I never wanted to be an Alicorn.

Honestly, the whole idea is scary, and just think of the implications! How does my magic change? How will my body adapt, because alicorns are taller and have, well, wings! How would that happen, how do wings just become a part of a pony? “Magic” just doesn't cut it, no, I would need to dig into just what makes an alicorn.

I would need to discover myself, or at least my body.

Because ever since I was lifted to being an alicorn, I've noticed some weird things. Like how I have this, craving, this continuous need that nudges at the edge of my mind, constantly telling me the same thing over and over and over.

Love. Join. Bond. Forever.

Can you imagine trying to create an transplanar teleportation spell, and whenever you take some time to think you have to deal with this tiny voice that just. Doesn't. Shut. UP! It’s unbearable, and I can barely fathom how Celestia, Luna, or Cadance can even deal with it! Unless, of course, they found a way to suppress it. Or better yet, do what it tells you and get rid of it.

Is that why Cadance married my brother?

Oh don’t be ridiculous Twilight, you know that Cadance loves Shinny. Even when he’s a total flake. Besides, if it really was to comply with what the voice was telling her, she would have been far more unstable, and probably would have killed Chrysalis for stealing her stallion. Maybe, that might make an interesting thought experiment: Would Cadance have killed Chrysalis if Cadance was under the control of it?

I keep referring to this voice as an it, even though it’s a feminine voice. In fact, it sounds exactly like me, except for the echoing and foreboding undertones, like the way that the voice seems to project from everywhere.

In truth, it was bearable, though frustrating, until Jack showed up.

I don’t know exactly when I started having feeling for Jack, but naturally it started with friendship. He was nice, though not unassertive, and seemed to go out of his way to do the little things. He’d volunteer to wash dishes for Spike, so that the dragon could sort books. He’d make sure to replace the flowers everyday, and even bought new ones for the windowsill. But along with being nice, he’s also interested in literature.

Turns out, there are many similarities between pony and human authors, so it was with this coincidence that we ended up discussing the finer points of booms late into the night. One time we stayed up till 3:00 A.M. arguing about whether or not Haymingneigh supported war. I pointed out the sheer violence he wrote about in For Whom the Bell Tolls, Jack said that he writes about violence in an almost awed way.

But literary theory aside, we also had some playful conversations, like whether or not Pinkie was bound to the laws of physics. Maybe that’s why I started moving from friendship to, something else. That, and he’s a pretty great kisser.

Yes, Jack. Isn't he wonderful, wouldn't you love to make him yours? You love him, don’t you? You could be with him forever, all you need to do is unite, use your bond, be with him!

See, there it goes again! Whenever I think of Ja- the human, it starts a whole monologue about how I should “use your bond”, which I've deduced to mean having sex with him. Which, quite frankly, I do not want to do. Well, I mean, I think it would be pleasurable, and most of the books I've read on the subject say it can be quite the experience, but I still don’t know if I love him enough to do that. Certainly, I have feelings for him, but I had feelings for Flash Sentry too, and all that did was end up with one awkward date.

It’s a beautiful night, perfect for romantic dinners and stargazing. I am alone with Flash, we’re in a private balcony at the finest restaurant in Canterlot. He makes a comment about my mane, I blush, and he reaches over with his hoof. I know that this will be when we kiss, underneath the stars, but just as our lips are about to make contact, a sharp pain shoots through my head.

He is not the one.

I recoil backwards, throwing myself onto the ground. Flash looks on in confusion, wondering why I reacted as such. The rest of the night is similar, any move made by Flash finds me in another painful spasm. We end the night on good terms, though I suspect there won’t be another date.

That was one of the strongest manifestations of the voice. But it was only recently that the, I guess you could say symptoms, become worse. Paranoia, irrational thoughts, anxiety attacks, and finally the complete detachment of my persona from my own consciousness. I was left in a calm, peaceful state, locked inside my own mind. I wasn't able to observe any outside events, but I could still fell my own emotions.

Anger. Joy. Lust. And, though I doubt if this was my own, love.

But going back to my feelings for Jack, I still don’t know if I love him. That’s why I proposed that we should start dating, in order to figure out my feelings, as I would assume from my psychology books, most ponies do. I also hoped that our dating would appease the voice somewhat, so that I could focus on just spending time with him, without any interruptions from it.

I hoped that would be enough, but as the first days of our relationship passed by I discovered that the voice only got louder. Every moment I was with him, which was pretty much always considering our proximity and my anxiety, the continuous stream of words flowed through my mind. They were never deafening, on no, but they were always there. Always egging me on, tempting me to just give in and let the other it take control.

I needed to study this more, to look into just what was happening, but I could not find a book on the subject! Nothing, despite the vast amount of tomes contained in the library, not one mentioned anything like “alicorn voices”. Then again, not too many talked about alicorns in completely scientific terms, most ended up revering the alicorns as goddesses, which wouldn't be wrong, but then said that any study into them was unneeded.

So I was left without the one thing that had helped me before, knowledge. So where was I to turn to?

Well, the second thing that had always helped me were my friends. I just hope they can give me some advice, I doubt if I can contain myself around him.

I already feel it getting stronger.

Author's Note

I am such a tease, aren't I?

But that's how you get readers hooked, with cliffhangers that make them scream in frustration. Which is good, because your screams only make me stronger! BAHAHAHAHA!

Just kidding, hope you enjoy the chapter. Thanks for reading!