The spectacular escapades of three idiots:
Prolouge.
It was a wonderfully stereotypical Equestrian night. The owls hooted off in the distance, and the howls of wolves echoed through the forest, the-…Ok, I’m just going to get to the point, I’m sure you don’t give a damn about these insignificant and minor details.
Two of our three main characters sat quietly in their poor excuse for a home. Sir Jolt Ramsey Star Swirl Langsworth the Seventh, or Film Strip as he was commonly known, a full grown stallion with an average build and a pair of thin feathered wings was hard at work on a new film script. His bright emerald green eyes looked down to the blank sheets of paper that sat before him as he began to consider a multitude of different motion picture plot ideas. He scratched his left fore hoof against the back of his short cut, navy blue mane as he shifted his gaze down towards his own light blue toned coat, focusing mainly on his own cutiemark, which was a piece of film sticking out of its metal roll. He sighed and looked back to the blank sheets. He suddenly picked up the whiff of something absolutely disgusting emanating from the kitchen, “ugh- Patch, could you please take out the garbage? I can’t think with that disgusting smell,” Film requested as he fixed his large jet black framed glasses and leaned back into the torn black leather of his fairly large coach.
Patch looked up from his small plastic spaceship and towards his older sibling with his bright lemon toned gaze and sighed, “Do I have to?” the young, gray coated unicorn colt asked with a whining tone.
Film Strip turned towards his younger brother, with a very stern expression now riddled across his face, “Patch, take out the garbage!” he demanded before looking back to his blank script.
Patch let out a long and obviously exaggerated sigh as he slowly picked himself up and off the stained covered carpet, “Fine,” he muttered as he began to follow the putrid stench of rotting garbage into the kitchen. He engulfed a deep breath as he began to focus all of his attention towards the large tin garbage can that rested before him. Within a few mere seconds his horn began to illuminate with a bright yellow aura matching the color of his eyes as he used his magical abilities to levitate the bag of rancid trash out of its container, gagging as he did so.
Patch kicked open his front door and stepped out and onto his porch and took in the calm scenery on a Ponyville night. The streets were strangely decollete, probably do to the public still fearing yet another Changeling invasion just like the one that had unfolded merely three weeks ago. The young colt let out a nervous whimper as he stepped out into the nearly pitch black night, “Ok Patch, you’re going to be fine, there aren't going to be any changelings out here. They’re gone Patch, all gone,” he assured himself as he slowly and cautiously made his way towards the garbage can that sat by the edge of his property.
Everything was going smoothly, everything was going well.
But, suddenly, the calming silence of night was shattered as a loud thump was heard from inside the garbage container. Patch dropped the trash bag and hopped back a clean six feet, he stared intently towards the now rumbling trash can, pure fear now in his light yellow gaze. “Wh-who’s there?’” he managed to utter through his now chattering teeth.
The tin lid of the garbage slid off of the container it was meant to cover and slammed against the ground, causing Patch to jump back another five feet. Suddenly a large dark figure began to emerge from its hiding place. It had dark, leather like skin and a large horn on its forehead, a pair of strange cylinder like ears pointed upwards and a singular fang protruding from its mouth. Two paper thin light red wings laid against a crimson red shell. A banana peel rested atop its head and slowly began to slide off as he chewed on a piece of moldy bread. “…Hola,” it suddenly uttered as it began to stare down towards the quivering colt with its pair of large, crimson red eyes.
“Ch-ch-chane…Chang-ch…,” Patch stuttered as he continued to stare towards the dark figure.
The creature hopped out of the trash can and made his way towards the now unmoving Patch, “here, let me finish that for you,” he said as he placed a hoof with a multitude of holes littered throughout it over the colts’ mouth. “Changeling!” he shouted with a false tone of fear, obviously parodying Patchs currently horrified state.
Patch suddenly let out a scream of pure terror, which was muffled through the crimson eyed changelings hoof. He glanced towards the bag of garbage that he had dropped earlier, and in a panic he used his magic to throw the rancid bag towards the shape shifting creature. The changeling began to gag as the bag exploded on impact, sending putrid pieces of garbage all over the place.
Patch quickly shoved the changeling away and got to his hooves, “stay away!” he commanded as he got into a fighting stance. He then began to slowly tilt his head to express his confusion as he noticed the changeling doing something…Well, strange to say the least. He wasn’t fighting back, he wasn’t spitting out threats. He was instead digging through the piles of trash in search of something eatable. That’s when Patch started to get a closer look at the usually threatening creature. It was pitiful! Skin and bone! The poor creature must be starving. Patch swallowed his fear and began to calm himself, “Er-Wh-what are you doing here?” he asked hesitantly.
