, something will make you laugh. When that happens you're not going to stop laughing for a while. Not because it was all that funny, but because you haven't done it in so long it's a relief."
"And then?" Mac asked.
Tapper shrugged. "You make a new normal."
Mac looked down at the dirt. "Thank you. I needed some of that."
"I can tell you what else you need," Tapper began. "How long has it been since you last saw Fluttershy?"
"Not since the funeral," Mac said.
"You haven't spoken to your Marefriend in a week?!" Tapper said aghast. "Okay, that's it. Get up. Now. We're going to Shy's cottage. I'll shove you if I have to!"
"Do you honestly think you can do that?" Mac asked, almost smiling.
"No, of course not," Tapper said. "You'll hospitalize me. But both you and Shy will visit, and for the moment, that'll work. So come on!"
With a smile that was a little more permanent, Big Mac went with Tapper to Fluttershy's.
Apple Bloom had come home from school and went straight to bed without talking to Applejack.
Applejack couldn't bear to see her sister this sad. She had to do something. Something nice.
A pie. She would bake a pie.
She got out the ingredients and began washing off the pans. It had been a while since anypony had baked, so there was a lot of work to be done.
"You missed a spot," said Granny Smith.
"I know Granny," Applejack said. "I'm gettin' to it."
"And another one..." Granny continued.
"I know!" Applejack said.
"And make sure to-"
"Well, Celestia dammit, Granny!" Applejack snapped. "If you wanna get this done your way, then do it and stop pesterin' me!" Applejack threw down the pie tins and moved herself to the couch.
"Well..." Granny Smith sat on her favorite rocking chair. "What mites crawled into your tail?"
"You know perfectly well," Applejack shot back. "You're not here anymore, Granny! How am I supposed to take care of the family without you? You were the one who always knew what she was doin'! I just guessed most of the time. Land sakes, since you left us I don't know what the heck I'm doin' anymore!"
"Ooh," Granny Smith said sarcastically. "Now she needs her Granny! That's new for you, young'un! I remember around ten years ago you simply had to trek off to Manehattan by yourself. You had to become a city slicker and me and Mac couldn't come with cause we'd ruin everythin' if we did. Then, two days later, you came runnin' back..."
"What're we supposed to do?" Applejack asked desperately.
"Well not sittin' around feelin' sorry for yourselves would be a decent start!" Granny Smith said boisterously. "And your sister don't need no pie, she needs to talk to you. Get on up there!"
Applejack got off the couch. "Granny?" Applejack asked. "Are you happy?"
Granny Smith smiled and nodded. "Me and your Grampa have been catchin' up on lost time! I really did miss him."
Applejack sat alone in the room. She suspected she would never stop talking to Granny Smith. She had done it so often it had become habit by now. Of course, the conversations would be a bit one sided from now on, but still...
Applejack knew she was listening.
She went upstairs to talk with her sister.
Applejack entered Apple Bloom's room to see her sobbing her little eyes out.
"Oh, Sugarcube!" Applejack rushed over and hugged her sister.
"It ain't fair!" Apple Bloom sobbed. "She didn't even get to see me get my cutie mark! She has nothin' to be proud of!"
"Now that's not fair, and you know it!" Applejack said firmly. "She was so proud of you she couldn't stop flashin' all them baby pictures around! She went on and on about you and the Zapapples. She was proud of you! And you know what? She still is. She still loves you!"
Apple Bloom calmed down a little. "I wish I could just forget this..."
"No you don't," Applejack said softly. "Forgettin' this means forgettin' her. You don't wanna do that... I got an idea! What's the happiest memory you have about Granny Smith?"
Apple Bloom looked up at AJ, then looked down again. "Oh, come on, Applejack..."
"No, I'm serious!" Applejack said. "Come on..."
Apple Bloom thought for a moment. "Family Appreciation Day last year," she smiled. "I was so worried she was gonna humiliate me that I didn't notice how cool of a Granny she was... She made Diamond Tiara flip!"
Applejack laughed a little. "Mine was out here on the south orchard. She took me out to Applebuck for the first time. Big Mac was bein' all smug at how fast he could do it, so Granny and I teamed up to beat him. Land sakes, we must have been watchin' him finishin' his work, sippin' on lemonade for the better part of an hour!"
The two sisters laughed for a while and finally calmed down. "I'm gonna miss her, Sis..."
"Me too," Applejack said. "But we gotta remember, she ain't really gone. She'll only be gone if we forget her."
The two sisters hugged. Tomorrow AJ would go talk to Dash. Try to commiserate a little. Get a few things off of her chest. A comforting thought swept over Applejack.
Things were going to be okay. Slowly but surely, things were going to be okay.
Author's Note
Based on true life events.
This fic is dedicated to anyone who had to go through the death of a family member. It is based of of my experiences of losing my own grandfather. I hope that you enjoy.
Please rate and comment!
