The Pony Obsession of Haruhi Suzumiya

by N-TG

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Comedy, Crossover
Length: 3940

What happens when Haruhi Suzumiya becomes a fan of MLP:FiM.

After a visit to a toy store, the SOS-Brigade buys a set of 6 pony plushies. Soon, Haruhi starts becoming obsessed with the show. Unfortunately her powers manage to make the 2 worlds collide and as usual, Kyon and the rest of the Brigade have to solve this mess.

(Crossover with the novel/anime series The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya. Trying to maintain the writing style of the original author as much as possible)

Special Thanks to PegasusMesa for taking the time to help me edit the 1st chapter. Also, thanks to Imperium Bedlam for small edits.

Currently I'm looking for a regular proof-reader/editor, if you are interested PM me.

Published 2014-08-09 18:20:03 UTC
Last updated 2014-08-09 18:20:03 UTC

The visit to the toy store

The first thing I heard in my sleep was the endless ringing of my phone. As my mind was slowly waking up I reached for the phone, and without checking the caller ID, I placed it on my ear and answered.

"Mmm..." I said while my vocal cords tried to activate again after the many hours of sleep.

From the other line I heard the high pitched screaming voices of a girl that yelled at me.

"Kyon! Where are you? The rest of us are here already! You were supposed to be here five minutes ago!" that girl screamed in my ear, making my body to burst with energy.

"What?" I screamed while I literally jumped out of my bed. I glanced at my clock, which read ten o'clock AM. I was late. "I'll be right there!"

"Get here, immediately! Of course, you'll be penalized for this," she continued screaming as loud as possible, making her voice loud enough to be able to hear it even outside my room.

She hung up after that. I threw on my clothes, washed my face, brushed my teeth, and grabbed something from the fridge to eat. As I was putting on my shoes, I passed by my little sister while she was watching cartoons on the TV.

“Kyon, why are you running?” she said with a curious look on her face.

“Because I'm late and Haruhi will have me killed if I don't hurry up!” I told her while I tied my shoe.

“Oh, that's why your phone had an alarm? I turned it off because I thought you forgot it was Sunday today...” she said to me with a proud look on her face.

“You were in my room? What did you get?” I told her in a serious tone while I stood up watching her and waiting her response.

She showed me a pair of small scissors that she was using at the time to cut something from a piece of paper.

“Scissors!” said showing them to me with a big smile on her face.

“Just put them back when you're done with them,”I told her as I turned my back to her, checking if I had everything on me and grabbing my keys.

“Ok Kyon,” She said while she started running to sit again in front of the TV.

“Don’t run while holding scissors… And stop calling me Kyon!” I said to her while I was unlocking my door.

After the small talk with my sis, I left my house, hopped on my bike and started pedaling like crazy to reach our usual meeting spot in front of the train station as soon as possible. After I locked my bike at the parking spot I run toward the place of our meeting. There I found an angry Haruhi looking at me.

“You're late!” Haruhi told me, furious and with her hands crossed around her chest as I was running to her and the rest of our small Brigade.

“I know, Haruhi, sorry for that. My little sister turned off my alarm and I dozed off,” I said to Haruhi as I was trying to catch my breath from all the morning exercise I had done.

“Still your fault for not having more alarms set up! Today is our important meeting!” Haruhi screamed at me.

“What are we looking for today?” I told her, trying to make her get over the fact that I was late.

“All in time, all in time,” Her usual grin appeared on her face, preparing me for all the problems she’ll cause soon.

After waving everybody else over she pulled a piece of paper from her pocket. Both sides were covered with her sloppy writing, making it quite hard to read. I wondered how she's able to understand her own writing. Maybe her parents are pharmacists. I always wondered how pharmacists are able to read the weird letters that doctors write.

Her eyes moved right to left as she mentally read both sides of her paper. She had her usual smile plastered on her face and took a big breath, signaling that she was going to talk... a lot.

“Ladies and gentleman... and Kyon” Haruhi said with a disappointed look in her face “today we are gathered to get supplies for the summer! Hope you have a lot of money with you because we will spend a lot . Of course, I have the Literature's fund money with me. We can write those up as ‘Necessary Expenses’, in case we spend them. First stop, the toy store, let's go!” she continued saying by raising her hand and pointing us at the direction of the toy store.

And with that we started heading there. For the people at home let me introduce you to our small group—first of all is me, a high school student that was ok with living an ordinary life until Haruhi Suzumiya came and destroyed it, making it a total mess, adding weird things like aliens, time-travelers, espers, sliders and everything you can imagine to the mix.

