At Your Service

by Doctor D

Rating: everyone
Tags: Princess Luna, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, Crossover, Alternate Universe
Length: 9686

Celestia finds a new maid in her employment. Things start getting lively in the castle, that is certain.

Princess Celestia lives in a huge castle. This castle needs to be maintained. To do this, and many other duties, Celestia has a a number of maids in her employment who handle everything from cleaning to the cooking.

Now, a new maid has come to apply to work in the castle. But Celestia can't shake the feeling that something is off about this mare.

... It's got to be the french maid outfit. Totally!

Let us follow the Canterlot Castle maids in their work environment, and let the hijinxs ensue!

Published 2014-08-15 16:20:05 UTC
Last updated 2014-08-31 14:27:29 UTC

Interview of the New Maid

“So, you have previous work experience?” Princess Celestia asked from the pony kneeling in front of her.

“Yes. Prior to these few months I’ve served my former Mistress.” The pony answered, her tone calm, polite and professional.

Celestia nodded in understanding. “Could you tell me of your duties while serving them?”

The pony kept her head lowered respectfully and spoke without breaking that visage of calm. “I mainly did laundry, cooking and general cleaning. I also aided in any sort of housework whenever possible. My skill range most likely covers any duty that would be needed of me.”

Celestia could not help but be a bit impressed. Usually most applicants only has one or two areas of expertise, but this pony seemed to be a jack of all trades. Still, something about this felt off to her in a way she could not explain.

“Very well. Now, please, tell me about your former employer.” Celestia urged the pony. It was not a question, but it wasn’t quite a command either.

“I am afraid I can’t. That information is confidential and to be kept between me and her” The pony responded. “I hope you understand.”

Celestia raised a brow at the statement but let it slide. “I understand.” The Princess of the Sun then descended into silence as she thought this through. While doing so she gazed down upon the kneeling pony in front of her. “Please, rise.” Celestia told the pony gently.

The pony stood straight so Celestia could see her face. She was an earth pony. Coat of light blue and mane of silver, braided on either side of her head with green ribbons at the ends. And her eyes, dark blue and full of mystery and a certain elegance.

Celestia had learned long ago how to measure a pony based on how their eyes looked, but this pony was different. She could not honestly figure out anything about this mare.

“What is your name, my little pony?” Celestia finally asked.

The mare looked up at the Sun Princess with a calm look, something that Celestia took note of. Many of her precious citizens could not look their princess in the eye so casually. But that was not what got to her most.

The mare spoke her name.

“Luna.” The answer made Celestia’s eyes widen just an inch. “My name is Luna Dial.”

For a moment the princess was in silence. But she broke herself away from the thoughts and addressed the mare, Luna Dial. “Very well. I will give you a week’s proving period. If you can adapt to the duties needed of you and act admirably, I will hire you as part of the staff.” She spoke in her regal but gentle professional tone.

The mare bowed again. “I am honored, Princess.”

However, there was one more matter Celestia needed to address. “Now, I was beginning to wonder, but your outfit...”

The mare wore a blue french maid outfit with a white apron and matching undershirt that covered most of her forelegs, which, to Celestia’s knowledge, was far more tasteful than one of those… other french maid outfits.

Luna Dial looked at her attire for a moment. “... I’d request to keep it. It’s a memento from my former Mistress.”

“Sentimental value then?” Celestia guessed. “I see. I will allow you to keep wearing it, if it makes you more comfortable.” She then coughed to get back to the subject.

“I will have the current Head Maid show you to the quarters you are free to use. She will also instruct you on your duties if you need any assistance.” She said. “She will also report your progress directly to me for the following week.”

With that done she called out. “Dusty?”

One of the ponies overlooking the conversation, whom was not a royal guard, stepped forward. She was a mare with a cream colored coat and a short chestnut mane. On her mane was a black headband often used by maids. Her cutie mark was a feather duster. She bowed briefly.

With a nod of acknowledgment Celestia spoke to Luna Dial. “This is Head Maid Dusty. She will be your boss and confidant, if you ever need her.” Then she turned to speak to Dusty. “Show Ms. Dial her quarters and tell her how things work around here. I am counting on you.”

Dusty gave a firm nod.

Celestia smiled. “Then you are dismissed.”

Dusty bowed and trotted over to Luna Dial. She spoke to her briefly. “Follow me.” Luna Dial did as ordered and followed the mare as they left the throne room.

Once they were out and the door closed, and the two were out of hearing range, Dusty broke into a smile and spoke. “Heh, wow. As far as an interview goes, you nailed it!”

Luna Dial merely glanced at Dusty. “Really now?”

Dusty grinned and put her foreleg over Luna Dial’s shoulder, who just looked at her with neutrality. “Yeah. It takes a lot to keep your cool in front of the Princess like that. Heck, when I first applied I was almost shaking like a leaf. But you! You didn’t even flinch when she looked you straight in the eye. That’s incredible!”

Luna Dial merely blinked as the two walked forward and took a right. “It was nothing special.”

But Dusty was having none of that. “Come on now, don’t sell yourself short. I’m pretty sure Princess Celestia was real impressed by your nerves.” She said with a laugh before going serious in a blink of an eye. “But don’t you think you’re done yet. Tomorrow we’ll see how good you are. I’m going to make sure you don’t get it easy, you hear?”

Luna Dial was silent for a second before flashing a small smile. “I suppose I can’t disappoint, now that you show so much heart, miss Dusty.”

Dusty jabbed her leg lightly with a cool grin. “Hey, call me Dusty… Except on working hours. Then you will address me as Head Maid, or Ma’am. Clear?” Dusty said, poking Luna Dial’s chest lightly.

The mare flashed another smile, this time accompanied with a small laugh. “Like Crystal, Dusty.”

The maid distanced herself from the light blue mare and moved ahead a bit. “Good! Now you get a good nights rest. You see, we maids wake up at-”

“Five o’ clock, am I correct?”

Dusty stopped to look back at Luna Dial, who wore her professional face. She grinned. “Well, I can see you’ve done this before. Close, we wake up at four forty. That twenty minutes before five is for you to quickly grab something to eat, get dressed since you seem to prefer that and get briefed on that day’s duties.

