Alone

by Nyronus

Rating: teen
Tags: Princess Luna, Rainbow Dash, Sex, Twilight Sparkle, Main 6, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 3886

Rainbow Dash can't be asexual... can she?

Alone. That's a scary word. Luckily, it's not something Rainbow Dash has to be afraid of. Element of Harmony, Wonderbolt to be, idol to colts and fillies, and all around radical. No, Dash isn't alone. She's completely awesome. There really isn't anything she can't do. Which is why this whole mess is just so dumb. Twilight doesn't know what she's talking about. Dash is perfectly fine, better than fine when you think about it. She really just can't be something as... as uncool as an asexual.

... Can she?

(Rated Teen for somewhat frank discussions of sexuality)
(Pre-Read and Edited by the dream team of SoloBrony, Pwnego, Ghost of Heraclitus, and the Wizard of Words. Thanks guys.)

Published 2014-08-12 09:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2014-08-12 09:20:02 UTC

Chapter 1 - Aversion

“Really?” Applejack asked, quirking an eyebrow. “You, into mares?”

“Mmm, why of course dear,” Rarity replied, stretching out on the sleeping bag, one of six as well as a mess of assorted blankets and pillows scattered across the boutique floor.

Applejack snorted in reply.

“Well, I'll be. The way you threw yourself at... well, that stallion, I never would have guessed.”

“No, not all,” Rarity giggled, “I admit, stallions are more my forte, but that does not leave me above appreciating the fairer sex.” As she finished she grinned, leaning back as she shook her shoulders for just a second and her tail gave and appreciative flick.

Rainbow Dash broke out laughing.

“Oh geez Rarity, are we going to have to put a leash on you?”

“I-I beg your pardon?” Rarity blinked rapidly.

“I just had no idea you were such a hound. I mean, cripes, I'm a mare's mare, but geez, you were actually shaking.” Rainbow Dash, amused at her own commentary, broke out laughing again. Rarity's face as flush, her mouth flapping as she tried to find something to say to that.

“Rainbow!” Applejack said. “That was uncalled for and you know it. Apologize.”

“Okay, okay. I was just pulling her leg. Although I probably shouldn't, she might start drooling.” The final word came out as a squeak before she burst out laughing again.

“That's enough!” Applejack was on her hooves in a second. Pinkie flinched and Fluttershy dived under her pillow. Rainbow Dash reflexively sprung onto all fours as well. “One more word and I'll-”

“Everypony calm down!” Rarity shouted, bringing everyone to a halt. “Just... please! This is supposed to be a friendly little slumber party, not some... barnyard brawl to defend my honor.” She looked back and forth at Rainbow Dash and Applejack. Both were still tense but embarrassment had replaced anger on their faces at least. Rarity rolled her eyes and sighed, her horn lighting up. “Sit.” she said. Without warning the sleeping bags under each of them retreated, depositing both of them on their rumps simultaneously. Applejack and Rainbow Dash, embarrassed, tried not to look at anypony. Silence reigned for a few moments.

“Hey Rarity?”

“Yes?”

“Sorry for making fun of you. I was only teasing, didn't want to hurt you.”

“It's fine Rainbow Dash. Ponies just tend to be sensitive about that sort of thing. I know you didn't mean any harm.”

“Thanks.”

“It's alright dear.”

“Rainbow?”

“Yeah?”

“Sorry about getting all angry like that. I was just... I saw you was hurting Rarity is all. Got me wound up.”

“Yeah, no, I get you. I was being a bit of a hoof. We cool?”

“Yeah, we're cool.”

“Cool.”

And with that, the tension evaporated. Everyone smiled and relaxed into their pillows. Save for one pony. Twilight, silent through the whole scene, stared downward, brow furrowed in concentration.

Rarity sighed, relaxing.

“Well, now that that's settled, anyone else wish to talk about something other than how hot and bothered a proper lady can make me?”

“Well, I-” Fluttershy began.

“Rainbow Dash, do you think you're an asexual?”

Dead silence reigned. Five pairs of eyes stared at Twilight. For a second Twilight stared at Dash then, as if suddenly aware other ponies were in the room, Twilight jerked in surprise, and then blushed and cleared her throat.

“I mean, uh,” she gulped, “Sorry? I uh. You don't have to answer if you don't want to.” Twilight turned. “Sorry, Fluttershy.”

“It's okay.”

“Um,” Dash began, looking around. “Uh, no. No Twilight. I... I'm not. Can't be.”

