An Expedition to the Crystal Forest

An excerpt from The Ultimate Expeditioner's Handbook:

It is an all-too-common blunder to think that disaster and devastation can be avoided through careful planning and preventative measures. This sentiment is now The Ultimate Expeditioner's Handbook's official position on the subject of planning.

It should be noted however, that this wasn't always the case.

In previous editions of he Ultimate Expeditioner's Handbook the second rule went as follows: “Rule Two: Do not prepare for a worst-case scenario; prepare instead for a situation far worse than the worst possible worst-case scenario, then be pleasantly surprise when what actually happens on your expedition is only slightly worse.”

The aforementioned rule has been amended in light of a recent, strange, and frustratingly paradoxical discovery. As it turns out, the act of preparing for adversity is as much a cause of adversity as not preparing for adversity. To put it another way: The more you prepare, the more likely you are to encounter problems as a result of your preparation. And the less you prepare, the more likely you are to encounter problems as a result of a lack of preparation. When graphed this relation looks something like this:

Notice that at any given point the values of the two lines add up to 100%, making any amount of preparation completely useless.

If this still seems outlandish, despite the visual representation provided above, there is a useful hypothetical for understanding how preparation for disaster can result in disaster, and it goes something like this:

There is a stallion visiting a land known to be heavily populated by dragons. He spends so much time watching the skies to avoid dragons that he completely fails to notice a massive ravine just ahead. He falls down the ravine and dies.

This grossly oversimplified view of what is meant by 'preparation for disaster can result in disaster' fails to mention the many nuances of the concept, but all in all, it conveys the idea rather nicely.

In the end it all comes down to personal preference; you can either choose to have total agency in the calamity you will inevitably face by thoroughly preparing for it, or you can do nothing and guarantee complete and utter disaster. One way, the only thing you'll have to blame is yourself, and the other, the only thing you'll have to blame... is yourself.

This all leads quite nicely into the amended version of the second rule which is: “Fuck it! We'll do it live!” Don't bother preparing. Bad things will happen no matter what. Get over it.

The sound of two distinct knocks, hoof against wood, reverberated through the room.

“Wake-up call, ladies. We’ll be arriving at your destination shortly,” called a voice through the door.

Rainbow Dash’s face contorted at the unpleasant noise. She opened one eye and in a squint and took in her surroundings. It wasn’t a sight she was used to waking up to, but she quickly found her bearings and tried to sit up. “Um… Alright. Thanks.,” she said back through the door.

The room was dimly lit with the soft rays of dawn light. Rainbow Dash glanced out the window and speculated that it was sometime just before daybreak.

Fluttershy awoke next, blinking her eyes a few times as she did then looking up to Rainbow Dash.

“Sleep well?” Rainbow Dash asked.

Fluttershy shrugged then buried her head deeper into her pillow.

Rainbow Dash leapt down from the top bunk. Her hooves impacted heavily against the floorboards, drawing out pained creaks from them. She trotted over to a still-sleeping Rarity and flicked her in the horn. “Rise n’ Shine,” she said.

Rarity threw her blanket over her head. “Why can’t we just… not go?” She said sharply through the covers.

Rainbow Dash tore away the covers from Rarity and threw them on the floor. “Come on. No whining. I wanna see those hooves on the floor.” Rainbow Dash said in her best drill sergeant voice.

“I am not whining... yet.”

“Just hurry up and get your flank out of bed or you’re getting the same treatment as your blanket.”

Rarity extended a hoof, signaling Rainbow Dash to halt. “Alright. I’m getting up. Just let me go at my own pace, would you?”

Rainbow Dash looked over her shoulder at Fluttershy who was now sitting up on the top bunk. The wordless gesture still prompted Fluttershy to respond. “I’m getting up.”

“No rush,” Said Rainbow Dash.

“Really? No rush?” Rarity said. “How come she gets ‘No rush’ and I get whacked in the horn!?”

Rainbow directed her gaze back to Rarity. “Maybe it has something to do with the fact that you take half an hour to do your mane.”

Rarity gave a harrumph then continued getting ready in silence.

Seeing that Rarity and Fluttershy were getting ready, Rainbow Dash took the opportunity to relax on the empty bottom bunk that she had began, but ended up not finishing the night on.

