Incomplete Solutions

by Viking Hoof

Rating: mature
Tags: Slice of Life, Alternate Universe, Human, Romance
Length: 5129

Twilight Sparkle, the worlds most famous, and loneliest, futa. All her life she wanted a cute little colt friend to butt rut. Tired of being alone, she decides to take matters into her own hooves.

There are only two genders in Equestria, futanaris and males. Not even Celestia remembers a day that a futa pony wasn't rutting a colt. The only problem is the major gender imbalance. Some herds have seven futas for one colt. Unfortunately, this leaves romantically shy ponies like Twilight Sparkle out in the cold.

Luckily, Twilight has a spell to fix that.

Hundreds of thousands of miles away, a young man is being chased through the dark and dim alleys of the Lunar Colony.

((warning, overflow of futanaris. Multi futa on one guy. Warning, this story will have two very different tones, euphoric and grim.))

((Also, consider that "male" may just be an approximation or a carry over from a ancient time before futas. Just because it doesn't have a vagina doesn't mean it's male as we know it.))

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-08-19 03:20:03 UTC

I Was In Need Of Evac

There was a young man hiding behind a dumpster in a quiet city street. Most of his exposed skin was bruised or cut, but he wasn't verbally complaining about it, just sitting there holding his head in his hands. Down the street he could hear the sounds of the raiders gunshots getting closer.

~the dull crack of a rifle~ closer

and

~the sharper retort of a small caliber pistol~ closer

The young man was below average weight and size, his gun was just a prop to trick idiots. All he had was his hatchet, and all that was useful for was firewood and zed heads. they would drop him like a sack of potatoes the second he showed his head. All of the real weapons had been taken by his friends when they went to radio the military evacuation group that had moved in.

But it was never coming. They were never coming. Because, they were all fucking dead. Pretty soon, he'd be too. The zombies, the fucking zombies... every day... every night... masking his scent... hiding, making allies, being betrayed and starting over, all that experience and hard work was about to meet an abrupt end at the hands of mother fucking raiders.

The young man didn't pray. He'd given up all traditional gods five years ago when he watched his mother get ripped apart. Now, all he did was sit and wait. He couldn't run, the raiders had driven him towards the old evacuation center, zombie central. There was no where to go but over that wall, and he could hear the screams of rage driven by rotting diaphragms of walking corpses from where he was sitting. Better a bullet than that.

That is, if they used a bullet on him. Some of they guys had joked about... doing things to him while they sliced his friend's throats.

The young man drove a breathe through his system. Those weren't the first friends to meet a violent end right in front of him, and they wouldn't be the last. All he had to do was keep it together, and get the fuck out of this situations somehow. All he had to do was live to make new friends!

N-new friends... fucking idiots. Why did he even make friends? All they ever did was get themselves killed, a-all of them.

They were all FUCKING DEAD! WHY!? WHY did all of HIS friends have to die? Why not the rapist assholes? Why not the fucking zombies behind the wall? Why his friends?! w- The boy coughed back a sob of rage. he'd had it together just a second ago, all he had to do was re-find his inner calm, and to get the fuck out.

"hey"

The young man froze, the voice sending chills down his back. Where had-

~click~

"Looks like we've found our runner Earl." No! no No NO! I had to get out of this alive! I couldn't get taken like this! I ... the hatchet! They were in the alley with me! I could get behind the dumpster, take one with me, perhaps get the second.

Did I mention that I was that young man? Thinking in third person keeps the trauma unreal at times. Going nuts here would have you eaten, shot, or raped within an hour. I'd seen it. That lucky bastard just got the bullet.

I went for it, diving behind the dumpster, pack in hadn. "Heh, he thinks he's cute."

"He is cute Dave, that's why you wanted to fuck his ass." I heard one slap the other. They sounded like brothers. Inbred hillbilly brothers to be exact.

"Shut up Earl... Fuck, pass me a can." Huh?

"I thought you wanted him alive?" What?!

I turned in horror as a small can covered in tape, nails, and glass bounced right next to me.

"They are easier to fuck dead." Shit.

