Going Backwards

The news of Princess Twilight Sparkle’s mortality spread like wildfire.

All throughout Equestria, the same squeals of disbelief and shouts of surprise echoed all throughout the country.

“Princess Twilight gave up her immortality?!?”

“Are you serious?”

“Is that even allowed?”

“What is she thinking?!?”

As  temporary resident in the Canterlot royal castle, with Celestia Sunbutt and Loony Lulu, Discord had heard the news long before the rest of the land.

In fact, it was Sunbutt herself who told him.

“Wait, wait, Tia, hold on a mo,” he interrupted her, his paw and claw waving to get her to stop. “So you’re telling me that Twilight Sparkle wants to, for lack of a better word, die?”

Celestia winced, and for once, Discord hadn’t meant to make her do that. He was simply stunned. Most ponies would be thrilled for the status that Twilight now held…And to live forever, never having to face the fear of the unknown?

Then again, Twilight hated it when she didn’t know things.

“She is the Princess of Friendship,” her angelic voice said, regaining her composure after Discord’s abrupt truth. “She wishes to live her life with her friends and loved ones, and follow them to the next world when the time comes,” she answered, her face somber but wise. “She came to me yesterday with the request to help her rid of her immortality, and I…”

She swallowed, her eyes suddenly closed, holding back tears.

“I have to let her go, one day.”

Discord gulped, suddenly not sure what to do with the situation. It was obvious that Celestia adored Twilight—the newly-dubbed Alicorn Princess was so much more than just her “most faithful student.” She was her friend, her family.

Twilight was like a daughter to her.

“Well...So what?” he retorted harshly, crossing his arms and huffing at her. “You shouldn’t have helped her, Tia. You’re always going on about how one should always fulfill his or her responsibilities and yadda yadda yadda. If she’s a princess, then she has to live forever! I didn’t make the rules—I despise rules, you know that—but that’s how it is. How could you just let her drop it like that? How will she ever get all her princess duties fulfilled if she only lives for another eighty years?”

“I had to!” Celestia shouted, before she suddenly collapsed onto the floor, hoofs against her eyes. Suddenly, the Princess of the Sun was just like any pony, crying so hard that she was unable to keep still and trembled, the weight of the world too heavy for her withers.

“I had to…”

Once again, Discord was stunned—this time more so than before. He had never seen Celestia like this. She had always been so strong, so calm, so composed…

And now that he was reformed, the impossible had happened. He was now friends with his greatest enemy…This peaceful, wise mare who had lived as long as he, and he felt bad.

“Well…” he started to say, and leaned down on his knees, awkwardly patting her head. “It’s…It’s all right, Celestia. Now, now…Just...Um…” He had no idea what to say next.

“Why…?” she rasped, having troubling breathing due to heavy sobbing. “Why do I have to watch everyone go…? Every year, no matter what, I have to say goodbye to somepony…Somepony that I used to know, used to care for….It’s so difficult…And I…I was hoping…”

She hid herself behind her hoofs and mane, which struck Discord even harder in the chest. It was a gesture that reminded him of Fluttershy when she was in distress, and that was a resemblance he really didn’t care for.

He sighed. He lowered his eyes to her. “You were hoping Twilight would stay so you wouldn’t have to say goodbye, weren’t you? Because she’s more important to you than most other ponies…Besides, perhaps, your sister…”

Her crying grew quieter, but she said nothing. To him, that was as good as an answer as anything.

He sat down on his haunches. “Listen, Tia…I’m no good at this comforting business, and I don’t even know how to put myself ‘in your hooves’, as ponies like to say…But, uh…Listen, I’m….”

His lips trembled as he tried to find the words. He wondered if saying them would wound him more than this mare’s stupid tears had. He cursed Fluttershy in his head for giving him a conscience.

“I may have been…A little harsh…That is, to say, I could have…”

Celestia’s crying finally stopped, and she slowly lifted her head to look at him, rubbing her eyes and sweeping her hair away from her face to compose herself more. She stared at him, wondering if he was actually going to do it.

“Go on,” she prodded gently, some crystalline tears still hanging onto her long lashes like a chandelier.

“I’m…” He took a giant breath, his chest expanding in size. “I’m sorry. Okay?!? I’m sorry. Honest to Applejack!” he said, putting his hands up.

She sniffed and gave him a small smile. “Thank you,” she said, slowly bringing herself to sit on her haunches. “I forgive you, Discord. I know that was hard for you to say.” Then she let herself smirk. “Even though it took you so long just to get the words out. Was it really all that difficult?”

