If Wishes Were Ponies

by Viking Hoof

Rating: mature
Tags: Random, Crossover, Alternate Universe, Human, Comedy, Romance
Length: 3849

DS9 had been under the effect of a subspace rift, or something, it's still a muddled mess. Everyone's imagination had come to life, including mine. Eventually, the guys and gals up in ops managed to end all of that mess, that is, nearly.

DS9 had been under the effect of a subspace rift, or something, it's still a muddled mess. Everyone's imagination had come to life, including mine. Eventually, the guys and gals up in ops managed to end all of that mess, that is, nearly.

Unfortunately, I'm a guy who imagines looking like a girl, and ponies.

Doubly as unfortunately, there solution wasn't all encompassing as I'd like.

((A cross over of DS9 (episode "If Wishes Were Horses") and MLP (pre season four))
((trigger warning: Futa on adorable male AU of Equestria))

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-08-10 21:37:18 UTC

Chapter 1 (edited edit)

"Dude, get this fucking dog off me! Seriously, he's getting slobber in my combadge." The dog in question was white, a stark contrast against the dreary cardassian-style corridors. If he hadn't been all up in my face while I was in the middle of repairing a Crucial junction, I probably would have petted the thing and not given a shit.

"Relax dude, Buster's harmless." Jameson dismissed with a laugh.

Yeah he’s harmless, but WE HAVE WORK TO DOOOOooo... wait a minute.

"Buster? You said Buster was a family poodle who died when you were seven!?"I asked, Inexplicably feeling a cold chill go down my spine as I spoke..

"He was." I finally managed to shove the giant fluffy mut off me, only to watch him get a rewarding pat on the back from Jameson who had a distant look in his eyes. Was? Then who is this? Did he get another dog with the same name? What’s going on?

"Dude, I thought the station had a policy against pets being on duty like this. You are going to get us both in serious trouble!" I exclaimed. Jameson laughed, an almost sad little laugh.

"I haven't had a dog in years... this little guy shouldn't even exist..." What the fuck? Seriously... this is getting weird. Was Jameson losing it?

"James, the dog is right there! Quite joking around and get that mut back to your quarters before security snatches him and you are demoted or something!" Jameson stayed seated and kept looking down at the dog, with a frown on his face. "Dude, we need to..." I trailed off staring in shock and confusion as a giant kitten strolled down the hallway across from us...

Something was definitely going on.

I tapped my combadge once, hoping to contact the Lieutenant, but all I could hear on the other end was laughter. Not nervous laughter, or sad laughter. It sounded canned, almost fake and yet somehow cheerful. If you know what I mean.

I tried the next rank up, all that gave me was the sound of waves crashing onto a beach. I tried my friend two departments over, but he just kept going on about some hot girl he was chatting up.

Had everyone gone nuts?

"Dude?" Huh? I turned back to Jameson and was surprised to see that the dog was suddenly gone. I didn't hear it leave. Then again, I had been busy with my combadge. "What do you daydream about?"Jameson asked out of the blue.Seeing I had heard him he continued: "I mean... is there some girl you wonder about sometimes, one you fantasize about?" Damit! Does he know?

"N-not really, I just keep to myself most of the time." James laughed.

"What then? Do you imagine yourself in the Captain's chair? Do you ever imagine yourself fighting alongside a holosuite hero?" I.. huh? What was James getting at?

"Sometimes, I imagined me playing with Buster, back when I was a kid. Things were so simple then" I watched in slow shock as James seemed to... regress in age. H-how was this possible. Starfleet had plenty of incidents where crew's ages were accidently changed, but it was always in a transporter or some accident, and usually painful and terminal. James was calmly and unflinchingly, regressing right before my eyes.

H-how was this possible.

"Don't you ever imagining being someone else?" He asked, in a young, but unmistakably Jameson, voice H-how did he... know?

I felt a tingling all over, as if all my limbs were close to falling asleep. The feeling persisted until I felt myself begin to stagger, darkness flooding my eyes...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Where... was I?