“Since you are new, I’ll come pick you up from your room and start of with a tour of the place, to get you acquainted to the castle. That’s day one, mostly. On day two we really start to see what you’re capable of. You know, getting you used to your duties here. Nothing too bad.”

Luna Dial nodded to confirm she was following along. Dusty continued.

“Now, due to this being a test run, I’m going to accompany you most of the first week. I’ll be keeping my eye on you, so do your best, you hear?”

“Of course. I will do my best.” Luna Dial confirmed.

“I like your attitude.” Dusty said, stopping in front of a door. “Now, this here is a guest room you can use for the time. Sorry if it’s a bit small and a bit… murky. We don’t tend to clean it up often. It doesn’t get much use, you see.”

Dusty opened the door, allowing Luna dial to walk inside and inspect her quarters for the week. It was a small room, for palace standards. It most definitely was nothing fancy and the layer of dust everywhere confirmed what Dusty had said. The only pieces of furniture in the room were a small seat, a desk and a bed.

“Now, I hope you don’t mind staying in this dump.” Dusty spoke almost apologetically “Try to bear with it. If you make a good impression then by the end of the week we can get you moved to the Maid’s Quarters. Much nicer there.”

Luna Dial spared the room a few more glances before facing Dusty. “I am sure I can handle this.” She bowed to her superior politely. “Till morning, Dusty.”

Dusty laughed heartily and just acted embarrassed. “Aw, shucks. Aren’t you a polite one.” She grinned widely. “I have a good feeling about you. You’ll make it far, if you try.” With that she turned to leave but stopped before closing the door. “Have a good night.”

“Good night.” Was the simple response. Dusty laughed a bit and closed the door, most likely heading to attend to her duties. Luna Dial looked at the room. Thankfully it had a small window funneling in the early evening light, so the room was not a pitch black abyss.

“... This dust has to go.” Luna Dial noted.

Author's Note

No points to those who can figure out who Luna Dial is. Seriously, it's really obvious if you are knowledgeable.

-Doctor Dood

Tour, part 1: Grand Hall and the Kitchen

Dusty trotted along the halls of Canterlot Castle. It was very early. The air was cold and breezy, heck, the sun wasn’t even up yet. While she hummed a cheery tune, half to keep herself occupied and half to focus, she thought about things.

More specifically, the new possible addition to her ranks.

‘I wonder how hard I need to try to pry this one out of bed. Celestia knows how hard it is to wake up this early before even her Highness. Still, it is the duty of us maids to make sure everything is in tip top shape, no matter the hour. Tardiness is our foe and dust is an EVIL to be purged from this plane of meager existence! Muahaha!’

She grinned diabolically, planning.

‘I wonder if it’s enough that I just shake her a whole lot. If that fails, let’s see- OH, pull the bed from under them! That’s always a classic. Or tickle them with a feather duster! Oh Dusty, you diabolic thing.’

Ceasing her plotting for now and stifling her evil laughter, she got serious again.

‘Honestly though, new staff is always welcome. If anything, we seem to love diversity, for better or worse. Less work if you split it more. Think positive, Dusty, sir Head Maid, ma’am!

Dusty stopped, looking at a wooden door with a serious look in her eye. She smirked.

‘Luna Dial… let’s see if you’ve got what it takes to be a member of my unit!’

She grabbed the door handle and cracked the door open, stopping almost immediately. She blinked to make sure she was not just imagining that light that came from inside the room. With just a few seconds of hesitation she opened the door.

To her surprise Luna Dial was more than awake and seemingly expecting her. The tidied up and outfitted mare bowed to Dusty respectfully.

“Good morning, Ma’am.”

Dusty just stood by the doorway, slackjawed. Not at the sight of an awake initiate, oh no. It was the room itself.

The unused guest room, normally all dusty and dirty was clean. No, the word clean did not do it justice. The whole room was practically sparkling with intensified tidiness. The candles lit around the room to provided lighting only added into the effect.

“I- What…?” Dusty asked, eyes still wide from the room’s condition. Luna Dial caught notice.

“If you are wondering about the room, I decided to clean up last night before going to bed.” She explained, calm as ever.

“Last night!?” Dusty yelled, unable to control herself. “This room, in the condition it was in would have been at very least a three pony job and would have taken hours. And you did it by yourself, last night, BEFORE going to sleep?”

“Yes.” Luna Dial responded simply.

Dusty took a few moment looking between different parts of the room and Luna Dial. She managed to gather herself after a while and grinned wide. “Heh, I don’t know how you did it, but color me impressed. Check that amazing first impression off your list!” She turned and beckoned Luna Dial to follow. “Come on, let’s get this started. We’ve got a lot of ground to cover, soldier!”

“Oh,” Luna Dial said blankly “I was unaware this was an army.”

Dusty smirked.“But of course! We are an army, fighting an endless war against dust, muck and all filth. We may be grossly outnumbered but our spirits never fall in front of the enemy!” She laughed out loud, causing Luna Dial to flash a small smile at the short inspirational speech.

“I see. Very well.” Luna Dial replied, hiding her amusement. “Lead the way, general.”

Dusty trotted onwards as the mare followed. “Didn’t I tell you yesterday to call me Head Maid or Ma’am? Although, general has a nice ring to it...” She pondered a bit, tapping her chin. “Oh well, never mind. Now, back to the matter at hoof!”

"Of course, Ma'am."

And so Dusty began touring Luna Dial around the castle.

“This here is the grand hall.” Dusty gestured, standing in the middle of an unbelievably large room devoid of anything. Literally, there was nothing, not even paintings on the walls. The only thing on those empty white marble walls were windows.

“Now, don’t let the appearance fool you! This area is used for a wide variety of events, so it’s kept empty until an event is coming up, which is when we as the proud staff decorate it accordingly.” Dusty lectured. “Sometimes we hold a ball dance, sometimes a banquet for royalty. And then there’s the Grand Galloping Gala each year.”

Luna Dial absorbed the information. “I see. So this room has multiple purposes?”

“Sure does! It’s really exciting to see what kind of events we hold each year, though most of it is just boring political stuff.” Dusty replied with a laugh. “Still, a few times we get a real fun one. Chances are that one day you will be here with the rest of us, fixing this place up to be just right for the occasion.”

