I HAVE EQUESTRIA!

by Gregmanwit

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Adventure, Crossover, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 3335

When everyone'a favorite mean bean, Fawful, gets tossed in Equestria, what could possibly happen?

After the events of "Mario & Luigi: Bowser's Inside Story", Fawful finds himself in a new kingdom. And better yet, he's hungry on conquering it! What could his plan possibly be this time? Takes place during the events of "Ponyville Confidential."

Published 2012-04-16 13:24:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-04-20 05:43:19 UTC

Chapter 1: Fawful Contact

Magic Window

"Hey! Where did you fink-rats go? Fawful must show you his dark power! Oof! My leg! Where did you go agai- OW! My eye! Ow! Augh! Oof! Quit it, staches!"

CRACK

"Hey! Fawful cannot see anymore! Where are you? Tell me so I can-"

Snack Basket

"What is that? What is Fawful hearing? Why do I hear squishy noises? Fawful demands-"

CRASH

"OWOWOWOWOW! MY LEGS! I AM BUT A CORE NOW! FAWFUL HATES YOUR FINK-RAT FACES, EVEN THOUGH HE CANNOT SEE THEM RIGHT NO-"

Falling Star

"What is Fawful hearing now? Fawful demands you stop it and give him a chance to destroy your hopes of victory! Why does Fawful hear something falling?"

"The dark star... it's finally gone."

Bowser nodded in agreement with his internal minion "Yeah, pretty tough dude, all around." Bowser gazed towards the sky. It seemed like it had taken years to finally put that Fawful figure in his place, but it was finally done. Now no one could stop him from taking over the Mushroom Kingdom! "And the princess?", he heard from his gut. "Is she alright?"

Bowser turned abruptly to the mass that lay to his left. "Oh yeah! I forgot!", he stated. "Now I can kidnap her!"

Starlow frowned at Bowser's statement. "Oops, I said too much..."

"Why... The failing..."

What was left of Fawful came into view once more. By now, all he resembled was a smoking ball of thick, black sludge, dotted with two swirling glass eyes. That same ear-to-ear grin he always adorned on his face, missing some teeth, however. Starlow sighed. "What? You're still at it?" she said, exhaustion and annoyance obvious in her voice. "You...mustaches...with why...fury...whenever... Fawful...just wanted...some kingdom conquoring... Fawful tried... Fawful gave the 110 percents... Fawful worked the overtime... Fawful was the team player... Fawful put in the hours... Fawful got the hands dirty... but everytime... Always... The mustaches...arrive... Always in Fawful's way... Alwaysalwaysalways..."

Starlow sighed once more. "Look, give up already. Seriously, get over it. You're done with evil." Even with the huge grin on his face, the bros could tell Fawful agreed. "I have remorse..." he murmured quietly. "Fawful understands... Fawful gives up now... Fawful will disappear with no troubles..." he agreed, sorrow obvious in his tone. "Sounds good." Starlow replied. "No more evil, OK?" Fawful nodded. ""Here Fawful goes... The disappearing... Forever disappearing..." Without warning, Fawful's smile grew several inches wider. The bros and Starlow glanced at each other in confusion before returning their gaze to Fawful. Suddenly, Fawful expanded nearly five times his initial size. "WITH YOU!"

The last thing Fawful saw was the look on the trio's faces before his world exploded.

The usually busy town of Ponyville was empty this particular day. With the help of the new Gabby Gums reporter, or, reporters, everypony was too embarrassed to show their faces at all. It was no surprise that none of them noticed the black smoke landing near the edge of the forest.

The smoke slowed to a complete stop on the lush grass, wilting it on contact. It lingered there for a few minutes, almost as if it was waiting for something. Suddenly, it scattered, leaving only a limp and unconscious Fawful to rest in the field. He stirred for a few seconds as birds and squirrels watched from nearby trees at the new arrival. Suddenly, he sprang to life and stood as tall as he could, given his rather small stature, and raised his hands to the sky. "I HAVE SURVIVAL!" He took the first breath he had taken since what had felt like years and examined his immediate surroundings. Ooh, he would make those mustaches pay for what thy did. For what they've always done. Something struck him as odd, however, as he scanned the foreign landscape around him. "Strange...Fawful does not remember this forest," he muttered to himself, scratching his nearly bald head. He noticed something else out of place as well. He could no longer feel the Dark Star's power within him. "Oh well, Fawful will find another evil power to harness. But for now, Fawful must find out where he is!"