"H-hold still m-sir... you seem to have stumbled in the recent shaking of the station and hit your head." Station? Shaking? Since when had the station been-

~RUMBLE~ Ohh... damn, this posting was seriously becoming livelier than advertised.

"Now... I'm afraid we are undergoing some difficulty, and" I stopped listening as  I turned to slip out of the med bed I woke up in.

~RUMBLE~ I gasped as I felt my feet give out under me, causing me to fall back onto the bed, the normal traction of my boots being replaced by what I think's a sock.

Damn that hurt!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I slowly got out of the bed for a second time. The headache I woke up with having become twice as irritating. I made a mental note to be more careful when waking up. I opened my eyes just in time to see Doctor Bashir run out the door, with a strangely behaving Jadzia in tow. I swear that whereever I get posted, the people in charge were Nutjobs.

Twice as worrisome was the insane ruckus going on in the promenade. I think I saw two emu's run past a man shouting some prophecy. There was even a clown in one of the corners that I'm sure will show up in several nightmares I have in the future . I shuddered in relief as the door, between the medway and the promenade closed.

"What are nadion phase particles?" A purple alien thing asked while looking at a medical tablet, her horn glowing brightly as the tablet recalled information from a database.

"Are you a SPY?!" A blue alien with a rainbow mane questioned, interrogating a misfortunate nurse she had managed to corner.

"How do you keep oxygen in this s... ohh!" The purple one asked the tablet, processing info faster than she could ask questions.

I stared in shock as two of the main characters from a little girl's show I liked ran amuck in the medical office. I knew who they were of course, but that didn’t make it seem any less impossible. Rainbow Dash was the one bombarding the nurse with accusations, easily keeping afloat with strong wings that any pegasus pony would be jealous of. While the other, the new alicorn ‘princess’ Twilight Sparkle was currently ingesting information from a -probably- stolen PADD at incredible speeds. Her horn glowing dully, and her wings folded against her side. How two ponies from a cartoon could be here was a question I wanted the answer to, however It was at this point I noticed a mirror, perfectly placed for me to see my own reflection.

To be honest, I'd fuck me. The skin was perfect, the hips wide, the middle thin, the legs long, thighs holdable, and lips that were more than tempting. Everything was what I imagined a attractive girl to look like, except my pants were incredible tight in the one area a man never wanted his pants to be skin-tight.

Wait, what?! When had that happened?! Why was I like this... Was I a girl!? I mean, the pants were cramped, but no male from any species I know looks like this.

I gulped slightly and looked down the neck hole of my uniform. Nope, still a guy. No breasts, and I could see a bulge in my underwear.

"Hmm, so the plasma flow junction travels out of the reaction, or is that in?"

"Where has Equestria gone, and what did you do with it?!"

It seems the two ponies' antics had only gotten worse, the nurse and been reduced to a whimpering mess. I had been watching the show in the holodeck so it was likely me that imagined them up. Yes, I had made the jump that our our imaginations were affecting our reality, it wasn’t that hard to work out. I had obviously imagined looking like a girl, and so I became one. like my friend imagined being a kid, and so become one. I can learn! Except now I had to deal with my secret 21st century toy bait idols.

"Excuse me, Twilight, Rainbow Dash?" Both ponies turned their wide open eyes to me, and I could feel my stomach drop into the fleshy ass I had acquired.

"Ohh my gosh, you know our names! Did that mean you summoned us?"

"WHAT DID YOU DO WITH APPLEJACK?!" Rainbow Dash screamed in my face before I could react.

My stomach had somehow managed to drop even further down into my thin sleek feet. Feet that were currently in thigh high stockings.

"Hey babe, sorry I was so hostile a second ago, I hadn’t realized that you were a colt." Wait what?! I returned my attention to dash, only to see her looking at me from over her shoulder in what could only be described as a seductive manner as she calmly trotted over to my med-bed.

"Dash! I've been looking at their medical... files, I think. That thing is basically a monkey!" Ouch Doc Sparkle, a blow to humans everywhere.