The room light up near instantly a few seconds later as sunlight burst in through the large glass windows.

“Ah, looks like the Princess is up” Dusty remarked. “Well, let’s not waste any more time.”

And so the two moved on to the next item on the list.

Dusty opened up a door, opening a route for a delicious smell in the air. She shot her hoof up in greeting. “Morning, guys!”

“Morning, Dusty!” Rang within the room as many individuals greeted the head maid.

“Don’t mind me. Just showing a newbie around. Continue as if we weren’t here, m‘kay?.” Dusty’s words were met with numerous “Aye”’s.

With Dusty’s lead Luna Dial entered. Before she even stepped in she knew where they were now based on the delicious smell in the air and the rise in temperature.

“This place is the main kitchen.” Dusty said, waving a hoof around the area.

The room certainly looked the part. Walls and floor of pristine white tiles. Different kind of equipment everywhere. Ovens, stoves and, naturally, water sinks and all you could need to in a kitchen meant for royalty. A number of pans and other utensils not currently in use hanged from a rack on the wall.

“This is where all the food in the castle is made. Normally it’s really quiet and easygoing in here, but believe me, when something big comes along these guys will be working the sweat off their brows.” Dusty said as she showed Luna Dial the kitchen. “Speaking of which. Hey Cayenne!”

Amongst the working cooks stepped out a mare with an amber coat and green mane. Her cutie mark seemed to be a chili pepper and she wore a white shirt. On top of her head a chef’s hat stood proudly. “You called, Dusty?”

Dusty walked forward and wrapped her hoof over the mare’s shoulder in a friendly manner. “This here is Cayenne. She’s the Head Chef around here, just like I am the Head Maid in our territory. In this kitchen her word is law!”

Cayenne laughed at the remark. “Oh, I wouldn’t say that. I’m just their boss, not a slave driver.”

“Whatever you say.” Dusty said, stepping away from the head chef. “I was wondering if you could tell the rookie how things work here.”

Cayenne smiled proudly. “I’d love to.” She looked at this ‘rookie’, eyeing her up and down. “you must be the new maid initiate. You dress the part, at least. What is your name?”

“My name is Luna Dial, Ma’am.” she replied with a small bow.

“My, aren’t we polite!” Cayenne laughed playfully. “Well Luna Dial, we here at the main kitchen make everything asked of us. Be that the meals for the staff, a banquet for royalty or dinner to the Princess herself. Salads, beverages, pastries. If it’s served inside the castle walls, chances are it was made here. Whenever we are needed, we provide!

“Admittedly that is not a challenge on it’s own. The atmosphere here is often quite relaxed and slow paced. But, as Dusty no doubt told you, when we need to work hard we crank it up to eleven.

“However, often we have to keep ourselves occupied by providing services to the local restaurants or diners.” Chayanne finished her short lecture.

“Did I understand this correctly? You mean you not only prepare the food in the castle but also provide for the public?” Luna Dial asked to clarify.

“Yes, that’s right.” Cayenne replied. “Sometimes we do help the local restaurants out by, let’s say, providing ingredients or renting out our staff. But when things get busy here, those services are obviously on hold. The needs of this castle come first on our checklist.”

Luna Dial gave this some thought. “... I understand. You are very passionate about your work.” She complimented the head chef. Luna Dial bowed again. “This was very insightful. Thank you.”

“Oh, hush you!” Cayenne mocked embarrassment.

“Well, this was very great, but we need to get moving. Lot’s of places to see.” Dusty piped in.

“Of course, go on ahead.” Cayenne said. She turned to Luna Dial for some final words of pleasantry. “I hope we get to see you around regularly, Luna Dial.”

“Same, miss Cayenne.”

With a final bow Luna Dial followed Dusty as the two gave the kitchen their goodbyes and moved on. But just as they left they heard a loud growl, a crash and yell from the kitchen.

"Blaze, watch that temper of yours!" Cayenne shouted at somepony.

The duo of maids trotted along the halls with Dusty telling Luna Dial about some of the room locations along the way to their next destination. Suddenly she went quiet and whispered. “Oh, quiet now. We’re moving past the royal chambers.”

Soon the two passed two double doors with golden linings and decorations of the an alicorn and the sun. It was clear that this room was something special.

When passing it, Luna Dial noted that by the doors was standing a lone stallion in shiny blue armor lined with gold. His coat was grey and his mane, what little could be seen under his helmet, was dark blue. His cutie mark was covered by his armor.

For a split second his firm and serious gaze met with Luna Dial’s. Her dark blue peering into his neon orange for a few fractions of a second, peering into each other’s essence until the two maids passed.

A minute or two passed before Dusty spoke again. “Okay, I would suggest you keep your volume down when passing by the royal chambers. Just to be polite, you know.”

Luna Dial nodded, but followed up with a question. “That stallion by the chambers. Who was he?”

Dusty blinked and looked back. “Oh, him. That’s Gallant Wall, Princess Celestia’s personal guard.” She gave Luna Dial a serious look and spoke in a warning tone. “Don’t bother him if you don’t need to. That’ll lead to nothing good.”

“... Understood.” Luna Dial replied, thinking something by herself. Dusty went back to being verbose and lecturing about the castle as the two made their way to their next destination.

Author's Note

Let the tour begin! This time we get a brief overview of the grand hall and the kitchen. Oh, and met two new characters! Yay!

... Now a forewarning. This Tour is split in three parts and may get a bit clunky and... awkward. It may even stink rodent droppings(damn squirrel!). I promise to do my best to make it not drag too much, but I just love biting off more than I can chew.

-Doctor Dihydroxide

Tour, part 2: The Archives and the Garden

Tour, part 2: The Archives and the Garden

The tour continued. Dusty and Luna Dial had stopped by large grey iron double doors that resided on the lower levels of the castle.

“Alright, this is our next stop.” Dusty announced and shoved the heavy looking doors open and yelled a greeting. “Hello~!”

“Quiet!” A shrill yell responded from within.

The room was very spacious and was lined with tall archives and rows and rows of shelves filled to brim with books. In the middle of this all was desk that was shaped like a horse shoe. The desk was utterly backed with parchments, books and other papers.

