Kiss Kiss Boom Boom

by alexmagnet

Rating: everyone
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Original Character, Trixie, Comedy
Length: 4322

Trixie throws down in a DJ battle with Princess Neon Boom. Twilight can't believe how stupid the whole thing is, or how quickly they were able to level a town with wubs.

Having been kicked out of one too many bars, Trixie decides to try her hand at an open mic night at the local nightclub/grocers, Beets and Beats. Upon arriving she sees the most beautiful mare she's ever met. No, not Twilight, Princess Neon Boom. The two's bombastic personalities collide and they end up having a DJ battle to decide who's the most illest DJ in town. Twilight eventually shows up and can't believe how quickly things spiral out of control. Who knew that the power of music could rip apart an entire town?

Thanks to maskedferret for editing and junk.

Published 2014-08-10 01:50:03 UTC
Last updated 2014-08-10 01:50:03 UTC

Come on and Slam, If You Wanna Jam

Having just been ejected on to the street by an angry club owner for the nineteenth time this week, Trixie found herself where she often found herself, right where she was, because why she would be anywhere else is a mystery. However, she also found herself in a puddle of mud, somehow the only puddle of mud in the entire street on a day when there had been no rain.

As Trixie helped herself up, trying her best to brush out as much muddy water as she could, she shook her hoof in the general direction of Ponyville, cursing Twilight’s name. “Somehow this is your fault, Twilight! And one of these days, I’ll get my revenge on you. I, uh, I don’t really know how, or what… or even why for that matter, but I’ll do it!”

She kicked an empty soup can that happened to be laying near her. Soaring through the air, it bounced off a passing stallion’s head and into a sign stapled haphazardly to the fence. Trixie approached the sign, ripping it off so she could read it better. “Hmm,” she mused. “One night only, open mic at the Beets and Beats grocers/nightclub. All attendees welcome.” She looked up, her eyes narrowing. “Yes, this should work nicely.” She crumpled up the flyer and tossed it aside, laughing manically to herself. “I’ll show them all what Trixie can do!”

Night had fallen by the time Trixie approached the Beets and Beats entrance. The tiny town of Lemonwood was fast asleep, but here in the village's only, and inexplicably popular, nightclub, the sound of heavy music reverberated through the air. The bass pounded in Trixie’s ears, filling her mind with thoughts of how awesome it was going to be to get on stage and show exactly how incredible she was.

As she made to enter the club, the bouncer, bulging with thick muscles and a small brain, held out his hoof to stop her. However, one look from Trixie was all it took to send him packing. She was sure the determination on her face had been the key factor in her gaining entry, though in reality the bouncer just didn't feel like dealing with a mare wearing the most ridiculous hat and cape combo he'd ever seen. Luckily for Trixie, reality decided not to intrude on her fantasy.

Within moments of stepping inside, Trixie was overwhelmed by the thudding of the music, so much louder inside than it had been when she was just walking by. Not one to be deterred by something as trivial as inner ear damage, Trixie boldly strutted down the hallway and into the main dance floor. She was greeted by the sight of two hundred ponies gesticulating wildly while strobe lights flashed over the magically-amplified music. She shook her head in disgust. "Peasants, all of them," she muttered. "These plebeians wouldn't know good music if it punched them in the face... and that's exactly what I intend to do."

Ignoring the awkward looks she was getting, Trixie pushed deeper into the crowd until she could finally see the DJ stand raised a little above the dance floor. Lifting her hat a bit so she could get a good look at the fool running the music, she froze. Her eyes went wide, and her jaw hung slightly open. "Who is that mare?"

A stallion who happened to hear Trixie speaking rather loudly to herself said, "You don't know who that is? Bro, that's Princess Neon Boom! She's the most illest DJ around, ya dig?"

Trixie scoffed. "Clearly you haven't had the pleasure of hearing me give a concert then."

He raised an eyebrow. "Who are you?"

Puffing out her chest, Trixie smirked the biggest smirk she could muster. "I am the Great and Powerful Trixie! And it is I who am the most illest DJ around, you fool!"

He laughed. "Good one, bro! That was a great impersonation of an idiot. If you wanna prove yourself, you're gonna have to prove you can jam with the greats. Mic'll be open in a sec, filly. Get up there and show this crowd what you got, if you're so great."

Adjusting her hat and cape, Trixie sneered. "I'll do just that!" As she pushed past the stallion, she heard the music shift to a new song. Looking up, she saw Princess Neon Boom, with her inky black mane flowing behind her, hold the mic out for the crowd as she started singing along to the song.

