TWILIGHT'S SHIPPING GOGGLES

Chapter 8: An Evening Indoors

We made it into the barn just as the sky really opened up, drenching everything. Being a barn far from the main house, there was of course, no electricity, meaning that Trixie and I had to keep our horns lit in order to see anything. The sight which greeted us was... off-putting, to say the least. Innocuous farming equipment hung from the walls as well as parked willy-nilly, but the dim glow of our horns created a rather unsettling atmosphere. Blades and sharp edges gleamed in the murk, ominous shapes appeared to skulk in the shadows as the light sources moved, and the pounding rain on the slate roof could not completely cover the creaks of the settling building.

Trixie looked as nervous as I felt, but Maud was as blasé of her surroundings as ever, and Pinkie had a disquieting gleam in her eyes.

“T- T- Trixie thinks that we should maybe keep going. We are trespassing, after all.” She said as she took in all the ways we could get hurt, no doubt. Turning to me, she asked, “C- can you teleport us someplace safer- Trixie means, more comfortable?”

I shook my head in the negative. “If I'm not teleporting to someplace within sight, then I need to know exactly my destination as well as my current location. Teleporting is an exacting science, if I mess up even a little, we could end up merged with a solid object, floating high up off the ground, or any other number of dangerous situations. The danger is exacerbated if magically exhausted; like if you had just teleported a bunch of ponies even just a short distance, say, up the side of a quarry?” Trixie shuddered at the thought of the fates I described, and to be honest, I'd be a little worried at a pony who wouldn't shudder at that. I looked over to Pinkie and asked, “Where exactly are we, Pinkie? I have a rough idea, but I've never seen this barn, or even heard Applejack talk of it before.”

Pinkie stood on her hind legs and leaned on a barrel as if posing for a movie poster or something. “Oh, Applejack doesn't like to talk about this place because she doesn't want Dashie knowing about it. This is where she stores some of her cider. You know, the hard kind,” she said with a wink at the end.

It was then that I noticed the spigot on the front of the barrel as well as the definite alcohol smell in the air. I facehoofed and dragged my hoof down my face, no doubt distorting it terribly, but I didn't care how silly I looked right then. “You brought us here deliberately, didn't you?” I asked.

Instantly, she was at my side, gathering me up in a sort of side-huddle. “Of course I did. It was the closest shelter from the storm!” Indeed, the rain was coming down pretty hard out there, now. The noise of the rain on the slate tile roof was almost deafening in the large space. She then whispered into my ear, “Besides, look at them!” She let me turn my head a few degrees before snapping it back to look her directly in the eyes once more. “No, no! Don't look! You'll make them all awkward. They need some time to get to know each other. Besides, a little liquid courage would help them both a lot.” With that, she bounced over again to the barrel and produced four mugs from Light knows where, filling them up to the brim with frothy hard cider.

Even with my dislike for certain fermented drinks (I prefer a nice chardonnay or a snifter of Cowadonian single malt whiskey, if I'm to have alcohol of any kind), the aroma was rather enticing. Curse the Apple family's facile handling of their apple products; it's enough to drive a pony to... well, when in Ponyville. Still... “Pinkie, is Applejack going to be okay with us drinking this? I mean, this is her private stash about which even Rainbow hasn't the first clue.”

Pinkie waved off my concern a little too casually. “Oh, she'll be fine with it. It's for a good cause, and it's not like where getting into her private stash of applejack, or ice cider, or anything.”

“Er, what 'good cause' would that be, if Trixie may be so bold as to ask?” the showmare inquired.

Already, I could see this hasty plan of Pinkie's crumbling, thanks to her lack of forethought. A mare like Trixie was used to putting up fronts, so it was only natural that she would be able to see through them fairly easily as well, especially if it involved activities which would involve bringing down her defenses. She may only be slightly raising one eyebrow at her, but I could tell that Trixie was suspicious, though she was hesitant to say anything negative about Pinkie in front of Maud. Heaving a mental sigh, I said, “I think she's referring to keeping us warm after being drenched in the rain. I have to agree that I doubt Applejack would have any objections, as long as we moderate our consumption.”

Still doubtful, Trixie shrugged and took a drink. “Trixie supposes- stars and moon, that's good!”

Maud lowered her own mug and gave a slight nod. “I agree. It's very... appley.” She looked down at Boulder and... Albion (I'll never get used to this, I swear), each with an empty thimble of their own next to them and added, “No more for you, Boulder. You know you can't hold your alcohol, especially around pretty silicon-oxygen tetrahedra.”

Trixie and I just stared at her for a moment, before the former cleared her throat. “So, what brings you to Ponyville, Maud? Trixie was here on business, but now that it's concluded, she is free to do whatever strikes her fancy.”

