Challenge of Fatherhood for the Most Grossly Incandescent

by Seth Typofather

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, Crossover, Alternate Universe, Human, Twilight Sparkle, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Other
Length: 4597

Being a brave warrior of the sun is never easy. Ever since coming to Equestria he had dealt with a lot of unexpected things, talking multicoloured horses and even being a husband. But what happens when you add becoming a father to the mix?

Being a parent is the biggest responsibility one to could have. The most resilient of mares chew through walls from the stress, the most bravest of stallions crumble from the responsibilities. Our favourite warrior of the sun having just become one after an official court hearing for custody seems to take it in stride despite Princess Twilight Sparkle's warning on the challenge of being a parent, so in retaliation she accidentally begins a bet. Seven days of being a dad, will he survive without pulling his hair out with a sword?

Rated teen because Dark Souls

This is a Dark Souls crossover with MLP: FiM, before the whole Tirek incident and before the 7 year time skip from the prequel story. So you will need to know about Dark Souls lore and up to date with MLP: FiM. So for those who don't know about Dark Souls Lore, watch this guy, he is awesome.
VaatiVidya

Published 2014-08-05 07:00:06 UTC
Last updated 2014-08-09 12:30:22 UTC

Prologue: It Begins

Author's Note

We all love Solaire, so here's some Solaire until I can work out the story for the true sequel of Kurai the Forsaken.

Prologue: It Begins

“Solaire of Astora,” A booming voice began, sitting at a large podium surrounded by members of a large court. “you are known far and wide since the defeat of a corrupt duke and assisting in the defeat of Nito, you are of no doubt a very reliable ally.” Murmurs of agreeing voices echoed through the court, a single light shining on the figure standing in the middle of the large room. “However, are you prepared for the responsibility of raising a child?”

The room fell silent, all awaiting Solaire’s answer. “Yes. I am.” He clearly spoke, loud enough for all in the room to hear him.

Satisfied the booming voice spoke in a softer tone. “We appreciate your confidence. Members of the court! All in favour of granting Solaire of Astora and Ratchet custody of Sweet Talk?”

“AYE!” The courtroom shook from the large agreement.

“And against?”

“…”

“The ayes have it, as of today. You and your wife are now officially parents!” The voice spoke, banging a gavel as the court lit up to show the entire town of Ponyville gathered stomping their hooves in applause. To this date the largest attendance. “All are dismissed!” Mayor Mare announced, having been the judge this whole time.

Approaching the sun warrior a lavender alicorn with a violet mane, smiling at him, he could not help but smile back. “I take it you’re looking forward to get back home?” Asked Twilight Sparkle. “And before you answer, I got Applejack and Big Mac to help unpack for your new home here.” She declared proudly.

“Thank you,” Solaire nodded. “And yes I am actually! After all these years I can finally settle down and enjoy something other than helping people slay beasts, you have no idea how much this means to me.” His voice was full of passion and giddiness, like a colt reading his best written poem.

“Just so you know… raising a child isn’t easy. I should know, I raised a baby dragon since I was a filly.” Placing a hoof to her chest and lowering her head, remembering all those pleasant and stressful memories. An awkward moment passed between the two, Twilight still in her reminiscing position. “I could have worded that a little better…” She muttered and blushed in embarrassment.

“Yes… yes you could have. But you do know I have come from a world where about anything as small as a rat could want you dead, raising a child would be no problem.”

The alicorn flattened her brow into a scowl at his prideful remark. “Uh, no. Raising a child no matter of what age takes a really huge amount of effort, you wouldn’t last a week with that attitude.”

“Is that a bet?” Solaire stared down at her, his voice low. This caused Twilight’s spine to freeze over, she forgot that he was someone who’s pride you did not want to harm.

Mustering up her courage she glared in return, this was for his own good. “Yes, it is!”

Under his helmet Solaire grinned at the challenge. “Very well, it would be unlike me to resist such a challenge.”

