The Human, The Fashionista, and The Milkmare

The Human, The Fashionista, and The Milkmare

Chapter 2

I found myself being kicked awake by a rather annoyed fashionista. I grumbled and groaned at having a really nice dream interrupted in such a rude manner.

"Michael, darling, I'm finished with your ensemble. Your snoring made it difficult for me to concentrate, so if these clothes don't fit you correctly, you have only yourself to blame."

"I was dreaming about doing boku-maru with Twilight," I stated flatly before taking the profferred clothes, eliciting a sharp glare of disapproval from the fashionista.

"Darling, if you're even thinking about doing that with her, you'd better think again," she admonished sharply, her gaze narrowing at me.

"Tell me something, Rarity -- do you love me?" I asked directly, eliciting a gasp of shock, her eyes going wide with fear.

"O-of c-course, d-darling! W-why w-wouldn't I?" she stuttered, grinning sheepishly.

"Boku-maru is about sharing love, but it's also about sharing kindness and generosity, loyalty, honesty, and even a little laughter, if you stop to think about it. There is indeed something magical about boku-maru and I think it's wrong to try to keep others from enjoying it. If you truly love me, you will place no restrictions upon whomever we choose to boku-maru with, just as I will place no restrictions upon you. Should you choose to do that with Twilight, I'm curious to see her reaction. I will offer you this, though -- I only want to boku-maru with Twilight ONCE, and that's only because I want to see how she reacts to it. Other than that, you shall be the only mare I choose to boku-maru with."

"Michael, darling, I would like to witness her reaction as well," she grinned. "Try on your clothes, see if you like them."

The shirt was a bright yellow, a pullover with fancy white lace ruffles along the v-neck. Putting it on was difficult as there was very little room for me to put my arms through the sleeves with my head through the neck. I managed to get it on, but I knew that pulling it off was going to be a chore. The pants were very tight in the abdomen, the waist way too low and the crotch way too high. The legs were a little tight against my thighs and I knew that there was no room for any movement. The pale green of the pants seemed to clash with the shirt. She had not made a pair of shoes for me and I complained about that as well.

"How do I make a pair of shoes? Your hooves aren't meant for those," she opined.

"Human shoes are much different from horse or pony shoes -- instead of being made of a curved piece of metal nailed to the hoof, human shoes cover the feet and protect them from dirt, rocks, abrasion, and stress impacts. The shoes I wore were made mostly of leather, though some shoes used canvas and rubber," I explained.

"What was the source of leather?" asked Rarity as she narrowed her eyes at me again.

"Tanned cow hides were used as the primary source of leather," I replied.

"And what was done to replace their skin?" she asked, her gaze hardening further still.

"The cows in question were used as a meat source for us humans, Miss Rarity. We humans eat meat -- and quite a lot of it, myself included -- millions of cattle were raised as livestock, their meat for consumption, their hides for shoes and jackets and other clothing, their hooves for glue. No part of the cow went to waste, aside from the entrails," I explained, causing her to go green in her face.

"Michael, daaaaaar-ling, I'm afraid I must ask you to leave -- and please, remove the clothes I made for you. You have proven to be nothing more than a base ruffian and I have no use for you."

I pulled off the clothing roughly, more out of anger than frustration. Some of the seams ripped audibly, causing her to glower even more angrily at me.

"Show some respect for my creations!" she shouted.

"No more boku-maru for you -- and I'm not marrying you, either. Good luck finding another stallion willing to marry you," I hissed, my words seething with as much anger as she showed me. I finished undressing and balled the clothes up and threw them at her, though she had already fallen to her belly and was sobbing on the floor.

"Baw-haw-haw-haw! I can't believe it! You don't love me! Nopony loves me! Nopony will ever marry me! I'm so OLD! I'm so UGLY! Baw-haw-haw-haw!" she wailed as the clothes I threw at her landed atop her back, though I immediately regretted having done so. The mare seemed completely oblivious to my hasty action as she continued to bemoan her supposed fate, her sobs wracking her body as she cried.

