Subject Zero

A/N: Chapter two. I haven't forgotten about you guys yet, don't worry. Sorry for not updating this a lot, but I hope you guys enjoy it! On a side note...... I have no idea what made me do what I did here.....

Twilight reeled at the sudden outburst, jumping slightly into the air before gravity brought her back down. The creature before her Was panting heavily, and she could see beads of sweat rolling down it’s exposed skin. She looked over to Spike, hoping for advice, but the baby dragon simply stood there wide eyed and slack jawed. When she looked back, she saw the creatures hazel colored eyes staring back at her. She could see a combination of confusion and anger in it’s face and eyes, and suddenly felt very threatened.
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Jack was still panting heavily when here eyes locked onto the purple…. Thing that was sitting next to her. She looked at it for what seemed like an eternity, confused and angry. What the fuck is that? she thought to herself, taking in it’s features, namely the horn on it’s head. It wasn‘t sharp, but it still looked like it could do some damage with enough force. That thing could be dangerous. Wonder why it’s on the damn things head. she thought before standing up and looking for a door.

“Um…. I’m sorry for any inconvenience, but umm…. Just what are you?” the sudden voice made her jump and ready her biotics, her body glowing a slight blue and her heart racing from the sudden excitement.

“Who said that, huh!?” she yelled, looking around, skipping over the two creatures in the room. She brushed them off as dumb beasts who couldn’t speak a word, looking for something seeming more sentient. “Show yourself, or I’ll fucking tear you apart!” she yelled again as she used her abilities to lift a nearby chair and break it against the wall with great force.

She wasn’t fucking around. She saw a tiny purple and green lizard slowly approach her and laughed slightly at it. “Where the hell am I, a little girls dream land? I mean, come on; a tiny horse with a dildo on it‘s head, and a tiny little purple iguana.” she crouched down to the lizards level. “Let me guess, you breathe fucking fire, don’t you?”

Spike was hesitant at first, scared out of his wits of the being before him, who’s temper seemed to be far our of control. “A-a-a-actually, I-I-I-I can.” He said, and Jack reeled back in surprise.

“Well color me impressed.” She said, regaining her composure. “A fire breathing oversized gecko who can talk. Just fucking wonderful.” she said, not really caring for his feelings, or anyone’s feelings for that matter.

“H-hey! D-d-don’t you talk to Spike like that!” Twilight exclaimed, finally gathering enough courage to speak. However, the look her statement earned her made her shrink away in fear.

“Well, well, well, so sparky has a name, huh? What about you, dildo head? What’s your name?” Jack asked, almost sounding calm, like she actually cared, as she slowly approached the cowering unicorn.

“T-t-twilight…. Twilight Sparkle.” she stuttered, causing Jack to look away for a moment and nod.

“Alright, alright, sounding more and more like a little girls dream every second…” she muttered before turning her attention back to Twilight. “And just what makes you think you can tell me what the FUCK to do!?” she yelled, making the unicorn flinch and shake uncontrollably. “Well?” she asked after a moment of silence. “Are you gonna answer my fucking question, or am I just gonna have to just make sure you don’t do it again?”

Twilight had no idea what to do, so she did the first thing that came to mind. “L-l-look, I-I-I-I’m sorry”

“Sorry?” the biotic asked, cutting off the frightened unicorn. “That’s it? Seriously? God damn, I just had to wind up in a world full of pussies, didn’t I?” she muttered, putting a hand to her forehead in disappointment. She sighed heavily and took a moment to think, something she’d learned from Shepard. “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but…” she paused for a moment, attempting to force the words from her lips. “It’s…. fine…..” she said through gritted teeth, sighing again. Damn you Shepard. You just had to rub off on me like that, didn’t you? she thought to herself before shaking her head and continuing. “I…. I should be the one apologizing, I mean it’s not everyday you wake up in a strange place with talking animals with dildo’s on their heads.” she said, though everything inside her was screaming for blood.

She couldn’t believe herself. What’s gonna happen next? Am I gonna go teach at a school for biotic kids? she thought, before laughing out loud. Twilight was confused, but took the strange being before her at it’s word.

“It’s…. It’s alright, I understand how you could be confused, or worried.” Twilight said, hoping to calm the obviously dangerous creature. She looked around to see Spike, out cold on the floor. “Of course, there’s still the matter of you’re temper and it’s effects, but we’ll get to that later, okay?” she asked with a nervous smile.

“‘My temper and it’s effects’?” Jack asked, taking a look around at the unconscious dragon and broken chair with little concern. She shrugged. “If I’d actually gone full out, this…. Whatever it is, would be a crater, make no mistake.” Twilight, still startled from Jack’s previous display of violence, went pale under her fur, and began to wonder just what she had brought into her home.

“O-O-O-O-oh, I-I-I see, um, uh, do you n-need anything to eat, o-or drink, uh……” she trailed off at the end, hoping for an introduction of some kind.

“Jack.” she said, filling the gap of silence left after the lavender mare stopped talking. “Name’s Jack.” she said before considering the offer. It wasn’t everyday someone offered her food or drink, especially not after she wrecked their place, but she wasn’t one to turn down anything free. “Yeah, sure, I could go for some grub, what’ve you got?”

“Well, I have some hay fries, I could make you a daisy sandwich, or” she was cut off by a fit of laughter that rivaled Pinkie Pie after hearing a corny joke.

She gulped as she waited for Jack to calm down.

“Are you fucking joking? Hay Fries? A daisy sandwich? What next, a fucking glass of milk with some fucking wheat cookies?” Twilight mentally checked that combination off the list, while wondering why this creature used so much vulgar language. “Get me some beef, a bottle of booze, I don’t care what as long as it’s strong, and a cigar, and maybe, just maybe, I’ll take you seriously.” she said, not expecting to get any of them. Twilight was visibly shaking now, eyes wide in surprise and fear.

“Y-y-you’re a c-c-carnivore?” she asked. Jack sighed, racking her brain for what the word meant. She remembered Mordin Solus trying to give her science lessons on more than one occasion, and knew the word had come up at least once.

“Carnivore, carnivore, carnivore…… Isn’t that something that only eats meat?” she asked no one in particular as she stared at the floor, one finger tapping on her bald forehead.

“Y-y-yes, it is.” Twilight said, hoping her helpfulness would convince the creature to spare her life.

“In that case, you’re fucking retarded.” Jack said as she lowered her hand.

“Hey!” Twilight exclaimed, suddenly indignant. She could be pushed around, scared into silence, and watch her assistant and friend be scared into unconsciousness, but NO ONE questioned her intelligence.

“Hey, not my fault you don’t know jack shit ‘bout humans.” she said with a casual shrug.

“Humans?” Twilight asked, confused by the statement. “Humans aren’t supposed to exist.”

“And neither are horses with dildos on their face, yet I’m talking to you.” Jack countered, making Twilight’s temper flare again.

“Alright, it’s not a dildo, it’s a horn! It’s used to cast magic, not bring another mare to climax!!” she yelled at the top of her lungs.

At that exact moment, Rainbow Dash proceeded to crash halfway through one of the windows. “Did I hear something…. About… Dildos…….” she trailed off near the end, seeing Twilight’s strange visitor. Twilight couldn’t help face hoofing.

“Every time… Every single time someone mentions a dildo, you just have to be there, don’t you Rainbow?”

Jack couldn’t take it anymore, and burst into a fit of laughter. “Oh my god, oh shit, this is to funny. We’ve got dildo head, Sparky the dragon, and gay pride dildo lover, this is just to much.” Twilight sighed again and shook her head, her hoof still covering her face.

“Hey! I’m not a lesbo!”

It was gonna be a long day.