And in the middle of that desk sat a pony. She was a unicorn with a pale grey coat and a strikingly white mane tied into a bun with loose strands sticking out. On her snout sat a pair of half moon spectacles. Around her levitated a number of books, scrolls, papers and quills, each doing something separate.

“This place over here is the archive of information, the royal Archives! Also a library.” Dusty said as she walked ahead. She gestured at the unicorn working multiple tasks at once behind the mountain of paperwork. “That over there is Gold Parchment, but we call her Goldie.”

“Do not refer to me by that name!” Gold Parchment demanded, never breaking her work pace.

Dusty chuckled softly. “Anyway, Goldie(“Rrgh!”) over there is the royal accountant. That means she keeps track of pretty much everything that happens around here. She also does time as a librarian.”

“That sounds… taxing.” Luna Dial noted.

“You’d think that, but Goldie is amazing at multi tasking.” Dusty said, gesturing at all the different parchments being filled with ink and letters. “She’s real brilliant. She’s got an IQ of 200!”

“236!” Gold Parchment yelled at the head maid, sounding both incredibly mad and incredibly tense. “And damn right I am brilliant!”

Dusty leaned in to whisper to her initiate.“The last accountant quit after it drove her mad. Started barking like a dog after too much stress.”

Luna Dial blinked. “That… sounds like a lot of stress.”

“My mane used to be red!” Gold screamed out of nowhere while her left eye twitched. She truly looked on the edge. Still, the activity around her did not seize, even for a second.

“Dang it Goldie! You worked through the night again didn’t you?” Dusty said in an accusatory tone.

“I work as long as I need to!” Gold Parchment yelled a reply, leading Luna Dial to believe she had no indoor voice. “How is your party of destroyers?”

Dusty looked and sounded almost offended. “Hey, there hasn’t been anything broken in two days!”

‘Is… that really a thing to boast about?’

Just then the muffled sounds of glass breaking carried it’s way into the archives. A bucket could briefly be seen falling past one of the windows. A distant cry of “Bucket, no!” could also be heard. Golden Parchment growled as her eye twitched violently.

Dusty shook her head. “Yeah, I think we are done here. Say hello to our future nut-job!” She meant the last part as a playful insult, prompting a quick rebuttal.

“I AM NOT INSANE!”

‘... That was… interesting. I suppose.’ Luna Dial thought.

Dusty had lead the two out of the Archives, leaving Gold Parchment to her apparently incredibly stressful job. Luna Dial mused the thought of Gold PArchment getting an assistant to make her job easier.

“Welp, now that we’ve seen Goldie let me tell you something.” Dusty said, breaking the silence. “I might not have just shown it the best, but be nice to Goldie. She works harder than any of us to make sure everything is going fine around here.”

She meant every word, Luna Dial could tell. “I will.” She replied.

“Great!” Dusty exclaimed. “Just to note here, we don’t see her very often outside of the Archive. Sometimes we just bring her food. Or remind her to eat it.”

‘Sounds like a certain librarian I know.’ Luna Dial mused while nodding. “What is our next destination, Ma’am?”

Dusty shot Luna Dial a grin. “If I told you it’d ruin the surprise. But let me ask you something. You got everything you’ve seen down to memory yet?”

Luna Dial was quiet for a second and thought it over. “... I think I’ve got the basics down.”

“That’s good enough. Trust me, with time you’ll learn the ins and outs of this castle.” Dusty said with confidence. “We got a few more places to visit, and if I timed all this right I’ll show you the rest of your hopefully future co-workers.”

Luna Dial smiles softly. “I hope we make it then.”

“That’s the spirit! No time to be lazing about!”

“… Aah~.” Dusty inhaled the fresh air. The two were now outside the castle, standing amidst grass, beds of flowers and trimmed trees.

Luna Dial looked around, also enjoying the outside air and breeze.

“I love it here.” Dusty said, closing her eyes to enjoy the surroundings. “This right here is the garden. Here grow many beautiful flowers and magnificent trees. You can just smell the scent of hundreds of flowers in the air, can’t you?”

“I must admit this is true. It as a most pleasant scent.” Luna Dial said, also closing her eyes. Amongst the scent of flowers in the air was also the ruffling leaves of the nearby trees.

“Yeah. Sometimes, when I have free time, I just come here and relax.” Dusty told with a content sigh. “The greenhouse here also provides a lot of the vegetables and fruit used by the cooks. You are allowed to take some, but only if you ask permission from the gardener.”

“Hey! Don’t run there!”

Both popped their eyes open and looked around, though Dusty did so not out of confusion or alertness. Amongst the trees and gardens ran an olive green earth pony mare with blond mane. She was wearing a straw hat on her head and apparently chasing something.

The mare ran into view, chasing a squirrel. “Get here, ya rascal!” Both the chase-ee and the chaser dived past the two maids in a flash.

*THONK*

The two mares cringed a bit as the mare’s skull met with a tree that was in the way. The tree shook and her straw hat fell off of her head. Miraculously the mare seemed okay, holding a struggling squirrel in her hooves.

“Gotcha!” She exclaimed just in time for an orange from the tree to plop on her head, causing her to loosen her grip. The furry vagabond got away and disappeared into the flower bed this time. “Owie...”

“Speak of the devil.” Dusty shook her head, amused. She walked over and helped the mare up. “Having rodent problems again, I see.”

The mare rubbed her head with a silent whimper. “He-he was eating my seeds...”

Behind her walked Luna Dial, holding her straw hat in her hoof. “You dropped this, miss.”

“Oh, thanks!” The mare said, happy to see her hat and promptly put it on.

“Luna Dial, this is Flora. She’s the royal gardener, the best you can find in Canterlot.” Dusty introduced the mare who was adjusting her hat. “She is the one keeping this garden all green and luscious.”

Flora looked at Luna Dial with a wide smile. “Hi!”

“Hello.” Was her modest reply.

Dusty looked around. “Sorry Flora, but I think your squirrel got away.”

Flora’s smile shifted into an angry glare in an instant. With fire in her eyes the gardener spoke in a thick accent. “Oooh, wait ‘till I git ma’ ‘ooves on tha’ squirrel! I’mma make ‘im pay fo’ eatin’ ma’ seeds an’ ruinin’ ma’ flowers an’-”

Dusty coughed into her hoof. “Flora, your accent is showing.”