The changeling didn’t respond, it was too busy stuffing his face with old apple cores and grape stems.
“Are their more of your kind around?”
No response, still just eating garbage.
“Do you want something to eat?”
Now that got a response. The changeling lifted his head, a large toothy grin now stretching across his face, exposing his razor sharp teeth. “Why, yes I would,” he answered as he picked himself off the ground.
Patch gulped yet again as he caught sight of the changelings’ shark like teeth, “Okay,” he muttered nervously as he made his way back to his front door.
The changeling nearly squealed with pure joy as he followed the colt inside.
Patch stepped inside and looked throughout his own home, keeping an eye out for his older brother, “Ok, I need you to stay quiet, my older brother is working” Patch whispered as quietly as he possibly could.
“Got it!” The changeling responded with his normal tone.
“Shut it!” Patch whispered.
“Okay!”
“No! Stop taking!”
“Sure thing little dude!”
“Please, stop talking!”
“Righto!”
“Shut up!!!”
“Hey! Watch your tone mister-“ the changeling was suddenly cut off as a light blue figure suddenly tackled him to the ground. The changeling looked up to his attacker. It was an average looking Pegasus with a large pair of glasses sitting on his face, this stallion must be the young colts older sibling, “…you have a nice floor, is that magenta?” he asked as the stallion pressed his face against the carpet.
“Film Strip! Stop!” Patch demanded as he attempted to push his brother off of their peculiar guest.
Film Strip looked down to Patch and quickly shook his head, “Patch, go find some guards!” he commanded as he continued to pin the changeling.
Patch shook his head and continued his attempt to push Film Strip off the changeling, “No! He just wants some food!” Patch told his brother.
“He’s going to eat us!” Film Strip said as he continued to press down on the changeling.
The changeling squirmed for a bit as he tried to free himself from the surprisingly strong stallions grip, “Uh, we actually don’t eat ponies, just your emotions, just thought you should know that,” he explained.
“Please, just let him have a quick meal, and then he’ll be gone! I promise,” Patch assured Film Strip as he finally ceased his futile assault on his much larger sibling.
Film Strip stared into his brothers’ large, lemon yellow gaze before releasing a short sigh and hesitantly releasing the creature. “Fine, he can have one meal,” he uttered half-halfheartedly as he huffed a bit and stepped into the kitchen.
Within seconds the changeling had consumed an entire roll of cookie dough and a whole salad, within minutes he had devoured all of their fruits and vegetables; it must have been days since his last meal.
The two siblings stared towards the changeling. A look of intrigue on Patch’s face, and a look of disgust on Films. Film scooted a bit towards the changeling and stared into its scarlet red gaze, “So what’s with you? I thought you all had blue eyes” he asked, pointing out the creatures’ noticeable deviance.
The changeling ceased his consumption and looked up to Film Strip, a look of offense riddled across his face. “Oh, so just because I’m a changeling, you’re assuming that I’m supposed to have blue eyes?”
“What?” Film asked with a befuddled expression.
“Oh no, it’s cool, I guess you’re just that kind of pony” the changeling spat before crossing his hooves and turning away.
“No! No! It’s not like that, I’m just asking why your eyes are red, I thoug-…No, wait! It’s not like-“ Film Strip was suddenly cut off when the changeling threw his hoof over his shoulder.
“Hey! It’s cool man! I’m just messing with yah!” the changeling said as he began to snicker a bit under his own breath. “It’s actually a very common thing! It’s like being ginger, except I have a soul!” he explained with a stupidly large grin.
Film Strip just stared at the changeling, no longer with disgust, now just confusion. This was a strange creature indeed. “Okay buddy, whatever you say…” he muttered.
The changelings red eyes grew wide, now expressing a mixture of excitement and joy, “buddy? Did you just call me buddy? Are we friends? Are you my best friend now?” he asked, trying his hardest to suppress his pure unadulterated happiness.
“W-what? No, that’s not what I meant!” Film stuttered, the look of confusion now growing on his face, “That’s not what I meant at all!”
The changeling pulled Film into his tight embrace, pressing his leathery skin against Films light blue coat, “yay! We're best friends! I'm going to live with you guys now!” he shouted with an absolutely giddy tone of voice.
Patch lit up as the changeling took hold of him as well, pulling him into a group hug, “We’re going to live with a changeling!?” he asked with an ecstatic tone.
Film Strip struggled to escape the changelings grasp, but the changeling proved to be too strong, even for him, “No!” he exclaimed.
