TWILIGHT'S SHIPPING GOGGLES

Chapter 1: Delivery

Drawing in a deep breath, I took in the aroma of the tea in my cup before taking my first sip. A pleased smile formed as the flavor washed over my palette and I identified at least three of the plants in the blend in that one mouthful. With a satisfied sigh, I set the cup down on the table and looked at my dining partner across the table.

Cadance returned the smile, and set her own cup down. “Well?”

Seeking to buy some more time, I quietly smacked my mouth a few times to bring the flavor of the tea from my tongue to my nostrils and thought for a moment. “Mao feng green tea, Saddle Arabian chamomile, lemongrass, jasmine, and...” I searched my mind for the name of the final flavor when it hit me. “Hibiscus?” I asked hesitantly.

The pink alicorn clapped her hooves appreciatively. “I thought I had you that time,” she said with a sly smile.

“I'll admit that the jasmine and mao feng hid it well, but the Princess and I have been taking tea together for some time, and her collection is rather... extensive,” I returned with a shrug. I took another sip of the tea, marveling at the interplay of the blended plants. “So, how have you been adapting to ruling a nation? Is Shiny being helpful, or has he been secreting himself away in the barracks with the guards?”

With a roll of her eyes, Cadance replied, “I sometimes think I need a crowbar to pry him out of those stupid barracks. You know I found him playing acey-deucey there the other night while I was waiting for him with a candlelit dinner going cold on our balcony; this very same balcony?”

I chuckled and shook my head. When will he ever change? “Sounds like you need to use the right kind of crowbar if you want the desired results, sister-o-mine.”

“Oh? What would you suggest, my favorite little sister?” the princess asked. Her sly smile had returned, but the tone of her voice betrayed her interest in what her husband's sister had to say on the subject.

Leaning back in the chair on the same balcony Cadance's failed attempt at a romantic dinner had occurred, I tried to not look too smug, dispensing relationship advice to the Alicorn of Love. “Shiny's always been 'het up' for military pursuits, as my friend Applejack would say. You just need to capitalize on that. When he comes in tonight after doing whatever it is he does these days, give him a surprise inspection. Act like a drill instructor; give him demerits for sloppy clothes, poor posture, coming in late, things like that. But!” I interrupted myself, holding up a hoof to forestall any objections, “use it as a prelude to more... amorous pursuits. Try taking the reins for once, and don't let him dictate the terms. That's not to say you shouldn't make it pleasurable for him, just use it as a reward for good behavior, and make sure that he knows more will be coming his way if he continues behavior you like. Once you have his interest, he'll follow you like a lost puppy again.”

Cadance appeared shocked by my advice, more so for how accurate it may prove itself. A sudden thought must have occurred to her as I sensed a sudden shift in her ever-mercurial mood. The sly smile deepened and she rested her head on her crossed hooves and stared at me. “When did my Ladybug learn about such things?”

I levitated a croissant to my mouth and took a nibble. “What? A girl can't know some inside information about her brother and pass it along to his beloved wife?” I asked with far too much innocence to be genuine.

Like a puppy with a favorite toy, Cadance refused to let the matter go. “I just never expected you of all ponies to speak so frankly about intimate matters, especially when such talk will result in me seducing your own brother.” She emphasized the final word, and suppressed a giggle as the implications of what we had been talking about finally sunk into my sometimes admittedly, dense head.

My eyes must have been as wide as dinner plates just before I shut them and grimaced distastefully. “Oh, ew, ew, ew, ew! Cady, you can never speak about this to anypony, ever, especially to Shiny!”

Cadance laughed gaily at my discomfort. She wiped away a tear. She must have realized just how much she had missed our “girl time” together. I think she must have spotted movement on the street below her palace balcony, because I saw the beginnings of a nasty idea forming in her head. I knew it was a nasty idea, because that look invariably meant something wicked this way comes. “Alright, alright. I'll even change the subject. Look down there, Twily.”