Flora cupped her mouth briefly. “Oh… sorry. Just a bit mad right now.” She told her apologetically.

“Eh, it’s cool.” Dusty waved it off. “Anyway, Flora, this is Luna Dial, our new maid initiate. I’ve been showing her around today and we were just marvelling your work. You know, before the squirrel.”

“Greetings.” Luna Dial greeted with a short bow.

Flora smiled widely. “Hello. So, you like my garden?”

“It is very… peaceful.” Luna Dial noted.

Flora beamed of joy and pride. “Oh great! I work really hard to keep everything here as healthy as possible.” She said, adding a grumbled “Except them bloody squirrels.” under her breath.

Duster looked at the time. “Well, looks like it’s about time we move on. We got a few more places to go to.”

“... But you don’t have a watch.” Luna Dial noted calmly.

“Places. To. Go.” Dusty emphasized, ignoring the remark and literally dragging Luna Dial along.

Luna Dial decided to drop the subject and bid quick farewells to Flora the gardener before getting towed off to Celestia knows where next.

Some time later the tour was on it’s last stretches. The last place Dusty showed Luna Dial was the guard barracks. She had taken extra care to go by Dusty’s advice of “Ignoring the feeling of somepony ogling your flank, because that is most likely exactly what’s going on.”

It was not… too uncomfortable of an experience, at least she managed to hide it well if it was. Dusty though, she was not even phased. ‘She has years of experience, no doubt. It is to be expected.’

The barracks was simple, consisting of a number of building housing the royal guards. It was nothing special but preferred practicality above all else. While there Luna Dial did note how male centric the Royal Guard were. She saw maybe two female guards amongst the ranks, but she could not be sure.

Luna Dial now walked beside Dusty on the castle halls again. She reached over to her outfits breast pocket and pulled out a silver pocket watch. She flipped the cover open. ‘8:30 pm… time sure flies.’

“It’s that late already?” Dusty said, glancing over. “Nice watch by the way. Love it!”

Luna Dial smiled. “Thank you, Ma’am. It was a gift from my previous employer.”

“Sounds like a great pony to serve.” Dust remarked, looking at the time. She broke into a grin. “Well, seeing as it’s getting late we will move onto the next phase.”

She looked Luna Dial straight in the eye.

“Time to meet your co-workers.”

Author's Note

The second part of the tour of the castle, and we again get introduced to two new characters. The next, final part? Well, let's say well meet a group of peculiar ponies.

-Doctor Don Django

Tour, Finale: Meeting your fellow maids!

“What are they like?”

“... Who?” Dusty asked, confused for a second before remembering her own statement second prior. “Oh yeah, them. Uhh, sorry you caught me off guard there. I wasn’t prepared for a… pre-emptive question like that, at least that fast.”

“It’s fine, Ma’am.”

Dusty coughed into her hoof, forgetting the incident just now on principle. “Well, to answer your question, our ranks are…” She paused and thought about what she was about to say. “... You know what, how about you see for yourself? It’s kind of weird to explain, but let’s just say we are a varied crew.”

Dusty started walking and Luna Dial followed. “I suppose I can keep myself invested in the mystery a bit longer.” Luna Dial said with an amused smile.

“Yeah, well keep in mind this little thing. For this week, and perhaps longer, you will be working alongside at least one of them daily so… I should probably wish you luck.” Dusty said. There was a level of grave seriousness in her tone.

Luna Dial tried not to think too much about the slight dread in Dusty’s subtle warning. ‘Do not judge before meeting them. You know you’ve worked with a quirky bunch prior to this.’ She reminded herself.

It took them around ten minutes to walk over to their destination. A span of ten minutes filled with utter silence, something sort of unnerving to Luna Dial, as Dusty was usually content on lecturing her ear off while they walked.

When they reached a simple wooden door that lead to the maids quarters they could hear voices on the other side.

“Stop messing around already, Clumsy!”

“Yeah, stop being such a dunce!”

“I’m sorry, it’s just that the window was slippery and- WAAAGH!”

*CRASH*

“Hey, you spilled soup on me!”

“S-sorry!”

“EVERYONE SIMMER DOWN!” Dusty shouted as she more or less kicked the door in, causing silence like a wind the kills everything in it’s vicinity, especially spiders. “Attention! Form a line!”

At the drop of the hat every occupant in that room formed a straight line with no buts or any murmuring. Luna Dial only stood by the doorway, blinking in mild confusion and surprise at Dusty’s sudden transition from head maid to drill sergeant

Speaking of which, Dusty started pacing back and forth the line consisting of seven mares, all wearing a similar maids headband as Dusty. With one rather striking exception.

“Alright now. Tell me what that yelling was about?” Dusty commanded with a frightening level of authority while keeping a cheery grin on her lips.

Five of the seven mares began to open their mouths, but Dusty quickly shut them up again. “One at a time! If even one of you speaks out of turn I’ll drop the Chore Bomb on your flanks, understood?” There were more or less synchronized nods, mostly. “Good.”

Dusty coughed. “But lucky for you that can wait a few moments. I have someone I demand you meet.”

Luna Dial could only look at Dusty with a mild expression that sent vibes that yell ‘I am weirded out’. ‘That’s… rather forceful way to put it.’

“Hey, come on over here and don’t act like a stranger!” Dusty called out to her initiate. Clearing her thoughts and putting on her mask of neutral elegance, Luna Dial stepped forward, into the room.

The room was fairly simple, but spacious. There were two halls on either side, each with doors, presumably to the personal quarters of each maid. In the middle was a two story area. The lower area seemed to house a kitchen set for basic needs, while the larger upper floor appeared to be a general zone for… something, holding only some tables and chairs.

She did not get a lot of time to sightsee as Dusty put a friendly hoof over her head, for some reason, earning her another odd look by Luna Dial as her mask broke for a moment.

“This here is Luna Dial. She’s a new initiate who’s on her testing period.” Dusty introduced her to the mares. She let go of Luna Dial and walked over to the first mare in the line.

The mare was an earth pony with a sandy coat with a long silver mane that was braided in two long tails hanging over her shoulders. She also had freckles and wore very large round glasses. Her maid headband was colored silver. Her cutie mark was a cracked silver rimmed mirror.