He growled, and got back up, floating on his back and crossing his arms again. “Hey, cut me some slack, Sunbutt,” he sneered.  “At least I said it, didn’t I? I was trying  to be a good friend like dear Fluttershy always tells me to, and all you do is scoff at me! Well, whatever, lady! You can cry about Princess Twilight Falafel all you want; see if I care.”

He spun around and refused to look at her. “Stupid Sunbutt.”

She finally was able to laugh, feeling less weighed down by the world and able to stand on her hooves. “Forgive me, Discord.” She put a hoof on his shoulder, and was happy when he didn’t shove it away. “It was very sweet of you. I feel much better.”

“Oh, blech!” he groaned, meeting her eyes again. “Don’t think much of it, Tia, you old goat. I just absolutely despise crying. It’s so boring. I just thought you looked so pathetic, that even I couldn’t let it go on. I had to apologize just to get you to shut up!”

She only shook her head. “Either way, thank you. It’s nice to know that Fluttershy has had such an effect on you.”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“I think you do.”

“…”

“But you have to understand,” she started again. “You have to understand why Twilight gave up her immortality. Don’t you realize why? Or do you need yet another lesson in friendship?”

“Ugh, not this again,” he complained, and conjured up a chili-pepper-and-mothball pizza—with limburger cheese—to chomp on. All the news of the day had made him hungry. “Spare me the details and just get to the point, Tia. Are you saying that Twilight didn’t want immortality because…Oh, I don’t know, because she already had a retirement plan?”

Celestia could only sigh. As far as she could see, there was only one way she could get Discord to understand.

Her horn flaring with magic, an already-opened envelope conjured in front of her. “Discord, do you remember this letter you sent me, when you stayed in Ponyville for a week to celebrate Hearth’s Warming?”

The letter floated out, along with two pictures. One was of himself with all seven of his friends, the Mane Six separated into threes at both of his sides, with Spike sitting atop of his head, his small legs dangling between Discord’s antler and horn. A wreath sat around Discord’s neck.

The second was of him and Fluttershy. It looked as if Discord had taken it himself, one arm around Fluttershy with the other shooting out of the picture, obviously holding the camera. He had a grin on his face, his tongue lolling out, and Fluttershy was shown smiling sweetly, looking at Discord, obviously overjoyed to see her friend so happy.

“Ah, those are my favorites!” he said, grabbing the photos out in the air. “The wreath was a mite itchy, but oh, I really think it adds a little something to the overall setting, don’t you think? And Spike made quite the hat, to top it all of.”

He blinked, and then laughed. “Ah, I made a pun! Get it? Top it all off? Ha.”

Celestia politely laughed, and watched him look at the next picture.

“Ah, me and my Flutterbuddy,” he said smiling. “The best selfie in all of Equestria! We make quite handsome visage, do we not, what with my roguish good looks and her soft features? In fact, why don’t you have this framed in the castle? Both of these pictures would give these dull gray walls a bit of color!”

He snapped his fingers, and the two pictures suddenly appeared on the wall, framed, right next to a palace window.

“There; much better than those garish stained glass windows. Really, Tia, I think you should allow Rarity to—“

She put a hoof onto his lips, smiling and trying to get him to stop talking. “Discord.”

He raised an eyebrow at her, and moved the hoof away from him. “How rude, Sunbutt. Interrupting me like that! What now?”

“I want you to imagine something for me…and I want you to remember the feelings you had while you looked at these photos,” she said, gesturing towards them. “I want you to imagine all the good times you’ve spent with your friends in this past year, since you truly reformed.”

He only raised his brow higher as he stroked his beard. “Is this a therapy session, Celestia? Because you can poke and prod at mine noggin all you wish…”

The top of his head opened like a cap, and the gray-pink mass that was his brain poked out. He poked at it, squishing it and making Celestia frown slightly, trying not to show her disgust.

“But you really won’t get anywhere. I’m crazy, you know.”

She sighed. “You’re not crazy…”

“No, I’m just a little unwell.”

“Either way,” she said, her mouth now a stiff, straight line instead of a slight smile, “I want you to do it. Please…Just humor me, this one time.”

“Ugh,” he groaned, and he snapped his fingers. A chair appeared for Celestia, and a couch for him. He laid against it, and put both paw and claw behind his head, relaxed but pouting.

“Fine, Sigmund Freud. Have at it. But if you’re wondering, no; I’ve never felt threatened by my father’s masculinity; I never had one!”