Today was the big day. Or as Rainbow Dash saw it: her big day. Today was the day she would finally be free from the gigantic flying cage that held her prisoner. The same flying cage that other ponies seemed convinced was a luxurious mode of transport. And after that, when she was outside again, she would be get to do things! Like actual, real, active things. Like flying, and walking, and flying, and flying, and flying. And flying.

Sure nature wasn’t exactly Rainbow Dash’s cup of tea, but if there was one thing that nature did better than airships, it was freedom. Rainbow Dash could feel the itch of captivity in her spine, an itch that she so desperately wished she could scratch, but couldn't.

All she wanted was to touch the ground again. To fly where she wanted to. To do anything that didn't involve being inside of a ship. The confinement was unbearable.

After spending better part of an hour primping her mane so that it could properly be destroyed during the day ahead, Rarity announced its completion.

“Ready!”

Rainbow Dash launched up off of her bed where she had been impatiently waiting for Rarity to finish. “Good. Now can we finally get off this stinking ship?”

“Well, no, we haven't actually arrived yet,” said Fluttershy. “But if you're both ready, we can go get some breakfast first.”

“That sounds like a wonderful plan,” Rarity said, standing up from her sitting position. “I, for one, am starving,”

“Fine, breakfast it is." Rainbow Dash pouted. "I guess I could use a little anyway,”

“Alright then, let's go.” Fluttershy said, making for the door.

•  •  ❖  •  •

After a short and only moderately delicious breakfast excursion, the trio of ponies traveled down the long hallway leading to the main entrance of the ship. The main entrance was simple in its design: a set of double-doors on one wall with tall, narrow windows on either side, a stairwell across from that, and two archways opening up to long hallways on the remaining walls.

Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity each sat their bags down against a wall then walked over to the windows to see if they could see their destination. Outside the windows on either side of the door, in clear view, was exactly that. Two towering mountains that rose up from the land on the far side of the island, standing side-by-side. At their base, a lush blue-green forest that ran down the incline toward the cliffs that made up the coastline. The forest covered nearly every inch of land, except the mountains, the occasional rock formation or river, and one particularly large bare spot. The large bare spot was canyon, but, because to the low altitude the ship was flying at and the viewing angle that that created, it was impossible to see what lay at the bottom of the canyon.

“There it is!” Rainbow Dash said, face pressed to the window, stomping her front hooves with glee. “Finally, FINALLY! we're almost there!”

“By Luna's stars,” Rarity called from the other window. Wide eyes were fixated on the glimmering blue-green forest, “It's gorgeous!”

“Yeah. And you know what else it is?” Rainbow said, grinning across to Rarity. “Not a ship.”

“I'd gathered as much.” Rarity was far too interested in the sight before her to concern herself with anything Rainbow Dash may have been hinting at.

“Seriously though, Rarity, I'm sooooo excited to be getting off this stupid ship.”

“Got a problem with my ship?” came a reply, but it hadn't come from Rarity.

Rainbow Dash, as well as Fluttershy and Rarity turned around to see a white-coated mare wearing a dark blue uniform standing at the top of the stairwell. “You're the captain?” Rainbow Dash asked. The uniformed mare nodded. “Well since you asked, yeah, I do have a problem with this ship.”

“Go on, tell me.”

“It's a prison! There's nothing to do, the rooms are tiny, and I couldn't even get outside to fly! You call that luxury!?” The opportunity to speak her mind to the pony in charge was one that Rainbow Dash had been more than happy to take, and having done so, she actually felt quite a lot better.

The captain smiled at her. “Now imagine working in those conditions every day. Trust me, it's not fun. I would know.” she removed her cap, ran a hoof through her light-blue mane, and put it back on. “You wouldn't happen to be Fluttershy, would you?”

“Nope. That's Fluttershy,” Rainbow Dash said, pointing accordingly.

“Um... Hello. It's nice to meet you.” Fluttershy tried her best to look at the captain as she spoke but ended up staring at her hooves halfway through.

“You're the leader of the expedition?”

“I guess so...”

“You guess so?”

“I mean, yes. I am.” Fluttershy stammered.

“Well, I just wanted to wish you luck. I can't say you're the type of pony I expected to see doing something like this, but I hope everything goes well for you nonetheless. It takes a brave pony to do what you're doing.”

“Oh, no, I'm not brave. Communicating with animals is my special talent, so I'm not to worried about the wildlife.”

“I was more referring to the all stories about the supernatural side of the island.”