Next to me was the usual brown-haired and brown-eyed, always smiling, Koizumi Itsuki, an esper that was here to watch Haruhi and her usual weird tantrums and report everything to his Agency. By Agency, I mean a group of espers like him, in charge of protecting Haruhi and our world at the same time.

Next to him stood the lovely Asahina Mikuru, wearing a nice frilly dress that showed her amazing busty figure and complimented her long and beautiful red hair that had been tied in a ponytail and... Ahem. Let me rephrase that—next to him stood the lovely and shy Asahina Mikuru, a time traveler that tries her best at all times with less than stellar results, because she's the continuous target of Haruhi's schemes that always involve dressing her up in various outfits and dragging her here and there. She also has a star-shaped mole on her bosom, but I'll tell you later how I found out that.

Now, Next to me is the silent Nagato Yuki. A silent girl with a slender figure and short purple hair that enjoys reading books all the time. Before Haruhi came along and declared that this club would become the unofficial “Spreading Excitement all Over the World with Suzumiya Haruhi Brigade" or in short, the SOS-Brigade, Nagato was the original Literature club owner. She's also an Alien, or “Humanoid Interface”, created from the Data Overmind. She's the hidden ace of our Brigade and she managed to save us from peril many times.

And finally, we have our leader, a conniving girl that yells and drags us all over the place. Of course she’s capable of creating huge messes, Haruhi Suzumiya. She's a flamboyant girl that from the first day of our high school lives, introduced herself as a person that looks for trouble. Her exact words: “I have no interest in ordinary humans. If there are any aliens, time travelers, sliders or espers here, come join me”. Of course she’s athletic enough, with an endless amount of stamina, able to do almost anything you can imagine in order to find something exciting.

My first impression of Haruhi was that she was a total nutcase. People that knew her said to me that she was spontaneous and that she does always weird stuff, like painting weird symbols on the school grounds. Our first talk made her cut her long brown hair, something that she told me that it was a simple coincidence. Now she always has short hair and wears a yellow headband with bows on each side,

After that I started talking with her regularly and after a while, without my consent, I was dragged to all of her schemes, being next to her, always carrying something or trying to get her out of each mess she creates, intentionally or unintentionally. I say unintentionally because Haruhi has omnipotent powers and can recreate the world if she wants to—that's why some people, like Itsuki, practically call her “God”. She almost did recreate the world, once—if it wasn't for the combined effort of all of us to stop her, with many moments that I still try to forget.

After a while we reached the toy store, a building full of kids dreams— a place that Haruhi really enjoys. Immediately as we entered she was full of excitement, but she stopped and turned to us.

“Here's a small list with all of the things we will need. We'll split up according to the vote,” Haruhi said as she brought up five straws with different colors at the bottom. Each one of us picked one and we quickly formed two teams depending on the color of the bottom of the straw. In one team we had Yuki, Mikuru, and Haruhi, and in the other one, me and Itsuki.

“In 1 hour we gather up here with all the stuff on the list. Have fun,” Haruhi said, pushing Asahina in the store, while Nagato followed them silently, leaving me and Itsuki alone.

After that I saw the list and we were on our way to buy whatever Haruhi wanted for her crazy schemes.

“I hope you enjoyed your sleep,” Koizumi said while looking around for a shopping basket.

“If it wasn't for Haruhi yelling at me, it would be much better,” I said while searching the aisles for the things Haruhi asked us to buy.

“Still, I hope you have a lot of energy because today I see her particularly energetic,” Koizumi said while he had that idiotic smile on his face.

“Just be careful, I don't want to be locked in another dimension with her again!” I said while remembering what happen that time, sending shivers down my spine.

“Don't worry, our researchers say that she calmed down a lot recently, so our work is really easy these days. Not many giants appear lately, so that's a really positive thing. Also, summer is coming up in a couple of weeks, so I bet she'll be entertained a lot and won't cause any problems,” Koizumi said to me, while having his hands around trying to maintain a theatrical style of deliverance.

I forgot to mention previously that Koizumi is an Esper and his powers can be activated only under very specific circumstances. Haruhi's subconscious can create giants, called “Celestials”,that are locked in a different dimension of our world. The Agency is capable of defeating them very fast, because if they let them rampage around, they can enter our dimension. I bet Haruhi is going to be filled with joy when she sees some giant monster things like Godzilla destroying Tokyo, but I won't be particularly happy to see that.

“Can we stop by the board games?” Koizumi said to me with an eager tone to his voice.

“Is it on the list?” I said while checking the list again for all the stuff Haruhi wanted us to buy.

“Actually, it is; Suzumiya says we'll need 3 decks of cards and an Othello,” Koizumi said while he was rubbing his chin and looking at the ceiling trying to remember.

“Didn't we have one in the club room?” I said, while I looked at him with a curious expression.