Clever move Twilight. Thanks Twilight! You’re so clever turning his pride against him! She thought to herself, unbeknownst to her she was standing there with a stupid grin on her face, eyes closed further cementing the proof she was daydreaming again.

“Are you ok?” He asked, concerned that she might not be mentally well.

“Wha-?! Oh sorry,” Her face now crimson.”I didn’t get enough sleep the other night, was reading up on how to be a good juror.”

Slumping his shoulders at her eagerness he hung his jaw. “All you have to do is sit there until the judge asks for your opinion, taking a break to talk to other jurors about the final decision. Yet you had to read a book that’s more than one hundred pages long about something that would fit into a poster?”

“I’m very compulsive.” The lavender alicorn replied sheepishly.

“Then get some sleep.” Solaire flatly replied, his shoulder still slumped in disbelief while wagging his finger like an overbearing father.

“I will when i get home, but before I do I need to make Spike some dinner so he goes to bed with a full stomach.”

“That would be wise,” He stated with a smile. “We meet here in seven days, loser of the bet has to give up doing something they love for two days. In my case it would be wearing my helmet in public.” Tapping iron helmet with his knuckles which let off an audible clang which echoed through the empty court room.

Twilight’s eyes widened as her pupils shrunk to the size of pins, if she lost that bet it would mean no reading. No reading for forty eight hours, she couldn’t even stand waiting two minutes let alone two days. But if he did not learn his lesson he would not be a good father. Conflicted she took a deep breath. "Alright, deal." She replied with uncertainty, sealing the unwritten contract.

\[T]//

The door to Ponyville's public library creaked open, entering was an exhausted Twilight. "So how'd it go?" Asked her loyal number one assistant and saviour of the crystal kingdom, Spike. Upon seeing her he paused. "You look tired." Spike stated the obvious, causing Twilight to roll her eyes with a small smile.

"Well, for lack of a better term it did. But Solaire's just, way too full of his warriors pride for his own good. I keep having my doubts on..." She slowly trailed off, Spike's belly growling like a manticore. "Oh alright," She giggled. "One 'emerald plains' coming right up."

"Yay!" The little dragon cheered, tossing his arms up in triumph.

"After you've had your bath! You smell like a diamond dog!" Twilight called out from the top floor of her library.

"But-!"

"Now Spike! If you do I'll toss in ruby sprinkles."

Mumbling slightly he weighed the pros and cons in his head and slowly walked to the bathroom, the pitter patter of his feet drowned out by the sound of emeralds clinking together which encouraged him to take the bath despite his own reluctance.

Day 1: First Day of School

Ponyville Elementary, as the name implies; it’s the local public school located. One located in every small town. It underwent some rather… interesting repairs since the Nito incident. Solaire stood at the door with Sweet Talk right next to him, nervous about her first day there. Taking a deep breath he turned and knelt down to her, the silver coated earth pony stared back up at him with her pleading blue eyes. Those eyes always got to him, but this was a time where he had to put his foot down and for the first time force her to do something for her own good. “I’m sorry, but you know you have to attend school at some point.” He sighed. “On the bright side, Apple Bloom’s friends will be there. From what I hear they are… lively but their hearts are in the right place.”

“But, you never attended school. And you’re awesome.” His adoptive daughter replied, attempting to put her talent to use. It was no secret, Solaire had never attended school yet he had a way with dealing with it. Such as reading the odd book and such while passing by The Duke’s Archives on his own little adventures before bumping into Kurai for some jolly cooperation. After a few seconds of Solaire putting on his ‘no buts’ look she caved in and sighed. “Fine…”

Satisfied with her final response he stood up. “If it’s worth anything, I shall walk in and stay for the first ten minutes. This fine?” Sweet Talk nodded with a grin. Griping the handle of the small door the sun warrior pushed, the door opening with ease to a small hallway with three doors on each end. The left side had doors marked with bold writing, ‘ART ROOM’, ‘DARK ROOM’ and ’NEWSPAPERS’. The right side had three doors, one marked with the same bold writing, ‘CLASS’ and two doors closer to each other. No doubt the bathrooms. Finally at the end of the hall was a door obviously the main office.

