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The seas are a dreadful place for a filly.
Fortunately, there was none other than the impressive Captain Diamondbeard to watch the prow. Or the stern. Or that weird rickety part that she couldn’t remember the name of, but she was most certainly watching it.
Watching it like a hawk.
With the salty sea wind billowing in her incredibly sparkly mane (which was also impressive, that couldn’t be forgotten) Captain Diamondbeard was ready to take on the entire ocean. And she probably could, too, if her gut was anything to go by.
And Captain Diamondbeard trusted her impressive incredible gut.
However, it must have been a bad day for her gut, or perhaps it was just feeling a little under the weather, because it did not warn her about the incoming cannonball!
“Ker-plow!” Silver Spoon giggled, the pillow sailing right over a very surprised Diamond Tiara’s head, which was framed against the moon through the window. The pillow hit said window with a smack! and ever so slowly began squeaking toward the floor.
‘Diamondbeard’ almost dropped her spyglass, and protectively hid the cardboard tube.
“Ah-ha!” she cackled down at her opponent, floating on the almost-watery currents of the blue bedroom carpet from her bed. The grey filly sat with a determined expression on her face, both of her hooves hooked over the front of the cardboard box. “You’ll find that the ship of Captain Diamondbeard is nigh invulnerable!”
“No ship is invulnerable for the Dread Pirate Spoons!" Silver Spoon declared dramatically, animatedly refilling her cannon. Of course, this consisted of swiftly clambering out of her cardboard box and scrambling to grab the pillow and return before being seen, but such was a simple task for the terrifying yet surprisingly well bathed foe. For a pirate, anyway.
“Yeah, huh!” the strangely beardless Diamondbeard stomped her hoof against her squishy bed, nearly losing her balance in the process. She immediately blamed her partially covered field of vision, and pushed her eye patch out of the way. “It’s totally invincible, that’s how come it’s called ‘The Invincible!”
Dread Pirate Spoons threw the ship’s captain a confused look.
“But I thought you said that it was named Cash Cow?”
“Nopony names her ship after a cow,” Diamond Tiara rolled her eyes.
“And before that,” Silver Spoon frowned, readjusting her grip on her cardboard box and tilting her paper pirate’s hat a little further. “Before that, you said it was Pretty Plushy Water Floaty-”
“And now it’s The Invincible!” Tiara smushed her hoof against the blankets again. “Ship names change all the time, jeez. Learn your boat stuff before you try to be a pirate.”
Then she returned to the prow.
Or the stern. Or whatever it was.
Captain Diamondbeard was quick to return to commanding her ship, the rush of salty water filling her ears as she gazed boldly into the horizon. Her impressive, incredible and also pretty magnificent ship flowed like it wasn’t even moving at all over the ocean, miles of crystal clear ~~carpet~~ water beneath her.
For a while, it was silent.
Another cannonball flew over her head.
“Ha!” Captain Diamondbeard drew out her handy sword and whirled on the spot. Fortunately her spyglass doubled as a weapon. “You missed! Again!”
“I can’t help it!” Dread Pirate Spoons whined from her own rickety ship, several odd sounding names clearly scrabbled out on the side. “I need my glasses to aim properly, Captain!”
“So wear your glasses,” Diamondbeard waved her off flippantly.
“I can’t!” the ferocious filly scowled. “You painted the lenses black, remember?”
“Double eye patches just means that you’re double pirate!” she argued back.
Silver Spoon looked as if she were going to reply, but instead she simply did the unthinkable.
Within moments, she abandoned ship!
Diamondbeard watched her opponent dive out, and vanish from view. She scoured the area quickly with her spyglass, which had somehow morphed back from its sword state. Good spyglasses did that, it was probably the best money could buy. But even with the best spyglass/sword that money could buy, Captain Diamondbeard still could not spot the elusive filly.
“Shark!” she heard somepony cry.
“Scurvy!” Captain Diamondbeard swore, backing away from the precarious edge of her squishy ship. “Mare the cannons, let no stinking sharks steal our booty!”
It was silent for a moment.
One of the sharks snickered.
“You said ‘booty’.”
“Fire!” Diamondbeard oversaw the launching of cannonballs into the water, one after another. Unfortunately, she used up her entire supply in a matter of seconds, and she was left panting on the deck with nary a shark in sight.
“Did I get it…?” she stage whispered, carefully peering over the side.
No sooner had she done so than she was promptly knocked back by an enormous weight, all gnashing maw and terrifying presence! Diamond Tiara squealed in fright as she was tackled, her own cries lost amongst Silver Spoon’s giggles.
“Shark!” Diamond Tiara laughed in ‘fear’. “Daddy, hel- I mean, Captain Diamondbeard has no fear of sharks!”
“I am no shark!” the braided mane of Dread Pirate Spoons whipped the air as she cast off her disguise in one swift motion, standing proudly on the deck.
“Dread Pirate Spoons!” Captain Diamondbeard gasped in astonishment. “Inconceivable!”
“Extra conceivable!” Silver Spoon cackled proudly. Diamond Tiara unfroze swiftly, drawing her cardboard sword with a vengeance.
Her eyes narrowed, and she took a menacing step toward her enemy.
“Attacking The Impregnable unarmed, eh?” Captain Diamondbeard sneered. “Brave? Or foolish?”
“I’m not unarmed,” Dread Pirate Spoons blinked. She held up her pillow. “But you, though; bringing a sword to a cannon fight. That’s awfully brave.”
Diamond Tiara said nothing and simply stared for a full beat.
“Tactical retreat!” Captain Diamondbeard courageously squeaked, diving backwards to grab for a pillow. Her incredible, magnificent and impressive display of seaward bravery would surely be remembered by her crew.
“Reverse tactical retreat!” Silver Spoon giggled madly, diving after her with the pillow in tow. Diamond Tiara kicked wildly in the mass of fluffy pillows, her twittering and twitching as her adversary overwhelmed and successfully tickled her into submission.
And that was the day that Captain Diamondbeard renamed her ship Tickleproof, for surely she would never fall for the schemes of Dread Pirate Spoons ever again until next week.
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