"Urrrrh, damnit!" I growled as I went over to her. I removed the clothes from her body and tossed them onto the bed as I knelt beside her. I put my hands on her withers and began gently massaging her, working my fingers in small circles around the muscles above her forelegs, then slowly worked my way back and along the sides of her body. Her sobbing stopped, replaced by sniffles, then light cooing noises.

"Mmmmh, darling, I had no idea you were so talented! Mmmmmh! Oooooooh! That feels so nice!"

I continued to silently massage her, though I stopped when I got to her tail. I removed my hands from her at that point, pondering the next course of action.

"Mmmh, darling, why did you stop? Please, keep going for me!"

"There are certain parts of your body I don't feel comfortable touching, unless you give me permission to do so, Miss Rarity," I replied tentatively. "Anyway, I thought you wanted me to leave."

"Michael, darling, I'm sorry -- I let my emotions get the better of me -- I -- I don't know what to think about you -- but -- please keep massaging me! Your touch is so -- wonderful! Not even Aloe or Lotus at the Spa can do what you're doing!"

"Let me suggest that you not judge me by your standards, and I'll try not to judge you ponies by mine. I will try to keep from saying ignorant things about your society and its customs, though I may make the occasional faux pas. Should that happen, I beg your forgiveness in advance. By the way, are you extending me permission to touch you freely without hindrance?"

"Mmmmh, yes, Michael, darling! Please, if you intend to marry me, you may touch me anywhere you wish!"

"Does that include your marehood?" I asked, flashing a wicked grin.

"Mmmmh, you're so naughty! Yes, you may, if you so desire!" she cooed in response. "Just be sure to let me do some more boku-maru with you as well!"

"Of course, Miss Rarity," I stated as I ran my hands along her flanks, massaging her cannons and hooves lightly. Her moans increased in their intensity as the sensation began to stir her passion. I ran the fingers of my right hand along the inside of her haunches, then along the dark grey fleshy folds of her outer labia, eliciting a deep breathy moan. I was about to continue when I heard the door-bell ring, causing me to remove my hands from her.

"Ooooh, why did you stop, Michael?" she asked, her eyes clenched shut as she had allowed herself to revel in the pleasurable sensation I was giving her.

"Somepony rang your doorbell," I replied flatly. "I'd go get it, but you're the only pony who's seen me, aside from your sister."

I heard the front door open at this point and two sets of hooves on the floor of the main room.

"He's upstairs with my sister! I don't know who or what he is, but -- come on!" beckoned a high-pitched female voice. I wracked my memory to recall whose voice it was.

"I half-way wonder if he's even still here," replied the other voice. No mistake, that was Twilight. I heard some more idle banter between the two as they made their way upstairs, the sound of softer hoofsteps a little louder than the following set. The door to Rarity's boudoir opened to reveal a white filly with pink and purple mane and tail and Ponyville's resident librarian, Twilight Sparkle. My face lit up with a smile upon seeing her.

"Well, that saves us a trip to the library," I observed, nudging the fashionista with my right hand. She turned around to see her sister and her friend, both with their mouths wide open, no words coming out. "Twilight, what a pleasant surprise -- I was hoping to meet you sooner or later. And you must be Sweetie Belle -- it's a pleasure to meet you!" I beamed.

"Rarity, what -- what is that -- that creature next to you?" asked the lavender unicorn.

"Twilight, darling, his name is Michael, and he's a human! He woke up laying next to me in my bed this morning, but he said something about having wanted to wake up laying next to you for some reason or other! Sweetie Belle, he has not harmed me, so you may relax."

"You -- you're -- a -- human?" Twilight asked me, her expression still one of shock. "Why -- why -- did you -- want to -- wake up -- laying next to ME?"

"You're my favorite pony, Twilight. I have no idea why I ended up laying next to Rarity, but -- what's done is done," I replied. Her gaze narrowed at me.

"And just what have you done with her?" she asked coldly.

"I showed her something called boku-maru," I replied, grinning sheepishly at the mare.

