The Human, The Fashionista, and The Milkmare

The Human, The Fashionista, and The Milkmare

Chapter 8

Somepony knocked on the front door of the apartment. Whomever it was seemed extremely impatient as they repeatedly pounded on the front door in an almost panicked manner. The noise was loud enough to wake me and I growled angrily at the offending pony.

"This had better be really important, or somepony's getting their flank kicked tonight," I declared loudly, trudging heavily towards the front door. I opened it and my anger vanished instantly, a loud gasp escaping my lips.

"Who is it, Michael?" Milky Way asked from the bedroom. I was stunned at the sight of a very angry fashionista, her eyes narrowed to slits. I noticed she was still missing her horn.

"Michael, daaaar-ling, do you have any idea of just how long I've been searching for you?" she asked, flashing a saccharine smile, her left eye twitching a little.

My love trotted into the front room and upon seeing the alabaster mare growled angrily at her. "YOU! You tried to kill MY STALLION!" she screeched as she lowered her head and charged at her.

"Rarity, how the HELL did they let you out? You're a murderer!" I exclaimed as I stared at her in astonishment. The fashionista deftly avoided the milkmare's clumsy attack and bopped her on the head with her right forehoof, sending Milky Way crashing into the wall by the door.

"They let me out for good behavior, darling!" she giggled as she watched the mare groggily shake her head and trot a little wobbly before regaining her balance.

"YOU?! GOOD?!" I exclaimed incredulously as I witnessed the milkmare sneak behind the fashionista and grab a chair, though I made sure not to look in her direction.

"Mmmmh, daaaaar-ling, I'm always good!" she chortled. "So, when are we going to boku-maru again?"

"When Tartarus freezes over, you bitch!" the milkmare screeched, bashing her over the head with a chair. Blood oozed from the laceration it made in her forehead as the fashionista fell to the floor and groaned in pain.

"Bad idea, Milky," I stated flatly. "You probably made her even angrier."

"She's a murderer, Michael! She should be in jail!" she exclaimed indignantly, glowering furiously at the intruder.

"Well, darling, I'm not, now, am I?" asked Rarity as she hefted another chair in an attempt to bring it down on top of Milky Way's head. The fashionista was not as strong as the milkmare and found herself flying across the room as Milky Way kicked her with both her hind legs, the chair falling to the floor.

"My landlord is going to kill me when he sees the furniture like this!" the milkmare nearly wailed as the fashionista once again tried to pick up the same chair. "Oh no you don't!" she added as she kicked Rarity across the room again, this time the fashionista impacted a wall and damaged it. "AAAAH! Not the wall! AUGH! Why did you come here, anyway?"

"I came to see if Michael was still interested in marrying me -- after all, he did ask to marry me the day before yesterday," the fashionista mused, flashing a malevolent grin at both of us. She charged at the milkmare, but this time she was ready and bopped her on the head with her left forehoof, sending her crashing into yet another wall.

"He said he's already married! Michael! Why did you ask her?" she asked me sternly.

"That was before I found out she's a serial murderer," I replied as I grabbed her by her left hind leg and lifted her off the floor, then swung her around a bunch of times. The fashionista screeched in anger as her flailing forelegs smashed against furniture and decorations, causing some to shatter and the milkmare to scream again.

"Michael! STOP! How am I supposed to pay for the damage to my apartment?"

"When I turn back into a unicorn stallion, I'll repair it for you," I offered as I released my grip on Rarity, her momentum carrying her into another wall and making a huge dent in it. The alabaster mare fell to the floor, grunting in pain as she tried to shake the cobwebs loose.

"You? A unicorn stallion? What did you look like?" asked Rarity, grinning cheekily at me.

"AAAAAUUGGHH!! THAT DOES IT! BOTH OF YOU GET OUT!!" the milkmare exploded, her rage releasing itself as she threw herself on top of the fashionista, pummeling her in the face with her forehooves.

"Michael, darling, please help me!" Rarity wailed from under the barrage of Milky Way's hooves. I walked over to the two mares and pulled my love off the fashionista, glaring at her.

"Milky Way, you want some boku-maru?" I asked, flashing her a big grin.

"No! Michael, darling, you mustn't!" the fashionista pleaded, her eyes wide with self-pity.