Looking down to where Cadance was pointing, casually so as to not draw attention to them, my eyes zeroed in on a pair of mares walking together, window shopping. One of the mares pointed at a hat in a window and the other said something, but even from this distance, I could see her lips form the word “love”. They looked to be a good match for each other, one complimenting the other well. “Aw, they're such a cute couple, aren't they? I wonder when the pegasus will ask the other one out?”

A grin spread across Cadance's features, and she could barely restrain a squeal of delight. As casually as she could manage, which was to say, not at all, she asked, “So, when did they come in?”

“Mind-bendingly atrocious grammar aside, when did what come in?” I lightly asked, turning back to face my sister in-law, and was more than a little disconcerted by her expression.

“Your Shipping Goggles, of course.”

I blinked at her a few times in confusion. “Um, m- my what?”

Cadance slipped out of her chair and walked around the table to stand next to me and threw a foreleg over my shoulders. Her other forehoof directed my gaze back to the mares who were still at the window, the pegasus now giggling at a joke told by her earth pony companion. “Those two have been dancing around their feelings for weeks now, ever since they realized how they felt for one another. You not only recognized that they had romantic feelings for each other and had long-term compatibility, but also that they had yet to confess. Hay, you even realized that the pegasus will be the first to confess! That, my filly, is the work of Shipping Goggles, and as the Alicorn of Love, you can safely believe me when I say that you have them."

I stared at her a moment longer before playfully batting at her chest and laughing. “Ha ha ha. You really had me going there, Cady. That was a good one. ‘Shipping Goggles’, indeed.”

My laughter died in the face of the grim, serious expression Cadance was giving me. “I never joke about shipping, Twilight Sparkle. Never.”

With a gulp, I nervously looked for an escape route. Cadance had only used my full name once after breaking a bottle of her favorite perfume which had been given to her by Shining for Hearth’s Warming many years ago. “C- C- Cady, you’re scaring me,” I said in a low, tremulous voice.

Sighing, Cadance blinked, allowing her face to assume a more genial expression. “I’m sorry, Twily, but if you’re going to use Shipping Goggles, you need to be responsible with them. It’s far too easy to let it go to your head and just manipulate ponies at a whim.”

Now that the danger seemed to have passed, I breathed a little easier. “What is this about ‘Shipping Goggles’, Cady? What are you talking about?”

Cadance returned to her seat and took a long sip from her teacup. “Well, it’s really my term for it. It’s not actual, physical goggles you can wear, but more like having a discerning eye for certain connections between ponies. There are of course, varying levels and kinds of goggles; Friendship Goggles, Enemy Goggles, Spy Goggles (the most rare kind, by the way), and of course, Shipping Goggles. Almost all ponies have them to some degree, and rarely are they used correctly, which is why so many relationships are ruined by well-intentioned friends than anything else.

“We can forget the others for now, since it’s the pair you have that’s most relevant to this conversation,” the alicorn said, taking another sip. “Basically, you have the ability to see possible romantic connections between ponies, and how likely they are to remain together in a meaningful way. I really cannot stress to you how wonderful, and dangerous this gift is, Twilight. I suspect it came to you from being around me so much. Shiny has it as well, but chooses to ignore it as being ‘too troublesome’ for him, which is probably for the best. Light love him, but we both know he can be a regular butterhooves when it comes to emotions.”

I had to giggle at this assessment. I recalled all the times he tried to tell Cadance how he felt about her, but something always seemed to get in the way and he would always chicken out. I turned sober however as I thought out the implications of what she was saying. “So, what am I supposed to do about this?”

Cadance sat in silence for a moment and looked to the sky as if she would find the answer there. She must have found something, because she replied, “The way I see it, you really only have two options available to you. You can follow Shiny's example and ignore it totally as if it doesn't exist, and let this ability languish until it disappears entirely, if it ever does. However, I doubt you'll want to do that. You're too inquisitive to just let it go.”

We sat there in silence as I considered that course of action, and what would likely arise from it. After a moment, I asked, “Or?”