"Party ponies in the house, let's go! It's your girl Boom, a'ight so pass that thing and watch me flex, behind my back you know what's next! To the jam all in your face! Wassup? Just feel the bass! Drop it, rock it, down the room. Shake it, quake it, space kaboom!"

She held the mic out and the crowd shouted, "Hey, DJ! Turn it up!"

She brought it back to her mouth. "PNB goin' burn it up!"

Then together, her and the crowd cried, " Come on ya'll, get on the floor. So hey, let's go, a'ight!"

Trixie had to admit, she was impressed by Neon Boom's crowd control, but it was nothing she couldn't handle. Making her way past the crowd and onto the stage, she shirked her robe and removed her hat, piling them up by all the sound equipment. She walked right up next to Neon Boom and snatched the mic from her magic field. She was taken aback for a brief moment when she realized that Princess Neon Boom was an alicorn, but then she just smirked and continued on, because Trixie isn't intimidated by anypony, or so she always told herself.

Surprised by her microphone being taken away, Neon Boom turned to Trixie with an angry look on her face. "Hey!" she cried, "what do you think you're doing, you little welp? This is my show."

"Ha!" Trixie laughed as sarcastically as she could. "As if I'd listen to what some tart in a glowstick crown and go-go boots has to say! Step aside, Princess. It's Trixie’s time to shine!"

Holding the microphone in her magic, Trixie shoved Neon Boom off the stage, despite the other mare's many protestations, and took her place at the DJ stand. He horn lit up as she began altering the lights, moving one to illuminate her, while the rest flashed over the crowd at regular intervals. She'd even thought ahead and pulled out a smoke machine to pour over the audience while she was entrancing them with her music. Of course, she'd have to start playing something first. So that's what she did.

A low hum filled the room when Trixie swapped out the record. Cracking her neck, she glanced over at Neon Boom, who was still disentangling herself from the nest of wires that made their home behind the stage. "Pay attention, Ms. Boom. This is how you win a crowd."

The hum grew louder while Trixie slowly turned a dial on the board. With a hint of a smirk, she brought her other hoof down on a large button, immediately filling the room with an earth-shaking bass line. The crowd hesitated a moment, so Trixie hit them again with a staccato of high-pitched wubs. They cheered, yelling over the loud music and dancing wildly. Lasers of a dozen different colors spewed out onto the crowd, bathing them in light. As smoke from the smoke machine began filling the room, the lights refracted off it, creating an even more dazzling display. Trixie grinned. She used one hoof to twiddle a knob and another to push a slider up, altering the beat of the music to a much faster pace.

Bobbing her head to the beat of the music, Trixie extracted a pair of headphones from beneath the table and held one side up to her ear. She listened to the music from the second record, keeping her hoof steady on the switcher, waiting for just the right moment to mix the two songs together.

And there it was. She flipped the switch, swapping to the opposite song, which had a much deeper, booming bass to it. Flipping back and forth between the two, Trixie created a brand new song. She shot a glance back at Neon Boom, ready to gloat over how much the crowd was loving her performance, but when she looked at the pile of cords where she had been, Trixie saw no Neon Boom, and no trace of where the mare had disappeared to.

"What the? Where did she--" Trixie was cut off mid-thought when the power was cut to her speakers, causing a loud record scratch sound to echo through the room. "Hey!" she cried. "I demand to know who interrupted my performance!"

A saccharine-laced laugh filled the room as Trixie turned to see a new stage across from her on the other side of the room. Her eyes went wide. Neon Boom, her speakers still plugged in, held held the microphone to her mouth. "You thought you could stop me? Mare, please. I'm the Princess of Pop! The Queen of Queen! The--"

"Ohhhh, shut up already!" Trixie shouted while she was busy tracing the power cord back to its source. "No one cares! You're just some two-bit nobody with a pretty face and no talent."

The crowd gasped, simultaneously shifting their heads to look back at Neon Boom. Her face flushed, she grit her teeth. "At least I have a pretty face! Who are you? This is my town, Trixie, and if you think you're gonna come in here and take it from me, then it looks like I'm gonna have to teach you some manners."

"Oooooooooooh..." said the crowd. They all turned to Trixie.

"Teach me!?" yelled Trixie. "You'll be lucky if you've learned a thing or two from me when this is all over, sweetheart! As soon as I get myself plugged back in, I'm going to make you choke on your words."

Neon Boom laughed. "Tough talk from someone without a mic." Her lips curling into a sneer, she said, "Let's see if you still have as much fight in you once you've witnessed my true potential. They don't call me Princess Neon Boom for nothing, darling."

