I’m nervous. I think I am. Wait... I am! Why am I nervous?!
It’s only a waiting game after all. She told me she’ll be ready in a few minutes. I can’t wait that long! I could pass the time and snoop on her, but that would probably be wrong of me.
Wait... why wouldn’t I do that? Spying on friends is always great. After all, it’s how I found out about this thing in the first place.
Fluttershy, you’re my only friend, or main friend rather, and I’m genuinely sorry for eavesdropping. On you anyway. But if you never went to that expensive—and abundantly obvious rip-off of a spa, then perhaps I wouldn’t find out these things.
I mean, she called me charming. Charming? Me? Hello, I’m Discord. Where do you find ‘charming’ in the entity of entropy?
I know it was a compliment—a hearty one at that, but why did it mean so much? Why did it get to me? One word changed my whole world. A word I’m not familiar with. I call Fluttershy kind and sweet. Actually, sweet’s kind of pushing it. How about loving? Or gentle? Caring, maybe?
Never again have I had the enthusiasm in my pranks as I once did, even when that pink pony is around. She tries to one-up me all the time, but she’ll always precede me, as much as she tries. Pinkie Pie, I’ve been pranking and spreading chaos long before you even existed, before you were a tiny speck of a molecule. Don’t even try and shoot me with a party cannon. It’s not going to work.
You’ll get a weirdly-shaped pie to the face if you do. Might not sound like much, I know, but its Pinkie. You tell her there’s a party somewhere, and vroom, she’s out the door. I must remember that for another occasion.
Good thing too; if she knew about this date, I fear she’d muck it up, or worse, interfere. For the first time in my life, I am praying that Pinkie Pie is absent. And they call me crazy...
Me? Discord? Afraid? I’ve never been afraid. Not even when those six came at me with beams of rainbows. I may have underestimated them a little, and I might have gotten myself encased in stone in the process. Eh, can’t blame them. They wanted Equestria safe and sound. Spreading chaos is fun and all, but sometimes I’d just like to relax and hang back. But with one certain pony always on at me, I can’t live in my ideal euphoria. No, it’s all, “Discord, stop messing around with this. Stop super-sizing the rabbits over there.”
Twilight, calm your nerves will you? I’ve vowed not to go rogue, and I'd prefer not to mention Tirek. The name alone feels like a sting in my spine. Just... lay off me, alright? We’ve come out of this situation better than when we entered it.
Ugh... There I go, avoiding the topic as usual, when I should be thinking about her; her looks, her lovely mane, her smile.
What? When did I get so icky and sappy all of a sudden? The embodiment of disharmony—ex-disharmony, that is—is getting all mushy. And for what? The most beautiful mare in Equestria?
Okay, I think I may have become corrupted with maudlinism. I’m not one to go along with the whole, “She captured my heart,” thing, but it’s happened. Was it Fluttershy, by chance? Has she 'cursed' me, so to speak?
I don't know, but I kept getting a vibe that we’d swapped bodies. Our calming chat to discuss my ‘feelings’, if you can call them that, only resulted in her mocking me. Well, to be fair, it wasn’t a mock-mock, but she was playing it up. Oh, it was sweet; let me assure you on that.
But for some reason, I couldn’t counter with anything snarky or any of my trademark one-liners. No play-acting either, nor did my volume exceed its regular pitch. Actually... what Fluttershy said was a little hurtful. I know she had good intentions—the best, considering our friendship—but I can’t shake it.
That may have been what drove me to actually say something. It was only after my tea party with Fluttershy—with cucumber sandwiches, of course, that I came around. I thought about it. I thought about it a lot.
And then it dragged me to the inevitable. Asking her out on a date. I knew it; whenever she was around, my heart sped up in beats. When I heard her soothing voice, I melted, theoretically. Fluttershy told me I had a crush, plain and simple.
A crush? When’s the last time I had one of those? It was so long ago...
Actually, I’m not even sure if I ever crushed on anyone. The idea of having fun and dissolving the very fabric of existence around me was far more invigorating. So what made her different?
Seriously, she was one of the six to send me back to my kind-of-but-not-completely-boring stone prison. She could have been what I considered an enemy. Are you supposed to fall in love with an enemy? I’ve heard the phrase ‘Keep your friends close and your enemies closer’, but it’s kind of taking it to the extreme here.
But what baffles me—yes, me, Discord, the lord of chaos—is how she returned it. How? What? Why? A stunning mare wants to date me? I know I’ve got the looks and the brain, not to mention the brawn in its entirety. I’ve got pretty much everything. I should have a harem when I think about it.
But still!
And I don’t know how to feel about that. I should be over Luna’s moon that she returns the affection. After all this time, I get a date with such a remarkable mare.
...Oh no. It just struck me... What am I supposed to do? I have infinite knowledge on so many things. You want me to create cotton candy clouds that rain down chocolate milk? I can do that. If you ever wanted to have your house spiced up with the power of dissonance so that your conversations have more honesty, I can oblige.
But dating? What do I do?
It's not exactly helping that I can hear the loudening sounds of her hooves. She’s sauntering behind the door, coming closer with every second. Come on Discord, pull yourself together. You can do this, just remain calm and breathe. One, two, three... And the door is open!
“Thank you for waiting, Discord.”
Her voice alone strums my internal harp with resonating notes of bliss. It’s just so... so relaxing. It’s the kind of voice I could listen to all day. Is it wrong of me to think that? Or even that I want to curl up with her all day? Possibly even snuggle?
...I should hate myself for saying that. If it weren’t for me seeing her in a different light—a much better one, I probably would.
But her figure. And her mane! It’s all so elegant.
Rarity... she’s so beautiful!
“It’s no trouble,” I reply, attempting not to sound like a mindless, drooling zombie at the same time.
But then she had to go and giggle. Why’d she do that?
She’s a temptress. I can see it in her dazzling eyes. It only takes the tiniest of glances to see that. And you know what?
I don’t care. I’m going to make the most of this date. How screwed up could it possibly get when the very physical form of 'screwed' is on the date?
Author's Note
Because it had to be done. Please don't hate me Princess.
I regret nothing!