Celestia sighed. “Discord, you really must be careful when referring to subjects of other dimensions…”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever…It’s only you and me here,” he said, waving her warning off. “Nopony will found out about the human world, or any of the others. We’ll keep your happy little kingdom of happy little ponies blissfully unaware of the world and keep their minds inside the nice tidy box that is Equestria.”

Another sigh. She needed to change the subject. “Discord.”

“Celestia.”

“Your friends…”

All of a sudden her throat got tight. She knew that he wasn’t an idiot; he was immortal, they were not. It was a fact everypony knew.

The problem was, he needed to acknowledge it. The ponies of Equestria weren’t the only ones who believed that ignorance was bliss.

“You know…” She turned her head, unable to look at him. Normally, eye contact wasn’t hard for her, even in the direst of circumstances. But this was different. This was someone who had to face the same hard truths as she did, someone who knew what it was like to be considered godlike…

“They’ll die someday, Discord.”

She closed her eyes in sorrow, but heard nothing from him. After a minute of this, she opened them back up and looked back at him, sitting up straighter in her chair.

He only stared at her.

“Discord?”

“Celestia.”

It took all her strength not to roll her eyes at him. He would cause a déjà vu moment such as this.

“Any thoughts?”

“Oh, always, Celestia. I’m always thinking.”

“But on what I just said?”

He sat up and laid his eagle arm across the top of his couch, cocking an eyebrow at her. “What about it? You think me an imbecile, Celestia? I know they’ll die one day. That’s how it is for anyone who isn’t like us. Really, I don’t know what you’re expecting from me.”

He stood up. “You hope I’ll burst out crying? Hope I’ll wail to the heavens, begging some higher power to let me keep my friends, my only friends, the first to accept me, from dying? Expect me to delve into some deep, dark state of depression as I imagine myself watching them age for years and years, getting wrinkles and gray hair, having trouble crossing the street, wobbling and falling and remembering the good ol’ days, while I just stay the same?”

His voice grew louder. “You expect me to start dreading the days where I have to say goodbye to each of them, and visit them in the graveyard? Never to race with Rainbow Dash, gossip with Rarity, prank with Pinkie Pie, cook with Applejack, eat gems with Spike, practice magic with Twilight? Tear my hair apart at the thought of never seeing Fluttershy again, or hearing her voice, with my only memories of her being mere photographs?”

He puffed his chest. “Well, you are mistaken, dear Celestia! I do not have such feelings. Friendship may be magic and blah blah blah, but I don’t let these things bother me, because I have better things to do!”

He growled and then sat himself back down. “So there. Disappointed?”

Celestia only sat there, frowning, her heart aching for him. “No, Discord.” Her frown grew deeper. “Not at all.”

She stood up and magicked Discord’s chair away before taking one more look at him, concern in her large, brilliant  eyes. “I just wanted to make sure you were faring alright.”

“Well, I am—I’m doing very well! Fluttershy invited me down to the cottage today, and I’m to see her at noon. So I’m fantastic.”

“Well…” She glanced at the sun, noting it’s position in the sky. “It’s almost noon now.”

“Oh, is it?” A watch suddenly appeared on his wrist, with a little cartoon Discord pointing at the numbers eleven and nine on its face. “Oh, you’re right! Meh, Celestia, you just had to take up my time and distract me, didn’t you? You know if you wanted to spend time alone with me, you could have just asked, instead of quizzing me on things with obvious answers.”

She allowed a small smile to grace her lips, masking the sadness that she felt inside.

“I’ll keep that in mind, Discord. I’ll see you in time, I suppose.”

“Mmmm, yeah, maybe. I might crash at Fluttershy’s place if she lets me…Which she probably will. It’s getting so boring over here, after all. So I guess I’ll see ya later, Sunbutt! Send me a note if you suddenly yearn for my company. I might pity you enough to reply.”

She laughed. “Of course. So long, old friend.”

“Ciao, toots.” He decked on a pair of classes, pink and sparkly with light up blue polka dots all around the frame. “And Tia?”

“Yes, Discord?”

“No one likes a sad sack; lighten up, hmm?” He grinned mischievously. “Besides, frowning brings out the wrinkles in your face!”

She gave him a playful swat with a hoof, and he cackled while making the window disappear. He flew out, snapping the window back into place as he reached the clouds.

Celestia watched him fly away, and a ray of light from her sun seemed to reach through the window and caress her, giving her a glow that made her seem all the more transcendent.

Her eyes grew glassy as she watched him disappear, a speck in the blue of the sky.

“I’m going to lose you next, aren’t I?”