I dropped the sheet of metal, my thoughts already racing. I could feel blood dripping down his arms, but everything else seemed to work. They must think I'm dead, or they would have attacked before the shock passed. That meant I could ambush these assholes. It would be easy. Just stay quiet and play dead right up until they turned the corner of my dumpster. Any second now... any-

I saw the scruffy beard before anything else. Even in the apocalypse, facial hair taunted me. Just because I could never grow a beard, even when I seemed the last man left alive, all the girls decided to fuck each other instead... except Amy.

I set that thought aside for later. Right now, there was a redneck staring at me in shock, and only one chance to end that fuckers miserable shit life. I took it, lashing out with the hatchet before the redneck son of a bitch could react, felling the fucker in one swipe, reaching for the gun with one hand and pulling my hatchet back with the other. Either I'd shoot the next fucker, manage to somehow get him within swinging range, or die. Those were the three options now.

I pushed the prick with a gaping slash in his neck backwards, hoping to catch the fucker's brother with the body. Even as I did so, I was pushing forward, struggling to pull the gun free, preparing to swing.

I got stupidly lucky, the second asshole was trying to catch his brother like he was just falling. The realization that his brother was bleeding to death in his arms seemed to not even connect in his eyes. He was dead moments after he and the body hit the ground. There life's drained out on the cold metal ground.

I wiped away tears as I cleaned my axe. It looked like I would-

THE FUCK?!

I stared at the small sign reading "touch me" that had just appeared before my very eyes. Where had that fucking come from? Was this a trap by friends of the idiots he had just killed?

"I can take you from this hell hole, to someplace safe." I stared at the now TALKING SIGN in front of him. Maybe I had died, and this was some fucked up way Grim Reaper's way of breaking it softly...

Hell... why not?

Material Requisition

Twilight gayly skipped down the street with a shopping list on hoof. Unlike the future Twilight's instruction guide, the recipe for the body was measured down to the microliter. Of course, she wouldn't write it down in her autobiography in case some nosy futa read it, but needless to say she was impressed at future Twilight's ability to use science to perfect the creation of coltfriends. Why hadn't

she thought of it? Oh right, she had!

Twilight giggled gently at her own joke as she strutted down the street. Sure, she got a few worried looks from passersby, who all bowed or curtsied, but it was well worth it to laugh every once in a while. Even if they thought she was crazy for standing in the middle of the street and just laughing.

SHE WASN'T CRAZY! She was just excited!

"Ma'am, what the fuck are you doing in the middle of the street?" Twilight turned with a pleasant smile to what she assumed was a Knight of the order of Bad Attitude. She was, as always, right!

"Hello, my good knight!"

"Hello yourself, bitch" Twiight felt all warm and fuzzy inside as the knight addressed her with the respect normally reserved for Princess Luna. They would never talk to Princess Celestia like that, of course not! Especially not after she assigned a few of them to Lunar base duty, fighting off the hordes of ravenous zombies. Twilight's spirits plummeted just at the thought of that place, but a quick shot of magically manufactured endorphins had her going again.

"I'm sorry to have bothered you, please don't mind me." Twilight left the Futa knight behind as she went on her way.

First thing first on her list, a set of violin strings and essence of a record player. Twilight of the future explained that the spell didn't literally need a colt's body. Just clay to breathe life into, and a set of analogs for major functions that made the spell easier to analyze.

Twilight could hear the thumping of the largest speakers in town. Hopefully, the best strings and the best record player essence would make for a better voice, and for that there was only one story in town, Octavia and Vinyl's shop! Admittedly, futafoolers always made her uncomfortable, but she usually found Octavia's music and Scratch's beat more than helped her get over that during the times they met. Which of course she loved because being able to weaken a bigoted bone in her own body was something Twilight held respect for.

"Hello your highness." Octavia was there to greet her at the door, as always. The grey coated, black maned, bow tie wearing futa was in an excellent mood, at least from what a Twilight could tell. The shop was, as always, well stocked with all kinds of instruments and musical electronics.

"Hello my music appreciating ponies!" Twilight smiled as all the futas in the shop bowed, and all of the cute colts kneeled before her. Even if she was too shy to ask, she wasn't too shy to imagining their cute little faces innocently looking up at her as the went to town on her cock. Luckily, she had a anti-boner spell ready, or a simple shopping trip would get a lot more embarrassing.