“Or you use this ability,” she returned simply. “Romance is another form of friendship; granted, it's a much more profound and deeply felt kind of friendship, but similar in many ways. Romance often forms from friendship, even. You could think of this as the next step in your lessons on friendship that Auntie Celestia's given you.” I hoped to Light that she didn't notice the slight blush tinging my cheeks, or the way I looked away when my mentor's name was mentioned.

Cadance shook her head. Instead of lecturing me more, she gave me one final warning. “Whatever you decide, Twily, remember that I'm just a message away if you run into trouble. Think of me as a tutor you can call on when the need arises in a subject new to you, but familiar to me.”

I considered her words carefully, and knew that I was going to need some time to think of what would be the best course of action.

(\ /)
( . .)
*(“)(“)

Stepping off the train which had just pulled into Ponyville, I looked around as if setting hoof here for the first time. The same faces greeted Spike and I, but now that I was aware of my... new goggles, it was like seeing new ponies altogether. I could see they way they acted around each other, and how they modulated what they said and did depending on to whom they reacted.

Mr. Cake was standing on the platform, eagerly looking for his wife whom had also been in the Crystal Kingdom buying ingredients, but I noticed the way his eye tracked every mare on the platform, including me. Me, of all ponies! He all but ignored the stallions, but I noted that his eyes lingered on certain mares longer than was strictly necessary for a quick identification. I could feel a blush overtake me as I noticed that his eyes not only went to my face, but rested on my flanks for a considerably longer period. His eyes never really met mine, but they did light up with genuine affection and love when they came upon Mrs. Cake. I also noted how their bodies seemed to come together as if two halves of a whole had been rejoined, which eased my worry for their marriage.

A sharp poke in my side woke me from my musings and I looked down to see Spike, suitcase in one paw, and the other ready to repeat his attention-getting action if necessary. “Equestria to Twilight: are we going to get moving anytime soon? I'd like to get these gems the crystal ponies gave me put away before they go stale.” He treasured the small chest he had received as a thank you present for playing such a big part in their retaining their freedom from Sombra, and was proud to bring attention to them whenever possible.

“You know gems don't 'go stale', Spike. That's a physical impossibility,” I replied as we started walking again towards our home.

“Says the pony who doesn't eat them,” he shot back with a smirk.

I was going to rebut, but could not find fault in his logic. “Touché,” I conceded. As we neared the library, a pink missile intercepted us, knocking me to the ground. Before I could even think to react, a conical party hat had been slipped over my horn, a blowout noisemaker stuck between my lips, and an invitation along with several balloons placed in my hooves. Blue eyes stared into mine as a rapid-fire voice said something almost incomprehensible. “HiTwilight.NicetoseeyoubackfromtheCrystalKingdom.Howwasyourtrip.That'sgreat;likereallygreat!You'llcometomyWelcomebackfromtheCrystalKingdom,TwilightandSpikeandHappyApple-BuckingSeason,ApplejackBlowoutandHootenanny,right?Awesome!Seeyoutheretonight!Ifyou'llexcuseme,IthinkIseesomeponiesthatIhaven'tinvitedyet.Seeyoutonight!”

With another pink blur, the weight was lifted from my chest, and I looked around to see Spike had somehow been placed partially inside a sun-shaped piñata so that his head, limbs and tail stuck out of it, making him look like he had gained several pounds and his scales took on a distinctly crepe paper-like consistency. Needless to say, his expression was far from pleased. “Can we please just go home, now?” he asked.

“Oh, dear. It seems you too have fallen prey to Pinkie's caffeine-induced party invitation.”

I turned to see Rarity walking towards us, bits of confetti and glitter still stuck to her mane and coat, somehow making her look even more lovely than usual. Hey, it's not like I'm attracted to her like that, but even I can say that she's a knockout. Curious, I looked at her through my... new eyes, but was disappointed to see no particular affinity for anypony. Maybe it only works when somepony compatible is nearby? If so, what is the range? Ugh! There's just too many questions left unanswered, and I'm still not sure I want to pursue this field of study! Shaking my head, I replied, letting the party favor in my mouth drop to the ground, “Is that what that was? I thought that shade of pink looked familiar.”