\[T]//

The class was loud, in a private school this sort of behaviour would be deemed as barbaric and unruly. But for this school, it was seen as a normal monday morning where the fillies and colts would catch up on each others daily lives, what they would do for the week and then some with the odd few resting their heads on their tables in boredom. The speaking came to an abrupt stop as the teacher/principal of the school stood, she had a cerise coat that complimented her pale rose and mane with cerise grey streaks, her cutie mark consisted of three smiling flowers. Her gentle harlequin eyes scanned the class, making sure all were paying attention. With a smile she spoke. “I know this has not been an easy time, but I’m glad you all came.”

“We would for you Miss Cheerilee!” A voice from across the class was heard, causing the teacher to blush in appreciation.

“Thank you,” Cheerilee replied. “Now, as of today we have a new student coming in. Come in from the now gone town of Alloy, so please put on your best behaviour and give a warm welcome.” Cheerilee looked over to the door, gesturing for Solaire to bring in Sweet Talk through the glass.

The door swung open, all eyes locked onto where the new student and possibly her parent would enter. Surely enough Sweet Talk slowly trotted inside, careful to not make eye contact. Upon stepping in behind her Solaire had wittingly saved the filly from being stared at by greeting and judgemental gazes. Now all eyes were on the tall, armoured bipedal creature that stepped into the class. Whispers pierced what was a very quiet atmosphere, some giggles followed at his odd appearance.

“Is that the guy dad told me about that gained custody of her…?”

“I think so…”

“I hear he has no face…”

The whispers continued until Cheerilee cleared her throat with a stern glare at the class, it was surreal to how quickly she could make a room go so silent a pebble dropping would replace the previous whispers. After making sure that the class was quiet she turned to Sweet Talk, her gaze a lot more welcoming. “Would you like to introduce yourself?” Cheerilee asked with a smile.

Nodding Sweet Talk stood to the front of the class, taking a calming breath. “Uhm, my name is Sweet Talk. I’m ten years old and my mom is an inventor, my dad is a brave warrior.” She nervously spoke out, pridefully picking up her confidence at mentioning her adoptive parents and gesturing to Solaire.

“Well we are all very happy to meet you,” The cerise coated mare began, gesturing a hoof to herself. “My name is Cheerilee. We currently don’t have any new desks, apparently Mayor Mare thinks sticking to Pegasus Express is more efficient. You can take a seat over there.” She pointed over to a seat between two fillies, one a pegasus with a bright gamboge coat and a dark cerise mane and the other a unicorn with a white coat and mulberry mane with greyish rose streaks. Once being noticed by Sweet Talk they both waved as if wanting her to sit nearby anyway, apparently Apple Bloom had told them about her.

Taking her seat the unicorn spoke up first. “Hi, my name’s Sweetie Bell, this is Scootaloo.” She gestured over to Scootaloo.

“Hi!”

Unsure of what to say, Sweet Talk shrunk back in her seat. “H-Hi…” The nervous filly murmured, barely audible. The two friends looked at each other and shrugged, thinking Sweet Talk needed a little more time to get accustomed.

“Uh, Miss Cheerilee,” the sun warrior stuttered, nervousness rivalling that of his adoptive daughter. “Can I stay for ten minutes until my daughter feels comfortable enough for me to leave?” A blatant well meaning lie covered by more well meaning, the reality was that Solaire simply was worried. Bullying was a thing no matter the context, even in Lordran the word kind of bully there was had to be a blue phantom gank squad in Darkroot. Unlike Lordran however, the worst bullying in this simple school was emotional destruction. Caused by a single filly who goes by the name of Diamond Tiara, who unbeknownst to the teacher he was glaring at from under is helmet. If she so much as tried to utter a word to Sweet Talk the last straw would be when the first syllable escaped the brat’s lips.