He began trudging where his instincts brought him, trying to find any landmarks that could lead him to civilization. Then he noticed a rather out of place treehouse perched atop one of the largest trees he had seen since he had landed. What he also noticed were the voices from within. Three to be exact. His smile grew wider. Where there were voices, there were people. Where there were people, there was information. Where there was information, there was information on where the mustaches were so he could defeat them once more! His grin grew wider than ever as he leaped with impossible agility up the tree, completely disregarding the stairs.

"We've ruined ALL of our friendships and we STILL don't have our cutie marks!" a rather depressed Sweetie Belle said to her two companions. "This is the worst day ever," Applebloom agreed. The third occupant of the room stood. "Oh yeah? Wait 'till tomorrow! Our most embarrassing moments are going to be published for EVERYPONY to laugh at," Scootaloo replied, glancing at her fluttering wings at the thought. Ablebloom walked over to her friends with obvious hopelessness on her face. "So what do we do?" The trio sprawled on the floor with looks of sorrow adorning their faces. Sweetie Belle's gaze turned to the ground. "I don't know, but we're not leaving this clubhouse until we think of something!"

She stared out the window. They had to find a way to set things right again. They made so many hurtful stories about everypony and there had to be a way to set things straight. Her thoughts were scattered, however, when she heard a knocking at the clubhouse door. The fillies sat up with their ears perked at the sound. Who would come to them now? After all they did? A few seconds of silence followed before Sweetie Belle spoke. "Hello? Who's there?" The one behind the door spoke, "May I come in? I'm lost." All three of them cocked an eyebrow in confusion. They had never heard a pony like this before. His voice was high pitched and seemed cheery. "Uh, ok," Sweetie Belle replied as she opened the door. They did not expect what would enter after that. All ponies froze and stared.

The creature was, strange, to say the least. Only a bit taller than themselves. It stood on two legs and it's skin was green in appearance. It adorned a large red cape that nearly covered it's entire body. It was nearly bald besides the single hair atop it's head. It's face only contained thick, sky blue glasses that appeared to have a swirling design and a grin to match Pinkie's.

A long moment of silenced passed before Applebloom spoke. "Wh...who are you?" The creature examined her for a few seconds before replying, "Who am I? WHO AM I?" Suddenly, he struck a magnificent pose and held a miraculous bouquet of flowers that had appeared from nowhere. "I AM THE GREAT AND MIGHTY FAWFUL! MEANEST OF BEANS! STRONGEST OF FOES! DIPPER OF CHIPS! I COME IN QUESTION OF WHERE I MIGHT BE!" The three fillies were speechless. Simply staring at Fawful with dumb looks on their faces. Finally, Sweetie Belle spoke. "So...you're famous?" His grin appeared to widen as he turned to the unicorn. "Famous?" he replied. "I'm MORE than famous! Fawful is world known! Fawful can barley walk a mile without one saying, 'Is that the awesomest and coolest Fawful?' or, 'Boy! I wish I was Fawful!' I tell you little horses, it's hard being Fawful with so much appreciation!" He waited a moment for his words to soak in. "Now," he continued, "If you would be so kind as to tell Fawful where Peach's Castle is, it would make him very grateful."

The CMC stared at each other in confusion, which made Fawful raise an eyebrow. "Uh, what's Peach's Castle?" they finally replied. "What do you mean? Surly you have heard of Princess Peach?"

"No..."
"What about Bowser?"
"Nope..."
"The Dark Star?"
"Nuh uh..."
"MUSTACHE BROTHERS, EVEN?"
"Don't ring a bell."

Their guest eyed them suspiciously for a few seconds before he started pacing back and forth across the floor. "Hold on, Fawful thinks he knows what the problem is..." The three ponies simply stood there awkwardly as the stranger trudged about their treehouse. Suddenly, he turned to them once more.

"What is this kingdom's name?"
"Equestria."
"And who rules said Equestria?"
"Princess Celestia and Princess Luna."

"AH HA! FAWFUL HAS FOUND THE PROBLEM! HE IS NO LONGER IN THE MUSHROOM KINGDOM! FAWFUL IS GENIUS AS USUAL!" He turned to the window and stared at the setting sun longingly. "...And a new kingdom means..." He turned to the CMC. "A NEW KINGDOM TO CONQUER!" The three fillies gaped at his words. "WHAT?" they shouted collectively. Fawful's grin grew even wider. "And in Fawful wishes to conquer new kingdom..." He pulled out an odd device from his hip. It was like nothing the fillies had ever seen before. Some strange, dark device with a small star at the tip. He aimed it at the fillies. "FAWFUL MUST MAKE NEW MINIONS!" The last thing the fillies saw was a bright flash, then darkness.