The changeling looked down to Film, his excited expression and tone turning strangely serious for a second. “I will eat you” he uttered.
“I thought you only ate emotions”
“No, we need to eat emotions, but I can still eat you” the changeling explained.
Film Strip took in a nervous gulp and formed a crooked grin, “Would you like to live in the attic? Or the basement?”
The changelings’ expression shifted back into a very joyous one as he continued to look towards Film, “well I do enjoy a good view,” he said before bursting out into laughter.
Film Strip sighed and released a falsified “yay…” as he turned away from the changeling, looking down to the hard wood floor instead.
Patch couldn't help but smile as he and the changeling continued to hug each other, he pulled away and looked into the changelings crimson red gaze. “What’s your name?” he asked, pure wonder in his bright lemon toned eyes.
“I don’t have one!” the changeling said, still maintaining his tone of excitement and joy.
Patch gasped a bit as he heard this somewhat unsettling news. No name? How could you not have name? Even if you weren't given one, couldn't you just name yourself? Were all changelings like this? Or was he specifically just never given a name? So many questions to a relatively simple, be it strange, concept. So many questions, all of which will never be answered!...Probably. Patch continued to look up to the changeling, an idea slowly forming in his head, and then, it suddenly hit him. “I could name you!”
The changeling stared down to the young unicorn colt, his smile somehow growing twice as large. “Yes! Name me you pudgy little pony!”
Patch placed a hoof to his own chin and began to think of a few ideas. He was infatuated with the idea of extraterrestrial beings, so maybe a sort of alien like name. But it needed to be simple to remember, and not a completely pain to say. “What about…Ramn?” he asked, just throwing out an idea, hoping that it would land.
“Yes!” the newly named Ramn answered as he pulled Patch back into his now extremely tight embrace. He hugged him tighter and tighter, the poor boy starting to actually turn purple due to lack of oxygen. Ramn pulled Film Strip close as well, nearly choking him to death too, “yeah! We’re all going to go on so many adventures together!” he said as he began to imagine the various different types of escapades that they could all participate in, they’d be wondrous! Spectacular even! And it’d be just the three of them. This concept just made Ramn even more excited! So his grip on the two brothers tightened, depriving them of even more oxygen. “I love you guys!” the changeling announced.
The two brothers both gasped, trying their hardest to inhale just a bit of oxygen. But the changelings grasp was too tight, they couldn’t breathe! They reached out for Ramn, attempting to push him away and save their own lives, but they were far too weak.
“Thank you two so much!”
Author's Note
Well, this was...Something.
Anyways, if you guys like it, I'll continue.
If you hate it, well...I don't know, I'll probably just go grab a slushy from Thorntons.
The wondrous and spectacular escapades of three idiots!
Chapter one
Film Strip released a short sigh of relief as he pushed a gargantuan stack of papers filled to the brim with movie plot ideas away from himself. “The studio should be happy with these,” the now exhausted stallion mumbled to himself as he leaned back into his shredded black couch.
“I don’t know man, ‘Invasion of the changelings’ seems just a bit offensive to me,” Ramn commented as he leaned back into the couch as well.
Film Strip glanced towards the scarlet eyed changeling that rested by his side and let out yet another sigh, not of relief, just annoyance. “Of course it’s offensive to you, your kind are the villians in it,” Film strip pointed out.
“But why are we the villians?” Ramn asked as he looked over to Film Strip.
“Because nopony likes changelings,” Film answered bluntly.
Ramn put on an expression of offense and let out a short gasp as he placed one of his hole littered hooves onto his chest. “Why Mr. Film Strip, surely you don’t mean that.”
Film chuckled a bit under his breath as he focused his attention up and to his ceiling, “Shut up,” he muttered.
About three months or so have passed since Film and his younger brother had first come in contact with Ramn. The rambunctious young changeling was really quite helpful, he would watch Patch whenever Film Strip would have to go out, he would help Film come up with movie ideas, and his usually positive and humorous attitude brought a bit of life into their household. The idea of having a changeling live in his attic no longer disgusted Film Strip, he really did enjoy Ramns company, although he would never admit it.
Both Ramn and Film nearly hopped out of their seats as they heard the front door suddenly swing open.
“I’m home!” a familiar, and youthful voice announced with his usual energetic tone of voice. It was Patch, Film Strips younger brother, who had just acquired his cutie-mark about two weeks earlier. It was a black swirl with a multitude of small white dots sprinkled throughout it, which represented stars. This symbol represented his talent, star gazing. Something that the young energetic colt took extreme pleasure in doing. He loved to just sit out at night and map out the stars, he could name over 76 of the 88 constellations that sat in the sky.