"I've never heard of that before -- what is that?"

"Lay on your back, on Rarity's bed, with your hooves dangling off the end of it," I instructed.

"I'm NOT having SEX with you!" the librarian exclaimed angrily.

"Boku-maru is NOT sex, Twilight," I stated. "It's kind of like a passive flow of energies between two people or ponies or something."

"Michael, darling, please let me do that with Twilight first!" the fashionista interjected, sidling up to her friend and grinning broadly. "Mmmmh, Twilight, darling, you simply must experience this! It's absolutely wonderful!"

"You already did that with that -- that -- human?" asked Twilight.

"Of course, darling! His touch is -- indescribable!"

"Okay, so -- what am I supposed to do?"

"We both lay on our backs and press our hind hooves together, dear!"

"Uhhh, okay," Twilight offered hesitantly, then lay on her back on the floor. Rarity proceeded to lay on the floor and scoot closer until the two unicorns' hind hooves were touching, I watched with keen interest, as did Sweetie Belle. The filly had a curious smile on her face as she watched the two mares try to boku-maru.

"Am I supposed to be feeling something?" asked Twilight.

"Um, yes, darling, you are -- but -- I'm not feeling anything, either! Michael, why is it not working?"

"You are supposed to be in a relaxed state of mind to begin with -- as I told you earlier, the energy flows on its own accord -- you cannot force it, nor must you try to force it, otherwise it won't work."

"Michael, darling, why don't you try that with Twilight?" asked Rarity as she rose to her hooves, a look of disappointment on her face.

"Um, uhhh -- what's it supposed to feel like?" asked Twilight as she rose to her hooves and stared at me, taking in the sight of me.

"You're not supposed to know what it feels like, Twilight -- you're supposed to let the flow of energy happen. I believe it's different for every person or pony who does it," I mused. Twilight had already hopped onto Rarity's bed and put her hind legs over the end, her hooves straight out. "Hmm, you seem eager to try this -- it might not work for us, either. Try to relax, Twilight -- find your center and focus on it, empty your mind of all thought."

I lay on the floor at this point and raised my legs, lightly touching the soles of my feet against the frogs of Twilight's hind hooves. A light tingling sensation ran from my feet down my legs and into my back, then into my mind. I sighed in contentment at the feeling. A similar sensation must have made an impact on the librarian as I heard her moan in pleasure at the sensation.

'Mmmmmh! Yessssss!" she moaned, her breath coming in ragged gasps as she allowed the pleasure of this sensation to take her. I broke contact first, laying my legs flat on the floor. As I lay on the floor, the librarian poked her head over the foot of the bed, a big toothy grin on her face.

"Ooooh, Michael! I wanna do that again!" she cooed. I turned to my left to witness Rarity and her sister engaged in a similar position.

"Rarity, you should be careful when you do that with --"

"Oooooooh!" the filly cried in ecstasy, her eyes clenched shut. Rarity held her hooves against her sister's and didn't seem to hear me advise her. Taking matters into my own hands, I went over to them and physically separated Rarity from her sister.

"Michael! What did you do THAT for?!"

"Rarity, you have to be careful who you boku-maru with -- and you should never do it with anypony that young!" I replied sharply. "The flow of energy is very strong, and the young can be damaged by it."

"Ooooooh!" the filly cried as she pranced around the room, a look of sheer bliss on her face.

"You also have to be careful, because if everypony does this, nopony will want to do anything else. Boku-maru is something which should be shared only by two who love each other deeply --"

"Ooooh, Michael! Does that mean you love me?" asked a beaming Twilight.

"I do, but I already promised to marry Rarity," I replied, causing the librarian's face to fall. "I wanted to see your reaction to it -- I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression."

"I'm not gonna let you marry my sister!" Sweetie Belle exclaimed as she got up in my face. The fashionista grabbed her sister in her magic and brought her over to where she was to face her.

"I know you don't want me to marry him, Sweetie -- but -- I'm not getting any younger, and the fact that he has offered to marry me -- have you any idea of how long it's been since I last had a stallion express such interest in me?"