“Oh,” Twilight said, turning her head. “It's just Rarity's physical reaction was pretty mild as I understand it, so your overreaction might be indicative of someone who doesn't experience sexual attraction.”

“It's a silly question Twilight. I'm not asexual. I want to have sex. Hell, I want to have sex with mares AND stallions. That's, like, about as opposite of asexual as you can get.”

“That's not what being asexual means Dash. It's a pony who doesn't feel sexual attraction.”

“I just told you I did.”

“No, you told me you wanted to have sex. It's not the same.”

“How is it not the same!?”

“Wanting to have sex and sexual attraction are not the same thing Dash. Sexual attraction is a physical reaction to seeing a pony we find attractive. A rush of energy, sweating, shaking, sexual hunger, for pegasi there can be tension in the wings-”

“'Tension in the wings?' Really Twilight, wingboners?” Dash laughed, disbelieving. “Ponies don't get wingboners Twilight-”

“-Um-”

Twilight groaned.

“'Wingboner' is slang for a more extreme form of that reaction, but that's not the point-”

“Really? You shouldn't have learned anatomy from trashy novels or dirty comics, Twilight.”

“-I did not! Look, Cloudkicker talks about them.”

“Cloudkicker is worse than the dirty comics, Twilight.”

“Sometimes I-”

“Girls!” Rarity interjected. “Please, calm down.”

A loud gasp filled the room.

“SometimeswhenI'mallaloneandIthinkaboutastallionIreallylikemywingsdogetstiffI'msorryRainbowI'mnotafreakamIpleaseforgiveme.”

Everyone turned and stared at Fluttershy.

“I mean...” Fluttershy said, panting. “Uh...”

And with that she dived beneath her covers.

Pinkie and Rarity were on her in an instant. The two of them beginning to pet her and coo, calming her down. Dash stared on in confusion and horror.

“I'm... I'm not a freak Twi.” She said. “Can't be.”

“No one said you were, sugar-cube.” Applejack said. “Though you been mighty close to making that accusation a few times tonight yourself.”

“I-I didn't mean-”

“I'm not the one you need to say sorry to.”

“I just-” She looked at Fluttershy, then Twilight, at a loss.

Twilight sat and thought about for a long moment, rubbing her chin.

“Dash, I think I know how to resolve this.”

“I mean, it's already resolved Twilight. I'm not asexual. I don't mean to offend anyone else, but I'm not.”

“Dash I want you to tell me the truth-”

“-I am-”

“-the truth, Dash, when I ask you this question. When you see a pony you really find attractive, is it anything at all like flying?”

“What? That doesn't even make sense Twilight.”

“Is that a no?”

“No-it, look, Twilight, this is stupid. I'm not asexual, I want to have sex.”

“I told you that's not what that word meant.”

“I like clopping, okay Twilight? Happy?! I can't be asexual.”

“That's not what that means either Rainbow Dash. Just answer the question.”

“It's a stupid question! I'm not asexual!”

“Then answer it and prove me wrong!”

“No!” Rainbow Dash leapt to her hooves. “Fine! No! Are you happy?! No, looking at a sexy pony is not like flying. It's so stupid to even think it is. Not to mention the whole sexy thing is overrated anyway!” Dash shook her head. “Sun above. Are you happy now?”

Twilight looked anything but happy. She looked… scared.

“Dash, part of sexual attraction is an adrenal reaction. So, that means if you felt it, you should recognize it as something similar to flying... I really think you're asexual Dash.”

“I told you to stop calling me that!” Dash barked. “It's a stupid word. 'Asexual.' I'm not a freak! Okay?! I'm not!”

“Dash, being an asexual isn't freakish.”

“I don't care! You're wrong! You're wrong. You're wrong... You're...” Dash's eyes filled with tears. “Buck this,” and with that she leaped over Rarity and bolted for the door. The others were on their hooves.

“Dash!”

“Hey! What are you-”

“No, Dashie, wait!”

“Dash, none of us-”

“I'm sorry-”

The slamming of a door was all that answered them.

~*~*~*~

Dash sat alone on a cloud, muzzle buried in her forehooves, glaring at the ground like a gargoyle.

“Dash!” a voice echoed in the distance.

Dash ignored it.

“Dash!” It was getting louder. Dash curled deeper into her cloud.

There was a flash of purple light and a loud pop and suddenly something purple and flailing its wings was hovering over Rainbow Dash's head.