Throwing their hooves in the air, the crowd cheered wildly as they waved their glowsticks around. All together, they began chanting, "Neeeeeeon. Boom. Neeeeeeeon. Boom."

Standing on her hind legs, Neon Boom waved her two forehooves up and down, egging the crowd on. "Ya'll ready for this?"

The crowd stomped their hooves in excitement.

Neon Boom's horn exploded into life, showering the crowd with white sparks. She lifted the speakers into into the air and spread them out over the sea of ponies. Her hoof moved deftly on the control panel to adjust a few dials and slide some sliders. The music rocked the room, shaking the walls and making the floor bounce with each thud of the bass.

Shooting Trixie a sneering glance, Neon Boom unfurled her wings and lifted into the air. She held the microphone up and sang, "Get down with the sound, house on the ground. Freeze when I squeeze, drop to your knees. You must of bet, I'm in here to stay. Ready to take you around the way. So you get ready for this, mind your own biz. 'Cause I am bad, yeah the magical wiz

No need to sit, 'cause I'm Neon Boom!

Ready, ready, ready for this?"

Trixie could feel the rumble of the crowd jumping up and down as she scrambled around on the ground trying to find the power cord. Her face grew more and more angry the longer she looked. Every cheer from a random pony sent a shiver down her spine and made the scowl on her face deeper. "That's two princesses who've shown me up now. Two! Trixie will not stand for this!" She stood up, ready to shout at Neon Boom. "I am the Great and Powerful Trixie, and I--"

The volume on Neon Boom's speakers turned up yet more, drowning out Trixie’s voice. "Feel the bass, you just get closer. Be impressed by the words I chose of! Once again kickin' it live, doin' everything just to survive. Above the law, we raise the roof. Being on stage with a mic in my hoof! Bustin' it loud to the crowd. The age is infinity. I'm from the sky!"

Trixie reeled backwards. Catching herself on the edge of the table, she stopped. Now fuming, she growled, "That's it. I'm ending this." Trixie stood to her full height, her horn crackling with magic. She kicked down the speakers next to her, and then shot a bolt of lightning at Neon Boom’s speakers. They sparked, exploding in midair and then crashed to the ground while the lights in the room flickered. Magically amplifying her voice, Trixie rose herself and her DJ stand into the air, drawing the attention of the crowd. “Listen up, Princess Neon Boom. Nopony outshines Trixie. Nopony!”

Trixie turned her magic on her table, causing it glow a bright blue. As she floated higher into the air, she pushed all the sliders to maximum and began pumping out the heaviest bassline the world had ever heard. She didn’t just shake the room, she shook the entire continent. The whole planet shifted on a few degrees on its axis when Trixie’s beats rocked the club that night. Laughing like a lunatic, Trixie pointed at Neon Boom, launching a sine wave of bass at her. “How do you like that, you hussie? My beats are the beats that will pierce the heavens!”

Neon Boom made a zigzag shape in the air with her hoof. “Oh… no you didn’t! Mare, I’m the Princess of the club. This is my domain. You’re going to have to do better than that pitiful display to beat me!” Flapping her wings, Neon Boom soared into the air, higher up than Trixie, bringing her mix equipment with her. “This” she shouted, her voice also magically amplified, “is how you rock dat bass!”

A trio of blasts fired out of Neon Boom’s mix table, buffeting Trixie with gale-force wubs. Shaken, but not stirred, Trixie shrugged off the attack and pushed herself higher into the air, her horn now firing out magic like it was an ICBM. Trixie slammed her hoof down the table, pressing a large button which opened a compartment on the front of the table. A large speaker poked out, aimed directly at Neon Boom. “Now it’s time for the finale!” shouted Trixie, her hoof poised over the button that would end the world.

A record scratched, causing everyone to look for the source. Neon Boom and Trixie were frozen in their poses, ready to destroy each other with wubs. “What is going on here?” cried someone. They all turned to see someone Trixie recognized immediately.

“Twilight,” she grumbled. “What are you doing here?”

Twilight shook her head in disbelief. Walking down the steps to the dance floor, she looked at Trixie, then at Neon Boom. Her horn was pulsating with light at regular intervals. “My friendship sense was tingling, so I came to investigate. I had no idea I’d find… this.” She waved her hoof over whatever ‘this’ was. “What in the name of all things friendly is going on here?”

Trixie groaned. She jabbed an accusatory hoof at Neon Boom. “She tried to steal my spotlight!”

