DEATH BATTLE: Starfleet Ponies VS. Former Sues
Author's Note
The only pony I own is Foxfire, credits for the other ponies used go to Dakari-King Mykan, ERich935, Theater Critic, and CogWing respectively! Tread with caution!
Everybody run!
DEATH BATTLE: Starfleet Ponies VS. Former Sues
Preread By MetaKnight145 and Written by Dragonborne Fox
Two ponies, a stallion and mare, trotted down a street of Ponyville whilst chatting up a storm. The stallion had a black mane and hooves, a red coat and blue-green eyes. A single copper star was on his flank, and in a saddlebag tied to him was a sword. The mare he trotted with, a red-and-grey alicorn with black legs, grey-black horn, red mane, and blue eyes chuckled a bit. Her grey-and-black wings rested at her sides, red fluffy tail with grey tip swaying behind her frame.
“And then he said he tripped and landed in the pie. They called him Santa Claus for the rest of the day!” The stallion, Star Blade, said whilst trying to hide his laughter. But who wouldn’t hide their laughter if they were having themselves a jolly good time? The mare, Foxfire, could not even begin to contain herself. Her laughter echoed into the street, but it was all in good fun, so nopony gave a damn.
After taking a few chill pills, the mare said, “WOW. That’s rich.”
“I know!” Star commented, smiling wide.
“Just...damn. That guy needed a list of fail for a documentary--that amount of not-win is too good to pass up!” Foxfire exclaimed, a smile of her own on her face.
“You bet! I heard there’s a film already underway for the sap!” Star replied, a chuckle escaping his muzzle soon afterwards.
“I can’t wait to see that! It would be one of the best!” Foxfire stated, laughing a bit once more. “The amount of fail is sure to make even Celestia laugh!”
The duo heard a strange sound and froze in their tracks, their cheerfulness replaced with sudden confusion. They looked around, seeing that all the other ponies in town had stopped as well whilst looking up. Even the flying pegasi were not immune to the whatever-it-was that had everypony dumbstruck.
“I have a bad feeling about this.” Star said, his eyes widening. He turned to Foxfire, who was now looking up at the sky herself.
“I can see why you’d say that.” Foxfire said, seeing a great rift in the sky. The rift had hues of blue, purple, and gold wafting about as if heralding a storm of epic proportions. A total of seven odd creatures dropped to the ground in an instant, and just like that, the rift winked out of existence.
Everypony looked at the creatures. They had manes, tails, wings, ears, and horns just like ponies, but their legs were elongated, and their forelegs ended in five-fingered appendages. These things wore armor, which already was not a good sign. One thing was blue, another purple, another red, another orange, another yellow, and another green. The last one, who was white with brown mane and tail, slowly raised his head and allowed his ice-cold eyes to look at Foxfire.
The mare raised an eyebrow, noticing the white thing of the lot had a most unusual feature that put him on a level of weird only Foxfire herself could have achieved: his horn did not match his body at all; rather, it looked and even had the sheen suggesting it was forged of solid gold that winked in the sunlight.
“What...are these things?” Star Blade asked, also arching a brow as he stared at the things that slowly rose up on two legs.
Foxfire studied the beings more closely. Something seemed to have clicked in her head. “Sheeeit.” She hissed, spreading her wings wide.
“Hmm?” Star hummed, shooting the mare a quick glance.
“My creator warned me about these guys. It’s the bloody Starfleet ponies, and I was told they hate Equestria with all their being.” Foxfire answered, her horn glowing with azure flames.
“Why is that?!” Star Blade asked.
“Let’s just say they reflect their creator much like I do.” Foxfire said swiftly, noticing the orange thing pulling out a paint brush. “Which is NOT good.” She added, seeing the red thing produce a whip with the hue, look, and feel of a rose’s thorny stem. The yellow one produced a broadsword, the blue one a frying pan, the purple a black hat and cane, and the green one a chemistry book. What seemed to have worried her the most, though, was the one with the golden horn as he produced a rod that had every spectrum in the rainbow adorning its slender frame.
Star Blade saw what it was the mare had addressed, and he was quick to grab his sword’s hilt with his maw, allowing its silver frame to reflect the sun.
The red thing rushed towards the duo on his two legs, his speed comparable to that of a pony on four legs. He lashed his whip forward, but Foxfire and Star Blade dodged the attack. Then the yellow one jumped in slashing about madly with his sword, only to be momentarily stopped as Star used his sword to deflect the onslaught. The orange one’s horn started glowing and a substance that looked akin to paint formed before him.