"He's my stallion now, Rarity! You need to get out of my apartment! NOW!!"

The alabaster mare shakily rose to her hooves and trotted unsteadily to the door. Many cuts and bruises marred her coat and blood stained it in quite a few different places. Her mane and tail were a complete mess and looked like they had been hacked and mangled badly. Just before she exited the doorway, she turned toward me and flashed me an evil grin. "I'll be back," she declared in a low tone with as much anger as she could put behind it without shouting at us. She slammed the door shut behind her, nearly breaking it off its hinges.

"My apartment! It's ruined! How am I supposed to pay for all this damage? My landlord is going to kill me!" the milkmare wailed.

"I'm really sorry about that, my love," I intoned softly as I cradled her in my arms, stroking her mane with my right hand and scratching her behind her ears. "I'll do what I can to help," I whispered in her ear, then kissed her softly on her lips.

"Mmmh, it feels so nice to be held like this," she cooed softly. "I hope you're as good as your word -- I'd hate to see my landlord's reaction to this."

We were shaken out of our reverie when suddenly a sharp knocking came at the front door.

"Who is it?" Milky Way asked, almost fearfully.

"Duck Tape! I'm the building superintendent! Some of the tenants complained about the noise in here!" he shouted from behind the door. A jingling of keys was heard after he finished shouting.

The milkmare's eyes went wide with fright upon the realization. "Michael, if he sees the damage in here, he's going to report it to the landlord! I'll be buggered for sure!"

The super found the key he was looking for and opened the door to see us sitting in the midst of what looked like a battle zone -- broken furniture littered the front room, several very large holes had been punched in the drywall, various and sundry objects had been strewn about, and one picture somehow mysteriously had a moustache painted on somepony's face. The super was a fairly large brick red stallion with a medium brown and tan mane and tail, his eyes appeared to be bloodshot red.

"I'm reporting this to Slum Lord," he stated flatly. "I'd suggest you start packing now -- and you can forget about your security deposit." Without saying anything else, he turned tail and trotted slowly out the front door, closing it behind him.

"Where am I supposed to go now? They're evicting me from my apartment!" the milkmare wailed, tears streaming from her eyes. I continued to hold her close to me, hugging her and cooing softly to her.

"Sssh, sssh, it's gonna be okay, Milky. I think Twilight might let us stay at her place in Ponyville," I offered softly.

"But -- but -- what if she doesn't?"

"Hmmmm. Perhaps the boutique? Rarity's supposed to be going to jail -- that would leave her place empty. I think I might be able to persuade the police to give her house to us," I mused.

"But -- but -- her basement! You said -- it's -- a killing chamber!"

"I believe the police will have taken everything they need out of it -- there was a huge amount of evidence down there, which they most likely will have catalogued for use against her in trial."

"But -- what if they haven't?"

"Then I'll let the police know they haven't done their jobs properly and that they need to take the evidence into their custody."

"But -- what if Rarity comes back to her home to find us there?"

"We'll burn that bridge when we get to it, Milky," I replied nonchalantly.

"I don't like that idea, Michael -- can't we find somewhere else to stay?"

"Perhaps there's a hotel or something nearby -- maybe we can get it pretty cheap," I suggested. "Do you have anything saved from your shop?"

"My shop! Of course! We can stay there, Michael -- I have a different landlord for my business. Please help me start packing my stuff."

I followed her to her bedroom and she got a suitcase out and opened it, then she opened her closet. I marveled at the numerous uniforms she had.

"I need as many of those as you can get for me -- and don't forget the hats, I need those as well." She opened her chest and pulled out something which looked like lingerie -- or perhaps what might have passed for brassieres, and put a few of them on the bed. "Can you pack those in there as well?"

I grabbed all the uniforms -- a pale green one, a black and white one, a bright red one, a pink one, a solid white one, a deep blue one, and a grey one. Each of them had matching hats, which I placed in the suitcase along with the uniforms. There was plenty of room left for her personal items, but her milking machine would not fit.

"Do you have a box for your machine?" I asked as I began to zip up the suitcase.

"Don't close the suitcase yet -- I have some more stuff to put in there," she noted as she found a few more items she needed. "Toothbrushes, mane brushes, toothpaste, shampoo, mouthwash, hoof file and hooficure set, and my hairdryer."