"Yo, wing-and-horns, what brings you to the Busted Flute?" Twilight returned the white coated, red eyed, blue maned, unicorn's greeting with a smile and a beckoning wave, but Twilight also paused to consider the name, as she had done every time she'd heard it. It was odd afterall, to name a music store after a malfunctioning instrument neither proprietor played. Twilight had been tempted to ask, but had always chickened out. She suspected a dirty bandcamp joke was a factor.

"Hello, my good futas. I'm glad to see you both in excellent health! Can you point me to your most expensive record player, and your most expensive set of strings. If the instrument the strings are for is high pitched, then I prefer those." Twilight smiled as the two futas dashed off to do her bidding. They both probably heard the clinking of bits in their heads.

Within seconds a gilded record player and a set of strings in a mahogany box were placed before twilight. Both Vinyl and Octavia stared at her expectantly.

"Hmm, is this you best record player? I realize I said expensive, but I meant more in terms of sound quality." The white coated, blue maned, red eyed futa's ears dropped in disappointment. Twilight knew her research stipend had been saved enough to afford being generous today. No reason she couldn't bankroll a up rage for this little shop. Both owners were very polite, and she'd never seen them shirk a customer to help her, a quality Twilight held in high regard.

Just as the unicorn futa was about to return the gilded recorded player and fetch the cheaper but better record player, Twilight stopped hir with a hoof. "I think I might find it in my wallet to acquire two record players today." As Twilight had predicted, Vinyl Scratch's ears shot right back up.

"R-right away your majesty!" Twilight smiled as the unicorn reacquired the pip in hir step. All in a day's work being a princess of friendship.

"Your majest, you requested a set of strings for a higher octave instrument?" Twilight turned to the Earthpony cellist, rewarding her with a smile.

"Why yes, I did. What do you have for me?" Twilight accepted the box of strings with her magic, slowly twirling it to see what the box might say.

"It's unmarked, but they are intended to be violin strings, you majesty." Twilight smiled. She liked violins.

"That'll do, now, if you could have miss Vinyl take both record players to my library, as well as the strings, I'd be very thankful." Twilight tore off a quick check, presigned, and deposited both it and the box back in Octavia's grasp. "Just take that to the bank.

Twilight made her way down the street as she considered her next purchases. Dragon fruit  was almost impossible to get, Celestial flowers more so, and a Vampony fang would require a willing donor, and that was less likely to happen than her chances of getting her hooves on the first two. If only there was somepony who could help...

Twilight waited, but was disappointed to discover her future self's generosity had dried up. It looked like she would be on her own from head on out. Twilight reconsidered the list, trying to think of some way to gain all of the rare items.

"I don't even know why the recipe NEEDS a Vampony fang!?" Twilight forced herself back to a calm mellow. She had to be even headed about this. She was literally creating life from almost scratch. One mistake and she could doom a soul to years of pain and misery.

Perhaps... perhaps Celestia could help her? Of course, since this was completely ethical in every aspect, and even more honest, surely the Princess would help.

Only one way to find out...

On second thought maybe just the material list would do.

Twilight smiled as she slid open the steaming fresh scroll case straight from Celestia herself. Of course, she made the proper circle with her hoof along her chest, just as Celestia now insisted in drawing a star with a hoof on her chest. It was a mother daughter thing, and a goddess to goddess thing, and a mentor to student thing. It was also the proper thing to do when opening a theistic decree, or when praying.

In fact, now that Twilight thought about it, their little signal wasn't very special at all! Her mother had been lieing to her her whole life!

Well, it wasn't the first time, and it wouldn't be the last, but that was just mom.

Now back in her good mood, Twilight began to read the scroll.

"My faithful daughter, I see that you have discovered a spell to make a pony. I expected at least another one hundred years, but I'm glad you've progressed this far." Twilight paused to consider the irony of that line, but she giggled and moved on. "I also see that you've realized that you can only cast the spell once and have decided to make your mate immortal." Twilight's jaw dropped at how obvious that should have been to her. "Of course, you're going to have to pretend that you didn't summon the colt. It's for the best, when you consider how complicated the Equestrian identity tracking process is and how many futas would want it. Now here are a few tips. Flexibility is key, for obvious reason, as are artistic abilities as well as mental. Since he will be immortal, he will need to be able to experience as many emotional outlits as possible to stay sane. Knowing you I'd suggest a good singing voice, writing, and maybe drawing."