Foxfire saw the substance being formed, and her magic enveloped it in a blue blaze within a second. This, however, distracted her for just long enough to allow the blue and green things to suddenly come up to her and start bashing her with frying pan and book.
“The Equestrians are inferior to us Unicornicopians!” Cried the one with the golden horn, his horn glowing a vivid yellow in color. His staff seemed to resonate with him, glowing in every spectrum of the rainbow.
Star Blade turned around, kicking the yellow thing in the chest before galloping to Foxfire, who was still being wailed on by a book and frying pan of all things. He sprang in the air and spun around a few times, clamping his back hooves on the head of the green thing and front ones on the blue. He made the heads bash against one another, briefly sending the things into a daze just long enough to let Foxfire snap out of her stupor.
The mare spread her wings, quickly backing away from the things. Star got off of the things who bashed her and quickly trotted to her side, blade still in his mouth. “Fucking ow…” She murmured, one eye scrunched shut in pain.
“Things are about to go from bad to worse if we don’t figure out what to do…” Star said as he removed his sword with his hoof, watching the group of things slowly close in on himself and Foxy.
Foxfire’s magic enveloped the stallion, quickly picking him up and putting his frame on her backside. “We fucking run, that’s what!” She shrieked, turning tail and making a mad dash for safety, flapping her wings frantically as if on a runway.
The one with the golden, glowing horn pointed his staff at the fleeing duo, aiming it accordingly as the mare was, at last, able to take to the skies.
“RAINBOW FORCE!” He cried, and without any other warning that could be given, a bright beam shot from the staff and it hurtled towards Foxfire. His horn also released a bright energy, this one white-hot with a golden outer margin. The beams then merged as they got closer and closer to Foxfire, producing a beam of rainbow gold with a white-hot aura that whizzed around the mare before hitting her right under the left wing.
Foxfire shrieked in pain as she lost control and helplessly tumbled out of the sky, rebounding off the ground and causing her and Star Blade to separate. She bounced off the ground once more before rolling away from the original crash site a bit, with Star Blade and his weapon not too far away. She struggled to stand, her legs wobbly as she forced herself off her dirt nap.
Another rainbow of gold rushed at her, colliding with her body and causing her to fly straight into a nearby house, wrecking the wall but not doing much else to the structure.
“How much does it take to destroy that one?!” Cried the red thing, his wings wide.
“I don’t know, Buddy Rose, but we keep at it! She can’t last too long now!” Yelled the being with the golden horn, charging up another golden rainbow attack as he spoke.
Foxfire grunted, forcing herself to sit up due to being partially stuck in a wall. “This is a worse crock of bullshit than I thought.” She murmured, voice cracking from the pain. She spread her aching wings, her horn once more coming to life with azure fire.
“Lightning Dawn, what about the other one?” Asked the purple thing.
Lightning, the one with the golden horn, scoffed. “We eliminate all Equestrians, Abra Kadabra.” He answered before firing off another golden rainbow of doom that rushed at Foxfire.
Foxfire fired off volley after volley of flames at the rushing beam, hoping to at least weaken it in some way. The flames and rainbow collided, but the rainbow pushed on as though nothing had met it to begin with. It seemed to slow down on its own accord, though, almost as if allowing for the alicorn to contemplate all she knew before meeting her end.
Just then, something pink whizzed in front of her, taking the rainbow straight in Foxfire’s place. The alicorn’s eyes widened at the sight, and the rainbow faded from the world as what it hit fell to the ground...and got up in much better shape than the one in which Foxfire had been.
This creature, one with a rainbow mane and tail coupled with a pink body, splayed out pink wings wide. A visible horn glowed on its head, and it turned its head to Foxfire with baby blue eyes and a rounded muzzle.
“F...First Light?!” The red alicorn shrieked in surprise, an aura bathing her frame. The pain went away, and the pink alicorn grinned.
“Yep. Can’t leave a fellow former Sue to die, can I? We have to defend Equestria from the Starfleet ponies!” First Light replied, still smiling. Her horn was still glowing, and she was dead set on healing her fellow pony.
Foxfire grinned, feeling good as new. “I never expected you to show up at a better time, to be honest. I could use a helping hoof.” She answered, spreading her wings and jumping out of the wrecked wall she was implanted into, noting Star Blade galloping to her with his sword still in maw, the Starfleet ponies following close behind like a rabid wolf pack.
First Light also turned to the spectacle, seeing the Starfleet gang waving their weapons around like barbarians. Her horn shimmered again, and she fired off a few volleys of her own magic at them. This caused the anthropomorphic alicorns to lose their footing and land on their faces.