“Well, I did a lot of reading on those stories beforehoof, and they all sounded made up to me... Not that I would think any less of you if you believe them.” Fluttershy pawed at the floorboards. “I mean, if you do that's fine, I just don't think that they're true, personally.”

“I don't know if I buy into them either, but I wouldn't want to find out first-hoof.”

Fluttershy rubbed one hoof against the other foreleg, looking away from the captain. Carrying a conversation with a stranger was something she still hadn't mastered. “Um... I guess that's one way of looking at it.”

There was a lapse in conversation where neither mare said anything. The captain glanced out the window and saw that they'd come to a complete stop. “Listen, I'd love to talk more,” she said, though it was a lie. She was happy to have an excuse to walk away from the awkward situation, “but we're here, so it looks like I'm gonna have to cut this conversation short. There are other ponies aboard who've got places to get to.” She walked over to, then opened the door, letting in a torrent of high-altitude wind. “Do you want me to get a pegasus stallion from my crew to help with the unicorn?”

Rarity looked down out the door to the ground far below. They were hanging just over the edge of the island. Cliffs, hundreds of feet tall, jutted from the ocean directly below them.  “Yes, I think that may be in order.”

“Nah, don't bother. I'll get her.” In an instant Rainbow Dash had swept Rarity off her hooves and was carrying her down to the ground at a far faster speed than Rarity would have preferred.

“Would you slow down!?” Rarity clambered for a secure position in the pegasus’s grip, finding a decent enough one that involved wrapping her hooves around Rainbow Dash's neck. Rarity looked down to the ground then back up to the mare who was now carrying her bridal-fashion. “Would it have killed you to have given me a little forewarning?”

“Pssh, you're fine,” Rainbow Dash said in a cavalier tone.

“Well, I am in your hooves right now,” Rarity smirked. “I could certainly be doing better.”

After placing Rarity securely on the ground at the top of the cliffs, Rainbow Dash made her way back up to the ship to retrieve their bags, passing Fluttershy on the way who had just begun her descent.

Rainbow Dash made it to the ground with the bags just before Fluttershy made it there herself. She tossed Rarity's saddlebags across her back and adorned her own.

Fluttershy waved to the ship as it absconded to go defy gravity somewhere else. She looked out over the edge of the island at the endless ocean that reached all the way to the horizon, awe consuming her as she thought about the distance they had traveled. It was further than they had ever traveled before.

Rarity, on the other hand, stared in the opposite direction at the forest they would soon be trekking through. The thought hadn't bothered her so much earlier, but now, seeing the tree-line just a few dozen yards away, the sentiment hit her with its full force.

She would soon, and inevitably, be coated in layers upon layers of dirty, nature-y filth.

Fluttershy turned around to face the island. “Well, if everypony's ready, let's get moving.”

“Let's not get ahead of ourselves now. Do we really need to get going just yet? Maybe we could just stay right here for a little longer. You know, take in the view, feel the cool ocean breeze, appreciate the... other stuff...”

“What's with the cold-hooves all of a sudden?” Rainbow Dash said, “The captain didn't scare you with all that talk of supernatural stuff did she?”

Rarity thought about how happy she would have been to swat the smirk that had landed on Rainbow Dash's face. “I can handle spectres, and ghouls, and what-have-you perfectly fine, thank you,” she said. “My problem is that this forest trekking is going to wreak absolute havoc on my mane.”

“Is that so?” Rainbow Dash said. “Y'know,” Rainbow Dash started, digging a hoof into the spongy sod, pulling up a clod of dirt and roots. “I could help you get it over with right now.”

“A tempting offer, but I think I'll pass,” Rarity chuckled.

“If you say so.” Rainbow Dash cast aside the clod.

Fluttershy took point in front of the two other mares then turned around to speak to Rarity. “I know you don't want to mess up your mane, Rarity, and I don't want to push you if you're not ready, but I'd like get moving as soon as we can.”

Rarity felt the silky smoothness of her mane one last time, rubbing it against her cheek. She admired each individual strand and the way the light gleamed off of it. “I'm... ready.” she said with a downcast tone.

“It's not to late for me to rub some dirt in your mane. The offer still stands.”