Rarity sniffed and held her nose aloft. “Indeed. Rainbow thought it might be funny to introduce Pinkie to chocolate-covered coffee beans. I believe she lasted exactly fifteen seconds before she could take no more and departed for ah, quieter climes. Sadly, she left poor Ponyville with a manic Pinkie intent on celebrating something. She over heard Applejack bemoaning the fact that she hadn't been to a decent 'hootenanny' in ages and latched on to it.” She looked me in the eye and placed a hoof on my foreleg and desperately asked, “Oh, do say you'll come? I simply couldn't stand the thought of not having a pony of class to whom I could talk all night.”

“Of course we'll be there, Rarity! I'd never leave you in a lurch!” Spike volunteered for us oh, so helpfully.

Noticing him for the first time, the fashionista turned to him in surprise. “Oh, my! Don't you just look absolutely precious!” She pinched his blushing cheek and babbled baby talk to him, which he lapped up like a suffocating pony sucks in air.

I rolled my eyes in bemusement. “As Loverboy here said, we'll be there. It appears to be partly for us anyway.” A sudden thought occurred to me, and I just had to know the answer. “Say Rarity, have you ever heard of...” Suddenly, the question sounded incredibly dumb being voiced like this, and decided against it, especially after looking at her curious eyes. “... nevermind. It's nothing important.”

Rarity gave me an unconvinced look and started to turn away back to her boutique. “Alright, then. If you're certain. If you'll excuse me, I have a new chapeau on which I was working when Pinkie barged in that I simply must finish. I'll see you both tonight, then.” With a nod and a smile, she trotted off, leaving a lovesick Spike and a conflicted me to make it back to our home.

(\ /)
( . .)
*(“)(“)

Standing at her dresser, I brushed my mane, trying to decide on which side to part the stripes. I knew that in the long run, it wouldn't matter and I'd go with what I always decided (on the left), but it was something to do as I stalled for time before going to Pinkie's party. In the mirror, I could see Spike carefully trying to put a leg through the piñata without tearing it or making a new hole. “Spike, I told you I will not be seen with you wearing that ridiculous thing. Throw it away.”

The baby dragon waved a paw at me dismissively. “Psht. You're just jealous that Rarity loved my new look and didn't even mention your stupid hat.”

Rolling my eyes yet again, (I wonder if this keeps up, were my eyes were going to roll right out of my head?). “Yes, that's what this is about. I'm jealous of Rarity thinking you looked cute as a baby dressed up like a piñata sun and ignored the stupid hat Pinkie put on me.”

Spike whirled on me, suddenly very angry. “You better not be thinking of stealing Rarity away from me, Twi! Seriously, you have like a hundred ponies to choose from; let me have this one!”

Walking up to my assistant and gently ruffling his head spines, I said, “Believe me, Spike. My interests in Rarity are purely platonic. This is entirely your show to win or lose on your own merits.”

Slightly mollified, Spike looked at the party favor and kicked it to the side. “You're right. If I'm going to win her love, I need to do it as myself, not a piñata.”

Delighted at his sudden show of maturity, I rubbed his spines again affectionately and walked out of the room, saying, “Attaboy, Spike. Just be yourself!”

As soon as I was out of the room, I could hear him reach into the basket that served as his bed and pull out a crown made of one solid gemstone, one of the treasures that the crystal ponies had given him, and carefully placed it on his head, proudly declaring, “And everypony knows that I'm all about the gems!” I could only facehoof at the ease with which he turns things around to suit himself.

(\ /)
( . .)
*(“)(“)

I had not been this overwhelmed since the first night I spent in Ponyville. Back then, the source of my discomfort was because I had little experience interacting with ponies my own age in a social setting like an informal party. This time, however, the reason was something else entirely. Everywhere I looked, I could see the connections between the ponies. Their strengths varying, depending on the pony involved, and the amount of alcohol running in their systems.