Foxfire smirked, her horn brimming to life in fire once more before the fire encased her body. Her body turned black with a red carapace and ribcage, torn wings with barely any feathers on their frames, and eyes like a cat. Her horn gnarled and twisted inwards into a sick spiral, and her legs had holes in them. Fangs glinted like silver in the sun.
Just then, another rift opened, and this time descended another anthropomorphic alicorn, this one in golden armor and red cape, a pelt of white and mane of black with glittering stars in its mass. This one had three golden horns, the pair of wings he bore matching the color perfectly.
“Well, this is great. Another one.” Foxfire hissed sarcastically, flapping her wings like a bug would. She noticed that the rift did not close until a stallion with a burnt brown coat and black mane also descended down, having the wings but lacking in the horn department.
The Starfleet ponies twitched and then arose in a manner similar to zombies, eyes glazed over as if devoid of all emotion. The one with golden wings splayed his golden-feathered, fancy appendages in a threatening manner, his own set of ice-cold eyes staring straight at Foxfire.
“I have no choice. It’s needed for this situation…” Star Blade said, donning a golden necklace with a star embedded into its frame.
“That I’ll let slide. It’s perfectly understandable.” Foxfire remarked, her wings still buzzing.
The pegasus who had descended down also bore a necklace, this one having a clock in its frame. He held a sword with a blue hilt and blue-grey blade, the sheen of which could be seen for miles around. He landed in between the Starfleet ponies and Foxfire’s small team, eyeing both intently.
First Light sighed and shook her head, as did Star Blade. Foxfire scoffed, her wings still buzzing.
“You all must die--you don’t belong in MY Equestria.” The pegasus spoke, flapping his wings as he proceeded to lunge at Foxfire. The mare was quick to stand on her hind legs, allowing her teeth to clamp on his sword before it could slice her head off her neck. She raised one hind leg and kicked the pegasus in his gut, effectively pushing him to the ground in an instant.
Now airborne herself, Foxfire placed the sword’s hilt in her own hooves...before tossing it behind her, letting it spin in the air several times before it impaled itself into the ground. She stared at the pegasus she kicked. “The Element of Time? Really? I’m not sure who’s the bigger Stu now.” She remarked dryly.
“Neither am I!” First Light agreed, also taking to the air. She kept her attention on the Starfleet ponies, noticing that Lightning and the golden-winged triceratops of the lot had glowing horns and rainbow staff resonating with them.
Star Blade’s necklace began to glow with a white aura. “We have to end this now!” He shouted.
Foxfire’s horn began glowing once more, and so did that of First Light. Neither alicorn mare could have agreed more; the fight as it stood had already been drawn out long enough, and the Starfleet ponies threatened the very existence of Equestria with their mere presence alone. The pegasus, Wind Waker, also posed a threat as his necklace began to glow likewise, the hands of the gemstone clock beginning to spin as it did.
Around now was when a purple alicorn mare with a dark purple mane with a pink streak in its frame showed up, a starburst on her flank. She gaped, and her eyes widened as the energies of the necklaces, staff, and horns was let loose before said energies collided. This caused a blinding, deafening explosion of gold, rainbow, and fire to erupt like a volcano, producing a thick cloud of smoke that practically obscured the entire town from the light of the sun above.
Minutes passed, but it felt like an eternity as the black impenetrable fog refused to waver. Nothing could be seen in this smog, but with the explosion that brought this phenomenon about and the source thereof, it was little wonder why. Then, pegasus ponies began to fly around the smoke, wings flapping in an attempt to clear away the makeshift darkness. More smoke receded by the second, and as it became clear enough to see, the purple alicorn found that none of the combatants involved were even present--not a feather or strand of mane left behind. The houses, save for the one Foxfire crashed into earlier, remained unscathed despite the raw power of the force that should've destroyed them.
More smoke was cleared away, and the alicorn began her search. She found no trace of the Starfleet ponies, Wind Waker, or Foxfire and her makeshift band. It was as if they vanished altogether from the very fabric that was existence.
She spread her wings and took flight, her horn glowing a soft purple light as she whizzed above the town whose inhabitants stood as though petrified by the events that had just transpired. In a bright flash of light, she vanished…
...and reappeared in the middle of a desert. Laying before her hooves were First Light, Foxfire, and Star Blade, clearly alive but knocked out. They were quite roughed up by the explosion with various bruises dotting their bodies. They were enveloped in an aura and they vanished with the alicorn who had found them…
…before reappearing back in Ponyville. The mare quickly took them to the infirmary before taking to the air and flying towards a crystalline, tree-like structure in the town. Unbeknownst to her, the Starfleet ponies and Wind Waker lay at the bottom of the ocean, never to be heard from again.