Neon Boom sucked in her breath. “How dare you! It’s you who was trying to steal my spotlight!”

“Can someone please explain what is going on here?” said Twilight, looking for someone in the crowd to answer her.

“We’re having a DJ battle,” said Trixie, still sneering at Neon Boom. “And I was winning before you showed up.”

“Ha!” laughed Neon Boom. “You couldn’t win against a deaf mule!”

“All right, all right!” shouted Twilight, waving her hoof. “Just freakin’ calm down for a minute, jeez. Look, you’re both very…” she searched for an appropriate word, “stupid, and you can’t both be the best at whatever it is you’re doing. Why don’t you just sit down and talk it out like normal adults?”

“And let her beat me?” the two mares said in unison.

Trixie shot an angry glance at Twilight. “Who do you think you are, anyway? You showed up here out of nowhere, and now we’re supposed to listen to what you say? Ha! I wouldn’t listen to if you were the last mare on this planet.”

“Neither would I!” said Neon Boom defiantly. “Not that I’m agreeing with Trixie. She’s still an idiot.”

“You’re an idiot!”

“Girls!” Twilight shook her head violently. “Both of you shut up and listen to me. I’m the Princess of Friendship, all right? This is literally my job. I think I know what I’m doing. If you two won’t listen to me, I’m going to have to resort to drastic measures.”

“What are you gonna do, Twilight?” said Trixie as sarcastically as she could as she leaned against her floating mix table. “Are you gonna use the Elements of Harmony against us?”

“If I have to, yes,” said Twilight, her voice even.

“Harmony?” chuckled Neon Boom, covering her mouth with a hoof. “If you think harmony can stop us, then you don’t know Neon Boom. I am harmony.” Turning her attention back to Trixie, Neon Boom directed her speakers at Trixie, pointing all of them in a cone formation at the mare.

Trixie, undeterred, merely smirked and began weaving celestial speakers out of stars that she created with her magic. She rose up to Neon Boom’s level, aimed her speakers at the alicorn, and said, “Let’s finish this.”

Sighing, Twilight said, “I didn’t want to do this, but fine. You idiots are making me do it.” Twilight shrugged off her saddlebags and started fishing through them for the Elements of Harmony. Luckily she always brought them with her in case of friendship emergency, which was sort of what one could call this… sort of. “Ah, found them.” Twilight gathered the Elements and laid them on the ground before her. Channeling her magic into them, she said, “Sorry, but you girls were asking for this.”

Purple light filled the room as Twilight’s magic mixed with the Elements. They gathered into a ball and then began spinning around rapidly. Eventually, when they were spinning so fast they were just a blur, Twilight pushed a bit more magic into them, causing a rainbow to spew out. It split into two, one end going for Trixie, and the other going for Neon Boom. The rainbows wrapped themselves around the mares, squeezing them tightly.

“There,” Twilight said, wiping her brow. “It’s all done. Another friendship problem sol—Whoa!”

Twilight watched with wide-eyed horror as the Elements not only failed to stop Trixie and Neon Boom, but actually started to help them. The rainbows tugged at Trixie’s mane, pulling it out longer and adding an extra stripe of color before tying itself into a ponytail and then doing the same to her tail. For Neon Boom, the rainbow added streaks of white to her black mane, and made it much more voluminous. Her tail grew longer too, and the white stripes in that were more pronounced. Trixie and Neon Boom admired their newly gained powers, then turned back to each other, each mare trying to out-smirk the other.

“Oh, sweet Celestia,” Twilight mumbled. “I just gave them rainbow power…”

“Hahahahah!” Trixie laughed, her voice even louder than before, now amplified by the power of rainbows, which it turns out are really good sound conductors. “Now this is a contest. Neon Boom,” she yelled, her voice booming, “prepare to be obliterated by the force of my beats.”

“Bring it on, little mare!” laughed Neon Boom. “If you think you can take me, then go ahead. I welcome the challenge!”

“Then eat my bass!” Trixie punched a button, firing a blast from her starry speakers while she moved her other hoof to the record. Rolling it back and forth, she fired blast after blast in time with the music.

Neon Boom matched Trixie beat for beat, dodging each shot and firing back her own, just as strong. “Have a taste of this!” Flipping two switches at the same time, Neon Boom’s mix table shot out a pair of laser lights which started firing off actual lasers at Trixie. She laughed heartily as Trixie was forced to dodge out of the way of a laser beam that tore through the side of the building and punched a hole into the next one as well.