“Dash,” Twilight said between pants. “Sorry-” pant “-I-” pant “-didn't mean-” pant “-to upset-” pant “-can you-” pant “-forgive me?”

Dash closed her eyes and sighed into her legs, swallowing her anger.

“Yeah, sure, Twi.”

“Good, mind if I-” pant “-sit down?”

“Sure, Twi.” Dash said, smiling. She sat up, using her hooves to stretch out the cloud some so Twilight could lay down. With a sigh of relief the purple alicorn gave a most unprincess-like flop onto the cloud. It was at that point that Dash saw the satchel slung over her shoulder.

“What's that?”

“Just some books,” Twilight said, in-between catching her breaths.

“Of course,” Dash said, smiling. She then turned away and frowned. “Hey Twi? Sorry about bailing. I really lost my cool. I... got picked on a lot as a kid for a lot of dumb reasons. Sometimes... I don’t like it when ponies tell me there is something I can’t do. When...”

“No, Dash, I understand.” Twilight said, sighing, half with regret and half with relaxation. “I really shouldn't have pushed the issue. Especially not in public. I got caught up in arguing with you, it's...” she smiled. “My bad, okay?”

“I think we both screwed up and now we're both even. Deal?”

“Deal.”

Dash reached out a hoof and Twilight lifted hers into the air. With an audible clap the two struck hooves, sealing the mutual apology. The two relaxed and turned, staring away in different directions. Twilight at the sky, Dash at the village below. Dash shifted after a moment before looking over at her friend again.

“Sooo, Twi, what's with the book bag?”

“Hmm? Oh. I wanted to give you the books I had on the subject of sexuality.”

“You have books on this?”

“Of course I do. No matter what the subject a good library should have reference material. Plus, I had reason to get all these out. See, I heard about asexuality from Bonbon. Lyra is asexual as it turns out, so once I discussed it with them I went and did some research, including corresponding with Cadance on the issue, and she recommended to me several books, a few of which are in that bag. Now, I recommend starting with Ace Visibility's book. It's probably the best on the subject matter and covers the topics -”

“Woah, woah egghand. Calm down, okay? I'll read the books.”

“Sorry,” Twilight said, rubbing her head. “Uh, here.” Without another word her horn glowed and lifted the satchel off of her shoulders and placed it on Rainbow Dash's. Dash sat up, picking up the bag in her forehooves, turning it over and staring at it like it was some kind creature she found crawling through the mud at a lakeshore.

“You really think I'm asexual, huh? Even though I... like... clop and stuff?”

“Asexuality isn't about wanting to have sex or masturbating or not. It's about whether or not you have sexual attraction. It's... what fits, I think, given what you've said.” Twilight paused. “There's nothing wrong with it, Dash.”

“Yeah, I know, I just...” Dash suddenly felt a hoof on her shoulders.

“It's okay Dash. We're your friends. We'll be here for you, no matter how many wingboners you don't have!” Twilight pulled her into a hug. Dash, surprised, hugged back.

“Thanks, Twi.” She said, her expression softening.

“No problem.” Twilight said back. She then pulled away. “Now, come on. Rarity said we'd start the smores when we got back.”

“Oh, now that's just cheating.”

“We better get going then.”

“Race you!”

“What? No! Rainbow Dash! Wait! I'm tired!”

Rainbow Dash took to the air, quickly outpacing a weary and late Twilight.

No matter how fast or high she flew though, the weight of the bag was constant on her shoulder.

Author's Note

For those that are curious, yes, "Ace Visibility" is a pun on AVEN

Chapter 2 - Acceptance

“No. No. No. No.”

Dash ran, spitting out the word with every breath. Darkness was all around her. Faded figures, ponies, ambled through the darkness, standing out starkly against the black. Dash ran to the closest, a pegasus colt.

“Please!” She shouted, taking to the air, hoof outstretched. “Please!”

The figure looked at her, sneered, and vanished.

Dash landed, bolting at a unicorn mare, reaching out as she got close. The mare turned, snarled in disgust.

“No! Don't go!”

The mare vanished all the same.

“Please! Please stay!”

The earth pony colt snorted and became nothing.

“Please don't leave me!”

Another vanished.

“Please, please, please, I swear I'm not a freak!” Tears were running down her face now.

Another.

“Please!” Her voice was hoarse now. Everything was blurring.

Another.

“Please, please don't leave me alone!” She pleaded, she sobbed.

