Celestia woke up. It was a good day to be her. Birds were flitting around in the early morning chill, and the familiar warmth of the sun was calling out to her from below the orange horizon. Reaching over to her bedside cabinet she found her usual pot of tea and her golden regalia. The tea was earl grey. Her favorite.
After getting dressed and drinking her tea, Celestia wandered out to her balcony and raised the sun. This may sound impressive, but this was Celestia's job, so for her it was just the daily grind. However, as she rubbed the sleep from her eyes and reveled in the lovely dawn warmth, she noticed something rather peculiar.
Discord was sitting in the castle courtyard writing.
Deciding she could pursue it after breakfast, Celestia trotted downstairs to the castle kitchens, greeted by her usual stack of seventeen pancakes, drizzled in just the right amount of whipped butter and maple syrup. Celestia felt her mouth begin to water.
After she'd eaten twelve of her pancakes, Celestia felt the need to look around. She couldn't quite put her hoof on it, but something was off. But what?
There was Luna, scoffing into an apple pie, flecks of apple and pastry all over her muzzle. There was the usual guards, standing resolute by the kitchen door. There were the cooks, busily preparing more pancakes just in case she wanted seconds. And there was Discord... Wait...
What was Discord doing there? Normally Discord stayed in Ponyville, with that yellow pegasus... Fluttershy, that was her name. So, what was he doing here?
Listening in, she realized he was questioning Luna. Something about a novel, she wasn't really interested. What was much, much more intriguing was the large paper-back exercise book with the words, "PRIVATE! HOOVES OFF, CELESTIA!" written in big, red letters on the cover. How could she not read it?
Celestia then spent most of the entire day tailing Discord, waiting for an opportunity. Her rational mind kept trying to remind her that she had plenty of better things to do on her day off, but her irrational mind was running the show. And it said that whatever was in that book, she wanted it.
Eventually, she found an opportunity. Discord left the book alone to go and hassle some doughnut merchant. Normally, Celestia would have chastised Discord for such behavior, but right then it was the best thing that could have happened to her.
Quickly, she grabbed the book in her magic and retreated back to the castle. Stopping only at the kitchen for a tub of popcorn, she headed straight to her bedchambers and, relaxing back into her bed and munching on some popcorn, she opened the book and began to read.
TWILIGHT ERIS AND THE ELEMENTS OF CHAOS
A fanfic by Discord. NO CELESTIAS ALLOWED.
SERIOUSLY! THIS IS NOT FOR YOU, CELESTIA!
Celestia found her interests begin to peak. She was determined to read on.
"Once apon a time, in the magical land of Draconia, there was one regal monarch who created disharmony for all the land. To do this he used his Draconequus powers to randomly move the sun and the moon. Thus, he maintained a lack of balance for his kingdom and all his subjects, all the Draconequii. But as time went on, two sisters tried to spread order and harmony. The Draconequii relished and played in the chaos the monarch brought forth, but shunned and slept through the diarchy's beautiful order. One fateful day, the unicorns refused to retreat their order to make way for chaos. The monarch tried to reason with them, but the boring-ness in their hearts had transformed them into wicked mares of harmony: Celestia Sun and Luna Moon.
They vowed that they would shroud the land in eternal boredom! Reluctantly, the monarch harnessed the most powerful magic known to Draconidom. The Elements of Chaos! Using the magic of the Elements of Chaos, he defeated the sisters, and banished them permanently in their respective celestial bodies. The monarch took on responsibility for both sun and moon, and disharmony has been maintained ever since."
At this, Celestia burst out into a fit of giggles. She thought she knew where this was going, and if it was going where she thought, this was going to be one great day.
Twilight Eris looked up from her book. Speaking with her usual whiny tone, she called out to nothing in particular, "Elements of Chaos? I've heard that name before. But where?" as if hoping some majestic ruler would burst through the ceiling and tell her.
Hopping up from the well-formed groove in the library carpet where she normally lay to read books all day instead of actually doing something with her life, Twilight Eris turned around and tried to leave the library.
Immediately the door vanished, reappearing on the other side of the room. "Sweet Discord, I HATE all this chaos sometimes," Twilight muttered as she span around on the heel of her claw and marched rapidly out of the room.