One connection in particular caught me by surprise. Well, not just the connection, but the complication that came with it was both intriguing and frustrating. Pinkie brought the DJ another glass of punch, staying long enough to ask her if she needed anything else. All of her body language just screamed interest as well as compatibility, and the strange DJ seemed open to her. However, the DJ, (What was her name? Vital Strike? Velor Scrape?) seemed open to all the ponies that approached her, and there were plenty of those. Perhaps the most confounding was Rainbow Dash. Naturally, there was no way for the pegasus to know of Pinkie's feeling for the unicorn- she hid them very well, I thought- but her suggestive movements and come-hither looks towards the DJ really weren't helping matters.

I finally decided to take matters into my own hooves, and see if I could point Dash in another direction. I didn't get very far, as I was intercepted by Pinkie, herself. “Hiya, Twi! Enjoying the shindig? Oh, wait. This is supposed to be a hootenanny, isn't it? I guess it's a good thing we held it in Applejack's barn, huh?”

Shocked by her sudden appearance, I backed up in surprise when the pink mare appeared seemingly from nowhere. “Pinkie? Where- nevermind. I actually wanted to talk to you about something. That DJ-”

“Vinyl Scratch,” Pinkie helpfully supplied.

“Right,” I continued as if nothing had happened, “Do you...”

Pinkie tilted her head like a curious puppy and blinked a few times at me. “Do I what?”

Taking a deep breath, I plunged on. “Do you like her?”

With a giggle, Pinkie waved off such a silly question. “Of course I like her! She's a fun pony and a great friend!”

“No, no. I mean, do you like her as more than just a friend? I mean, could you see spending your life with her?” I persisted. This needed to be done, and it seemed she wasn't going to take the initiative.

Tsking in disappointment, Pinkie replied, “Oh, Twilight. That's not party talk! Parties are for having fun, not worrying about the future, or sad stuff like that. Now, are you going out on the dance floor and party those thoughts out of your head, or do I have to find you a partner who will?” She leaned in close, almost so our noses touched. “Don't think I won't, Missy!”

Frightened, I backed away from her slowly, bumping into another pony. Turning around, I found that I had wandered onto the dance floor, where ponies were dancing to the tune of Cotton Eye Beau. With Pinkie still in sight and glaring at me, I made my way deeper into the crowd, and finally bumped into Rainbow Dash, who was still flashing the DJ her pearly whites. Deciding to take another path, I called to her, “Rainbow?” The pegasus cocked her head and said something which was drowned out by the music. “Can I talk to you a minute, Rainbow?”

“Can't talk right now, Twilight! Too loud!” Dash replied, shouting to be heard over the music.

Taking a quick look around and not spotting Pinkie, I decided to risk it. I grabbed her by the hoof, and pushed our way through the crowd, to a quieter corner of the barn. Hidden from view by some hay bales, I asked, “Rainbow, do you like that mare?”

Dash, looked at me in shock. “Twilight? I never figured you for being one of those hetero only prudes. I thought Canterlot was more open minded than that.”

“It is- that is, I'm not- I mean, that's not what this is about!” I sputtered at her. Dash cocked an eyebrow at me in confusion. Taking a deep breath, I tried again. “...” I froze. There was no other word for it; my brain just refused to work, not allowing me to articulate my feelings or thoughts. Apparently, I was bad at this. Instead, I was seized by another notion. What if this messes up Pinkie's chance at Vinyl? What if my intuition is wrong about Vinyl and Rainbow? It's entirely possible that they could hit it off if left alone, couldn't it?

Dash watched me for a moment, curious where I was going with the conversation, but after a few seconds of my standing there with my mouth hanging open, and eyes unfocused, she must have begun to worry. “You okay there, Twilight?”

Finally blinking after what seemed like forever, I gave her a nervous smile. “Y- yeah. I'm fine. I just... yeah, fine.”

I started to walk off, but Dash called out to me, “Are you okay, Twi? You look a little... out of it.”

