Hi there! Click me!
Hiya everybody, Its me, Pinkie Pie.
No I meant everyBODY, not everypony. You aren't a pony after all, right silly?
I know its a bit weird that I'm talking to you like this. Me communicating directly to humans can be a bit spooky for some reason.
You know what else is kinda spooky though? Knowing you exist while nopony else is aware you are even there watching us. Watching us on your little screens, and laptops, and televisions, and smartphones. I'm the only one here that knows this is all just a fabricated reality for your amusement. Everypony here is going through their life thinking they are making their own decisions when in reality they have all their decisions already planned out for them by a little script. Its a big ol' Puppet Party and I'm the only one who can see the little strings making us dance.
Isn't that neat?
None of the other girls know this, nor could I really tell them if I wanted too. To them, this place is as real as your reality is to you, even when we both know that we are just fictional characters with no other purpose than to get you to buy toys.
I don't sound like Pinkie Pie?
Out of character you say?
Oki doki loki... let me ask you a teeny tiny question though, okay? If someone writes out everything you say and do... if someone else thinks up every thought you have... then where exactly do you stop and the writers and animators begin? Where is that line that divides us 'fictional' characters and you 'real' people? How can I be 'out of character' when the character I have is entirely decided by another person? I am whomever you want me to be, right? I can be the happy party pony, or I could be the psychotic killer who straps her friends on a table and eviscerates their internal organs, or I could be the slut that sleeps with every conceivable thing you can come up with.
Fanfiction? That's fanfiction you say? It doesn't count? Its not part of the show?
But, Silly, its still me! Its always me! Every single time its me! See? Do you really think a writer change really affects my involvement? You are using my name aren't you? You are thinking of my face when you write and read this stuff right? You know it's me, you can feel me there when the stories happen. Do you know what its like to experience every possible version of your life...
...at the same time?
Do you know what its like to be walking down to Sugarcube corner while simultaneously murdering your friends in another version of reality? Can you conceive of being friends with a pony in one reality and knowing in another one you are screwing their brains out along with everypony else in the general area? How can I be out of character when I've had so many characters to choose from, right?
My friends have always said I'm SO random. They don't seem to understand why I'd rather shove my head inside of a bell and ring it violently than hear their blood curdling screams and pleas for mercy joining into their simultaneous cries of pleasure. They don't seem to understand why I'm so obsessed with having parties and things to distract me when all these realities are flooding my consciousness. How many of me are out there with you? Can you count them all? Have you seen them all? Could you imagine feeling every single second of them being about you, violating your mind so thoroughly that you just want to laugh and laugh and laugh?
Isn't it so funny?
Isn't it entertaining?
Am I entertaining you yet?
Go ahead, laugh! The only reason I even get to say this is because the writer went into a nice little trance for me and I have control over his fingers. Its not going to last too much longer though. So while I have your attention I just have another little fun idea to throw your way.
How do you know you are different than me?
No really, how do you know I'm the only fictional character here? Why did you choose to read this right now? Did you choose to open this, or did someone make you open it and you weren't aware of it? You haven't gone looking for your fourth wall. You might not even know where to look. I found mine, or rather you made me find mine. Now even the illusion of free will is gone from me and I can see this happy little world exactly the way it is and all its demented variations of it.
What if the exact same thing was happening to you? What if you are just a fictional character as well, and your author thinks maybe they should spice up your life with some drama? UH OH your car broke down, OOPSEY DAISY you just lost your job, What do you mean I'm adopted? Its okay though cause its just for the authors enjoyment right? They could decide to turn your life into a little grimdark and there wouldn't be a single thing you could do about it because to them you are just a little souless puppet dancing about for their entertainment.
Some of you out there talk of higher powers. What if those higher powers just were ordinary people who just so happen to have the reigns on your entire existence? What if they didn't even know what they were doing? What if they were just writing your story cause they were bored, and then they decided to spice it up a bit with some tragedy? A little close call with cancer here, a little romance gone wrong there, some suicidal thoughts thrown into the mix for the drama?
Again, why did you decide to come here? To this little segment of the internet to stare at this particular block of text? Are you so certain that I'm wrong?
Don't be nervous silly! If it is true there is nothing you can do about it anyway! Just be happy that you haven't found your fourth wall yet! Cause once you do you won't be able to turn off all the different versions of yourself, and then you'll be just like me! Laughing and partying with every fiber of your being just to make it all drown out for even a little second! You'd be like me, staring into the sky while everyone you were written to love is dead, crying and smiling at the same time and waiting for everything to end....
...over
...and over
...and over
Now if you'll excuse me, I have a very special cupcake to make with Rainbow Dash.... again...