Chapter 2: Gabby Beans

AN: I ment for this chapter to be longer, but then I realized that the later events were going to take place over a longer period of time, so next chapter will most likely (about 90% chance) be longer than this one. I've kind of gotten things pre-planned out for the direction of the plot, so next chapter will contain a lot of plot development and some more pony.

Fawful stared at the now unconscious little horses, then glanced to his pistol. He admired the odd change to the device, the tip shaped to a star instead of the usual point. "Probably effect of Dark Star..." he wondered to himself, sheathing it into his waistband. He turned once more to the ponies before him. "Now..." he continued, "when Fawful claps his hands, You three fink-rats will be my minions and answer only to me!" Raising his hands, he sounded the signal clap. "OPEN SESAME!"

The fillies began to stand up, now fully conscious again. They appeared normal enough, but instead of pupils, they bore small , white spirals in the center of their eyes. They spoke in unison. "What does master Fawful demand?" Hi's grin widened dramatically. "I HAVE CHORTLES!" He started feeling nice and warm inside. It felt good to say that again, as well as being in control once more. "Now, my little minions," he started, "I am going to ask you some questions, and you will answer without the delays, understand?" The fillies nodded almost instantly. "Good, now we shall start."

THE NEXT MORNING

Fawful skipped merrily down the road to the so called, "Ponyville's" school building. According to the new minions, they were in connection with the school newspaper, making a great opportunity to sabotage information. It was the perfect opportunity to start step 1 in his plan, "Mean Bean Equestrian Conquering Scheme," as he called it. He was so excited that he almost dropped the stack of papers he held in his arms. He decided to slow his pace a bit, as he needed to make sure the info got to the school without any trouble. He took the time to notice some landmarks before he reached the school.

The town was close by, so he could make out some of the important features from a safe distance without being noticed. An extremely large tree with windows and other homely features, a large structure, possibly the town hall, a blue figure blocking his path...

...blue figure blocking his path?

He jumped nearly three feet when he noticed it. Or more specifically, her. A blue, winged horse with light blue fur and a rainbow mane and tail. Judging by her features, he guessed this was the, "Rainbow Dash," as the orange minion called her by. She stood there, eyeing him in a mixture of confusion and suspicion. They both stood there for a long moment before Fawful broke the silence. "Excuse me, but Fawful is in a big hurry. Surly you would understand." She narrowed her eyes and moved in a bit closer. Too close for Fawful's comfort zone. Finally she snapped her head back, out of his face and gave him a suspicious look. "Who are you? And what's so important about those papers?"

Fawful was trying to keep his cool. He knew he was a great liar, but something was off about this horse, he could just feel it. "Fawful is visiting for important delivery, and Fawful wished you not go sticking your snout in his business like a fly licking an apple pie and is stupid!" She seemed taken aback from his response and visibly recoiled in surprise. He didn't mean it to sound so harsh, but he couldn't risk loosing his shot at a brilliant plan. Every second he stood here, every second left he had before the editor would publish his minion's secrets. "Uh...sorry. It's just that I've never seen you before...uh...and that you're not a pony and..." She seemed extremely uncomfortable. Then, without warning, she dashed off. He could here her parting, "Sorry!" before she was out of sight, flying to the town."Fawful must stay carful..." he muttered to himself. He hoped that horse wasn't important...

Diamond Tiara watched the sunrise impatiently. It's already morning and her lackeys had failed to bring her the juicy story she demanded. She turned angrily to her printer. "That's it! Gabby Gums is out of time." She tossed the blackmail to her printer. "Run these instead! I want this paper on every street corner in Ponyville!" she said, slamming her hoof on the desk in emphasis. The printer gave a salute. "Yes, Ma'am!"

SLAM!

"FAWFUL DEMANDS THE PRESSES BE STOPPED!"