Film Strip smiled a bit as he looked behind the couch so he could actually see his younger sibling, “Ah, and how was your day at school-…” Film Strip suddenly cut himself off as he noticed something abnormal about Patch. The young grey coated unicorns left eye was a dark purple, and extremely swollen. “What happened?!” he quickly asked as he trotted off the couch and to his brothers’ side.
“Huh? What’s the matter bro?” Patch asked.
“Your eye! What’s wrong with it? What happened?!”
Patch giggled a bit as he looked up to his older brother, “Oh, don’t worry about it bro! Me and my friends were just playing!” he explained with a bubbly tone.
“What game were you playing?” Film asked, concern in his voice as he began to examine Patchs wound.
“Beat up the loser!” Patch answered, still maintaining his joyous tone.
“What?!”
Patch giggled yet again, “yeah! It’s a game me and my friends play it all the time! I lay on the ground while they all stomp on me, shouting ‘Beat up the loser! Beat up the loser!’, It’s fun!”
Both Film and Ramn looked down to Patch, their jaws dropped, and nearly hitting the floor, after hearing this. Was Patch serious? Did he know what was actually going on? Did he know that this so called “game” was actually an act of extreme violence directed towards him? Was he really so naive?
“Okay, I got some homework to do! I’ll see you guys at dinner,” Patch said before calmly trotting off towards his room. Leaving both
Ramn and Film Strip in a silent state of shock.
Ramn stepped in front in front of Film and looked into his emerald like gaze, a serious expression now slapped onto his leathery face. “Okay, I think we both know what’s going on here.”
“My brother…” Film muttered, a blank look on his light blue face.
“…Is being bullied.”
Film Strip sat in complete silence as he let this fact settle in, how could he not know? How did he not notice? Sure Patch has come home with a couple scrapes and bruises here and there, but they were nothing of any concern, or so he thought. “W-…We need to tell his teacher,” Film Strip managed to utter.
Ramn quickly shook his head, “What? Seriously? Tell his teacher? How is that going to help?”
“Well, she’ll tell those kids parents, and they’ll get in trouble!”
“No, she’ll tell their parents, they’ll get in trouble, then they’ll continue to beat him up!” Ramn told Film.
Film opened his mouth, ready to retort, but he emitted no sound. Ramn was right, as much as Film Strip hated to admit it, Ramn was right. “Then what are we going to do?”
“We’re not going to do anything, this is Patch’s battle.”
“But he can’t fight!”
“Who says he has to fight? I know exactly what he has to do!” Ramn proclaimed, a long and malicious grin now stretching across his leather like face.
Film Strip took in a deep breath and sighed, “Alright, what does he have to do?”
Ramn snickered and began to make his way towards Patchs bedroom, “Hey! Little dude? I want you to make an announcement tomorrow at school.”
Patch took in a deep, nervous breath as he sat in his desk at school. He scanned the classroom, catching the glares of some of the other colts who would beat him up, he gave them all a small smile and a short wave before of the hoof before looking back towards the front of the classroom. Class would be starting soon, it was now or never. He let out a short sigh as he felt a few beads of sweat stream down his forehead, he hesitantly raised his hoof and mumbled, “M-..Miss-Miss Cheerilee…”
His pink maned teacher quickly looked up from her desk as she heard her name being called out, “Mph...? What? Do you need something Patch?” she asked with usual kind tone.
Patch slowly nodded his head and gulped, “I would like to say something to the class…” he uttered.
Cheerilee gave the young unicorn colt a confused look, it was a strange request to say the least, “Oh, why of course,” she said before sitting back into his chair.
“Thank you” Patch muttered before hoping out of his desk and slowly trotting towards the front of the room. He engulfed yet another deep breath and turned to face his classmates. Some sat up straight, intrigue on their faces as they waited for Patch to speak. But most had a look of disgust, of hatred, these were his so called “friends”, most of them were much larger colts, but some were fillies.
“Come on! We don’t have all day!” One of these fillies demanded.
“Oh, shut it Diamond Tiara!” A young filly with a bright pink bow tied into her cherry red mane called out.
Diamond Tiara huffed and looked back to the pink bowed filly, “I don’t have to take orders from a blank flank!” she spat.
“Girls!” Miss Cheerilee called out, instantly grabbing their attention, “Both of you hush, unless you two want detention!”
They both gulped and looked down to their desk.
“The floor is yours Patch” Miss Cheerilee said.