"About ten years, from what you've told me earlier," the filly deadpanned, eliciting an annoyed huff from her sister.

"Um, Michael? Where did you learn how to do ... THAT?" the librarian asked, grinning broadly.

"I read about it in a book," I replied nonchalantly. "I've always wanted to do that for real-real, to see if it actually worked."

"A book? Which one? Who else have you done that with?"

"It's called "Cat's Cradle" by Kurt Vonnegut. I have only just today done that with you and Rarity -- and to be honest, doing it with you felt better than when I did it with Rarity, though I think that's because she tried to force the flow of energy when it started feeling good," I mused.

"Michael, daaaar-ling, why not let me try it again with you?" Rarity asked, beaming a big smile.

"Because you should limit it to once per day -- any more than that and you're asking for trouble," I responded matter-of-factly, staring the fashionista down with my gaze. Her smile vanished.

"But -- but -- darling! It felt so good!"

"I know -- and that's the temptation boku-maru presents -- that's why I told you it's something special, not to be abused or overused. I should have waited before showing Twilight about that, but if I had waited until after we get married, you would have become even angrier with me."

"Michael, darling, I'm not angry with you -- but -- PLEEEEASE? Just a little more boku-maru?"

"And you've already done that with your sister -- hmmmm. Perhaps one more time -- no. No, Rarity. NO!" I shouted as she glomped me and kissed me passionately before I forced her off me.

"Wow, she really likes you, Michael," the librarian giggled. "How old are you? You know Rarity's MMMPH!"

"Twilight, daaaaar-ling, please don't tell him how old I am!" the mare growled as she shoved a hoof deep into the librarian's mouth.

"I'm 50, what's it to you?" I asked. "Age ain't nothin' but a number, from what I've learned."

"Rarity's nearly as old as you, Michael," the librarian grinned.

"She already told me she is 37 -- that's immaterial, Twilight."

"She lied to you, Michael," Twilight responded before being bonked over the head by the fashionista's right hoof. "Ouch!"

"Twilight, daaaaaaaaaaaar-ling, I wouldn't tell him my age if I were you," she hissed.

"Oh, so you lied to me twice, eh? I knew you were self-conscious about your age, but -- that's just ridiculous! Didn't I tell you to be yourself and not something you aren't?"

"Okay! Okay! So -- so -- I'm 43! Please! Please don't be mad at me!"

"You're not lying to me, are you? You Pinkie Promise me you're telling me the truth about your age this time?" I asked, glaring sharply at the mare, who seemed to shrink back a little.

"How -- how do you know about Pinkie Promises?" she asked almost fearfully.

"I told you about that TV program I watched -- I may not have seen every episode, but I know about Pinkie Promises from a couple of them. I've heard that's the fastest way to lose somepony's friendship," I replied firmly.

"FOREVER!" Pinkie shouted from behind the bedroom door as she popped in and popped out again just as quickly.

"Ugh! Okay! I'm 45! Please, please stop pestering me about my age!" she wailed as she fell to the floor again. "Augh! Nopony is EVER going to marry me! I'm going to die an old mare who never got married!"

"Sweetie, is she always like this?" I asked the filly.

"Sometimes it's worse," she replied flatly.

I slowly walked over to her and knelt by her side again, placing my hands softly on her withers. "Ssh, ssh, Rarity -- it's going to be okay. I'm here for you," I whispered softly into her left ear.

"But -- but -- I can't marry you like that! You -- I need you to be a pony for me!"

"That's an awful lot to ask for, Rarity -- I've been a human for 50 years and I've never been a pony before. I see that none of you ponies have hands, and that's the biggest obstacle for me right there. Without hands, I will have a very difficult time adjusting," I stated.

"If you become a unicorn, you'll be able to use levitation and telekinesis, negating the need for hands," Twilight offered. "And if you become a unicorn, I'd hope you choose to be a handsome stallion -- if you do, I'd like to join your herd," she beamed, causing the fashionista to bop her on the head again. "OWWW!!"