“Is that really the best you can do?” Trixie clicked her tongue. “Tut tut, Boomy, I’m disappointed. Let’s see how you handle my Ursa Major in D!” Sliding up a knob and twiddling with a dial, Trixie’s horn shot out a ray of light. From the feet up, it built a full-sized Ursa Major. The bear broke through the roof of the building, sending rubble into the crowd below. Twilight simply stared up in disbelief.

“This is getting ridiculous,” she muttered, shaking her head.

Trixie’s Ursa flexed its arms, busting through more of the club’s roof. Neon Boom was forced to fly out of the way of the falling chunks of concrete. Soon, however, it wasn’t much of an issue anymore because both Trixie and Neon Boom flew up into the sky above the little town of Lemonwood, the club all but forgotten at this point. Trixie pointed her hoof at Neon Boom, shouting, “Attack!” The bear roared, releasing a staccato of wubs at Neon Boom, an attack that was quickly followed by Trixie adding in the sonic booms from her own speakers.

Rising up to avoid the blasts, Neon Boom watched Trixie’s attack level a good portion of the town before she looked back at her opponent and smiled. “Using a constellation to help you? Are you really that weak? I can beat you using my power alone!” Slamming her hoof down, Neon Boom reversed the direction the record was spinning which caused a door to open on the front of her table. With a smirk, she let go of the record. Immediately black discs started shooting out of her table, slicing right through Trixie’s Ursa, causing it to dissipate into nothingness.

Trixie held out her hoof, crying, “No!” She put up a magical shield, deflecting the few remaining record discs harmlessly to the ground. Well, harmlessly for her. The discs, filled with rainbow power, ended up tearing through two dozen buildings down below. Trixie growled. “You’ll pay for that.”

Down on the ground, in the middle of an abandoned nightclub with a missing roof and no patrons, Twilight started to wonder what went wrong. “Oh right,” she reminded herself, “they’re idiots.” Realizing that there was nothing else she could do, Twilight decided to wait out the rest of the battle. Fortunately for her, that wasn’t very long because a few minutes later Trixie and Neon Boom had finished destroying the town and were breathing heavily, slowly circling around each other.

Neon Boom, doubled over and wheezing, forced herself to look up. She grinned. “I’ll admit. You’re pretty good… for a unicorn.”

Her hoof placed over her chest, Trixie attempted to catch her breath. “As much as I hate to say it, so are you. Still though, there can be only one victor, and it’s going to be me.”

“I’d be disappointed if you gave up now,” said Neon Boom through ragged breaths.

“I guess it’s time to end this thing, huh?” said Trixie.

“Guess so,” replied Neon Boom.

“Well then, all power to forward bass!” cried Trixie as she pushed up a slider so far that it actually snapped off and fluttered down to the ground below. Fire blasted out of the back of her mix table, rocketing her forward. She placed her forehooves on the table, leaning forward, a determined look in her eyes.

Neon Boom stretched out her wings as wide as they would go, then gave a massive flap. The force of the wave sent her flying towards Trixie at cometary speeds. The two ponies flew head on, colliding in a massive shower of sparks and wubs. With an explosion that could be seen from halfway around the world, the two ponies were thrown from their DJ tables and towards the ground.

Twilight, still watching this, blinked as she teleported herself to their landing zone. When she reappeared, she saw two impact craters where Trixie and Neon Boom had landed. She ran up to them. “Are you idiots okay?”

Trixie groaned, rolling over. “Yeah, I think I’m alive. Oh, shoot…” she mumbled. “My rainbow powers are gone.”

Pushing aside some rubble, Neon Boom stood up and dusted herself off. “I lost mine too.” She cast a glance over at Trixie. “I guess neither of us won.”

Stretching out her hooves, Trixie cracked her back. “Yeah, but it was one heck of a fight.” She laughed, wincing. “Think I broke a rib… or maybe ten.”

“Hey…” Neon Boom said, her voice suddenly soft. “I never said this before, but… you’re kinda hot. I’ve never met a mare who could match me in a DJ battle like you did.”

Trixie smirked. “It wouldn’t be the first time somepony had to admit that I was more than a match for them.”

“You wanna… you wanna get out of here?” said Neon Boom, nodding her head towards the rubble that was left of the city.

A sly grin coming over her face, Trixie said, “Nah, here is fine.” She crawled out of her crate and into Neon Boom’s. Wrapping her hooves around the other mare, she brought her muzzle to Neon Boom’s black muzzle and then they started making out… passionately.

Twilight grimaced. “Ugh…” Shaking her head, she turned around and walked away. “Idiots.”