Rainbow Dash's self-amused attitude irritated Rarity to no end. Especially at dire times like these. She looked at her mane once again, the woe she had felt just a moment ago was no longer present. It had been replaced with frustration and anger that had initially been caused by Rainbow Dash but was now directed at the emotional turmoil that having such a magnificent mane had caused her. “Oh, to hell with it. Go ahead!”

“Wait, wait, what!? For real?” Rainbow Dash could tell that Rarity wasn't joking, but it was still hard to her to grapple the notion that Rarity was inviting her to mess up her mane. “You want me... to rub dirt... in your mane. Your mane.”

“Yes.” Rarity steeled herself for the incoming defilement, clenching her eyes shut and tightening her shoulder muscles. “Go on, do it, before I lose my nerve.”

Rainbow Dash picked up again the dirt clod she had previously cast aside. “This day just gets better and better,” she remarked to herself with a snicker.

“Stupid beautiful mane,” Rarity muttered. “Try to not enjoy this too much, Rainbow Dash.”

Rainbow Dash scanned Rarity's mane, trying to decide on the perfect placement for the clod.

“Hurry up, would you!”

Rainbow Dash plopped it down at the crest of Rarity's mane then rubbed the muddy mixture in for good measure. Rarity quivered and bit her lip. She gasped when a cold lump dirt rolled off of her head and down her neck.

“There,” Rainbow Dash said, hovering backward and admiring her work. “Doesn't it feel good knowing that you already got that over with?”

Rarity blinked away tears that had begun forming at corners of her eyes. “It's—” She was cut off as she as a moist chunk of dirt fell directly into her ear. “very... liberating,” she managed out through her whimpering.

“That's the spirit.” Rainbow Dash chuckled, giving Rarity a playful shove on her shoulder.

Fluttershy tried, then failed, then tried again to formulate a response to what she had just witnessed, but failed a second time. Her vocabulary had seemingly taken a vacation, leaving her completely speechless. Her jaw, however, remained steadfast in it's position that the words would be back in due time as it idly worked its way up and down simply for the sake of keeping itself busy while it waited.

“Okay...” Fluttershy finally said, proving her jaw right, even if the response was hardly a response at all.

“I'm ready now, Fluttershy” Rarity said, trying to scramble together whatever composure she could find.

“Okay, well, lets go then.”

Following a short jaunt across the field, the three arrived at the edge of the forest and continued in, following the path of least resistance. Unlike the field that they had come from, the ground in the forest was much more solid, making walking considerably easier. The trees around them gave no indication of why the forest was called the 'Crystal Forest,' they looked like any other trees. The leaves were slightly more teal than what one typically envisions when thinking of foliage, but they definitely weren't made of crystal.

As they walked, Fluttershy pointed out each creature they came across, trying to fit a name to them if she could. It fell upon Rarity to add each animal Fluttershy identified to a list that Fluttershy had prepared ahead of time in a notebook she'd brought. For the animals Fluttershy couldn't identify, Rarity took down a description of them as well as a sketch. The purpose of the documentation was so that the Equestrian Society for the Preservation of Rare Creatures could determine whether or not certain species that were either endangered or extinct in Equestria also existed elsewhere. Such information would prove useful for breeding programs or initiatives to reintroduce wildlife. It was all part of the agreement Fluttershy had made with the ESPRC. In exchange for paying for her to get to the Crystal Forest, Fluttershy was instructed by the ESPRC to document every animal she came across.

Fluttershy went over what they had seen so far as a means of passing the time. “Lets see, that makes two species of rodents, four birds, eight arthropods—“

“Nine,” Rarity corrected as she looked over the list.

“Nine arthropods, and one amphibian. I think we're doing good so far.”

Rainbow Dash looked around her for anything of any interest whatsoever then let out an annoyed groaned. “I don't see why they call it the Crystal Forest.”

Fluttershy slowed her pace so that Rainbow Dash (who had been lagging behind out of total disinterest) could catch up to her. “Hmm?”

“Where are the crystals? This looks like just another forest to me.”

“That's what it looks like right now,” Fluttershy said. “But there's still a lot left to explore.” Fluttershy resumed her jovial pace from before, looking high and low for animals in need of archival.

After a few hours walking through the ever-thickening forest searching for animals, Fluttershy suggested that a lunch break was in order. she found an old fallen tree and sat on it, placing her saddlebags down beside her and pulling out a paper bag. Inside the bag were granola bars that Fluttershy had prepared ahead of time, each one individually wrapped in wax paper. Then out of the bag came a jar of peanut butter, a smaller jar of blackberry jam, and some tortillas, as well as a knife for spreading the peanut butter and jam. She handed Rarity and Rainbow Dash each a granola bar then got to making the PB&J tortillas.