One after another, they all vanished. No matter how far she ran, they all scorned her, and then became nothing. Dash, screaming, ran blindly ahead at any shape, blubbering, begging, pleading. They all vanished.

“HALT RAINBOW DASH!”

And then Dash smashed into something.

Strong, warm, legs wrapped around her and she on instinct latched onto whoever she had crashed into. Dash felt wind and heard the flapping of great wings as the cool air washed away the stagnant heat of the sweat and darkness. Soon she felt a cloud under her as her savior landed, clutching her like a foal. She didn't let go though, sobbing into the shoulder of whoever had come to her rescue.

“Do not fear, Rainbow Dash. I'm here. You are safe now.”

“I'm s-s-s-orr-r-r-y.”

“It is alright, Rainbow Dash. There is no need for shame. It was a nightmare, nothing more. You are safe now. It is alright.”

Dash shuddered for a moment, and then opened her eyes, looking up at who had saved her.

“Luna?”

“Yes, Rainbow Dash, it is I. You were having a dreadful nightmare, so I came to your aid.”

“Ah, I-” Dash snorted, trying to gain control of her leaking face, “-I gotcha.”

Luna looked at her for a moment and then snorted a laugh.

“As I said Rainbow Dash, there is no need for shame. Though it was a dream, in the moment we feel helpless to their power. I was glad to help.” She smiled. “Now, what is wrong my little pony?”

“Uh,” Dash looked away, “Uh, nothing.”

Luna frowned.

“Dreams are equal measure fancy and memory, but a nightmares such as these are rarely 'nothing,' believe me. As long as the fear that gave it birth remains in your heart, so too will the nightmare and its sisters stalk your dreams.” Luna lifted Dash up and placed her down, seeming smaller than she had before. “Now, Rainbow Dash, if you cannot tell me what is that troubles you, you must find someone to speak with upon waking. I can walk only so many dreams each night. I cannot protect you from yourself forever, especially if you do not wish to be helped.”

Dash looked away from the princess in shame, rubbing her forehooves together. She looked up and out to see a wild mountain-scape under the moonlight and a starlit sky where darkness had been before. She sighed and looked down at the cloud between her and Luna.

“I... I think I'm an asexual, and that scares me.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“Asexual, a pony who doesn't like sex.”

“Well... do you like sex?”

“Yes-well-no-I-” Dash groaned in frustration, grabbing her head. “That's not what that word means.”

Luna frowned.

“Well, what does it mean then?”

“It...” Dash shook her head, and then breathed in deeply. “It's... apparently, whenever a pony sees another pony they think is really smoking hot they get all riled and nervous and excited and I never do. I always thought when I saw that in a cartoon or in a comic it was because the author was being silly or the character was a pervert but NO, it turns out I'm the weird one just because I don't get all wound up around other ponies like some kind of untrained puppy!” Dash ended her rant, staring off at the mountains, glaring at them as if daring them to talk back. She closed her eyes and sighed.

“I... see.”

“And I keep making a real jerk of myself by saying things like that. I hurt Rarity and Fluttershy's feelings because that's what I believed and I just don't know anymore.” Dash looked up at the sky. “I feel alone. I don't know if any other ponies will accept me. I know some asexuals like sex, but what if -I- don't? What if I hate it? What if... what if my special somepony dumps me because it turns out I hate sex? What if I can never find anyone? What if...” tears began streaming down Dash's cheeks as she lowered her head. “What if I am a freak and I'm all alone?”

Luna sat there, watching her through the entire speech, a sad frown on her face. As Dash faded into silent tears she reached out a wing, pulling Dash close.

“Shh, shh, my dear. It is alright.”

“I’ve been… it’s been weeks and it keeps bugging me. I'm just such a crybaby.”

“Shush. Do not feel shame, your fear is a real one. Just let it go until you are ready.”

Dash shook her head.

“I'm fine. I'm... fine.”

“Alright then,” Luna said, letting Dash go and sitting up. Dash looked lost for a moment before looking up at Luna.

“What do I do?”

“Well, for one, if you fear your asexuality could drive others away, you could find other asexual ponies and date them.”

Dash blinked, shocked.

“But,” Luna went on, “I do not think that would be necessary.” Luna leaned back, rubbing her chin. Finally she nodded, before looking back down at Rainbow Dash, smiling.

“Before I go on, Rainbow Dash, there is something you must know.”

“Okay.” Dash nodded.