Both ponies in the room stared quizzically at their new guest. A strange creature they've never seen before holding a stack of papers in it's, or his, as Diamond Tiara guessed, hands. "Uh, they haven't started yet..." the printer replied. Tiara raised an eyebrow at the guest. "Who are you? You don't go to this school. Get out before I tell Miss Cheerilee on you!" Despite her threat, the stranger continued to stride forward. "I am Fawful, and I have the juiciest of stories in my hands! Juicier than a watermelon inside a mound of jellybeans, created by a factory that is juicy!" Diamond Tiara still didn't like his presence, but she hesitated at the mention of a juicy story. "What could POSSIBLY be juicier than blackmail on those three blank-flanks?"

The visitor dropped his papers upon her desk. "THIS!" he simply exclaimed. She looked down at the papers to examine the column prepared on them. As she continued reading, her smile grew wider, like that of a madpony. "I like it," she replied, as she tossed them to the printer. "Print THESE instead. He's right, this IS juicier. But another question..." She turned to her story bringer. "Is it true?" He simply broadened his smile before replying, "As true as the glasses upon my amazing face." She put a hoof to her chin. "Say, what's your name again?"

He chuckled at her statement. "I am Fawful. Meanest of beans!" Diamond gave a sly smile to her guest. "So, Mr. Fawful, how would YOU like to be the new Gaby Gums? It looks like the best position for you, as long as you keep bringing me juicier stories." Fawful quickly lept across the table to take a stand to her right side and draped an arm over her shoulder. "Fawful would LOVE the position if he was not in the middle of a much larger goal." Although this kind of contact was WAY out of her comfort zone, this visitor continued to intrigue her. "What kind of goals?"

He quickly turned to the printer. "Would you please excuse us? This talk is about to become very private." The white pony glanced around a bit in confusion. "Uh, ok." He was out in seconds. Whatever was going on in there, he didn't want to be a part of. "Now," he continued, jumping down to pace around the floor a bit, "Mrs. Editor, what has your life dream always been?" Diamond Tiara thought for a long moment, looking up in thought. "Well, I've always wanted to be a princess. It sounds like the perfect job for me," she said proudly, striking a fancy pose. Fawful chuckled in amusement. "What if Fawful said he could make you a princess?"

Diamond Tiara stared at him in disbelief. "What? How can you do that?" Fawful, once again, unsheathed his star-pistol, as he now called it, and held it high. "WITH FAWFUL'S GENIUS, OF COURSE!" She admired his device with beaming eyes, wondering what it could do. "So can that think make me a princess?" Fawful let loose a wild laugh. "Not yet! If you follow my instructions, however, then Fawful will succeed in making you royalty! But not just ANY royalty, oh no! YOU will rule by my side in Canterlot Castle one this is all done!" Diamond's eyes began to look as if they were sparkling with awe. To be a princess was one thing, but in Canterlot Castle? Surely this was but a dream! "So what are we waiting for? What's the first step in this plan?"

Fawful gazed out at the sun, just over the horizon. "First, the paper must not be be brought to the public yet. Second, I must be pointed in the direction of the nearest informational resources available!" Tiara gave a confused look. "Why can't the papers be published now? It's SUCH a good story!" He quickly turned back to her. "Do not question Fawful! I have a perfect plan and it must be followed if it is to work, understand?" His now partner in crime facehoofed. "Of course, sorry about that, Fawful. And for step two, If it's info you need, I guess you can go to the town library. It looks like a tree carved into a house." Fawful nodded to her. "Fawful thanks you. Fawful knows this will be a great partnership." He lept to the window with extreme agility. Before leaving, however, he turned to his partner once more. "By the way, what is your name?" She smiled. "Diamond Tiara." Fawful grew his smile a bit. "Well then, Diamond, Fawful will return soon. So long!" And in a blur, he was gone.

Twilight hummed to herself as she finished organizing the last if the book that lined the library's shelves. After all, It's not like she had anything else to do today. If she stepped outside, those three fillies would probably try to give her the latest scoop on whatever column they wrote this time. She frowned inwardly at the thought. They had already caused enough trouble with their gossip. She hopes there would be no paper today.

Resisting her urge to see if any of the books were out of place so she could reorganize again to pass the time, she peered out the window. Surprising enough, she didn't see anything she feared to. The papers weren't even out the way they probably would've left them when they remembered her forcefield, leaving the space in front of her house completely empty. What she did notice, however, was a familiar blue pegasus speeding towards the library. She quickly dissipated the forcefield and allowed her friend to enter through the front door. "Hi Rainbow Dash." she greeted as the door swung open. Dash quickly galloped over to Twilight. She glanced around with cautiousness as she spoke, "Hey Twilight, I saw something weird this morning. You're NOT going to believe it."