“Of course!” She smiled, gesturing to a spare seat at the back of the class. “You don’t have to ask.” Cheerilee added, still holding that warm genuine grin. Nodding in appreciation Solaire lumbered over to the impossibly small chair, for someone of his stature anyway. Resting back on it the legs gave way and down he went, shaking the ground from the impact of his humiliated body slamming into the cruel wooden ground. The class tried its best to not erupt into a storm of laughter, the most being a giggle as Sweet Talk smacked a hoof to her forehead in embarrassment. “Class!” Cheerilee shouted, the class once again silencing with frightening speed. “You know he can’t help himself being big, like you all can’t help yourself being small compared to him. Now show him the same respect you would expect to be given to you.” She announced, her calm voice now sharp as a tempered sword prepared for battle.

\[T]//

Four minutes, four minutes in and Solaire was already trying to keep himself from nodding off against the wall. He was never a learner, more of an improviser and pattern holder and that seemed to work better for him. Place magnificent summon sign, get summoned, fight monsters and then powerful soul wielders with the odd invader and that was a day well spent. This however was unbearable. Please someone invade me now… Solaire thought to himself, attempting to rub his eyes with his thumb and index finger through his helmet to wake up. Sadly though that resulted was his own fingers getting stuck and trying to pull them out as the teacher continued here lecture on Canterlot history. Sighing the sun warrior gave up on trying to pull his fingers out for now, sitting there with the lovely view of his fingertips just so barely poking his eye. This day was going to be longer than he thought.

\[T]//

“Hello? Sir? Sir!” A loud voice stirred in Solaire’s head, causing him to panic and sit up and pull his fingers out from the shock. “Uh, are you okay?” Standing before him was Cheerilee, staring at him with concern as the class was empty. Had he slept through the whole day? “I… appreciate you staying behind to watch the class but it’s recess. So I must kindly ask you to be on your-“ She trailed off, smacking her forehead with a hoof as if she forgot something. “On second thought, I forgot to collect the new textbooks for the students. Do you mind watching over my students in the playground?”

“I would be glad to but-“

“Please? I’d even pay you if it’s all it will take.” Solaire raised his brow at this, she really would go so far just for her students.

Standing to his full height he did his signature praise the sun gesture. “No payments necessary, one who shows such radiant passion shall not have their wishes unheeded!”

Cocking an eyebrow at this odd gesture Cheerilee shrugged it off, thankful that he at least decided to help.

\[T]//

The playground was sizeable. Big enough for swings, a sandbox, a slide and even a small play area for the less energetic ponies. Solaire let out a sigh of relief for the fact he will not have to watch his every step like he were a dragon taking a stroll through town. Sweet Talk was sitting alone at a small bench, swinging her rear hooves back and forth as if waiting. Upon seeing her dad she smiled, waving at him to which he waved in return with a smile, a smile that did not last long to a sight so foul. A grey coated unicorn filly with a bright blonde mane, head hung low as she was mercilessly followed and taunted by two other fillies. One he had no doubt in his mind was the wench known as Diamond Tiara, the other had the same silver coat as his daughter but he did not care either way who is was. Growling under his breath Solaire approached unnoticed as Sweet Talked stared on at what was to transpire. No matter who it was, no matter what kind it is. Behaviour like this was unacceptable.

“You gonna cry, blank flank?” Diamond Tiara mocked. “Maybe those tears of yours would cover up those stupid eyes!”

Surely enough the blonde maned filly started bawling, covering her eyes with her fore hooves as Diamond Tiara and her goon, Silver Spoon, watched on with glee. “My ey-eyes are not st-stupid!” She sobbed loudly.

“Whatever, this is boring now.” Groaned the pink coated filly. “It’s no fun when you always cry like a baby.” She waved her hoof as if dismissing a dog. While in the middle of her little mental schedule Tiara noticed Sweet Talk sitting on the bench alone, a sly grin forming on her face. “Hey, what about the freak’s kid?” Silver Spoon took a look over to where her friend was pointing, the same grin appearing on her face. “I hear she’s adopted. Let’s see how far we can push her until she snaps.” Diamond Tiara let out a mixture of an evil cackle and a giggle, stifling it with a hoof.

