Octavia Shoots A Very Large Gun

by a guy with many hats

Rating: mature
Tags: Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Octavia, Slice of Life, Human
Length: 1986

Octavia goes to a shooting range and unloads a massive amount of pent up rage on the local watermelon population.

Octavia goes to a shooting range and unloads a massive amount of pent up rage on the local watermelon population.

Published 2014-08-19 18:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2014-08-19 18:00:02 UTC

Explosive Aggression

Author's Note

I GOT BORED! WOOOOOOO

Explosive Aggression

"Do it...I dare you to do it...." I growled, staring at my friend's child. A small rose headed satyr I agreed to babysit had ravaged my apartment and was threatening to make me explode from pure unventable rage. "Do it...Thorn, make my day."

Thorn stood on his hooves, holding my cello upright and leaning against it. "What...I'm not hurting it."

I glared at the hybrid child. "Thorn...put my cello down before I hurt you...right now!"

The petulant pre-teen scoffed, "Auntie you always freak out over nothi--" Thorn snapped the bridge of my cello in half, crumpling to the floor and crushing the hard wooden frame with his body. Time stopped at the satyr sat in the pile of broken wood and metal bits. "...Auntie I'm sorry!" He hastily tried to get his hooves out from under him. "I didn't--"

I ignored him, staring at the remains of my cello. I had others, I could get it fixed, but something about dealing with my friend's child was driving me up a wall. "Thorn...Rose...Arroyo...grab something to eat, go to your room, and pray I don't burn my bucking house down!" I screamed, causing the red headed satyr to bolt towards the kitchen. "Now!"

The nerdish stallion ran out, leaving me staring at the once painstakingly crafted cello. "...I've never been this mad before.... Maybe once...maybe...probably not." The very reason I sent my children to live with my parents was now ruining my own house, my own possessions, and eating my food. "....I am going...to kill something...." I mumbled, running my hoof along my face and pulling my mane back. "Something is going to die...." I stated, looking around my living room for my bags. "Something is going to explode, burn, I don't even know...."

I found my bags under a lamp, quickly rummaging through them and finding my bits. "Twenty-nine...thirty...fifty-six...." I continued to count quickly thinking of something to do. "Hmm...they'll be open...probably." I turned to the stairs to the bedrooms of my condo. "Thorn, get down here!"

Seconds after I spoke the young child tumbled down my stairs, landing hooves up and staring at me from the floor. "Auntie...hi...."

I slammed my hoof down next to his head. "You're pulling the cart, now come one, we're going out." I turned from Thorn, slapping him with my tail. "Well!?" I snapped, reaching the door.

Thorn bolted to the door, holding it open and standing tall. "Sorry...."

I pushed past him, walking to the small rickshaw I owned. "We're going down town, and be quick about it! It's getting late...and if the place is closed I'm going to take out my frustrations on Mr. Buzzer." I hopped into the cart and sat back. "...Thorn!" I snapped, causing the child to sprint in front of me and grab the arms of the cart. "Snowdrop Avenue, double time!" I commanded, causing Thorn to lurch forward and start the cart on its way.

I hummed softly, looking forward to my planned excursion. "Thorn, have you ever seen a gun?" I asked, leaning forward in the cart.

He looked back, "Um...Auntie...are you going to murder me?"

"Hmmm, that would have been fun.... Would have, mind you. But I've already got a plan." And soon that plan would be enacted, all I had to wait for was my half human companion to whisk me through dusk Canterlot. It was an average day, ponies going about their day, the occasional human sporting a satyr youngling dotted the streets.

Little by little the soft winter day faded, giving way to a soft cool night. "Thorn, hurry!" I yelled, forcing the pubescent colt to sprint down towards the small building I was destined for. "Here- here, Thorn park it on the corner!" I yelped, watching the colt pull off to the side. "Dear Celestia...calm down."

Thorn fell to his knees as he stopped. "I- just- don't be mad." He mumbled, clutching his chest.

I stepped off my cart. "Ah...the pinnacle of humanity." I looked the shooting range up and down. "No offense...." I muttered, leading Thorn to the door.

Thorn walked slowly behind me. "None...taken.... Wait...."

I ignored him, throwing the door open and finding a few surly characters milling around the front of the range. A bat pony with a strange manecut started snickering. "Hey there, you lost?"

The room full of enthusiasts lit up, chuckling softly. A man in a trucker hat leaned over the counter. "Ma'am, can I help--"

"Browning, two-hundred rounds hoof fed." I stated, walking calmly inside. "Thorn, find a seat while I let off some steam."

The man in the hat started laughing. "Uh...you sure about that?"

The bat pony walked over to me, brushing my withers with his hoof. "Hey...maybe I could teach you a few things, help you with your stance--"

I smiled wide, tilting my head slightly. "I suggest you move your hoof before I rip it off with my teeth...."

The bat pony jolted back, his mohawk shaking slightly. "Uh...hey, mare, how about you don't--"

I pushed him aside and walked up to the counter, butting in between the group of boys of several species. "I told you, two-hundred rounds hoof fed into a browning thirty-bucking-calibre!" I reared up, standing on two hooves and slamming my right foreleg into the counter. "Now!"

The man in the hat coughed roughly. "Ma'am...we don't do rentals...or--"

I reached my hoof back, rummaging around my saddle bags and finding my bank card. "...I...am not...playing." I slapped the card against the counter, "Get me...something to shoot, right now."