Pinkie looked dubious at her proclamation. “Are you sure you're finished, Trixie? I mean, I know Ponyville doesn't look very big, but there's more ponies here than you might think.”

“Trixie said she has concluded her business here.” she said through gritted teeth.

It was very subtle, but I could see Maud's eyes widen a bit at Trixie's tone. Thinking quickly, I said, “Trixie, why don't you keep Maud entertained for a minute, there's something I need to talk to Pinkie about... in private.” Rushing over to my friend, I pushed her behind a wheat thresher, out of view of the other two ponies. Checking to make sure they weren't following, I looked back at Pinkie and whispered, “What are you doing, Pinkie? Trixie has a hard enough time relating to ponies without others reminding her of her failings!”

Pinkie crossed her forelegs across her chest and gave me a glare, something I was unused to seeing from the normally jovial mare. “I just want Maud to know what she may be getting into. That is my sister out there.”

I could tell right off that there was something... different about Pinkie. Her eyes, normally full of laughter and joy had a hard glint to them, and there was a menacing air about her. For the first time since I met her, I was... I was afraid of Pinkie Pie. I reflexively sat back on my haunches and leaned away from her (I could only imagine how wide my eyes had gotten). “Pinkie, listen. I just-”

“No, you listen, Twilight Sparkle,” she said- no, growled as she leaned forward, forcing me back further and poked me in the chest with a forehoof. “I know you just got your shipping goggles, and they're super neat-o-the-bee's-knees-cat's-meow, but if you even think of using them to get Maud in a relationship, I will do something, and I don't know what it is. My family's happiness is my responsibility, and that means the Pie sisters are off limits. Hooves. Off. Is that clear?”

It wasn't just the frightening threat I could hear in her tone, but the almost literal fire in her eyes that had me all but paralyzed. I fell onto my back with my tail between my legs and swallowed hard. I wasn't sure, but I thought I could detect a hint of urine in the air, and hoped that I hadn't just wet myself. My throat was so constricted, that I doubt I could get much more than a mumble out, so I instead opted for a vigorous nod of assent.

Instantly, Pinkie's attitude changed back to that of her usual cheer, and she picked me up and set me on my shaky hooves. She patted me on the head like a dog and said, “Glad we got that settled. I'd hate to have to lose one of my bestest ever friends in the whole universe!” She grabbed me in a hug that I could tell was genuine, but it still couldn't dispel the distinct discomfort of her lingering threat, though I could feel that she was sorry that she did it, but felt it was necessary. She held on to me as she led us back to Trixie and her sister, who seemed to be getting on well. “So! Who's up for a game of charades?”

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( . .)
*(“)(“)

Early evening turned into night, and still the rain poured down. There had been a few times where it seemed to be letting up, but that only lasted for a few minutes before it seemed a fresh raincloud had been unzipped, letting all its water out at once, and we were back to waiting and passing the time with games.

Pinkie pretty much ran the show, I'm sad to say. Not that she doesn't know a thing or two about entertaining (it's pretty much her stock and trade, to be fair), but she always found a way to point out one of Trixie's failings, whether it be her superior attitude, her thoughtlessness, or even just something innocuous, like her aversion to dirt (honestly, what self-respecting pony doesn't want to avoid dirt when possible, unless it's their job?). With each flaw brought to the fore, I could see Trixie getting frustrated at having her dirty laundry aired just so her nose could be rubbed in it.

Maud was... well, she was as difficult to read as ever. I wouldn't say that she was disturbed by what Pinkie was bringing out in Trixie, but neither was she all that enticed by what she saw. I don't think her dispassionate demeanor was a front of some sort, but it did make me question what could have turned out a pony like this.

The charades game was abandoned after three rounds, because Pinkie kept coming up with subjects that made Trixie uncomfortable. The first one was a movie that I had guessed correctly, which turned out to be Apology. It pretty much went downhill from there. Pinkie's second pantomime was also for a movie, this time, Something Wicked This Way Comes. The one that killed the game however, was when Maud correctly guessed that Pinkie was miming “insincerity”. How she got that from Pinkie chopping down a tree and turning it into a wooden duck is just beyond me. Chalk it up to a personal shared experience, I guess. The only high point for Trixie was when she mimed the Filly Jewel song, My Life.

After Pinkie's third mime, Trixie silently stormed off to a corner of the barn. Getting up, I said, “I better go talk to her.” As I left, I saw out of the corner of my eye, Maud give Pinkie a slightly narrowed-eyed look that sent shudders down my spine. I guess these shipping goggles were good for something, even if it was just being able to tell when a pony like Maud was upset.