Celestia giggled again. She was rather enjoying this depiction of her Faithful Student. While it was true that Discord's sarcastic personality and dry wit were an annoyance on most occasions, when put into writing it seemed not only tolerable, but down-right amusing. Maybe Discord could make some bits as a comedy writer.
Chaoslot was a very fancy town. Over half of the buildings floating upside-down in the sky were fancy buildings of some kind, (restaraunts, ballrooms, art galleries etc.), and it gave the impression that it was a rather snooty town.
It was, of course, a very snooty town, as any country Draconequus who visited it would tell you. But it had good reason to be. Upon Mt. Chaos, where Chaoslot was built, sat the palace of Princess Discord, the ruler of the land.
"Princess Discord?" Celestia thought in amusement, "What's next, a stone statue of the order spirit Cadance?"
The entire city rang with echoes of his past achievements. From the vague, pony-shaped imprints on the Sun and the Moon, both of which happened to be in the sky at the time, to the statue of Cadance the Order Spirit in the Chaoslot sculpture gardens.
"Who called it," Celestia called out, acquiring a surprised glance from the guards outside her door.
"Just... Just reading a story... Carry on with what you were doing," Celestia stammered to the guard, thoroughly embarrassed.
Twilight Eris rushed home, not even stopping when some polite young Draconequii invited her to a party. "Not now!" she called, huffing in self-induced stress and being thoroughly rude doing so. She rushed through the streets of Chaoslot until she arrived at her home, which just happened to be a different library.
Prickle, Twilight's long-suffering child griffon butler, opened the door for her, expecting to see her calm and orderly, perhaps with a few books grasped in her claws, and, hopefully, an invite to Moonthrasher's party in the other paw. Instead, he opened the door only to be bowled over and sent sprawling onto a nearby pile of books.
"PRIIICKLE!" Twilight yelled, nearly hurting the poor griffon's ears with the volume of her unnecessary shout, even though she was in a library and she was always hypocritically telling others to be quiet in her library.
Prickle could do nothing but groan, as he tried to stay conscious after the grievous wound to his head threatened to topple him into blackness. He knew that if he closed his eyes, he may never open them again.
"There you are, you lazy griffon!" Twilight chastised, not caring in the slightest about Prickle's current struggle to stay in the land of the living. "Quickly, find me my copy of 'Predictions and Prophecies,'" Twilight demanded.
Prickle shook the dizziness out of his eyes, and turned over to his talons. The claw-made bear he'd poured hours of his free time into as an act of love was torn to shreds. "What's that?" Twilight asked.
"Well, it WAS gonna be a gift for Moonthrasher, but..." Prickle started, before Twilight rudely cut him off.
"Oh Prickle, you know we don't have time for that!" Twilight instructed.
Prickle sighed, and again bottled up his frustrations, to take out on the logs next time Twilight made him chop firewood at midnight. He turned to his mistress, and said, simply and plainly, "But we're on a break..."
Celestia made a note to make sure Spike was treated properly. It was probably just Discord exaggerating the situation, but...
Twilight simply ignored him, turning to her bookcase and randomly teleporting around, scanning for the book she wanted... No, the book she NEEDED.
Prickle, who was far more familiar with the library's setup than Twilight, as he spent hours sorting it every week, simply fluttered up to the top of a nearby bookshelf on his tiny, fragile wings, and searched the spines. It was not very long until he found the right book, at which point he called out to Twilight, "Found it!" and waited for his pat on the back. However, instead of receiving praise, Prickle was sent flying onto the floor, spraining his wing.
Twilight read the book, flipping through the pages until she found the right page.
Celestia sighed, remembering how she'd planted that book. Reading about it, even if only a parody, made her remember she'd risked her faithful student to try and save her sister.
"E. E. E. Elements of Chaos. See Mares in the Sun/Moon?"
Prickle giggled to himself. He'd realized what was going on. Twilight was going crazy over a Draco's Tale. He knew it'd happen some day. That draconequus believed that anything that was said in her precious books was 100% true facts. He decided to speak up. "Mares in the Sun and Moon? But that's just an old Draco's tale!"