I stuffed the items in carefully, but noticed the bed. "What about blankets and pillows?"

"Please see if you can stuff this blanket and one pillow in there as well," she requested. I folded up the bedcover, placing it in the suitcase, which was now starting to bulge. The pillow made it in, but just barely. I noticed the suitcase now weighed about fifty pounds, so lugging it around was going to be a chore.

"Too bad we can't take the bed with us," I mused.

"I need my milking machine," she stated as she found a box for it. The machine also weighed about fifty pounds and the box was rather unwieldy.

"I don't think I can carry both the suitcase and the box with your machine in it," I opined glumly.

"Tie the suitcase to my back, I'll manage it," she offered.

I looked around for something I could use to strap the suitcase to the milkmare's back, but another knocking at the front door interrupted my search. I opened the door just a little to see who it might be. I was quite surprised to see a certain draconequus standing at the door.

"Why didn't you just teleport in?" I asked.

"I wanted to surprise you," he chuckled. "May I come in?"

"I guess -- I don't know if you heard or not, but they let Rarity out for good behavior -- she and Milky got into it and damaged the apartment, and now the super's gonna tell the landlord about it and now we're gonna have to leave," I stated. "Oh, sorry about that -- yeah, you can come in," I added as I opened the door for him.

"Hmmm, looks like a pitched battle took place in here," he mused as he surveyed the damage. The milkmare came trotting out to look for me at this point, then gasped when she saw the chaos entity.

"Discord? What brings you back?" she asked.

"I need some more of your milk, dear," he replied warmly, smiling at her. "Normally I wouldn't go to this much trouble -- but your milk is worth it. In exchange, I'll repair all the damage," he added as he waved his lion's paw, restoring everything to like new, with no damage visible. Even the smallest decorative objects had been repaired and returned to their original places.

"Uhhhh -- yeah, okay, help yourself," Milky Way offered, her mouth agape as she stood in awe of the seemingly miraculous work the draconequus had just done with the wave of a paw.

"Excellent, thank you very much!" he chortled as he magically milked the mare dry again, then disappeared.

"Looks like we're not gonna have to leave after all," I mused, smiling at the mare.

"If he keeps taking all my milk like that, I'm not going to have any money to pay my rent!" she cried, anxiety coloring her words. Less than ten seconds elapsed when a loud thump was heard, followed by a jingling of coins. A very large brown cloth bag was sitting in the front room right beside the couch. The mare trotted over to it and opened it, then gasped very loudly.

"Oh my gosh! Look at all this money! Wow, I had no idea he was so generous! This -- this is enough money to pay for a whole year here!" she exclaimed in amazement. "Michael, can you take this into my bedroom?"

I walked over to it and hefted it over my shoulder, grunting at the sheer weight of it. "Jeez, it feels like it weighs about a hundred pounds," I noted gruffly as I carried it into her room. I went back into the front room to take the suitcase back into her room, then grabbed the box with her milking machine in it. "Hey babe, you want me to put your uniforms back in the closet?" I asked from the room. She trotted back to the room with a smile on her face.

"Did you just call me babe?" she grinned, a light blush to her cheeks.

"Of course I did -- I wanna spend the rest of my life with you, girl!" I chuckled.

Her smile widened into a big grin, her cheeks flaring red as she closed the distance between us. She reared onto her hind legs and propped her forelegs over my shoulders. "Mmmmh, Michael, please -- please kiss me, my love," she cooed softly to me. She giggled at having called me 'my love' before pursing her lips to meet mine.

"Mmmh, I love you, girl," I cooed softly to her as I opened my mouth to press my lips against hers and slid my tongue into her mouth. She reciprocated, pushing her tongue into my mouth and swirling it around mine. I held the back of her head with my left hand and ran my right hand up and down her back before finding the cleave of her hindquarters, feeling the softness of her flanks as we continued to kiss, breathing sharply through our noses. We broke the kiss after a few minutes, both of us needing to catch our breath.

"I don't think I've ever been happier than when I'm with you," I opined softly as I gazed into her eyes, a big smile on my face.

"Ooooh, Michael! I love you!" she declared as she glomped me again, the both of us falling onto her bed. "Mmmmh, I wanna boku-maru with you again!"