“Well Suzumiya had a brilliant idea and--” he said while he looked at me while he was gesturing with his hands, showing something like a big explosion.

“Say no more. 3 decks of cards, what is she going to do with them?” I said to him, not wanting to know anymore. I had a mental image of Haruhi in my mind, with a flamethrower in her hands, burning down the Othello board.

“I don't have any clue, but I think it's going to be really entertaining,” Koizumi said with his usual happy expression in his face.

“Sure it's going to be entertaining for you, I'm the one that loses all the time,” I said remembering all the times we played games with Haruhi and the rest of the Brigade. Usually, I’m the one that loses and I have to buy them drinks.

“Because Suzumiya desires it,” he said while he pointed at me.

“She really wants me to suffer, even subconsciously...” I said while I was rubbing my glabella, trying to refocus.

“Apparently, she enjoys your company and wants you to do all kinds of small favors to be close with her,” he said as he moved his index finger up and down, trying to lecture me and teach me all the small quirks and behaviors of Haruhi.

“Can't she let me win then? Also, she could always ask me directly for something like that,” I said to Koizumi while I was trying to locate the aisle with the board games with my eyes.

“You know she's not that kind of person,” Koizumi said, reassuring me.

As Itsuki and I talked, we passed through many aisles of toys, enough to make almost any kid laugh with joy. One of those aisles was the one with the toys for girls, filled with pink boxes, to dictate the gender of the person that should buy it just by colors alone, with dolls and all sorts of accessories for each one. At the other end of the aisle was a small group of guys that were looking at something. I didn't give it a lot of attention, but then I heard it:

“Make way now!” Haruhi said while shoving many of the guys there in order to see what they were looking at. Along with her was Mikuru, wearing a pair of inflated bunny ears, and Yuki, holding a few boxes full of inflatable things while reading a book of summer activities that she had placed neatly on top of them.

After a while I saw Haruhi looking around, like a lion trying to find her prey, before she spotted us looking at her. Immediately she started running toward us with six plushies of some kind on her hands. Itsuki and I looked at each other with confusion.

“Aren't these the cutest things you've ever seen?” Haruhi said, presenting us six pony shaped plushies full of pastel colors. The color schemes of each one were interesting, one was like a small rainbow as well.

Shortly after, Mikuru and Yuki, leaving the boxes next to her feat, joined our little investigation of the plushies.

“What are those? They look really cute,” said Mikuru with a big smile on her face that made her shine brightly.

“I have no idea but I'm going to find out,” Haruhi said as she noticed a guy looking at the plushies in her hands. “You there! You know what these are?”

The other guy stopped, looking at all of our faces, full of interest, except Yuki’s because she continued watching the plushies. He cleared his throat and started talking to us, like a preacher in a church.

“Those are the 6 main characters from a show called ‘My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic’—it's really popular these days and, as weird as it sounds, it's mostly popular to grown up guys. Japan started showing the show a couple of years ago, but if you really want to see it you need to see it in English,” the guy said while he was moving his hands, like a teacher trying to show everything in a board, while his students, us in this case, trying to take mental notes of everything.

“So, what are the characters names?” Itsuki asked while reaching and taking the white one with purple hair.

The guy continued his explanation, while I noticed that he seemed really happy to talk about it. “Well, the one you're holding is called Rarity, and she's a fashion designer. After that we have the librarian Twilight Sparkle, the adventurous Rainbow Dash, the shy Fluttershy, the crazy Pinkie Pie, and the country mare Applejack. Want to know anything else?”

After that small explanation, Haruhi turned around, ignoring the guy completely and, with her usual “trouble manifesting” eyes, started talking enthusiastically.

“We'll get all of them right now!” Haruhi said as she was looking at me with eyes full of interest.

“I don't think we'll have enough money to buy our supplies and six plushies as well,” I replied, hoping that Haruhi won't say the usual phrase...

“You can pay for these. You need to be penalized for being late after all!” Haruhi said while turning her back to me, not caring if I had enough money to actually pay for those plushies.

I signed, thinking that I wouldn't have enough money to do anything else until I got my next allowance. I may have to ask my parents for an advance if Haruhi has any more ideas or something that—if I have a small problem, or a little sister that shuts off my alarm, and I’m late I'll have to pay for something extravagant again.

Without my confirmation, Haruhi placed all the plushies on top of Yuki's pile of boxes, covering her book. I noticed that Yuki was staring one of them a lot...

“Do you like that one, Yuki? What was she called again...” I said to Yuki as she was staring at the plushie.

“Twilight Sparkle...” she said as she turn her head and looked at me.

“Do you like her?” I asked her while I was looking at her eyes.