As I approached Trixie's spot, I could hear her sniffling, and saw her wipe her nose with her foreleg. “Have you come to taunt the Abject and Pitiable Trixie, as well?” she asked without turning to face me.

My heart broke at the sound of her misery. “No. I came to... to apologize to you for the way Pinkie's been acting, and explain why she's been doing it. I'm hoping that it will show you that she's not a bad mare, just-”

“Just what?” Trixie asked in a vicious whisper. “Trixie has already apologized, and she has accepted. What more does she desire to make amends?”

I sighed and pawed at the ground, exposing fresh earth as I made a small divot. It's amazing how interesting the ground can seem when you feel unable to meet a pony's gaze. “She's trying to protect her sister.” Trixie noticeably stiffened at that. “She knows that you're interested in Maud, and wants her to know what she would be getting if she pursued a relationship with you.” I waited a moment to see if she would reply, then sighed when nothing was forthcoming. “She really isn't a bad mare, just... really intense about certain subjects; family being one of them.” I didn't go into the conversation I had with the mare behind the thresher, because... well, to be frank, I was (and still am) a little ashamed of the less than charitable thoughts I had of Pinkie following it. I doubt I'll ever look at her the same way again, and only time will tell if that's a good thing or bad.

“D- does this mean that Maud really does feel the same as Trixie?”

The question startled me out of my musings, and I shrugged, even though her back was still to me. I regret that I was so wrapped up in my own thoughts, that I had missed the blatant admission in Trixie's words. “Hard to say. Maud is not exactly the most demonstrative of ponies I've ever met.”

Trixie turned her head to regard me with one eyebrow up questioningly. “Are you sure we are speaking of the same mare? Trixie has never met a more open and honest pony in all her travels.”

Needless to say, her reply took me off guard. If I were asked to describe Maud Pie in a single word, open would not be it. I thought back on all the time I've spent with her, and the only time I could remember seeing clearly how she felt was when she spoke about her feelings for Pinkie at the train station during her first visit to Ponyville. I thought perhaps Trixie was seeing things that weren't there, or reading more into the situation than was reasonably warranted. Then again, maybe I wasn't looking hard enough? With a mental sigh, I resolved to do just that and soldiered on. “Maybe she is, Trixie; I don't know. In any case, I doubt you'll ever know unless you ask her. The thing is however, that I also doubt you'll do so without winning Pinkie over to your side. Those two are closer than a covalent bond. If you want to woo Maud, you'll have to work on Pinkie; if for no other reason, than to keep her out of your mane.”

Trixie lowered her eyes in thought and brought a hoof up to her chin. After a moment, she looked at me and asked, “You could not do Trixie- as the old gray mares say- a solid?”

I suppressed a shudder at the intensity I had invoked in the pink mare not even an hour prior and looked over at the sisters who had started a fire to keep the chill of the coming night at bay. They appeared to be talking amicably, but I could see the tense set of Pinkie's shoulders which indicated that she was being stubborn about something (three guesses what it was). Though the fire cheerily warmed the area, there was still a definite chill in the air that had nothing to do with the weather. Maud was... now that I had some time and distance to really observe her, I could see that even though her eyes were the same half-lidded position they always seemed to be, there was a hard glint to them, and the usually neutral line that was her mouth had slightly down-turned corners. Blast. This whole endeavor was falling apart faster than my sixth grade AP physics project. I just hoped there wouldn't be a runaway cascade effect resulting in a new volcano forming this time, but given how far we were from any seismically active fault lines, the fear of that was thankfully small.

A sigh behind me reminded me that there was a pony's happiness at stake here, and I knew that it was time for me to mare up. Using my magic, I picked Trixie up off the ground and set her on her hooves, brushing the dirt and stray hay stalks from her coat. “Alright, Trixie. Here's the deal. You're going to go over there and talk to Maud. I mean really talk to her. Start out with things that interest the both of you; find some common ground. Treat her nicely, but don't patronize her. When she talks, listen to her, don't try to turn everything into something about you, but above all, be yourself. Remember that you're trying to convince her that you're somepony with whom she'd want to spend all her free time. If she doesn't like the real you, then it would only end in tears later on down the road when you've both invested too much into this.” I tried to remember any other romantic advice my mom and Cady told me growing up, but it had been so long ago, and disused, that my memories on the matter were a bit rusty, to say the least. If only I had the courage back then... No. No dwelling on the past and the regrets that come with it; there's too much going on right now. I can always wallow in self pity later.

Trixie looked dubious of my (borrowed) advice and bit her lower lip. “But what about... the loud one?” she whispered.

“You let me worry about Pinkie,” I replied, trying to look more determined than I felt. “I'll run interference as best I can; hopefully give you a real shot at this. Just... don't be afraid, and don't forget to be yourself. You want her to like you, not the image you present.”