"Oooh, that sounds like a good idea," I grinned. "Lay on the bed for me, love," I instructed. Without saying another word, she immediately took her position on the bed for me, a big grin on her face. I laid on the floor on my back, though the coldness of the floor surprised me a little. I placed my feet against her hind hooves, just barely touching the soles of my feet against the frogs of her hind hooves. Once again the soft flow of energy moved back and forth between us, instilling a feeling of utter relaxation. I sighed in contentment as she moaned in pleasure.

"That must feel better for you than it does for me," I mused, eliciting a giggle from the mare. The sensation began to intensify for me as the energy flow became stronger, my pleasure center beginning to receive the signals as I involuntarily moaned in pleasure as well.

"Mmmh, somepony's beginning to like this!" she giggled, then moaned again, more loudly this time. The flow of energy intensified further still as a very warm sensation enveloped me. It felt as though the chi was amplifying my positive emotions as well as hers, making us feel even happier.

"My love, I think we're getting close," I noted as I began panting and gasping for breath.

"Mmmh! Yesss! Oooooh!" she moaned as her body shook and trembled before relaxing.

"I wonder if that's how Lyra and Bon-Bon felt after they did that -- I also wonder if that's how Twilight and Trixie felt after they did that," I mused. The mare climbed on top of me, laying belly to belly with me and grinned.

"I can't help but think that they did, Michael! That -- that was the best yet!" she giggled, kissing me softly on my lips. I continued to lay on my back and held her on top of me, returning her kisses.

"We'd better be careful about doing that, love -- it feels so good, but -- you know what I said about weakening it, right?"

"Mmmh, if you can't milk me, at least we can do that!" she giggled.

"Your milk turns me into a pony, girl!" I chuckled. "But it tastes sooo good!"

"That's probably why Discord likes it so much," she mused.

"I wouldn't blame him," I said as another knocking came at the front door. "Urrrgh, why can't anypony find a better time to come here?" I groaned. I gently lifted the milkmare off me, setting her on the floor. "Mmmh, I'll get it -- be right back, my love." I trudged to the front door and opened it to reveal a chubby dark blue unicorn mare with olive-drab mane and tail. I gave her a quizzical look.

"And you are --?" I asked. Upon noticing me, she shied back a little. I guess my imposing size intimidated her as her voice trembled a little when she announced who she was.

"I -- I am Slum Lord, the landlord for this building. Is -- is Milky Way here? I got a report from Duck Tape that this apartment was in shambles," she stated.

"Come in, come in -- I think you'll find everything in order, Miss Lord," I replied warmly. The mare entered the apartment and looked around, harrumphing loudly.

"So he lied to me. Milky Way, are you in here?"

The milkmare trotted into the front room, a sheepish grin on her face. "Slum Lord! What a pleasant surprise! I trust everything is going well with you, yes?"

"Other than the fact my dinner was interrupted by the superintendent, I believe it is. Do you have this month's rent?"

"Michael, would you be kind enough to get it for me?"

"Of course, my love," I replied as I trudged back to the bedroom and dug through the sack of bits and fished out fifty of the largest coins and brought them into the front room.

"But, you know of Rarity, yes?" asked the milkmare.

"Well -- I've heard she runs a boutique in Ponyville -- and that her fashions are quite well-known in Canterlot -- you mean to tell me she came all the way over here to settle a vendetta against you?"

"She tried to kill my stallion!" she exclaimed, eliciting a gasp of shock from the landlord.

"Umm, I think this might be enough," I said as I showed the coins to the milkmare. The landlord's eyes went wide with surprise upon seeing the coins.

"Those -- those are hundred bit coins! And -- how many of those do you have?" Slum Lord asked in astonishment. "Where did you get those?"

"I have a new buyer for my milk -- he pays me quite generously," the milkmare grinned.

"I believe five of these would serve as this month's rent," I mused as I counted them out.

"Perhaps I'm not charging enough," the mare mused, a sly grin on her face. "When you signed your lease, there was only one name on it. Who is this -- this -- what are you?" she asked me.

"My name's Michael, Miss Lord, and I am a human -- and I think it's wrong of you to arbitrarily charge her more just because I showed up here earlier today," I responded in annoyance.

"Milky Way, I suggest you adhere to the terms of your lease," the landlord stated as she chose to ignore me.

"Ugh! This apartment is expensive enough as it is! I don't want to have to move -- how much more?"