“This is Mirror. She’s one of the newer members of this force. Only joined up a few weeks ago, so she’s still learning the ropes.” Dusty introduced the mare.

Mirror smiled meekly and spoke softly. “Hi.”

Dusty moved over to the next two ponies in line. The two were almost identical in appearance, were it not for the slight difference in their cutie marks, or the fact that they were different types, a pegasus and a unicorn.

Both had a white coat and blond wavy mane combed to the opposite side to the other. The pegasus’ cutie mark was a set of two stars with diamonds in the middle, while the unicorn had pink hearts instead of diamonds. Their maid headbands were matching sky blue.

“The pegasus is Glimmer and the unicorn is Gleam. They’re twins and work as a pair.” Dusty introduced the two. “They’ve been working here for around a year and know their stuff.”

“Hello.” Glimmer said and Luna Dial could clearly sense some minor condescending tones in those syllables.

“Hi!” Gleam greeted more earnestly and was swiftly poked by Glimmer’s foreleg, sharing a look with her twin. “Uhh, I mean, hello.” Gleam seemingly corrected herself, adding a layer of not so well hidden but kind of forced condescension.

Dusty either ignored this or did not notice and walked over to the next mare.

This mare sticked out because she was more… buff than the others. She was taller and bit bulkier. Her coat was crimson and her short and spiky mane was colored dark gray with one lone red stand popping out on the top of her head. Her maid headband was red and her cutie mark was a horse shoe surrounded by flames.

She also had a mean look in her eyes and her mane was drenched in soup.

“This lug here is Blaze.” Dusty introduced the glaring pony. “She’s been here for a few months and is the biggest enemy to fragile objects you’ll ever meet.”

Blaze not so subtly growled at the remark, but at least tried to hide it.

Dusty just grinned and added. “She also has anger management issues that she’s working on.”

Blaze snapped and roared out loud and was swiftly restricted by the twins who struggled to hold her in place as she tried to assault Dusty. “I’ll break you in half! I don’t care if you’re my boss, that’s confidential information!”

Dusty just grinned cheerfully and moved onto the next mare on the line. Luna Dial just blinked in confusion as Mirror joined in to try calm Blaze down, who was screaming “I’ll end you!”, as well as some unmentionable profanities and slurs.

The next pony was the one that struck Luna Dial’s eye the moment she saw the line of maids. Unlike the rest she was not only a head shorter than the most mares, she was wearing a rather peculiar, white frilled black gothic dress with long sleeves around her forelegs. Unlike Luna Dial’s own uniform, the hem of the dress was short enough to show her flank.

The mare’s coat was dark grey and she had a shiny dark purple mane styled in a bob-cut. And her eyes- which were yellow but beside the point -were some of the most detached and emotionless set of eyes Luna Dial had ever seen. Instead of a headband she wore a large black bow. Her cutie mark was… a peculiar, sinister looking yellow eye.

And she seemed utterly unfazed by the much larger mare struggling and roaring beside her, as if she didn’t even acknowledge the event existed.

“This is Dusk.” Dusty said, and left it at that, already moving onto the final mare in the line.

Dusk blinked slowly. “Hello. May we join in this duty and work until we die elderly and alone. Slowly” Her tone was so monotone and unreadable that Luna Dial was not sure if that was meant to be taken seriously or not.

The final mare had an emerald green coat with a light green mane. Her maid headband was green like the grass...

And she breathing softly and sleeping while standing in the line with a small bubble of snot expanding and contracting along with her breathing.

Dusty just shook her head a little. “And finally this is... Snoozy. You can pretty much guess what she’s like.”

Luna Dial had to agree. Even the cutie mark on Snoozy’s flank were just a trail of z’s.

Dusty poked Snoozy hard, waking her up. Sadly, the snot bubble burst in the process. Snoozy looked around with a tired expression. “... ‘Ello...” She said with a yawn before and after the short sentence.

With that Dusty stepped away and, since Blaze had been calmed down by now, left all the maids looking at Luna Dial.

Luna Dial herself had put on her calm work face. “Greetings. I am Luna Dial. I hope we can get along.” She said with a proper bow.

There was silence for a moment, but all the maids had their own opinions.

‘S-so elegant!’ Mirror though with a small sparkle in her eyes.

‘Psh. What a poser.’ Glimmer thought with a subtle glare in the mare’s direction.

‘Her outfit is pretty.’ Was the line of thinking on Gleam’s end.

‘That posh bow pisses me off for some reason!’ Was Blaze’s rather aggressive opinion.

‘... … … A bug could choke me in my sleep tonight.’ Dusk though, not contributing anything relevant.’

And Snoozy… Well, Snoozy had fallen asleep the moment Dusty let her eyes off of her and was sleepwalking to one of the rooms on the left side of the room.

“Hey, no head starts!” Blaze yelled after the sleeping mare, to no effect.

Dusty sighed. “Well, since Snoozy is already heading out for the night we might as well actually call it a night.” She looked at the remaining maids with a firm eye. “But don’t think I forgot about the yelling today. I’ll have that talk with all of you later. For now I want everypony up at 4:30, on the dot, tomorrow.”

A sequence of “Yes, Ma’am”s, as well as a “Whatever” courtesy of Dusk, rang in the room.

“Great. Dismissed!” Dusty commanded, at which time everyone split and wandered into their respective rooms.

She turned and spoke to Luna Dial. “That stands for you too. Tomorrow I will come get you early. We gather in the mornings and I distribute the duties for the day. Naturally I will accompany you on the first day but you will also be paired up with one of my girls. Understand?”

”I do, Ma’am.”

“Good. Now let me guide you back to your quarters. We’ve got a long day ahead of us tomorrow.”

Author's Note

And so the tour concludes with us meeting the meat of this story, the maids Mirror, Glimmer&Gleam, Blaze, Dusk and Snoozy, as Well as the Head Maid herself, Dusty. Let's get to know them better, soon/someday.

-Doctor Diarch

Misery with company, The Most Negative Mare in Equestria!

“Alright then, ladies!” Dusty opened up the early morning assembly giving stern looks at her maid squad, minus Doozy. “I promised not to let the shouting yesterday go undiscussed, so here we go. One at a time, what happened? Gleam?”