Twilight once again ignored him. "Mare. Mare. Aha! Mares in the Sun/Moon. A Draconequus legend from oldenDraconequus times. Two powerful ponies who wanted to rule Draconia, defeated by the elements of Chaos and imprisoned in their respective celestial bodies. Legend has it that on the 1000th year on the longest day, the stars will aid in their escape, and they will bring about order eternal! *gasp* Prickle! Do you know what this means?"
Prickle, who was still recovering from his concussion earlier, did not know. What he did know, however, was how to take a letter. So, despite a few spelling mistakes that Twilight got overly upset over, he sent a letter describing Twilight's findings to the Princess.
"There, it's on it's way," Prickle said, gasping for air, "But I wouldn't hold your breath!"
Celestia heard knocking at the door. After allowing them to come in, she saw it was a Royal Guard.
"And to what do I owe the pleasure?" Celestia asked, impatient to get back to her book.
"Your Highness," The guard replied, bowing, "It seems there's been trouble in Ponyville."
Celestia sighed, wishing she could just return to her book. But she needed to watch from her usual vantage point, ready to interfere if things got too out of hand for her Faithful Student to deal with.
Unbeknownst to Celestia, the moment she left her room, Discord teleported in. After examining the pages of the book Celestia had dropped open in her haste, Discord pumped his eagle claw in delight.
"Operation successful," he said to no-one in particular, "Commencing stage two."
Picking up the book in his claw, he produced a stolen donut in the other paw, which the shopkeeper had been more then happy to give him in return for him vacating the premises for at least a day.
He bit into it. "Urk! Grape jam!" he cried out in disgust, before a genius idea came to him.
Celestia returned to her bedchambers that evening to find her book gone and a huge purple, sticky happy face drawn on her white bed sheets.
Author's Note
Boom! I'm back, dummy! https://wiki.teamfortress.com/w/images/2/25/Scout_revenge04.wav?t=20100625225852
I TOLD you I could write better then that. Heck, I wrote this while SICK!
I'm only gonna write this when I feel like it, so expect long wait times.
The Centennial Chaos Celebration
Celestia was absolutely distraught. She was not distraught at the events in Ponyville, as everything had gone well there. Twilight and her friends had evicted the rampaging Roc without too much trouble, and Celestia had even received a report describing the importance of trust in dire situations. No, Celestia was distraught because the book she had been enjoying had been taken from her while she was gone.
She mentally ran through a list of possible suspects. It could be Luna, she might be playing a prank on her. It could be one of the servants... No, as they wouldn't have left such a mess.
It could be Discord... Wow. He'd be pretty bothered by the invasion of his privacy. Celestia truly hoped it wasn't him.
Anyway, she didn't have time to pursue the matter, as she had court to attend to in a few minutes. Still, she couldn't help but wonder where the book had gone, and if she'd ever see it again.
Discord's plan was going well. It had been almost a month since Celestia had been able to read his story, and so it was time to activate stage 3. Sneaking into Celestia's bedchambers, he placed his book carefully upon her bed, before opening a door into the nothingness and watching from the void.
Truth be told, Celestia had almost forgotten about Discord's book. She'd forced herself to forget, assuming that she would never see it again. She went about her daily business.
But she never truly forgot. That is why, after a long, long day of listening patiently to idiotic nobles and tediously working through mountains of paperwork, she was truly delighted to see the familiar cover tucked half-way under her blankets, as if it was asleep in her bed. She could plainly see the familiar title.
TWILIGHT ERIS AND THE ELEMENTS OF CHAOS
A fanfic by Discord. NO CELESTIAS ALLOWED.
SERIOUSLY! THIS IS NOT FOR YOU, CELESTIA!
Looking around furtively to check if there was anypony, or more specifically, anydraconequus there, Celestia found that she was alone.
Relaxing comfortably under her covers, (but not under too many, it was summer after all), Celestia opened the book to her previous page and began to read.
"There, it's on it's way," Prickle said, gasping for air, "But I wouldn't hold your breath!"
Twilight Eris turned on her heel and replied, "Oh, I'm not worried, Prickle. The Princess trusts me completely. In all my years of being his mentor, he's never once doubted me."
As if on cue, Prickle's magic feather began to tingle, the sign that Princess Discord had sent him a message. Quick as a flash, it detached itself from Prickle and traced the outline of a scroll in the air. An outline which rapidly became solid.