"Eh, shut up egghead. Gilda's basically a cannary and a house cat going through catnip withdrawl, and I still tapped that." Ohh fuck, that was hilarious.

There was a sudden calm as the soft shaking of the station stopped. I hadn’t even noticed it till now.

"Odd." Damnit , I'd thought out loud again.

"Ohh, is that not normal? I should make a note of that." Damnit Twilight.

"Look, you guys are just figments of my imagination, and you need to go." Rainbow Dash, fully ignoring what I just said, appeared to be circling me in a way which made me question if ponies were herbivores.

"Mmm, well, how do we know you aren't a figment of my sexy imagination?" G-dammit Dash!

"Look, nurse, I'll..." Where had the nurse gone?

"Ohhh Doctor, that's not what the handle of the hypospray is for!" No, Bashir hadn't returned. I'd been facing the door this whole time. Stupid nurses and their doctor fetish .

"So, sexy, wanna follow their lead?" I shoved the horny pegasus off of me and pointed her to the door.

"Come on, I'm taking you back to my quarters till this all blows over and you disappear." Ohh fuck, I only realized how that sounds after I had said it.

"Excellent. Hope you have some spare sheets." Just.. fuck.

"Whatever. Twilight, leave the PADD, it's not okay to steal 'em." Twilight's precious ears flipped down like she'd been kicked. "I have one in my quarters. You can use it, but I'll have to lock out a few things." Her ears kinda inched up, reaching their peak only after a few seconds. after what appeared to be a bit of thinking.

"Th-that would be okay..." I felt relief flood through my whole system. With Twilight onboard, at least I had a chance of containing Dash's libido. Still, I guess I should be happy that it was just the two of them. If all the mane 6 were here I'd be up shit creek without a propulsion device.

. "Darling,” came a voice from elsewhere in the room. I recognized the voice immediately, “the outfits here are just Horrible. All one piece suits, no accessories aside from those silly little badges and some more fashionable earrings. Well, I say more fashionable, but those are usually garish and too loud."Earrings that are too loud? What? Did the fashion diva herself really just say that?! "Mmm, what am I saying, I love them!"

Wait, no! My imagination was feeding this! I had to stop thinking about ponies. I HAVE to stop thinking about ponies.

"Umm, Twilight, darling? This poor lady is looking kinda constipated. Is she okay? Perhaps we should find the doctor and get this lady a check up?" The source of the voice trotted in front of me, assuring me that I had correctly identified the white unicorn with a purple mane.

"oohhh Doctor, HARDER!" I found myself blushing now, despite myself.

"Well, that plan is a bust. Twilight, perhaps some of these medical doohickys can help. I'm not going in with a clog in the way." Wow Rainbow Dash, real classy. Why don't you just get drunk and do jokes were donkeys go into bars.

"Dash, you surely don't intend to do anal on this poor girl on a first date. Shame on you!" I... wait, THAT's what Rarity thought was what wrong with what Dash wished? What the fuck was up with these damn little horses. Why were they all horny?! I hadn't imagined that, I assure you!

"Rarity, you seriously haven't put one and one together yet have you. This guy is a total virgin. Unless his mouth is a lot more proficient than I think, the back door is the only way I'd get off!" I closed my eyes and clutched my head in intense frustration. Rarity barked something indignant in response, but I blocked it out.

Suddenly, the ruckus on the Promenade ended. The birds, floozies, scary clowns, prophets, all of that was gone. The ponies were silent too.

They were gone. That means I was back to normal. That also means the ponies were gone... I guess... I was kinda disappointed now that they were, but at the same time it was a good thing. With them gone, I could go back to work and pretend the whole incident never happened.

"Hey new friend! Let's buck and then throw a party to celebrate bucking!"

I slowly realized that the bed's thin mattress had not changed under me. That meant my weight hadn't changed. That also meant my ass was still the same shape. I felt a tiny, almost non-existent, adams apple drop, meaning I hadn't changed in form or weight. That meant I still probably looked like a girl.

Why me?