“:D” Gleam just smiled widely like an oblivious kid.

“... Right. You’re off the coffee for a week. Again. Glimmer?”

“Well, I vaguely remember something about Clumsy over here breaking a window and losing yet another bucket.” Glimmer explained, not even trying to hide an insulting undertone.

Mirror just looked down shamefully. “... It was an accident. Th-the window was slippery...” She tried to explain herself.

Dusty sighed and shook her head. “How many buckets has it been now?” She asked rhetorically. “I don’t think even Goldie keeps count anymore. Right. Blaze, you next.”

“I got a big bowl of soup dropped on my head!” The imposing mare shouted, apparently still mad about it.

“Breathing exercises, Blaze. Have you been doing them?” Dusty asked calmly.

“... Well, no. But-”

“Blaze, you know what Psyche has told you.” Dusty said as if scolding a child.

“You leave my therapist out of this!” Blaze yelled.

“Not until you start following his advice!” Dusty rebuked.

Blaze growled, but a look from Dusty made her at least try to collect herself. “In… out… in… out...” She said as she breathed slowly.

Sighing again Dusty turned to the last item on her list for now. She gave the glasses wearing mare a stern look. “Mirror, you really need to start being more careful.” While she spoke firmly she did so in a gentle manner. “I know you are new here and you are nervous to meet the standards asked of you, but you really need to get your act together.”

Mirror fidgeted with her hooves and cast a sullen look at her boss. “... I’ll try.”

Dusty gave Mirror an encouraging smile and a pat on the back. “That’s all I ask.” She took a few steps back and cleared her throat. “Now all you get your bearings for job distribution… and for Celestia’s sake get Doozy out of bed!”

A few looks were exchanged between the maids, but only Dusk spoke up. “If I try that, what are the odds of getting slugged?” She asked in her monotone.

“Oh yeah,I think the chances of Doozy slugging you in her sleep are pretty high. Like, whopping 20%.” Dusty noted with dripping sarcasm.

“Fine.” Dusk said flatly and headed for Doozy’s room. “Say hello to my new black eye when I get back.”

With Dusk gone momentarily, Dusty got back on track. “Anyway, all of you get prepared while I go get Luna Dial.” She said and turned.

“Yes, Ma’am?”

Dusty yelped and jumped back a good few feet due to surprise. Luna Dial had been just behind her, just standing there like the perfect image of elegance. It was highly disturbing that not only had dusty not noticed her arrive, but judging by the looks neither had any of the other maids.

“O-oh, Luna Dial! Seem you found it here on your own. Really surprised me.” Dusty managed to say, pushing aside the surprise. There was work to be done! “Well, why don’t you get in line with everypony. We were about to distribute the duties for this day.”

“Of course, Ma’am.” Luna Dial said and moved to the end of the line, which was currently next to Mirror. Just a few moments later Dusk walked over to her other side, followed shortly after by a shambling Snoozy, who seemed to be sleepwalking.

“I was successful. Sadly, no black eye.” Dusk reported. “A tragedy.”

Dusty ignored the comment and went straight to business. “Well, now that our initiate is here, I will distribute your tasks for today. First off, Blaze, kitchen.”

“Wha- why is it always her?” Mirror asked. “I’ve wanted kitchen duty for weeks...”

“Mirror, darling,” Dusty started sweetly “We don’t want first time to happen again. Do we?”

Mirror looked downcast. “B-but...”

“No buts. Blaze, kitchen!”

Blaze gave an affirming grunt, though it sounded mildly displeased.

“Second, Glimmer, Gleam. You can start by going over accumulated laundry, then move to help out in the garden.”

Gleam nodded happily while Glimmer sighed and rolled her eyes “Fine.”

“Okay then, Mirror, your duty for today is to clean the upper floors. Take Snoozy with you.” Dusty ordered, adding a hasty “And please, tread with care”

Mirror nodded with a sad expression. Snoozy murmured something that sounded like “... aye-aye...” while still seemingly sleeping.

Luna Dial blinked. That left…

…

‘This is… unbelievably awkward.’ Were the thoughts in Luna Dial’s head. Sure, there were some others, but that one took more foothold.

Luna Dial tried to concentrate on the task, mainly cleaning the windows of the lower floors. She scrubbed with a moist cloth till a window was spotless. Normally this would be something of a routine but…

The mare next to her, working on her own window for some reason had Luna Dial on edge. She could not understand why, but for some reason Dusk’s silence and almost utter disregard for her existence was off putting.

It had been a few hours and the gothic mare had not uttered a word, least of all looked at her.

It did not help that Dusty was just standing behind them, all but breathing down their necks.

‘This should not be a real issue. This is nothing you haven’t done before. Keep calm and keep doing your best.’ Luna Dial rationalized.

She dipped her cloth into a bucket of cleansing agents mixed with water. While doing so she took a moment to glance at Dusk. The dark mare’s purple eye were fixed on the window and portrayed nothing. It was like looking into a blank slate for information.

Raising to wipe the window with the wet cloth, a lone drop of water left the cloth and approached the very expensive looking red carpet that adorned the hallway.

In an instant the world turned monochrome. The water drop stopped mid-air, frozen. So had the entire world, except for Luna Dial. The mare did a smooth movement as she spun around a full 360 degrees, nabbing the water droplet off the air with her hoof before returning to her original position.

The color returned to the world as everything moved again, Luna Dial continuing what she had been doing, wiping the window clean. Her observer remained none the wiser to this event.

‘It feels sort of odd to use that again. A little extreme, but no carpet gets drenched on my watch.’ Luna Dial thought with a small grin at using her power again. But she felt uneasy for some reason, and by mere gut feeling she subtly glanced to her side.

Immediately all of her senses told her something was off. Dusk, who had ignored her almost the entire day thus far, was glancing straight on at her. Her expression was unreadable, but for some reason it sent bad vibes all the way down Luna Dial’s spine.

Dusk finally looked back to the window after a brief moment that felt like an eternity, and for the first time since the morning, she spoke. “Your uniform is nice.”

Luna Dial, caught off guard stopped what she was doing for a good five seconds before gathering herself to take the compliment. “Well… thank you.”