"Twilight, daaaaaaaaar-ling, please don't make me any angrier with you," she growled.

"If I were to choose to be a pony, or more specifically a unicorn, my desire would be to experience being a mare -- I've always wanted to see what life is like from the opposite gender, and if Princess Celestia can transform me into a pony, that would be my preference."

Both mares gasped in shock and the filly grinned at me.

"Oooh, that would be so COOL!" Sweetie Belle chirped happily.

"Of all the possible outcomes! That -- that is -- the -- WORST! POSSIBLE! THING!!" the fashionista shrieked as she fell back on her fainting couch.

"Um, Michael? Why? Do you know how many mares there are here in Ponyville? If you chose to become a stallion --"

"I'd probably get as much pussy as Big MacIntosh does," I mused pensively.

"Michael, daaaar-ling, MacIntosh is a colt-cuddler -- he does not care for mares," Rarity offered coldly.

"So I'd be at the top of the dance card, so to speak," I chuckled. "Truth be told, I don't know if I want to have much sex. That's what ruined my life to the point where I made my wish last night," I stated.

"What wish?" asked Twilight, though Sweetie Belle asked it at the same time.

"Last night before I laid down to sleep, I wished to wake up laying next to Twilight Sparkle in her bed in Ponyville. For some reason or other, I ended up waking next to Rarity instead -- probably because I like her almost as much as I like Twilight, and that I knew if I were to go running around Ponyville, I was going to need some clothes," I replied warmly.

"I made these for you, Michael, darling," Rarity smiled as she levitated the clothes to display them. "I may have misjudged how much extra fabric was needed on account of your unusual bodily movements." Twilight and Sweetie Belle gave a casual glance at the clothing before turning to face me again.

"If I could have brought some of my clothing from my homeworld here, that probably would have given you a better idea of how much fabric is needed. I must admit, though, that I like how soft the material you used for my clothing is -- not as soft as polyester, but -- I don't think you ponies can manufacture polyester."

"What's that?" asked Twilight.

"The pair of briefs I wear is a blend of 80 per cent polyester and 20 per cent cotton -- this gives them great breatheability and softness. Unfortunately, the company that made these no longer does, nor have they made them in more than 30 years. It was only by dint of good luck I was able to find and buy these," I stated, pulling the waistband out a little with my right index finger.

"Michael, darling, may I examine those?" Rarity grinned.

"It's the only thing I have that covers my modesty, Rarity -- I don't want to expose my shame in front of everypony here, especially your sister," I replied, glancing at the filly who had keened renewed interest in me. I grabbed Rarity's right fore-hoof and placed it on the front panel of my briefs, running it up and down on my lower abdomen, lightly brushing against my junk.

"Ooooh, darling! So soft! How is that even done?" she queried as she continued to move her hoof up and down the front of my briefs, even after I had released my hold on it.

"Polyester is a synthetic fiber, extruded from refined petroleum distillates. It's formed by stringing together long chains of polymer molecules to form the fabric," I explained. The fashionista continued to move her hoof on my briefs, mostly staying on the lowest part, which caused my manhood to rise to the occasion.

"Michael, darling, could you widen your stance for me?" she asked, a big toothy grin on her face. I decided to oblige her as she worked her hoof between my thighs, stroking my erection as she did so.

"Um, Michael, do you know the exact extrusion process?" asked a blushing Twilight as she worked an ink quill on parchment to take down some notes.

"Petroleum is refined in several ways --" I began before I physically removed Rarity's hoof from my erection, which had tented my briefs. She had taken to rubbing just that part of my anatomy to the exclusion of feeling the softness of the fabric, to the point where I was not far from climax. I glared at her in disapproval.

"Michael, darling, the fabric is so soft! I would like to touch it some more!"

"You were touching my penis, not my briefs -- I don't need you trying to bring me to climax." Rarity pouted at me almost petulantly.

"Um, if I kept rubbing it, would it get any longer?"

