The Totally Awesome Story of Doom Darkblood Celestion Awesomeness Nightblade, the Red and Black Alicorn
The Best and Coincedentally Only Chapter
Author's Note
Hi! pinklover12 here! This is my first ever fimfiction story, so please take it easy. Also, remember that this is a joke, and nothing is to be taken seriously. Hope you enjoy the story!
The Best and Coincedentally Only Chapter
I woke up in the forest, with a severe lack of a good opening sentence.
I looked around, and could see a few trees. I could also see plants. I looked up and I could see the sky. The sky had a few clouds in it.
I slowly got to my feet, and wandered over to a pool of water conveniently located right next to me. I gazed into the pool to stare at my reflection. In a sudden change of POV, he looked over the shimmering surface.
He could see in the pool that he was a very tall, very handsome, red and black acorn stallion. He had huge and powerful metal-plated wings, and a large, half-broken horn.
Suddenly, a bunch of information came flooding back to him.
My name is Doom Darkblood Celestion Awesomeness Nightblade! He remembered, though he was called Doom. I have to get to Ponyville! He thought, as he trotted out of the Everfree forest. Why did he need to get to Ponyville? How did he know he was in the Everfree forest? Because he’s Doom Darkblood Celestion Awesomeness Nightblade, and he knows everything.
Doom trotted out of the Everfree forest, free from the scratchy brambles and never-ending italics.
“Well, hella thar, stranger! What can ah getcha?” Doom heard from an orange pony sitting at a stand selling apple-based products. “well, applejack, i’d like to know where I could find the rest of the mane 6 elements of harmony, specifically twilight sparkle?” The awesome alicorn stated, probably recalling the names of all these things in one of his prophetic visions, maybe the same one that prevented him from using capital letters. “Well, Twilight lives in the shiny palace down this road, and I’m quite sure she could tell you where all the other Elements of Harmony are. Good day!” Applejack said, now finally without the use of a long and tedious description of the exact way he or she (the pony in question) stated that particular fact or interrogative sentence, or the many errors in which it was stated or written (and definitely no semi-meta sarcastic or satirical acknowledgement of the many continuity errors or grammatical flaws in the statement, and god forbid one dragged out for half a page – or rather a quarter of a page, since the author was exaggerating quite a bit for effect - to humorously redundanate this and the previous statement). “Well, Twilight lives in that shiny palace down the street, and I’m quite sure she can tell you where the rest of the Elements of Harmony are. Good day!” Applejack said.
“Thanks.” Said Doom, winking at her and flashing a cocky smile. The orange mare looked immediately aroused, since nobody was able to resist his charm, and everypony is eventually attracted to him.
Skipping any transition, Doom arrived at the Golden Oaks Library, and confidently trotted into the sparkling Palace of Friendship.
Well, hi there handsome! What’s your name? Twilight asked, both flirtily and nerdily at the same time. Doom said: I’m looking for the rest of the Elements of Harmony. Where can I find them? He said, the reader still unaware of why. Why of course: their write hear! Said Twilight.
Suddenly, the other 5 Elements of Harmony appeared at the other end of the Sugarcube Corner Dining Room, despite Applejack selling apples across town two minutes ago, and the location changing every time it’s stated.
Pinkie Pie squealed at a pitch so high it shattered every window in a ten-mile radius, Fluttershy immediately fainted, Rainbow Dash performed several poorly-described aerial maneuvers, Rarity said something about not wanting to get her hooves dirty while saying “darling” every two seconds, and Applejack just sorta stood there and muttered stuff in an overly done southern/western accent.
“So, why have you gathered us all here?” Twilight Sparkle asked.
In reply, Doom unleashed a huge burst of pure awesome magic that incinerated everything in the room. The Mane 6 disappeared in the blast, but not before revealing their true changeling forms.
With no clear explanation, Doom effortlessly teleported to the dungeon underneath Canterlot Castle where the real Mane 6 were being held prisoner.
“Oh, Doom! Thank you so much for saving us!” said Twilight sensuously, again with no explanation.
They then did things that were skipped over in order to retain the teen rating.
“So, now that that’s done, what’s up now?” asked either Twilight or Rainbow, Doom and the Mane 6 somehow back in Ponyville.
“I have to defeat the Changeling King!” Doom somehow knew.
“You mean Chrysalis?”
“No, the changeling king. He’s infinitely more powerful since he’s a stallion instead of a mare.” said Doom.
“That makes sense.”
Suddenly a score of changeling soldiers appeared in front of Doom. He instantly vaporized them, except for one lone changeling. It flew off in some random direction, toward a non-canonical mountain range.
“We just follow that changeling, and we’ll find its king!” Doom conveniently said.
At this point, Doom teleported to inside the changeling hive. No though was given to following the changeling, how Doom knew where the hive was, or to the Mane 6 he left behind with no explanation.
Suddenly a score of changeling soldiers appeared in front of Doom. He instantly vaporized them, except for one lone changeling. It flew off in some random direction, down a corridor to some room.
Doom sneakily followed, incinerating any guards he met until he found the King’s Chamber. There was no explanation as to why the changeling soldier was headed there, or where he went when Doom finally confronted the Changeling King.
“Ah. You must be Doom Darkblood Celestion Awesomeness Nightblade. I’ve been expecting you.” The Changeling King said, spinning around in his office chair for effect. The King was not described in great detail, or in any detail at for that matter. Where there should have been a paragraph break, thus began a poorly-described battle between the two overpowered characters, ending in a totally non-dramatic final scene where Doom just sorta killed the Changeling King.
Back in Ponyville, Doom was celebrated as a hero, despite no one knowing what happened in the hive, or the Changeling King causing any problems at all. Doom then married all 6 of the Elements of Harmony, and made the three princesses his mistresses. Sequel indefinite.
(insert bad closing sentence here)