“I've never heard of a peanut butter and jelly burrito,” said Rainbow Dash through a mouthful of honey-glazed oats.

Fluttershy dipped the knife in the jam and started spreading on the first tortilla. “Well I couldn't bring bread because it would have gotten squished in my bag, and it takes up too much space”

Rainbow Dash thought for a moment before responding. “Isn't that what a tortilla is though, pre-sqiushed bread?”

“Not quite.” After adding the peanut butter, Fluttershy finished the first tortilla and gave it to Rainbow Dash, setting the knife down horizontally across the top of the jar of peanut butter. “Here, try it.”

Rarity picked up the knife and got started on making one for herself. With the aid of magic, it was done in no time at all.

Rainbow Dash took a bite of her tortilla. “It's alright, I guess,” she said. “It's not all that different than a regular peanut butter and jelly sandwich.”

Rarity prepared another tortilla while she ate hers and levitated it to Fluttershy who accepted it graciously and thanked her.

After finishing their lunches, the three ponies got moving again in the direction of nothing in particular. First trudging up a hill, then breezing down a hill, then they walked on the side of hill, before proceeding up and then down once again yet another hill. Their forward progress was considerably reduced because of how generally hilly things had gotten, but eventually the hills ceased. the forest followed suit soon after, giving way to a meadow. The unusual thing about the meadow was that every available inch was covered in blueish-purple mushrooms with green and yellow speckles.

“Well that's different,” said Rainbow Dash. “Still not crystals though.”

“That's strange...” said Fluttershy.

“Certainly not something you see everyday is it?” agreed Rarity. “Should I write it down in the journal?”

Fluttershy nodded to her, not taking her eyes off of the sight before them. She walked closer to the mushroom field. “I don't know much about mushrooms, but I'm pretty sure that these ones aren't normal.” Fluttershy lowered herself down to the ground, trying to get a closer look at one of the mushrooms on the edge. “I've never heard of entire fields of mushrooms.”

“Don't touch them!” Rarity cautioned. “They could be poisonous!”

“I wasn't planning on it.” Fluttershy picked up a stick in her mouth and poked the mushroom she had been eyeing. In an instant, it withered into a dry black mess and died right in front of her.

Fluttershy stepped back in alarm. “What happened?”

Curious, Rainbow Dash picked up a stone and skipped it across the tops of the mushrooms. Each one it touched shrivelled up and died, leaving behind rotten darkened remains. Some of the mushrooms had been touching other mushrooms, the result being that, as soon as they died, so too did their neighbors, a chain reaction of death triggered by their own.

Rainbow Dash's eyes went wide. “Whoa...”

The sight was completely bizarre and off-putting enough to make Fluttershy want to turn around and go some other way... that is, until she spotted a grasshopper on one of the mushrooms.

“Hey there little guy.” Her voice wavered with concern. “Are you alright?” The grasshopper didn't move.

“D-do you need help?” she said shakily.

Nothing.

Rainbow Dash looked on at the scene unfolding before her. She could see just as well as Fluttershy that the grasshopper wasn't alright.

“Can you move at all?” Fluttershy reached out her stick to the grasshopper, she was almost certain that nothing good was to come, but she refused to leave until she knew for sure. “Jump on.” The grasshopper made no acknowledgement of her request.

“Um... Fluttershy.” Rainbow Dash put a hoof of Fluttershy's shoulder.

“Go on.” Fluttershy felt moisture coalescing at the corners of her eyes. “Jump,” She said with a shaky voice. The grasshopper remained perfectly still. “Please... jump.”

“'Shy, maybe we should go.”

“This grasshopper needs me, Rainbow...”

“I don't think there's anything anypony can do to help it.” Rainbow Dash winced. “I think it's... already gone.”

Fluttershy blinked, clearing her vision that had blurred to the point that she could no longer clearly see shapes. Tears streamed down her cheeks. She inched the stick the tiniest bit closer until it came in contact with the grasshopper which swiftly withered and died followed immediately after by the mushroom it had been sitting on. The only thing that remained was a translucent brown exoskeleton atop a rotten black lump.