Giving her a strained smile, I lightly replied, “Yeah, I'm good. I just need something to drink. You go on back to... whatever it was you were doing. I'm okay.” With that, I trotted off into the crowd, quickly losing sight of the brash pegasus. I made my way to the refreshment table which was groaning under the weight of the treats and drinks there. Taking a bottle of cider from a giant bucket of ice, I popped the top and took a long swig. I hadn't realized just how thirsty I actually was until the chilled drink hit my cottony mouth. Downing the entire bottle, I used my telekinesis to gently set into the trash bin and scooped out a couple of ice cubes to suck on.

“Hoo-wee, girl, yah just drank that sucker down like yah ain't never had a drop to drink in your life! Yah dancin' up a sweat there, Twi?”

Recognizing the voice (if not the accent), I turned around to see Applejack walking up to me, her grin a mile wide. “I guess you could say that, Applejack. Happy apple bucking season by the way. I didn't think it was usually something worth celebrating.”

“Oh, it ain't,” Applejack replied, her smile turning a bit sardonic. “At least, not usually. 'Course, once Pinkie gets her heart set on throwin' a party, ain't no force in Equestria that can stop her. That gal must have confetti in the blood, the way she's always ready for a party. Happy returnin' to Ponyville, by the by.”

“Thanks. It's not usually something I celebrate either, aside from a good, long soak in the tub, that is.” I replied. I looked around, spotting Pinkie once more at the DJ table, taking a turn at the spare turntable, scratching with Vinyl, both of them bumping rumps in time to the music. “She seems happy, at least,” I said, nodding towards the duo.

Looking over, Applejack's smile turned softer. “Ah reckon so. Yah know, she really missed yah while y'all was gone. We all did. The mayor got a wild hair up her butt about havin' a symphonic concert here in town, an' wanted your help organizin' it. Personally, Ah think she just wanted to ask y'all to call one of your fancy friends over in Canterlot to bring their band over and play. Luckily, we managed to get her to hold off until you returned instead of tryin' herself. We figured that you'd know how to get a hold of the schedules and stuff better'n we could.”

Already, my mind was abuzz with plans of to whom I should write to arrange a concert, as well as the logistics of the set up. However, I noticed the way Applejack's face took on a slightly reddish hue and her voice lilted just a little when she mentioned the mayor. Without even thinking about it, I asked, “What do you think of the mayor, Applejack?”

Applejack looked to me in confusion. “Huh? The mayor? She's okay, Ah reckon. Does a pretty good job, all in all. Why do yah ask?” she inquired.

I was confused by the casualness of the reply. If she was infatuated with the mayor, I don't think she would have been able to mention her again with so little reaction. Maybe I was wrong? Enh, I'll think about it later. “I see. Just curious.”

“Well, Ah'm gonna go see if Ah can drag Fluttershy onto the dance floor. The poor dear could use a little excitement in her life, and Ah reckon this is about the most she could stand,” the farmer said as she wandered off into the crowd, mission in hoof.

I spent the rest of the party pretty much the same way I passed time at all parties; decorating the wall. Several times, I almost plucked up the courage to go talk to the DJ in an attempt to get a read on her, but each time, I wondered what I could say to her that couldn't be misconstrued as being judgmental, or just plain nosy. So, I spent the night holding up the wall behind me, occasionally talking with a pony whom stopped for a bit of small talk, and watching the three ponies that most interested me.

I finally left for home when I saw Dash and Vinyl leave the party together once the DJ's gig was over, a snoring baby dragon draped across my back. One thing was certain, though; my curiosity and thirst to know how everything worked had made it a foregone conclusion whether or not I would be pursuing this field of study.

Author's Note

Back to familiar territory. I decided literally at the last moment to make this story first person perspective. It should make the sex scenes interestingly difficult to write and not make them seem voyeuristically pervy. If it doesn't work, I'll have to do a little work around to get them in. I've actually had the idea for this story since I began TSW (and no, this obviously isn't in the same universe), but haven't been able to get it going due to the other stories. Aywho, I'll make a blog post about this story soonish, to let you all know the special circumstances around it and the audience participation I'm planning.