The man behind the counter looked unamused. "Do you even know anything about firear--"

"My range is outdoors! I heard about this play, they said you shoot indoors no matter what, now get me my ammunition, get me in the range, and get me watermelons!"

A griffon with a beard tapped the glass next to my hoof. "...Uh, where the heck are we supposed to get a bunch of watermelons?"

The man in the hat rubbed his eyes. "I'm not about to--"

"Four-thousand for an hour."

The man with the hat looked around nervously. "...Joel...how you feel about a little overtime?" A sharp yell came from the other room. "...Alright...Arrowhead, go get some watermelons...."

The griffon cocked his head hard. "You--"

"Ma'am...I got something you'll like in the back...but I gotta--" I slapped my ID down and glared at the man. "Oh...uh...."

"Papers...I'll need to rent some protection."

The man nodded, "Abby here will help you out while I get this set up." He pointed to the mohawked bat pony.

The, trendy, stallion rolled his eyes and wandered around the counter. "Sign this...bitch." He mumbled, trying to keep me from hearing. I carefully filled out a small form, nothing I wasn't used to. I finished up, watching a pair of earmuffs and a pair of glasses slap across the counter. "There...just let me.... There...." The stallion carefully slid my card through a small pad. "Prissy little sh--"

I finished up with my gear, muting the stallion. I spotted the griffon carrying a load of watermelons into the range door, leaving me to follow quickly behind. Before long I found myself in a small firing range, black separators lined up neatly. I watched the range shut down as the griffon stepped down the line and started carefully shoving watermelons onto the target hooks. The range was empty besides me and the man in the hat, too early for the bat ponies and too late for the normal ponies.

I found my place as the man started to move a small gun with a hoof grip onto a station. "Alright little lady, you know how to--"

I looked the weapon over, "Hmm....I can work with this!" I shouted, forced to yell over the deafening headset.

The man gave a thumbs up. "Now look, I ain't supposed to let you pick off targets from other lines...but I'll be right here with ya, so you be--"

I walked up to the station, lifting to two legs and looking over the boxy weapon. The man had been kind enough to start the feed and get things ready. "Ahhh how I love you," I wrapped the inside of my hoof around the charging handle and yanked it back, letting out a lovely metallic noise. "Mmm, music to my ears."

The griffon left the range, leaving me standing with the man in the hat, a large gun and a bunch of watermelons. "Range is hot!" The man yelled, giving me a firm squeeze on my withers. "Go ahe--"

I pulled the special hoof sized trigger, feeling the first shot go off and hit the back of the range. "Bucking pricks!" I screamed, pulling my hoof back and rattling off a few rounds, the metal jingle as shells hit the floor therapeutic. "Buck you, buck you, buck you, die!" I screamed, showering the range in hot metal and exploded watermelons.

I continued to shower the range in metal death, exploding my targets and enjoying the constant rumbling through my foreleg. "Bucking eat crap in tartaruuuuuus!" I shouted, continuing to hold on to the trigger, letting the recoil roll through my forelegs and through my tender body. "Uh-uh-uh-uh-- Buck you!" I screamed, feeling my entire body vibrating as I annihilated the watermelons, "Octavia, bucking, Melody! Remember my name, you melon bastards!"

I felt the ammo belt slap against my left hoof as I finished up. "Running dry!" The man shouted, squeezing my shoulder. "New be--"

I took a deep breath and flipped my mane back. I took a few steps back, my body still vibrating from the gun. "I- phew... I think I'm good...." I poked the man in the shin. "Put- credit.... I'll come back...."

The man stared at me. "Uh...ma'am, you alright?"

I leaned my head back, my rump tingling slightly. "You might want to mop up that spot...." I cooed, slowly regaining the feeling in my legs. I walked from the range, finding Thorn chatting nervously with the griffon. "Thorn, honey, let's go."

The preteen looked around nervously quickly standing up and running over as I sorted out my money and equipment. "Um...Octavia...that was- I thought ponies were kind and--"

I turned to Thorn with a smile. "Thorn, I've been entertaining snotty nobles, stuck with this bow tie for hours, you snapped my cello in half, and I needed to relax. Now you tell me another way of releasing that much tension that quickly."

The bat pony in the room rolled his eyes. "You could get laid...witch."

I turned to the pony with a smile. "I'm sorry, I prefer stallions with dicks. Thick, meaty dicks, not your little penis extension peashooter." I waggled my hoof at the counter, pointing out the human weapons, all modified for ponies. "Now if you know somepony with a good, hot, dick, let me know. Because all I see a mare with a leaking pussy!"

The griffon popped his beak open. "Ooooooh, shit!"

I looked to him, giving him a quick nod. "Oh shit, indeed." I turned to the door, waiting for Thorn.

He ran over, his hooves clacking against the linoleum floor. "Auntie...that was- you- you play the cello! You- you go to fancy parties, what was--"

I spun around to face the nervous child. "I'm Octavia Melody. I drink sociably, I play string instruments, I dabble in singing, I go to parties and I shoot a gun for fun. Ponies can love and tolerate, and I just loved and tolerated you." I turned around, towards the cart. "If I didn't love, or tolerate you, I would have thrown you off of Canterlot castle!" I chirped happily, "Now come on, you can rub my hooves to make it up with me."

"...Auntie...you scare me...."

I hopped up into my cart, holding my hooves out. "Ogabooga." I giggled softly. "Oh my...that was fun."