The feather stabbed back into Prickle's wing, and he couldn't help but wince. It hurt every time. This was why Princess Discord felt guilty about sending messages via Prickle, as he cared about the feelings of others unlike some ponies he could name.
Celestia had to re-read that paragraph before she would accept it was real. But it was. Discord had just implied she didn't care about other's feelings in a fan-fiction she wasn't even supposed to be reading.
She would have to check whether or not sending messages actually hurt Pri... Spike.
Twilight grasped the scroll, emanating smugness in an aura so thick it was almost visible.
"I knew he'd want to take immediate action!" said Twilight, despite not having read the scroll at all yet.
A random burst of chaos actually made her aura of smugness visible for a moment. It was pink.
Twilight started reading out loud, cursing all those nearby with her nasally and just downright annoying voice.
"My dearest Twilight. You know that I value your diligence, and that I trust you completely."
The aura of smugness turned from pink to a deep purple, and the scroll turned into a green octopus, gripping to Twilight's arm with it's suckers.
Opening it's beaky mouth, the octopus continued for Twilight, in the majestic voice of the great monarch Discord.
"However, you simply... No. You know what? I'm above lying. I won't manipulate you, someone I say I care about, as a tool against my rivals. That's just wrong. I care about you too much for that. There is something going on, but trust me when I say that the best thing you can do for me right now is to go to Draconitown and organise the Centennial Chaos Celebration. I'd also like you to make some friends. Will you do that for me?"
Celestia blushed. A deep pit of guilt built up in her heart. Whatever she said to herself, Discord was right. She used her own student as a tool against her own sister who was only corrupted thanks to her negligence. And worst of all, she didn't even give Twilight a choice in the matter. But Twilight was a Princess now... And didn't every little filly want to be a Princess? That made it better... Right?
Celestia decided just to keep reading.
Twilight didn't even stop to consider. Despite her many, many flaws she was loyal to the Princess. She rushed out and took a Chaoporter to Draconitown. But all the way there she moped to Prickle.
Eventually, in a desperate attempt to make her feel happy, he reassured her, saying "Princess Discord arranged for you to stay in a library. And even though he was too kind to evict the previous owner, you'll still be able to read. Doesn't that make you happy?"
The library had been UNOCCUPIED! Now Discord was making things up just to insult her...
I mean sure, the entire story was made up, but...
Celestia decided just to keep reading and instruct Raven to find her a good therapist. Specialty in paranoia...
And bring her some more cake. Celestia liked cake.
A stupid and poorly-constructed plan formed in Twilight's mind. "You know what?" she ranted, "It does. You know why? Because I'm right."
Rivers of smugness oozed from the young mare who had just thought herself wiser then a thousand-year-old Demigod as she continued, "I'll just check on the preparations as fast as I can, and then I'll get to the library, and find some proof of the Sister's return."
Prickle, who was wise far beyond his years interjected, "But... When will you make friends?"
Twilight scoffed, and waved away Prickle's reminder, retorting, "I'm sure that addendum was for my benefit. I am his student, and I'll do my royal duty, but the fate of Draconia does not rest on me making friends."
The Chaosporter had finally deposited them in the right place, and Twilight thanked the Draconequus operating it, just this once remembering to use her manners.
Prickle suddenly thought of a way to try and make Twilight feel better.
"I dunno, Twilight, maybe the Draconequuses of Draconitown have interesting things to talk about."
Gesturing to a pink Draconequus trudging along with a downcast expression, he asked "Go on, Twilight, just try."
Twilight awkwardly strolled up to the gloomy pink stranger and muttered, "Um... Hello?"
She looked up, and apon seeing Twilight's mismatched face she snorted, and slowly trudged away. Twilight made out a lapel pin with an image of three deflated balloons on it.
Deciding to give up after one failed attempt, Twilight instead headed off to the first place on her list.
"Sweet Pear Acres."
A huge clash sounded from downstairs, and Celestia decided she needed to investigate. It was probably just a routine drill gone awry, but better to be safe then sorry.
Discord looked at the bookmarked page and sighed. He'd expected Celly to be up to The Great and Powerful Librarian by now. He wanted to see her face at that bit.
Discord left, taking the bookmark with him. It would make a nice addition to "The Wall of stuff Celestia is never going to see again."
Author's Note
Sorry I look so long. I'm lazy as... Very lazy.