“Don’t even try it.” Came a voice from behind, sickening cracks coming from where the voice came. Chills ran up both spines of the brats as their blood ran cold with fear. Slowly turning around to see who the voice belonged to they were met with a pair of iron boots, raising their gaze up to see Solaire cracking his knuckles while glaring into their souls while the grey coated filly hid behind his boots after some comforting. “Lesson number one, what goes around comes around.” He grabbed Diamond Tiara by the scruff of her neck to bring her to eye level, the entire playground silent and gathered around to see the rare spectacle of a school bully receiving vigilante justice. “Lesson number two,” the sun warrior brought the cowering Diamond Tiara closer so she can see his eyes clearly through the helmet. “Never, and I mean never hurt my daughter.” Gritting his teeth at those last words. “And lesson number three, if I ever see you act like the pathetic little wench you are again. I will end you. Do you understand me?”

“C-crystal clear…” She nodded frantically, vertigo form being at such a height catching up as her cheeks flushed a shade of green.

“Oh and one more thing, if you ever try to tell your rich ‘daddy’ about any of this. I have multiple witnesses who would love nothing more than for you to suffer.”

Widening her eyes at this statement, her final plan foiled as she looked down and around to see the glaring faces of her classmates. Putting her down not he ground Diamond Tiara disappeared with a small cloud of dirt and grass flying up, sighing that this was done with Solaire knelt down and gave the grey filly’s mane a gentle stroke, she reacted much like a cat would and enjoyed the affectionate petting. “What’s your name?”

“Dinky Hooves.” She beamed, her wall eyes staring up at Solaire.

“You’re dad is awesome, not as awesome as Rainbow Dash but still awesome!” Scootaloo cheered, taking a place on one end of the bench next to Sweet Talk who recoiled in shock.

“You’re lucky to have a great dad!” Sweetie Bell cheered, taking her place on the other end to which again, Sweet Talk recoiled from her high pitched shout even more causing her to fall backwards onto the gamboge coated pegasus and onto the ground. “Sorry!” She called out, looking down from the bench. Using her horn to lift Sweet Talk off of Scootaloo with some difficulty in controlling her telekinesis.

Upon being helped back into her rightful place on the wooden bench Sweet Talk rested back. “Thanks…” She felt a light tap on her shoulder.

“Don’t worry, we all felt the same way at school on the first day.” Scootaloo comforted. “I just never expected your dad to be him of all people. Oh! And you know Apple Bloom right?” Sweet Talk nodded. “Sweet! We’re her friends, say, after school wanna come with us to the Cutie Mark Crusaders club house?”

Knowing what she meant the earth filly stared at her flank, which contained her cutie mark. “But I have a cutie mark…”

“No worries,” Sweetie Bell intervened. “Apple Bloom got hers, also she’s one of the three founders of the group. We haven’t seen much of her since the funeral, I hear she has a cider problem.”

“At her age?!” Sweet Talk finally spoke up to more than a whisper, it was apparent that the younger sister of the element of honesty was extremely depressed but for her to go into alcoholism was a shock to all. Especially the Princesses and the Apple family as this was the first case of underage drinking in years which resulted from emotional pain which sparked an intervention. One which took restraining from Big Mac to calm her.

“I know right?” Both replied.

“I see you’re already making friends.” A warm voice cheerfully stated, the owner of the voice resting his elbows against the back rest of the fence.

“Hi dad! Uhm, can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“You see, these two know Apple Bloom. And I was wondering if it was okay if I went with them to their club house to meet her, please?” She asked, blue eyes staring up at Solaire like a pleading kitten.

Thinking about it for a brief moment the sun warrior tapped where his chin would be on the helmet, the amount of time taking for him to come up with an answer resulting in all three of the fillies doing it. “Gah! Alright!” He caved in, unable to handle the amount of cuteness being shot at him through three pairs of wide pupils so shiny they might as well have been mirrors or miniature suns imploding against each other into a black hole of adorableness. “You can go just please stop looking at me like that before I try to crush you all with a hug!” Now practically begging on his knees.

