Equestria Warriors

"Jesus. What happened?" I groaned, trying to get my bearings.

"Anyone have a fucking aspirin?" Griz asked. I slowly worked my way into a standing position. The pounding in my head increased.

"Don't move! The effects will fade quicker!" I heard Twilight shout. I paused as I was and waited. Eventually I could see without what seemed like Hitler's SS goosestepping on my brain. We had somehow gotten into a library. As I looked around I noticed Celestia and Luna shaking the effects off. Mikey, Garret and Willis lay still, dead to the world. Tes was standing beside Twilight, checking her over for wounds. The way he was looking at her meant he was checking her out for a different reason. Griz was still on the ground, except he was attempting to stand.

"What...what did you do?" I asked Twilight.

"I used a teleportation spell. I've never used one for this many ponies but..." Her voice trailed off as Tes moved to check her muzzle. "But it seemed to work."

"Okay. That explains the hangover and the vision. But where the fuck are we?"

"We are in Ponyville. Or rather my treehouse in Ponyville."

"Fucking hell." Griz finally staggered to his feet. "Will? Mike?" When they didn't respond, he whirled on Twilight. "If you fucking did anything to them you purple bitch, I will rip off your fucking he-"

"Shut up, Griz! If you didn't notice, Twilight just saved our butts, so before you go threatening her, just remember. You gotta go through me." Tes' voice lowered to a growl. His cheeks were flushed and his brown eyes glinted with anger. Griz just scoffed.

"You? Little ant taking on the boot?" Griz grinned. "You must be in love if you would challenge me, Tes." That took the wind out of Tes' sails. He spluttered and Griz laughed.

"Dammit, Tes. Don't deny it. I've seen it. Fucking Cap's seen it, right?" Griz glanced at me.

"Don't drag me into this, man. And, I'm not 'Cap' anymore. It's just Valton."

"Bull. You'll always be the Cap." Tes looked grateful that the talk was shifting towards me. "Don't matter where the heck we are, we are still Eagle Squadron." He put his hoof forwards. I put mine over his and Griz threw his on top.

"EAGLES! KAWWW-YEAH!" We bellowed, our rallying cry shaking Willis and Garret awake. Mikey just groaned and rolled over.

"Jesus, you wankers could wake the dead with that bloody cry." Willis stood, his blue and black mane obscuring his eyes. "So, where in bloody hell are we?"

"Ponyville." Twilight answered, looking a bit startled at our war cry. "In my library."  Willis snorted.

"She's right up your alley, Tes. A goddamn bookworm."

"Shut up, Will." I said.

"So, defending loverboy now, eh?" Willis laughed. "Bet you're after a piece of ass too."

"So what if I am?" I shot back.

"The more power to you. Now, what are we to do with bollocks' face?" He motioned towards Mikey.

"I believe I can handle that." Celestia said, standing up smiling at Twilight. "Excellent use of the teleportation spell." Celestia then turned towards the five of us. "I cannot thank you enough for coming to my rescue. My sister and I are forever in your debt."

"If you can replace my gun, we'll be even." Griz said.

"Actually, if you set us up with houses and a hangar, we'll be cool." I replied. Celestia nodded, to my suprise. I'd have assumed that she would have to be told what a hangar was. She then turned her attention to Mikey.

"I will see to your friend, now." Her horn began to glow with energy. I waited to see how it looked when Mikey was transformed. Slowly, a sliver of yellow light began to float towards him, slowly wrapping around his boots until his entire body was covered in the glowing substance. It seemed to tighten around him, then suddenly dissipated. sitting there was a now dark blue-ish... pony. Groggily, he awoke.

"Fuck... knew I shouldn't have eaten that apple. Knew it was rotten... or fermented." He looked down at the hoof he used to wipe his brow. "The fuck?"

"Welcome back to the living." Griz mumbled. Mikey stood.

"Shit.. so I'm a pony now?"

"No." Willis said. "You're an ugly-ass pony."  I turned to Twilight to try to ignore the argument starting.

"You said that the Changeling were here before?"

"Yes!" She exclaimed, rushing to her bookshelf and tearing it apart to try to find whatever book she wanted to show us. Celestia walked over and placed a hoof on her shoulder. Twilight stopped her frenzy.

"What I am about to show them will not be in any book, Twilight." Celestia turned towards me and Tes, who was watching the growing fight between Mikey and Willis intently. "Valton, if you and your companions will follow me."

"Sure." I turned and raised my voice. "Hey, fuckheads! Move it!"

A couple minutes later we were walking along a dirt road.

"Where are we going Princess?" Twilight asked.

"The Everfree forest." Celestia answered.

"B-but it's going to be dark soon!" Luna grinned.

"Not for awhile, Twilight."

"Twi, you got a Fear of the Dark?" Tes asked, teasingly. Suddenly, a burst of music came from the forgotten pack on my back. I laughed.

"Up the Irons from Ponyville!" Me and Willis began belting out the lyrics, joined by Griz and Mikey. We continued singing (albeit horribly) to the song until Celestia stopped walking. I looked around and realized we were inside the forest.

"We have arrived." Celestia sighed. "I haven't had to do this for a long time, nearly 1500 years." Her horn glowed with power and slowly, a trapdoor covered in grass and moss rose out of the ground. A blast of stale air hit me, but I smelled something very familiar in it. I slowly entered the hole and walked down the spiraling steps into the darkness. A small chain bumped me in the nose.

"Found the lights." I gripped the cold metal with my teeth and a row of bulbs blazed into life.

"Holy shit." I stared at the cork-board that appeared in front of me. A big banner hung over that, welcoming me into Equestria. I noticed photos hanging on the board, and a large book sitting below that. I walked over and flipped the book open. There was a neat, handwritten note inside:

"So, you either managed to be shot down or you just crashed. Welcome to Equestria, the closest place to heaven and hell you will ever find. Please write your name, rank, call-sign, the date you were shot down, and the squadron you fly for." There was an illegible signature underneath. I flipped to the next page and stared at the first name I saw. The bold words seemed to sear into my brain.

"Squadron Leader Geoffrey Telford, call-sign Firebird, June 1944, The Eager Eagles.' I said slowly to myself. "Goddamn."