Pony Fails

An insistent pounding on the door roused Rarity from a light nap on her lush velvet chaise lounge. She trotted to the door, somewhat grumpy, and opened it with her telekinesis.

Rainbow Dash stood, for want of a better word, on the other side. She was listing heavily to the left, and her eyes were bloodshot. Faint powdery smears dotted her muzzle.

Rarity frowned. "Rainbow Dash, is there something I can...do for you?"

"You can get out my way," Rainbow said, pushing past Rarity. "Gonna crash here for a bit." She staggered over to the chaise lounge; as she passed, Rarity caught a whiff of fermented apples.

"Ah...darling, I'd prefer if you not..."

Rainbow Dash flung herself onto the chaise lounge, facing the wrong way. Rarity cringed as Rainbow dug her back hooves into the expensive, delicate fabric of the headrest. "Mind if I stretch out?" Rainbow slurred, arching her back as she stretched out on the lounge.

"Ah...actually, Rainbow Dash, I..." Rarity coughed. "If you must, could you at least not...dig your hooves into the headrest? It...it is rather..."

Rainbow kicked the headrest of the chaise lounge hard enough to dislodge the roll pillow.

"Really, Rainbow Dash, I must insist—!"

"Fuck yo couch, Rarity!" Rainbow Dash snarled suddenly, rapidly drumming her hooves into the velvet upholstery. "FUCK! YO! COUCH!" She punctuated each word with a hard kick. Rarity cringed as gashes rent themselves in the velvet.

"No! Please! Don't!"

"FUCK! YO! COUCH!" Rainbow repeated, slamming her hooves into the headrest. It gave a loud, sharp, crack; Rarity could only stare in horror as the once-pristine velvet headrest broke free, dangling limply from the end of the lounge.

"My chaise lounge!" Rarity cried sharply, sinking to the floor in shock.

"Buy another one, you rich motherfucker," Rainbow mumbled groggily, rolling over to face away from Rarity.

The next day, Twilight Sparkle forced Rainbow Dash to enter rehab.