"Hmm. Double occupancy means double the rent, Miss Milky Way," the mare chuckled, eliciting a cry of shock from the milkmare. "That, or I can find another tenant."

"My love, is there not a tenant's union around here? This is grossly unfair," I stated angrily.

"It would appear to me that you have plenty of money to pay double the rent -- your 'stallion' showed me what looked like five thousand bits in his -- his -- hoof? I am within my rights as a landlord to charge prevailing market rates for rent -- I've been going easy on you, Milky Way. Even a thousand bits per month is still cheap for this location."

"We could always move to Ponyville, my love," I offered, flashing the milkmare a grin.

"But -- Rarity! She's still out there!"

"And she's still thinking that we're here, not in Ponyville," I replied. "If nothing else, there's always Hoofington, that's not too far away from here."

"Mmmmh, I've, uhhhh, got a bit of a, shall we say, reputation in Hoofington?" she responded, giving me another sheepish grin and blushing lightly. "That's why I moved here -- to get away from the small-town gossip."

"Well, how about Baltimare? That's a pretty decent sized city," I mused.

"Michael! Do you know how high the rent is over there?"

"Yes, I do," Slum Lord chuckled. "Even the least expensive apartments run about 2500 bits per month!"

"Okay, you've made your point. Michael, just give her the money," Milky Way said sullenly.

I plucked out five more coins and gave them to the unicorn mare, who grinned wickedly at me. "I hope you know what you've gotten yourself into by being with her," she added, winking slyly at me as she left. "I'm going to stop by Duck Tape's place and give him a piece of my mind." She closed the door and trotted down the stairs. I locked the door behind her and returned to the bedroom.

"How much do we have left in that bag?" asked the flustered milkmare. I grabbed the bag and emptied it on the floor and we began counting. As the count passed ten thousand, she giggled and kissed me again. "I should give Discord a great big thank you!"

"No need, my dear -- more of your milk will suffice," he offered as he materialized in the room again before milking the mare dry yet again.

"Discord, would you at least be kind enough to leave some for me?" I asked in exasperation.

"You said it turns you into a pony -- do you really want that?"

"Well -- uhhh -- I'm gonna need some time to think about that," I replied, my face a mask of indecision.

"Michael! I want you to stay a human for me!" the milkmare exclaimed pointedly.

"Looks like we have a bit of a Catch-22 -- you need me in my human form to milk you properly, but doing so turns me into a pony. As a pony, I can't milk you the way you like," I mused. "But if Discord keeps taking all your milk, I can't even milk you as a human."

"Mmmh, who says you need to take my milk, Michael? You could always suckle on my teats and not worry about taking milk," she opined, a big grin on her face.

"But -- wouldn't that hurt you?" I asked.

"Well -- I dunno -- but we could always try," she chuckled.

"Milky Way, my dear -- here's some more money for you in exchange for your milk. If I need more, I'll be back," the chaos entity declared before disappearing as suddenly as he appeared, leaving behind another large sack of bits.

"Uh, thanks, Discord," she called after him. "Michael, it's getting late -- care to sleep with me?" she grinned, blushing lightly.

"I thought you'd never ask," I replied nonchalantly as I removed the bedcover from the suitcase and laid it on the bed, followed shortly by the pillow, which I placed next to the one already on the bed. Noting that I was still naked, I pulled back the cover and laid down in her bed, amazed by its softness. "What is this bed made of?" I asked.

"Slum Lord assured me it's made of solidified cloud," she replied softly as she climbed in next to me. "Mmmh, give me a good-night kiss, my love," she cooed as she leaned over to me. I leaned towards her and held her close to me again, lightly kissing her on her lips.

"Nighty-night, lovergirl," I said softly, lightly giggling as I wrapped my arms around her.

"Mmmh, I love you, Michael," she sighed contentedly as she curled up against me. Her bed was too short for me, so I had to curl up around her. She was small enough that when curled up against me, her head rested against the top of my chest and her hindquarters brushed against the tops of my thighs. Her tail would lightly swish and sway as she dreamed, though the smile on her face told me all I needed to know. It took me awhile to drift off to sleep despite the comfort the bed provided. My mind raced as I contemplated all the activity of the past couple of days before fatigue finally overtook me and I lost consciousness.