Twilight paused to consider the validity if that statement, and nodded in acceptance of its probable validity. She made sure that she made note of it, and then show read on. "Now, along with the requested item, I shall be sending a few colt dating essentials. A enema for him, lube for you, a set of magic socks with ribbons, a few cute clothes, a universal translator in case he's from another dimension, a friendly puppy you can both bond with, and a set of gifts you can give him if you piss him off." Twilight blushingly processed the rest of the telemagical revealing a package before her forehooves.

"As you read this final passage, I want you to really consider who you are hoping the clay will become, and remember that this can only be done once. Any attempt to do it twice may damage your soul forever. And Twilight, I love you. Mom." Twilight smiled gently at the note's touching and worrying ending lines. That was mom, through and through, so cryptic and loving.

Twilight tossed the note into the bin and unwrapped her present. As promised there was the ingredients she asked for, as well as the socks and some rather personal and very rubbery gifts. That was also her mom all over. Part of her sex toy collection came from joking gifts from her mom, not that she ever told Celestia that she kept them.

She went over the package bit by bit, admiring the petals of the strangely shaped Celestial flower, the the structure of the vampony tooth, the plump freshness of the Dragon fruit. All were in excellent condition. The Celestial flower was infamous for it's suggestive form, almost like the rather unused futa vagina. Ancient logs reference jokes of it, but they died off rapidly after futaization. She didn't see why they ever found it funny.

The Fang's structure became more exquisite the more she looked over it. It had two seperate chambers, but the gums interacted with part of the tooth, allowing one of the chambers, the one that collected blood, to also give blood, when one vampire decided to turn another. It was a fascinating, but well regulated process, and only a few vampires were even capable of it. Of course, it, like the spell if Celestia was right, could only be done once or twice. It fixed the soul to their vampiric form.

The more she thought about it, the more Twilight realized what she was doing was a lot like anonymous version of one vampire turning another. She was binding a soul permanently to a corporeal form. Soul's were not meant to do that and aside from vampires and dragons, there was no known way of doing it. Alicorns were of course completely different. It was the soul that ascended not the body. The body was bound to the soul rather than the other way around.

Twilight began to find all this internal exposition exhausting. Maybe a nap would help.

Spell Order Colt-friend

"As we all know, for every colt there are 9 futas. The average herd has one colt and seven futas. a full two ninths of Equestria's futas dated other futas or were single. This drought of males for herds affects even the Princesses. Today marks the second anniversary of Magic Princess Twilight Sparkle's ascension. Still no colt-friend in sight!" Twilight angrily slammed down the newspaper. She was sick and tired of her being in the headlines. It was never about her new spells, or her adventures. Everything was colts, colts, colts!

Twilight Sparkle was your average sized unicorn mare, plus wings. She had a purple coat, purple mane, and a pink skunk stripe that her mother had assured her for years would have all the colts coming round! She was a Princess for buck's sake! She should be swimming in colt booty, but she wasn't!

Of course all of her friends were in herds with colts. None of them very serious, but at least they banged regularly! Twilight knew she probably wouldn't die a virgin, but that's only because she was bucking immortal! On top of it all, no one believed her when she told them the size of her cock! There's a ancient demon possessed Princess coming from the moon, sure! Space travel at faster than light speeds, sure Twilight, we trust you enough to jump in a bucking metal construct IN SPACE. Ohh, you have an 11 inch cock, nooo way!

What was so unbelievable about her cock size?!  She'd seen bigger in pornos!

Twilight had been severely tempted to just rub it to size and show everypony on multiple occasions, but that would cause a "national scandal." Yeah bucking right. Everypony know Celestia's was insanely thick and could only rut colts who had trained for years. Luna's was 20 inches, and she could only rut in the dreamscape. But Twilight having a 11 inch slightly thicker than usual cock, suddenly it's a bucking classified secret!

