Pinkie Pie meets Herself

by TheGypsyBard

Rating: everyone
Tags: Dark, Comedy, Random, Adventure
Length: 1005

What would happen if Pinkie Pie were to ever talk to herself? Not what one would expect.

Today was boring. Ooh, OOooooh, I know! I should go swimming, that's always tons of super duper fun!

Fun? Isn't that a little foalish for someone as old as me?

Pipe down, silly-head! I'm funerific central, don't be a meanie head!

[NOTE: Contains obscene amounts of Pinkie.]

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-08-06 20:40:05 UTC

The Story

I'm soooooo BORED! I wanna do something fun, like ice skating, or apple bobbing, or, or... stuff!

Pinkie's thoughts always have a tendency to wonder off like this, even while cooking or performing some routine activity. I apologize for her rather strenuous-

Hey, I'm here too you know! Who are all these nice ponies, anyway? They look all bulgy and super-duper not pony-like!

Nothing you could comprehend, but then again, neither do I.

Ooooh! So they're new friends, yeah?!

I.. suppose so. Why even bother with them.. they'll probably just use you like everypony else.

Hey, I thought we talked about this! We love our friends and would do anything for them!

Yes, you told me. Several thousand times. That doesn't make what you say any more authentic.

Stop using big words, it makes my brain do the cha-cha!

Then stop resisting the simple influence of doing exactly what it was meant to do. You're not a foal anymore, you need to realize that we do nothing but cater to the whim of thoughtless cretins.

T-That's not a nice thing to say about them! Twilight and everypony else loves us and our parties a-and... stuff!

That's twice you've resorted to "stuff", you know.

So! Stuff is cool, you can make so much stuff out of stuff!

You're becoming increasing redundant.

Lalalalala not listening!

Listen or not, I don't care. You will eventually realize the truth anyway...

WOW! That was the most stupendous, stupidenferous fantasmical show EVER!

It was just another Sonic Rainboom, we've seen it before.

Hubbah- You're back! Did you fix your lousy mood-meter yet, silly?

If I am to assume you mean my conceptions of this meager role you have taken in life, then no.

Oh, fiddlesticks! You're worse than before!

Maybe to you, I am.

Hush, I don't wanna fight no more!

Any more.

Potato Tomato!

That's not even the same thing.

Yes it is, they both have a funny sound!

I don't even... When are you going to sit down and let me voice my opinion for once, without resorting to nonsensical pseudo-happiness?

...What?

When. Will. You. Listen.

Oh! Are you happy yet?

I'll take that as a "Never".

AHHHHH! OmygoshohmygoshOHMYGOSH!

Ugh.. will you please stop yelling so much?

No! All my friends are separated and there's this big dragon-looking... thing that's trying to make us all not be friends but that's silly we're always gonna be friends cause like, like we just are! No-pony can take us apa- BWaaaaa! T-The hedes are moving by themselves and making weird noises and there's balloons everywhere and, and-

PINKIE!

What?!

Stop freaking out. Stop panicking. Just... relax. Let me deal with this. I know what you need to do. Allow me to take the burden off of you, so that we may better co-exist.

B-but-

No 'but's. We need this. You have gone on with your rampage of self-destructive tendencies enough, for these... ponies you call 'friends'. I know what we need, much better than you ever will. So I ask again; Give. Me. Control.

... O-okay, juuuuuust for a little bit.

Good... good foal...

N-no, stop! You're hurting their feelings, I-I need to-

You need to what? Bow to their every whim and desire like we used to do? I see no point in that. Since I have taken control, things have become just that much better. You will sit in your corner and let me decide what's best from now on.

N-no... I need to make them smile.. t-that's what I do b-best...

Quiet, you insufferable whelp. You have no say in the matter. You chose to allow me to take control, like it or not, and you will accept the consequences of your actions, be it good or bad. Such is life.

Y-you don't... sound like me anymore..

If I was ever you, we would be in a far more precarious place than currently. Unless I did not make myself rather clear, you are to shut your mouth and be quiet, unless I deign it fit to speak to you again. Understand?

...

I said, do you understand?

...

Hehe.... I understand perfectly.

What the- Who the blazes are you? You're not one of us.

Ooooh, I do believe I am. I always have been, maaaaaayvbe just a bit deeper down. Tehee~.

Stop that.. whatever it is you're doing. I will remain in control, not the pink lout!

Ooh, I think not. That 'lout' you speak about is my only means of purchase, and I won't be cast out like you were.~

I was not cast out, lying curr! Do not think to patronize me, beguiler! Enough with your sing-song antics!

I have no intention of that, I just want the natural order to return to normal. You can come back out, deary.

...Wha... I-I can?...

NO! Get back down to the corner, foal!

Don't mind her, darling. She's a tad bit cranky. Just come on back and do what you need to.

O-okay.. yeah.. yeah I will!

Damn... it...

I.. I can see...

WOOOOOOAH! Twilight just used the- WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAH This is sooooooo awesome! Friendship is always the best magic, I told you mister voice!

Yes.. of course it is..

All our friends are together again, and we're happy, and, and the lizard is back in stone and we can be happy, and Princess Celestia looks so proud of Twilight, and- Ooooh! We can be HAPPY! This is just the best day- Mister voice? Where'd you go?

I will not forgive you for that transgression, foul one. Mark my words, I will gain control again. I'll make sure you're banished to the farthest reaches of this pink idiot's mind.

We shall see, 'Mister Voice'. Though I am confident you do not have as great a hold on her as I.~

Please, you will be done for within a year. I promise thee.

Not if our readers have anything to say about that, hehehe.~

Readers? What are you talking about? Hello? Hello!