"No, Rarity -- not unless somepony was capable of using a certain size-enhancing magic on it," I replied, glancing at the librarian, who blushed when she saw that I had caught her staring at it.

"That's as long as it gets?"

"What, did you want to experience what it might feel like if I were to stick it in your pussy?" I asked, glaring at the fashionista hard enough to cut diamonds. She blushed deeply in response.

"Michael, daaaaaar-ling," she cooed softly, turning her head aside in embarrassment.

"You sound very smart! I'd like to know more about you, Michael!" Twilight exclaimed, annoyance coloring her words as she made a determined effort to steer the conversation in a new direction.

"Perhaps I might be able to set aside some time to tell you about myself -- as I was telling Rarity earlier, I was actually hoping to wake up next to you instead of her, but -- sometimes things happen for a reason. Rarity's close enough to my age that I think she and I would make quite a couple."

The alabaster mare glomped me again and kissed me passionately on my lips. "Ooooh, darling! I can just picture a royal wedding for the two of us! You as a stately and dapper unicorn stallion, and me! Dressed up in my best finery, of course!"

"And probably wearing five pounds of make-up on your face, I'll bet," I grumbled, eliciting sharp laughter from the filly and a few giggles from the librarian.

"Michael, daaaaaaaaar-ling, please don't talk about that!" she barked as she kicked my left shin with one of her hind legs. Without thinking, I administered a sharp slap to her right flank with my right hand.

"Oooooh, kinky are we? Do that again!" she implored breathily. I slapped her right flank again, using a little more force this time. "Aaaah! Yes! Again!" I slapped her flank harder this time, but not as hard as I could. "Aaaaah! Yes! MORE!" she commanded. I saw Twilight blush deeply and Sweetie grumble audibly and leave.

"Rarity, do you have to make him do that to you?" asked a flustered Twilight.

"Aaaah! Twilight! Darling! You have! No idea! This! Feels! OUCH! You're going! OW! A little! OW! Too hard! OW! Michael! OW! Darling! Don't hit me so hard! OW! OW! Please! Not! OW! So! HARD! OWW! OWWW!! OWWW!! OWWWWWW!!" she cried, the last word sounding more like a wail of pain -- I must admit, there was a part of me that was satisfied to hear that sound exit her mouth.

I slapped her flank as hard as I could a few more times, my face almost contorted in anger. Large red welts in the shape of my hand marked her right flank. "Don't kick me and I won't hit you so damned hard," I growled at her. "My shin bones are about the weakest in my body and if you break one of them, it'll take three months for it to heal." I saw a wicked grin cross her face for just the briefest moment before she smiled innocently at me. I narrowed my eyes at her.

"Don't even think of deliberately injuring me," I hissed at her. "You don't want me to withhold boku-maru from you now, do you, or marry Twilight instead of you?"

"No! I promise! I won't hurt you again!" she replied fearfully, her eyes as wide as saucers.

"Hey, what's boku-maru?" asked a perky pink earth pony who had taken that moment to pop in.

"I'm not telling you," I replied flatly. "And how did you get in here, anyway?"

"I'm not telling you," the party pony giggled. "Hey, Rares! You wanna show me what boku-maru is?"

"Rarity, if you do that with her, I will never speak to you again," I stated icily.

"Michael, darling, what did you say earlier about placing restrictions on boku-maru?"

"Let me put it like this, Rarity -- Pinkie Pie will overuse and abuse it repeatedly -- to the point where nopony will want to do anything other than engage in boku-maru. There are certain ponies who must never know the secret, lest they ruin it by debasing the original intent of the practice."

"I'm gonna find out that secret, no matter what it takes, Mikey!" she stated firmly before sticking her tongue out at me and disappearing as suddenly as she had appeared.

"Michael, darling, why would you place such a restriction on her? She's a fully grown mare!"

"Because she is still so much like a child -- she likes to play Pin the Tail at parties -- I outgrew that when I was eight years old. The last party I attended, which was held on behalf of my 25th birthday I might add, we did NOT play Pin the Tail -- I did dress up as a ninja, though..." I mused.