“Nice one Sweets and… Sweets!” Scootaloo whispered, giving a high hoof to Sweetie Bell and Sweet Talk.

\[T]//

Opening the door to the new home Solaire took a moment to observe his new surroundings, the kitchen wasn’t too far from the main entrance, and knowing Ratchet she must have prepared a delicious dessert for tea time. Entering the cozy kitchen with the small light hanging above giving the room a descent atmosphere of mellowness surely enough there it was. A collection of chocolate biscuits freshly made, oh how Gwyn has blessed him with a person or in the case, pony who’s hobby other than inventing was baking. Tip toeing into the kitchen he reached out a hand, his fingers already feeling the crumbled yet smooth texture of the biscuit.

CLANG!

One hammer to the helmet, thankfully it was imbued with titanite meaning it was dent proof, but sweet Gwyn did the concussion from the feeling of a reverberating bucket on your head hurt like Lost Izalith. “As expected, you just couldn’t keep your sweet tooth under control.” Chuckled a female voice from behind. “I saw our daughter hanging around two fillies, new friends of hers?” There standing in the entrance to the kitchen was his wife, Ratchet. Bright sky blue coat and a dark grey mane, the mane was mostly due to her experimental failures blowing soot into her mane which absorbed the chemicals. the price of discovery one would guess. She had a fairly athletic build from handling heavy machinery her whole life, something seen as very attractive in the pony world. Why? It was a complete mystery to Solaire. The only problems they have between each other was his sweet tooth and Spring where mating season would take over her mind, thankfully she had enough self control. Hopefully being a father wouldn’t add to the problem.

“Uh, yes.” He replied, taking off his helmet to rub the back of his head. “New hammer?” The sun warrior asked before sliding the iron helmet back on.

“Ja. Anyway, did you say yes? Oh our little Mädchen is growing up so fast!” She proclaimed excitedly.

“So, why the biscuits?”

Narrowing her eyes at her husband Solaire felt a chill run up his spine from her icy glare. “I heard of your little bet. I would smack you right now but what can I do about your pride. So I invited Twilight over.”

Swallowing a lump in his throat the sun warrior heard a knock on the door. “I’ll get it!” He said a little too cheerfully, running off. Opening the door to meet with the challenging gaze of the element of magic, hunching over forward he did the same, a spark seemingly crackling against the two. “Twilight…”

“Solaire…”

“So, I see things have been going quite well for your first day at least huh?” A sly grin spreading on her muzzle. “Spike saw and told me everything.”

“Of course you would have someone- somepony-… somedragon? Yes, somedragon watching over me to make sure I don’t screw up.” Squinting at her. “So, did I mess up?”

Tapping a hoof on her chin, deep in throughout for an answer. “No actually, I’d say you did great, especially scaring the wits out that school bully. Though you did kind of make a huge risk trusting your daughter to teenage fillies, she’s ten you know. But this is the Cutie Mark Crusaders we are talking about, so I’ll let it slide.” Twilight finished with a smile.

“Well… wish to come in?” He stepped aside for her to enter, to which the alicorn nodded in appreciation, wiping her hooves on the mat before stepping on the wood panelled floor.

“I hope you know what you’re doing letting her sleep over.”

“Me too…”

“Oh well, this is Applejack’s farm we are talking about.” Twilight stated. “I’m sure she’ll be fine.”

\[T]//

“Apple Bloom I’m not sure this will help me get my cutie mark!” Panicked Scootaloo as Sweet Talk watched on sipping some soda.

“Don’t worry, ah’ve seen big sis wrestle against Big Mac in the gym so ah know what ah’m doin’! ’Sides, on the bright side you can train to beat your coltfriend Button at them fighting games right Bell? HERE AH COME!”

“I NEED AN ADULT!” Cried out Sweetie Bell.

“AH AM AN ADULT!”

Author's Note

Sorry for those who came in with high expectations. First time with comedy.