Patch stared into the gazes of his classmates, some filled with interest, some confusion, but most just spite. He took in yet another deep breath as he began to remember all that Ramn had told him. He could do this! He was ready! “Um…You’re all a bunch of-.“
“I’ve never heard such putrid, vulgar, and all around distasteful language in all my life!” Miss Cheerilee shouted furiously as she looked towards Film Strip, who now sat before her. After Patchs epic rant Miss Cheerilee had to end the school day early and call in Film Strip, after giving Patch a few days of detention of course. “I didn't even know half of these words existed! But after looking them up in the dictionary, I must say that I am utterly disgusted!” she exclaimed as she continued to stare towards the now blushing Film Strip. “What, in Celestias name do you have to say for yourself?”
“I…I…” Film Strip stuttered, this was without a doubt the most embarrassing moment in his entire life. “He didn't hear it from me…” he muttered as he shifted his gaze down towards the wood floor of the school house.
“Well then where did he hear it from?”
“I-…I don’t know,” Film lied.
Cheerilee groaned and placed a hoof to her forehead as she leaned back into her chair, “I’ve never had to end school early before, not once,” she muttered. “But after…But after that, I had no choice! Your little brother may have just scarred each and every colt and filly in Ponyville, so congratulations!” she ranted.
Film Strip just sighed as he continued to hang his head in shame.
Miss Cheerilee couldn't help but sigh as well as she looked down to him, “He’ll have detention for three weeks, after that…I don’t know. I can just hope that he’ll receive the proper punishment at home”
“He will”
“Good, I think we’re done here”
Film Strip nodded slowly and trotted out of the class room. He opened the schools front door and looked outside, quickly catching sight of Patch, who was sitting quietly on the edge of a wooden bench. Film Strip raised his hoof as he began to beckon his younger sibling towards him, “Come on buddy, we’re going home”
Patch didn’t respond, he just hopped off the bench and began to slowly step towards his brother.
“I’m sorry! Okay?” Ramn mumbled as he laid down on the torn leather couch that sat in the living room.
Film Strip growled as he looked down to the resting changeling, “Sorry? You idiot! He got detention, he got detention for three weeks because of you!”
Ramn just rolled his bright scarlet eyes, “and I’m sorry.”
Film Strip slowly shook his head and sat on the couch, “I cannot believe this, why in Celestias name did I listen to! I- you- GAHH!!” Film just shoved his face into one of the couch cushions and began to bite down into the leather, trying desperately not to trot over and strangle Ramn.
“Where is he?” Ramn asked as he picked his head up.
Film lifted his head from the now saliva soaked couch cushion and glared towards Ramn, “Outside”.
Ramn nodded and stepped off the couch and towards a nearby window, he peaked through the glass, trying his best not to be spotted by any ponies that trotted by. It didn’t take long for Ramn to catch a glimpse of the naive black maned colt, who was surrounded by a group of much larger colts. “Film…You might want to come see this” he called out.
Film Strip cocked a brow and used his thin feathered wings to casually glide towards the window, “What? What’s going on?” he asked as he looked through the clear glass. He quickly saw his brother who was completely surrounded by these bullies. A look of concern formed as he continued to watch the scene unfold, these colts, they were all…Laughing? But it wasn't maniacal, it wasn't sinister, they were all laughing as though someone had just uttered the funniest joke ever conceived, they looked like they were about to burst out in tears. The looks in their eyes, it was not hatred, it was interest. They weren't stomping, they weren't bucking, they weren't spitting out insults. Patch and these colts, they were all just laughing, playing, having a good time.
Ramn looked over to Film Strip, a smug grin sitting prominently on his face, “I think you owe me an apology”
“B-but…But how? Why?” Film asked as he continued to stare out the window in shock.
Ramn snickered and leaned against the wall, “Don’t you know nothing? Kids are all a bunch of potty mouths! Whoever knows the most vulgar language is the most respected!”
Film just shook his head in disbelief, “But, I never used those kind of words when I was younger!”
“And how’d that work out for you?”
Film sat in silence, with a look of befuddlement sitting on his face. He never cursed when he was a colt, not once! And he was furiously bullied. Ramn was right, again! Twice in one week! A new record.
“Exactly!”
Film Strip just pressed his head against the window and remained silent.
“I think we all learned a valuable lesson today,” Ramn said as he made his way back towards the couch.
Film Strip looked back to the abnormal changeling and tilted his head, “and what would that be?” he asked as he trotted towards the couch, a look of irritation now in his eyes as he continued to reflect on his school day memories.
“That school is a terrible, terrible, thing” Ramn answered as he leaned back into the couch.
Film hopped onto the couch and nodded in agreement, “it sure is.”
Author's Note
Hey! Chapter one!...Gnarly.