“I wonder if I’d get profits if I took pictures and sold them in Japony to weirdoes who’ll do unmentionable things with them.” Dusk monotoned, ruining the mood.

“... That’s...” Luna Dial tried to answer the statement. Unfortunately, she got nothing.

“... Then again,” Dusk continued, looking at her own petite gothic dressed figure for a moment “my pictures would be abused even more.”

Luna Dial blinked and tried to focus more on the windows. “Alright, I don’t think I know how to talk to you.” She said as pleasantly as possible to not cause strife.

“That’s okay.” Dusk said nonchalantly. “No pont wants to talk to me anyway. Why would they?”

Luna Dial could not help but feel a bit of sympathy. Maybe it was just how negative the mare sounded, or how little she seemed to care about it. “I’m sure there is somepony who talks with you.”

Dusk answered with a brief unreadable look her way but said nothing.

Dusty for her part was more than surprised. She looked between Luna Dial and Dusk with a warm smile on her lips. It was rare to see Dusk participate in a conversation, but never had she seen her initiate it.

But then everypony was distracted by the sound of breaking glass and could see a dark shape fall down from a nearby window, along with a yell of “No!” from the upper floors.

Luna Dial blinked, Dusty groaned and facehooved and Dusk just did not care.

“You two keep doing what you’re doing. I need to go see what’s wrong.” Dusty instructed the maid and maid initiate.

“Yes, Ma’am.” Luna Dial answered while Dusk merely nodded in understanding. Dusty quickly trotted around the nearby corner and used her in-depth knowledge of the castle layout to find the nearest stairway up.

So the two oddly dressed maids were left to their lonesome. For the first minute or two it was akward silence and window scrubbing, until Dusk broke the silence.

“It’s kind of extreme you know.” She said, never breaking eye contact with the glass window. “For a single drop.”

Luna Dial tensed up. She knew! How she knew Luna Dial could not even begin to guess but that sentence was too specific to be a coincidence.

But much to her relief Dusk merely shrugged. “Whatever. Doesn’t involve me anyway.”

Luna Dial mentally sighed. The less of an issue rose from this, the better. She had no intention of letting this knowledge spread. She started speaking calmly. “Miss Dusk, could you-”

“Not tell anypony?” Dusk finished the sentence without missing a beat. “Don’t see why I should. Wouldn’t believe me anyway.”

Luna Dial, for the most part, was relieved to hear this. “Thank you, miss Dusk.”

For a while there were no words, but they could clearly hear some chatter from the upper floors. Dusk opened the window she was working on partially to listen in.

“Mirror, what did I tell you this morning?” They heard Dusty berate the spectacled mare as nicely as she could.

“B-but this time it wasn’t me, I swear!”

They could hear Dusty groan loudly. “Mirror, for Celestia’s sake… wait. Where is Snoozy?”

“I-I tried to stop her, but she leaned into the window and- and-” Mirror whimpered in a panicked tone. Hearing this Luna Dial came to some very disturbing conclusions.

And so did Dusty. “WHAT?!” The head maid screamed and from the sound of it hurried to the broken window.

Dusk opened her window more and peered up… Then pulled back without a word or change of expression. Moving to another window she briefly gestured at the open one. Catching the hint, Luna Dial peered up as well.

What she saw… was both very odd and, to her relief, not what she had imagined.

Above them, maybe two-three floors up, just outside the window frame dangled the emerald coated pony with just one hoof… Who was, as far as Luna Dial could see, as surreal as it was, still asleep!

“Everything alright up there?” Luna Dial asked from Dusty, who was in the process of hoisting Snoozy back up to safety.

“Yeah, I got this!” Dusty answered and pulled Snoozy’s snoozing form indoors. Taking her word for it, Luna Dial closed the window, but not before hearing something about a bucket.

Dusk had already moved on to a new window to scrub. “You seem really calm about this.” Luna Dial noted.

Dusk glanced at her for a second before going back to her work. “It does not concern me. Not unless I’m the one falling out of a window to my horribly painful death. That or I’d be crippled for the rest of my life. Oh, the sorrow. I doubt anypony would care.”

Again, Luna Dial was not completely sure if the mare was being serious or not. She did know that she did not like what she was hearing if she did mean it.

She trotted closer, placing a gentle hoof on Dusk’s shoulder. The mare froze on the spot as if she was not expecting anything like that. “I would care.” Luna Dial told Dusk as earnestly as she could.

Dusk for her part continued staring at the window, expression never changing. For a moment her eyes looked at the faint reflection of Luna Dial in the glass, but said nothing.

Luna Dial let go and went to finish up the window she was working on when she was stopped.

“Wait.” Dusk said, now facing her. She gestured at the long hallway. “If this is taken care of we’ll get to take a break. Maybe get something to eat from the pantry, if it’s not poisoned. Then we’d just die, or get sick, or get fired for getting sick” She then gave Luna Dial a meaningful glance that expressed nothing but definitely said something. “Head Maid will be here in a few. Time is of the essence.”

Luna dial knew very well what this mare was asking of her. Smiling softly she closed her eyes.

Head maid Dusty came around the corner. “Sorry about that, it seems we lost yet another… bucket...” Her words stopped as she looked at the hall, her professional Maid Eyes telling her something that by any means should be impossible.

The whole hallway, from beginning to end was spotless and shining radiantly, every window pristine and good as new, with Dusk and Luna Dial standing by the end of it. The level of work was… perfect. There was nothing else to describe it.

Luna Dial bowed at her future boss while Dusk just stood there, looking as dead inside as ever. “Welcome back, Ma’am.” They said in unison.

“But… How… I was gone for...” Dusty tried finding the words but every time her brain just shut down.

“The boss is broken.” Dusk deadpanned out of left field.

“Yes, it seems so.” Luna Dial replied.

“The pantry is this way. Let’s try not to trip on the stairs and get our necks crushed.” Dusk said, simply turning and walking away. Unsure of what to do, Luna Dial glanced at her near catatonic superior and with a sigh followed the gothic dressed mare.

Author's Note

We get to spend time with Dusk, who is as depressing as she is weird. An accident almost happens and guess what? Dusty has a sharingan for all the filth in the world. No joke.

-Doctor Demeter