Twilight stopped herself mid-rant. She'd been doing this far too often. At this rate she'd get possessed by an evil demon and call herself "Rough Spanking," or something dumb like that. If she was being honest with herself, the problem was her own fault. Her parents had been telling her for years she needed to get out and meet colts, but she had never listened. Now she spent her nights desperately trying to get off to clop.

If only there was a spell...

~thunk~

Twilight looked down in shock at the book that had randomly appeared before her. How had-

"Hey!" Twilight gasped at the sound of her own voice. But where was it coming from? "Hey, this is the you from about 100 or so years in the future. Finally figured out how to bring clay to life, thought you'd appreciate instructions on how to make a colt friend." Twilight's near ecstasy rose, only to be crushed by reality seconds later.

"Wouldn't that require a soul to inhabit the container?" The voice of future Twilight paused.

"Kinda? Just think of the soul as something you are borrowing permanently. If it really doesn't want to be borrowed, the spell won't work, but if it doesn't mind then the spell inhabits the manufactured body." Twilight stopped as she tried to apply logic to what seemed to be a broken analogy.

"That doesn't sound like borrowing at all."

"Ohh bucking well, either way, you'll be doing a favor for whatever inhabits the body. I used the spell, and the colt I got was crying tears of joy when he woke up. Trust me, I'm you!" Twilight tried to find some hole in her future self's argument, but that was quickly shoved aside by the prospect of some cute shy colt butt. "Mm, I can hear the anticipation already! Get to it, past me!"

Twilight let out a anxious breathe as the temporal spell faded. There were soo many possibilities! Since she was making her colt-friend, she coulda make him any size or shape she wanted.

But, how to decide...

Of course! Twilight facehoofed in embarrassment as the answer struck her. She couldn't believe she hadn't thought of it right away!

The best place to start designing her own colt-butt was to research why futas lusted after colts so much!

Of course, the best place to start on that subject was "Why Do We Have Males: an analysis of why the mass futa-ization of the Equestrian female gender failed to breed out the male." Twilight naughtily skimmed over the foreword and dedication, she was just to excited to wait!

"Chapter one: the end of the female-male era." Twilight nodded at the concise and succinct chapter name. She liked it when textbooks got to the point. "The origin of futas is well know to be in the ancient Roam Civilization, about the time of the invasion by the pre Germane Bales. This quickly became one of the bloodiest wars in..." Twilight shivered in delight. This was just  interesting the 17th time!

5 hours later

"The ancient Goddess, Gaia, became so distraught by the continual violence she began to search day and night for a solution. Her choice can be seen all around us, futa-ization. Gaia predicted, rightfully, that by tearing down the sexual barriers between the female leaders, soldiers, and ponies of Equestria would slowly bring about a union between nations. Unfortunately, the scope of the spell was too great, and the ancient Alicorn faded into the ethereal." Twilight wiped a away a tear. This part always got to her. "The spell was not limited to just mares though, Gaia turned the ancient stallions into the small, soft, holdable, fuckable form they have today." Twilight blushed as the infamous tome began its raunchier section on ancient history.

"At first, the now cock bearing futas fought just as they always did, visciously and bloodily. This was short lived as wars slowly gave way to rutting competitions every year as males and futas entered their heat seasons. One of the most famous annual rutting orgies was the annual one between Roam and Constrotinople. The most famous of those was the rutting of Emporer Theomarea." Twilight gulped anxiously as she turned the page into historical soft porn.

"The rutting started with just the Emperor of Constrotinople trying to satisfy more futas than a mutually agreed champion of Roam. It took place in a grassy field, under a light spring sun, and ended up lasting till fall. At the end, both colt competitors had to be slowly drained of cum over a year."

So... the reason Gaia made colts so cute was to make rutting them a uniting experience? Hmm... a good coltfriend wouldn't have to be shared, but he should be physically capable of doing it!

Twilight smiled and wrote "give coltfriend a fit and flexible body, and ensure taste buds find cum palatable. Time for more research!