Inhaling Deeply, Trixie nodded and walked back to the sisters. I myself, let out a deep breath and did my best to gird my loins for the coming ordeal. I had made a promise to Trixie, and by Light, I was going to do it. I just hoped that Pinkie didn't end up hating me before the day was over.

I walked back into the circle of light, relishing the added warmth of the fire and sat down between Pinkie and Trixie, opposite to Maud. The silence between the mares was palpable, the tension thick enough to cut with a knife. I was searching for something to discuss, hopefully something that would segue nicely for Trixie into a subject she and Maud would enjoy, when I suddenly remembered something she had casually mentioned back during her second visit to Ponyville. “Trixie, I seem to recall you mentioning working on a rock farm once.”

Maud quirked an eyebrow at her as the showmare replied, “Yes. It was the hardest Trixie ever remembers working. Iggy was stern and serious, but more than fair in his dealings with Trixie. Without him, she would have never earned enough bits to... er, make her purchase.”

“Iggy?” Pinkie asked.

Trixie waved her hoof in a circle dismissively. “Well, his proper name was Igneous Rock, but Trixie always called him Iggy in her head. It made him not seem quite so... angry all the time to her. Sadly, Trixie was constantly making mistakes, making her further indebted to him and his family.”

Pinkie's mouth dropped open like a gaping fish. “You worked on Igneous Rock's farm?”

“Trixie does not lie... anymore,” she added after a moment. “If she said she worked on Igneous Rock's farm, then she worked on Igneous Rock's farm. What of it? Do you know him? Is he famous as a rock farmer or something?”

“I think what has taken Pinkie by surprise is that Igneous Rock is our father,” Maud said

Honestly, this surprised me just as much. I mean, what are the odds of Trixie coming to work for Pinkie's father?

“He- he is?” Trixie asked. She squinted at them both, then examined them with one eye, as if that would help. “Now that you mention it, there is a resemblance; mostly around the muzzle area.”

Seeing the opening presented, I leapt at the opportunity. “Wow, what are the odds? So, how did you like farming with their father, Trixie?”

Giving a small shrug, she replied, “Like Trixie said, it was hard work, but very rewarding. At least, it was until Limestone started getting upset at how much Iggy was paying Trixie. She took over the job of overseeing Trixie, and nearly worked her to death, all while lowering her pay. Finally, she could take no more and left in the middle of the night, leaving a note of apology for the abruptness of her departure. Trixie does not regret the time spent there, just wishes it hadn't gotten so unpleasant at the end.”

Pinkie was starting to smile again; a genuine smile this time, not the conniving one she had been wearing, and Maud was... was smiling, too? Her expressions are pretty subtle, but judging by the set of her shoulders, the way her tail lazily lashed about, and the lack of intensity in her eyes, it would appear she was almost smiling. In fact, on any other pony, I would think that they were amused.

The tension in the room seemed to seep out after that. Pinkie was far more civil to Trixie, and Trixie even seemed to be enjoying herself. We all talked about inconsequential things, our first visits to Ponyville (even Trixie got that out in the open, telling things from her perspective), and our initial thoughts about the ponies here. It turns out that I was not alone in my antecedent notions about the sanity of the locals (or lack thereof). Trixie thought much the same as I, and even Maud thought our (I had long since come to think of Ponyville as my home) sanity was “a bit too friable to be healthy”, but were “mostly harmless”.

I could feel my energy reserves building up again, but I was still iffy about trying a blind teleport, especially one this far from the library, and there was no indication of the rain letting up any time soon. Instead, I settled on a message spell to Spike, so that he would not worry. I conjured a glowing white bird made of magic and mentally gave it the message, before sending it off; telling him I might not be in tonight, and that he was in charge of the library until I return. After a moment of thought, I sent another to the Cakes, in case they were getting worried about Pinkie's prolonged absence. Then again, knowing them, they were probably enjoying the peace. With that matter resolved, I settled in for what promised to be a long night. I just hope this works out well. It was my first real attempt at... er, shipping.

Author's Note

Well, this took forever and a day. Seriously, I have no excuse for how long this took to release. A good 80% of this was done before this week, but I just hadn't the time, nor creative energy to do anything with it. I know, I know, it's the weakest chapter in the story to date (possibly the weakest chapter of anything I've ever released), but I couldn't stand seeing it collect virtual dust on my hard drive anymore. Also, I figured you'd all want something rather than wait for me to get up off my butt to... well, yeah. Anywho, I'll try to put these out in a more timely fashion, even if it means going off of Skyrim, cold turkey. Just, don't hold your breath for the next installment. Never let it be said that I'm trying to kill my audience with anything but d'aaawww...