She didn't say anything but I got my answer. After being around her for such a long time, I learn to understand what she wanted to say by her eyes and the subtle changes in her face and I saw that that she was really interested, particularly in that one.

“Why?” I asked her, trying to learn more about this small “connection” with a random cartoon character.

“She's a librarian. I wonder how many books she has read,” she told me with a small hint of curiosity in her voice.

Apparently even with toys, Yuki was looking for a fellow book reader, since none of us read books, even though we were the Literature club.

Soon I realized that each of us was staring at a particular plushie. Itsuki was looking the white one, Mikuru was already holding the yellow one, Haruhi was looking at the blue one, and Yuki was looking at the one called Twilight. That left two of them—the orange one and the pink one. I remember that the guy told that the orange one was a country girl and the pink one was crazy... I hoped not crazy like Haruhi. Reluctantly, I put those two, since everyone else had taken the one they were looking into their bags already, in my bag, which already had the three decks of cards and the Othello board.

After that, we continued shopping, managing to buy the things from the list in an hour. When we got out of the store—with our bags full and my wallet empty—Haruhi checked her small piece of paper.

“That's all for today, but I have a job for all of you to do at home,” Haruhi said while having a really big smile. “You'll have to write what fun activities you'll want to do in the summer. Also, since Kyon was kind enough to buy us each a plushy as a gift to forgive his terrible act of being late, I want you to pick one and learn a few things about it,” she continued saying while pointing her index finger at me.

As she said that, she reached for the bag containing said plushies and pulled out the blue one. “Mine will be this one—Rainbow Dash,” she said, while she was lifting the blue plushie in the air.

A few moments later, everyone else, except me, took one, leaving two behind.

“I'll get the white one. That guy said that this one is a fashion designer, so I'm a bit interested in her,” Itsuki said with his usual relaxing smile while holding the white plushie in his fingertips like a new-age Hamlet holding Yorick's skull.

“I'll take this one—she’s pretty cute,” Mikuru said, taking the shy one, hugging it and burying it between her... Ahem... She hugged it with a big smile on her face.

Yuki just showed us the one called Twilight Sparkle and put it in her bag without saying anything.

Finally, I was left with the orange one and the pink one. I thought that my sister would really love the pink one and that I'd let her borrow it, until Haruhi wanted to bring them again or something like that.

“Ok then, you each picked one? You're free for today. See you at school tomorrow,” Haruhi said while running to the train station, with Mikuru right behind her, leaving Itsuki, Yuki, and me behind. Yuki said goodbye and she left as well, leaving me behind with Itsuki.

“Should we worry about this?” I asked him, while reaching in my bag and pulling out the orange pony plushie from within it.

“I don't think it's going to be something big. Suzumiya showed interest and that's something we'll have to be happy about. I think she'll be entertained, even for a while. Also I hope that we'll provide many interesting things to do in the summer with the lists we'll write. Don't forget to do your summer assignments before we start or you'll find yourself trying to do them in the last moment,” Koizumi said to me, while pointing at me, with a serious tone in his voice.

“Yeah, yeah, I'll do them the day we'll leave for summer,” I brushed him off, trying to convince him and myself as well that I will manage to finish my summer homework immediately.

After our small talk, Itsuki and I bid our farewells and headed off on our separate ways. The ride for home with my bike was hard, having to carry almost all of the stuff we bought today and my empty stomach made it a living hell. Sorry, didn't have enough money to feed you, wait till we get home…

At home, I tried to hide my bags from my sister because she'd open everything. Thankfully, she was thrilled when I presented her with the two plushies, and immediately after grabbing the pink one she started playing with it.

The internet search I did was pretty useful, helping me to learn the name of all the ponies in a matter of seconds. Hope I remember them till tomorrow. Apparently, what that guy said was true—the show was a major success with older guys and it started playing in Japan recently. I continued searching for things about the show for a while, learning more about it, watching clips and seeing all the merchandise.

Currently, the pony I have is called Applejack, and she's an earth pony. Also I saw the differences between each race—unicorns can use magic, pegasi can fly, and earth ponies were the strongest ones. There was a fourth type though—Alicorns—that were omnipotent beings, capable of controlling the sun and the moon. The show established quickly that there were only two of its kind, one named Celestia—Latin for divine—and the other named Luna—Latin for moon.

All that searching though had made me tired and while heading to my bed, forgetting to do the list Haruhi asked for, telling myself that I would complete it tomorrow, I saw Applejack and I stared her a bit.

“Why do I have this weird feeling that something bad will happen...” I said while I was slowly dozing off.

Unfortunately, my fears became a reality when the next day, Haruhi Suzumiya skipped school...