"Ooooooh! We can have a Ninja-style Pin the Tail party! Hey, Mikey! When's your next birthday?"

"It's about three days away, Pinkie -- it's my 50th birthday in three days," I replied dryly. "I wanted to do something special, considering that it's a milestone for me. I never thought I'd live that long."

"OOOOH! I gotta get an early start on planning that party for you! It's gonna be super-duper spectacu-fabbo-super-duper-boffo! You're gonna LOVE it!" Pinkie chirped joyfully as she bounded up and down in place.

"Michael, darling! You mustn't say such things! Why would you say that?" Rarity asked in horror.

"Because when I was 32, I suffered a mild heart attack. My health has always been a bit of an issue, and barring some beneficial magic of some sort or other, I don't know how much longer I'm going to live."

"Well, darling, we can get married and we can live out the rest of our days in happiness," she offered cheerfully. "And we can with each other every single day!"

"Maybe we could have a boku-maru party! Wouldn't that be great?" asked Pinkie as she continued to bounce up and down gleefully. "We could do that at the wedding party! YES!"

"Of all the possible places to do that -- a wedding party with boku-maru? That is simply the WORST POSSIBLE THING!" I shouted at the ceiling. Rarity collapsed in a fit of giggles upon hearing me say that.

"Mmmh, darling! Why not?"

"I already told you, Rarity -- ugh! I'm already having second thoughts about showing you how to do that! Imagine going to the bakery, but no food's available! Imagine going to Applejack's farm, only to see the fruit rotting on the trees! Imagine going to the market, and nopony's there to sell or buy anything! Imagine going to Canterlot and seeing the Princesses engaged in boku-maru!"

"I'd pay good money to see that!" the fashionista chortled.

"And I'm sure Discord would love to see that as well!" I complained bitterly.

"Well, well, well! What a wickedly delicious idea! You'd be doing my work for me and all I'd have to do is sit back and watch the show!" the draconequus chuckled. "I knew it was a good idea to bring you over here!"

"You're a pest -- please do me a favor and go away and bother somepony else for a change," I stated matter-of-factly, staring at the chaos entity.

"Now where's the fun in that? I think I'll stick around to watch what happens," he mused before teleporting away as suddenly as he appeared.

"Michael, did you have to tempt fate like that? What's he going to do at our wedding?"

"Most likely, he'll simply sit and watch the whole thing -- unless Chrysalis decides to crash the wedding as well," I mused.

"MICHAEL! STOP THAT!" Twilight exclaimed angrily. "The last thing we need is the two of them working together!"

"I thought Discord had been reformed -- and the Changeling Queen should still be on the other side of the Everfree," I retorted.

"Just because I've been reformed doesn't mean I can't enjoy myself from time to time! Michael, you're a barrel of laughs! I'm glad I found you and brought you over here! If there are more like you back on your home world..."

"There might be a couple, but I would advise against that, unless you want a bunch of humans trying to take over all of Equestria. Count me out on that idea," I stated flatly.

"Oh, you're no fun. Well, I gotta be going! Ta-ta!"

"I wonder if Princess Celestia is going to show up like that," I mused aloud. "I would think that maybe a human visitor to Equestria, especially one brought across the dimensional barrier by Discord himself would alert the Ruler of the Sun to make it a top priority to pay this human a visit."

Silence fell upon us as we sat and waited -- I was secretly hoping the Solar Princess would take the bait and actually POP into the fashionista's work room. After about fifteen minutes of waiting, during which time Sweetie Belle got bored and started doodling on a sheet of paper and Twilight began pacing circles around the room, I stretched my body out, causing my joints to pop and crack noisily. The mares and the filly stared at me in shock, thinking I had injured myself. I rolled my eyes at them and chuckled softly.

"Looks like she's not coming, ladies," I stated aloud. "If she doesn't show now, it would appear we'll need to take a trip to Canterlot. I've always wanted to go there and see what it looked like for real-real."