“If you find a lover, and it becomes true that sex is not something you care for, if they reject you then they are not worthy of your love. Do you understand me? A true special somepony accepts another pony into their heart, wholly. If sex is not part of who you are, Rainbow Dash, then no pony can demand it of you and still claim to want your love and respect. A true special somepony will accept that, because sex or no sex, you, Rainbow Dash, are a treasure immeasurable.”

“I... uh...” Dash blushed. “Thank you?”

“What I say is yours. I give it freely because it is the truth.”

Dash looked away, rubbing the back of her head.

“Now... as for everything else... hmmm.” Luna stood up, staring off and twisting her lip as she thought. “Hmmm, I had warned her that they may cause problems”

“Hmmm?”

Luna say laid down, folding her legs under her.

“I had a conversation with Twilight Sparkle one evening regarding the modern understanding of sex. She had told me that in this day Ponies have whole dictionaries to describe their tastes now. Heterosexual and Homosexual and Bisexual and others besides. Scales and numbers, and charts, and all of these other things, and it baffled me. During the days before... well, before my nightmares came to life, we had words for the act of a mare sleeping with a mare or stallion, or for when a stallion slept with a mare or stallion, but we did not make up words for mares or stallions who slept either mares or stallions, for there were no words needed to describe them beyond ‘ponies.’ The idea of labeling ponies based on a choice like gender attraction-it never even crossed our minds, because ponies are ponies, no matter whom they loved, and that, Rainbow Dash, is something I think you should consider. This word, asexuality? It is just that. A word.” Luna lifted her forehoof. “And you, are Rainbow Dash,” Luna placed her hoof on Dash's chest, “a pony. This word may describe you, or it may not, but that is all it can do: describe. Have you changed, Rainbow Dash, because you now have a new way to describe yourself?”

“...N-no, I guess not?”

“Indeed. You were always the way you were, 'asexual,' before the word and you shall be so after. Nothing more, and nothing less. Everything you believed about yourself, what you wanted, none of that can be changed by knowing this word unless you let it. If you would have hated sex, or loved it, you would have done so before you heard this word. You now just have a clearer way to describe something about yourself.”

“But it makes me different. I now know I'm different.”

Luna nodded in reply.

“And that is true. You are different from many other ponies. You are fierce, loyal, brave, driven, kind, ambitious. I have not seen a flier like you before or after I was banished. These are not qualities everypony has, Rainbow Dash, and very few all at once.” She smiled. “We are, in short, all different.”

Dash looked away, nervous. Luna's smile faded slightly as she stood.

“I do understand though-how hard it can be to know you are apart from all the others, and now I too know the fear of worrying that there are things about oneself beyond one's surety and awareness, which may cause me and the ones I love pain and fear.” As Luna spoke her head lowered, and seemingly unnoticed a shadow passed over and behind her. “But, Rainbow Dash, whatever may happen to you in the future, you and I now both have a very powerful advantage over our fears and our loneliness.”

“And what's that?” Dash looked up and stopped short in surprise.

Standing beside Luna was a rainbow of color. White, Purple, Orange, Yellow, Lavender, and so much pink. Rarity, Applejack, Fluttershy, Twilight and Pinkie Pie. They sat in a circle connecting her and Luna.

Her friends.

Luna smiled.

“Our friends. Each other included, I hope.”

Rainbow Dash let out a sound caught somewhere between a laugh, a snort, a sigh, and sob. She looked away and then suddenly chuckled.

“Thanks... thanks, princess.”

“Please, Rainbow Dash, call me Luna.”

“Fine, but only if you call me ‘the Dashster.’”

Luna stopped for a second, slightly confused, and shrugged.

“Very well then, what the Dashster wishes she shall have.”

Dash began bawling with laughter. Luna was not entirely sure why.

“'Dash or Rainbow is fine... Luna.”

Luna's head recoiled and shook slightly as she stared, confused.

“Very well then... Rainbow.” Luna closed her eyes and leaned back slightly. “I must leave you soon, but take my words to heart. Your friends will be there for you as will, in the end, whomever is worthy of your love.” Luna took to the air as the whole world began to bend around her and the moon behind her. “If you still fear, go to your friends for help, and when we cross paths again in the waking world tell me of your life and of your love, Dash!”

“And if you ever need me to rough up a dragon or two for you, princess - Luna - just point me in the right direction and I'll set them straight!”

Luna laughed as the whole world blurred into her lighted silhouette.

“Very well Dash, fare thee well!”

“You too!”

And with that, there was a flash of light and Rainbow woke up.