The mare turned the knobs as far as they could go. The music so loud that it ricocheted through the walls, despite the headphones, making them shake.
She had always liked loud music....and it was particularly handy today...specially after that, the loud music drowned her thoughts. It relaxed her, somewhat.
That was her routine now, wake up, eat something, if she managed to, put up music as loud as she could, to numb her dark thoughts, and eventually fall asleep out of pure exhaustion. Not a very productive lifestyle, but she didn’t feel herself capable of doing anything else.
Not since.... – And she winced - That.
She had always liked music, the more fast tempered and agitated the better, it was one of the only things that made her feel alive, when she could sense her heartbeat inside her chest, to the tempo of the music....ah that was a divine feeling!
But no rock, dubstep, awful teen pop, or orchestral soundtracks were effective now. She felt empty, like all those feelings she was supposed to have had simply vanished.
´That....stuff...that had happened had really messed up with her mind and body, she felt sick to her stomach, and while the music help to soothe the pain, it didn’t vanquish it.
She had always seen that other mare as a snobby, no brained, musician, who was stuck in the last century, they had often argued, about the value of classical music in today’s world. Vinyl still had the opinion that, today, it was at most a niche market. And that modern music, with all the loudness and gory lyrics (she didn’t count those awful love ballads that they played on the radios, the pop ones), had more merit. The other girl had seen her as an uneducated, no talent hack, whose music was nothing but “beeps and boops” that even a no brain slob could produce, and play.
Maybe they were both right.....
Vinyl sighed, throughout all her adult life she had had hundreds of one night stands, both mares, and stallions, to some it would seem immoral, but she didn’t care, she was young, wild and free, and the clubs she frequented were ideal for that kind of stuff.
She had even gotten some sort of reputation as a half decent musician. After all.
Despite all the psychical intercourse and many ponies she brought home, she had never had a real relationship. Her life was pretty casual about that, she wasn’t interested in one, not really.
Her thoughts however...they were darkening, and her eyes were dampening, she had dozens of names, and contacts, and she could have a quick fun, if she wanted too, but in terms of affection?
They sure did sing her praises, while out in the bedroom, but it felt shallow and vain.
Vinyl cursed herself out, with words that would make her mother blush, that if she didn’t fell with how bad the words were.
Why in the name of Celestia had she done that? She’d like to excuse herself with the drinks she had been having, she would really like to, but the truth was that she had a high alcohol tolerance, and she had felt perfectly sober. Her thoughts not cloudy in the least.
She had had no intention of....that...turning into what it had turned into. But it had.
The music still coerced through her brain, deafening her to the outside world....that wasn’t even the worse part, oh no.
She was prepared for all the perils this lifestyle had, it hadn’t been drug, which she avoided, it hadn’t been gangs she hadn’t been assaulted, and she still had all her money. She hadn’t been doing any sort of illegal thing, unless one could count the noise regulations as a law.
No the truth was, the one single thing that had messed her up (in her mind the used the f word, instead) had been that awful piece of tail, it had been.....LOVE
As soon as she had seen her in the dimmed lights out of the club she knew she was screwed, and the tone of that other mare, which normally was so high class and formal it annoyed her, but at the moment was relaxed , and playful, making Vinyl realize how gorgeous of a voice the other mare had, didn’t help. That playful tone had enchanted her.
And then she did something stupid, something only a dumb mare like her would do, she went and talked to her.
If Octavia (as she had learned the other mare was called) had been completely sober, there wouldn’t have been a problem, she would have dismissed Vinyl, and then they’d part ways, still antagonistic to one another.
But to ones who aren’t used to it, alcohol makes them do strange things, and Octavia had been drinking. One and a half bottles make any sort of newbie to the drinking game very friendly, and Vinyl knew it.
She still approached her, she didn’t know she was drunk but she still had approached. And somehow they had ended up on her bedroom.
She had taken advantage of her, she was well aware of that, and Octavia had every reason to be angry at her.
And she had been, full on furious, and Vinyl had regretted it.
Well not at the moment, she was too lost on the moment too.
But now?
It burned at her heart. And she didn’t want to escape the consequences, whatever they might be.
For she had fallen in love with the other girl, if she had to be totally honest, she had fallen for her way before she even talked to her that night.
And now every night and every day, she returned to those 30 seconds, where she had decided to go on to her.
She had been so naive! And if she could go back in time she’d avoid ever going up to the other mare.
Not just for her own mental sake, despite how much she had been suffering.
But also due to the undeniable fact that she had done something wrong to hurt the other mare, one she truly cared for.
The door knocks still happened, and the vibration in her cellphone were constant, but Vinyl pretends she doesn’t notices them, and, if she does, they are just vibrations from the music, her music had lot of those.
She lies to herself, and she knows it, but, as long as the music plays she feels herself capable of running out of the many people who may want to talk to her....she has broken any sort of social interaction she may had had, and the money is running short....but that doesn’t matter, because, hey, the music is on, her problems are off. That’s how it works right?