Twilight wondered briefly on where to go from that point, but smiled contendedly once she came up with what she would research next, compatibility. Twilight paused as she considered how the spell accounted for that. Would it be wholly derived from the soul implaced in the body, or was the spell advanced enough to filter personality of spirit, or change it. Of course, she knew the best way to find out!

"Hey past me, here's some important things to know before you start the spell." Twilight blanched at the horribly lax wording of the instructions. "One, yes you are a introvert, but you're gonna need to trust me and make your colt a introvert, more introverted than you. Not quite Fluttershy introversion though. Just, trust me. Now, the important part of this is to think about what you want while you want it. The spell will take the shape of the clay and make it into a colt, but what you are imagining affects the mental and physical attributes. Imagining a active colt = more muscle, imagining a cuddle-able colt means a softer build. Even if the shape of the clay is the same."

That was... strangely informative, but at the same time explained nothing! Nonetheless, Twilight added "introvert" to the list.

Now, compatibility. Obviously he'd have to like books, and be able to understand her when she talked about magic, so somepony smart. If she followed future Twilight's advice and made him extremely shy then he probably wouldn't get out much, so perhaps someone who didn't eat as much? Twilight wasn't sure about that, but she wrote down "intelligent, healthy eater" anyway.

Hmm... Twilight had been liking the videogames she played on the hu-mans' PCs. There was one Luna had mentioned that might be interesting, Space Engineers, but would the colt she was making like them or fall into an addiction like so many real ponies? It was a risk she'd have to take in the name of compatibility! "Likes audio-visual interactive games on the personal computer."

Hmm, now that Twilight thought about it, heat season wouldn't be too far away for colts. It would be smart to keep that in mind when making her colt. "Heat season soon."

Now... favorite colors! Purple would be the obvious answer, but then again magenta would work too... Hmm this was a toughie. Twilight knew that he should like her colors, but Twilight also wanted to give the colt more personality aside from being her lover. "Favorite colors... magenta and red."

There... now what. Foods! He'd need favorite... Twilight paused as a blushingly naughty idea came to her. "Enjoys eating lots of fresh cum." No reason she couldn't enchant her cum to be super nutritious, and then the bit after being intelligent would be easier. "Note to self, enchant cum to by a nutritional meal."

Twilight realized she hadn't checked the back of her strange and lax future self's note! "Also, pick out a couple names ahead of time, just in case." That was... worrying. "Now, before you summon the colt, have tissues, blankets, that secret we toy collection we hide away, and some rope. They are usually in need of comfort, then a good.. rough... rutting."

Twilight threw the note away while blushing brighter than Celestia's sun. Nopony had ever found out about that stash of sex toys, NOPONY! Whatever doubts she had carried about the authenticity of the voice were shredded and tossed under the bus of complete shame and embarrassment. Not that Twilight was going to stop any of her plans.

Twilight took a cooling sip of water to help the blush go away. Now, a name. Whatever it was, it couldn't violate the purpose index law, and it couldn't... wait. Twilight realized just then that she'd have to get a birth certificate for her custom made colt-friend, and a social insurance number, and... bank accounts... and a high school diploma... and who would they put down as the parents, her? There was so much included in making a new pony that she had never considered... so many legal challenges it was scary.

Twilight frowned as another note popped in from the fourth dimension. She was beginning to think that perhaps the Twilight of the future was playing a prank on her.

"Hey, so right about now you are realizing how crazy it is to try and make a whole new life within the legalese of Equestria's bureaucracy. Don't you worry, I already have the solution to that one. Don't tell anyone, even him, that you made him. Just say that he appeared. It will be a mystery, but once he falls in love with you and stops caring about where he came from then others will stop caring too." Twilight shivered at how callously future Twilight seemed to be avoiding all of the complex moral questions this act was raising.

Would it be right to make a whole new pony, perfectly suited to fall in love with her, somepony she would probably have no trouble returning the feeling for. Would it be right to make a life just to satisfy her loneliness...

But wait, hadn't future Twilight said that the spell only borrowed souls that wanted to go? Technically, that wasn't making life so much as moving it from a place that made it suicidal to a place it would be loved. That wasn't wrong at all, and it wouldn't even be morally ambiguous if she asked if the pony wanted to go back!

This was shaping up to be a fine plan.