If Dreams Didn't Come True (unedited)

"AAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" I opened my eyes and lowered my hands. I could see myself in the same mirror as when I woke up, same hips, same eyes, same lips, same everything. This had to be a nightmare. A pink pony nightmare... he he... Nightmare Moon. The four ponies were crowding me, and I began to smell something... off.

"Come on! You said we were going back to your quarters!"

"Let's buck and then party!"

"You sure he is male?..."

"Hmm... he does appear to match the computer's description of female, but..." I jolted upright as a part of my pants that was never meant to glow, started glowing. "Definitely male." Gorram Twilight!

"He looks upset. Maybe we should hold the group buck first."

"Pinkie, I don't think he has enough holes for that." OKAY, first Rainbow Dash, NOW TWILIGHT?! Why was a group of FEMALE ponies thinking bout putting things in me!? I was a guy, not a pincushion.

"girls, girls, we need to think about this fine ladies feelings. We can't just buck him and go back to Equestria! We should obviously let him into our herd." WHOA!

"OKAY, STOP. What the FUCK are all of you talking about?! One, I'm a guy, TWO I'm a guy! Quit calling me a lady! Thirdly, you are not taking me anywhere, putting anything in me, or magicking me. Finally, HOW ARE YOU STILL HERE, and WHY DO I LOOK LIKE THIS?!" All four ponies were staring at me in confusion now, as if I was the magical unicorn in space.

"But you summoned us in the middle of futanari heat season! What are we supposed to do! It's against the law for us to buck anyone but you!" Okay, I've been trained on how to reject advances from those of other cultures. Be firm, be polite, and don't give ground.

"New life and civilizations are not going in my butt anytime soon. I didn't mean to summon you, and I don't mind you propositioning someone else." Okay, not what I meant to say, but that should work.

"But we are 4-"

"eeep." Ohh buck.

"We are 5 of Equestria's greatest heroes! I'm a Princess! You'd be set for life!" Whoa, whoa, whoa... step back for a moment.

"Ensign Eldridge, REPORT!" I didn't even bother checking for the source of the bass voice. I was at attention before I could blink. I was so dead. "Ensign, I understand you were knocked out for most of today's incident, so let me fill you in. Aliens came in through the wormhole, made everyone's imagination come to life. Now they are gone, that is over, and I'm faced with one person who hasn't gotten the memo. Now, can you explain to me why you look like this, and why I still have 6 aliens mucking about in my medbay?" I felt cold sweat drop down along my brow, my heart was beating out of my chest, my was becoming short and panicky. This was becoming a becoming a defcon 1 flight or fight response, and I sure as hell wasn't fighting the large, well built, black, battle tested Commander Sisko.

"Ensign!" Okay, just... deep breathes, deep breathes. He couldn't legally strangle me. I just had to keep saying that to myself.

"Umm, sir, pardon me, but why are you yelling at our new herdmate?" TWILIGHT, NO!

I stared in horror as Commander Sisko slowly turned his death stare onto the Princess of Magic. Think, Alex, THINK! Futanari ponies are about to tell my Commanding Officer that I had to go back to a magical land so they could fuck me up the ass. WHY DOESN'T STARFLEET PREPARE YOU FOR THIS?

"And you are?" Think, THINk, THIIIINK!

"Princess Twilight Sparkle, and these are my friends, the Elements of Harmony." I stared in awe as the Commander's poker face didn't even flinch under the insanity of what was being said to him by a purple and pink pony. "And I'll be glad to get out of your hair as soon as we finish doing the seals on the magic teleport back to Equestria. Normally, I'd just match our harmonic signatures and 'poof,' but our new herdmate is harder to transport than expected."

"Am I to understand..." I felt myself beginning to drown in my panicked sweat, horror visibly pouring out oof my pores. "... that you plan to take this ensign back to your home planet to form a romantic union with him." I felt myself shrivel up inside as I watched my death rocketing towards me.

"Yep!"

"Ensign, is this true?" A LIGHT! I SEE A LIGHT!

"S-sir! I've been trying to tell them that I didn't agree to any of this, but they keep ignoring what I'm saying!" PLEASE, lady luck, PLEASE don't fuck me over. Just this once.

"Huh, but you summoned us with a spell to make you more attractive! Sure, it was a pretty juvenile spell, but I fixed it right up for you. I had to fix the summoning too, but with some training, you'll be doing magic in no time!" I...wat?

"Ensign, do you understand any of what she is saying." Okay, I might be able to survive this now.

"Sir, these creatures are from a 21st century child's show I sometimes watch. I did not cast a 'spell' on myself, or summon them using 'magic.'" Please Lady Luck, just this once.

"How are they still here then?"

"Well, I wouldn't have been here long with the spell he used, but I fixed it so that we can stay as long as we want!"

"And the 'spell' on his appearance?"

"Child's play! Now he won't ever have to worry about renewing it." W-what?

Sisko frowned for just a moment, seemingly forever. Then he began to laugh. It was a rich baritone laugh that cut deep.

I was so dead.

"Doctor Bashir, ha haaa ha, please return to the infirmary."

"Ohh, the teleport spell is ready, everypony ready?"

"I think we're all ready Twilight. let'r rip!" No, no no no no no!

"Stop!" I felt tears of relief fall down my cheek as Commander Sisko's strong baritone stopped Twilight and co. in their tracks. Finally, this nightmare can end. "Now, I don't know how it works where you come from, but here no means no! Ensign Eldridge has verbally refused consent, and you cannot take him against his will. Even if he had said yes, going with you would be desertion!" I sagged in total joy as Twilight actually stopped to listen to my superior officer.

"But," No! "why wouldn't he want to go? Me and my herd could provide anything he'd ever want! He'd have all the jewelry, art, warmth, and cum he could ever want!" I blanched in shock as Twilight flat out told the a Commander she planned to fuck me up the ass. Not that Starfleet discriminated against that kind of thing, but I honestly wasn't into that! "Wait... desertion? You mean, you wouldn't support our claim to him as the patriarch of this village? Do you think we won't keep him safe, or is it that you don't think the 6 most famous futas in Equestria can't keep one cute colt's butt well sexed? I promise you, we are all the spitting image of health and virility! Look, just take us to your mayor, I'm sure she will gladly agree once she sees our dowry." I watched, almost disbelievingly, as Twilight Commander Sisko's pleasant mirth and slowly twisted it into the text book definition of repressed rage, only for him to work himself down from murder to indignation without speaking.

"Miss Sparkle, I am Commander Benjamin Sisko of Starfleet, and I am in command of this station. Ensign Eldridge is a Ensign in that same navy, and he has refused your advances. Any attempt to take him against his will, will be resisted to the best of our abilities." I sagged in final relief, sure that even Tailight couldn't argue against that.

"But we've already put a ponyfication spell on him! He'll be on four hooves before the end of the day! We were using a summoning detection spell to find a herdmate! Our hormones are already in overdrive. If we don't inseminate him soon we'll become mindless we'll start humping walls if we can't find release! Please, you can't do this!" What fucked up Equestria did she come from?!

"Doctor Bashir, please report to medical ASA-"

"I'm here!" I felt something shift inside me, painfully. Panic was rising at an astronomical rate. I felt ... so scared. I was shaking in the bed, hurting. I looked up, but my vision blurred as pain surrounded my eyes. I was going blind!

"Doctor, the lifeforms before you have done something to the ensign. They claim to be..."

"Ponyfying him! Pretty soon he'll be just a normal colt on four legs, ready to be rutted!"

"We are having a talk." I heard the sound of a combadge being tapped. "Security, report to medical." I heard the chief of security garble something in reply.

"W-what do you mean security?" Twilight's voice was quavering. Apparently she was finally getting that she wasn't wanted here. Pain was quickly spreading from the base of my spine up. Not that it was the only source, but that was the most significant.

"Now, ensign, I need you to stare into this light." I could make out the words, but for some reason I couldn't tell who was talking anymore. I... I couldn't see a light either. I.. can't see!