Pony Fails

Maud Pie and Pinkie Pie, dressed in black suits, stood in a tiny hole-in-the-wall apartment occupied by Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo. Babs Seed lay on the couch, bleeding out from a gunshot wound.

"What does Filthy Rich look like," Maud said dispassionately to Scootaloo.

"What?" Scootaloo replied.

Maud kicked the table, which held the remnants of Scootaloo's Hayburger breakfast, across the room. "What country are you from," she said flatly.

"...what?"

"What isn't any country I've ever heard of," Maud said. "Do they speak English in What?"

"...what?" Scootaloo replied.

"English, motherfucker, do you speak it," Maud said boredly.

"Yes!"

"Then you know what I'm saying."

"Yes!"

"Describe what Filthy Rich looks like," Maud insisted in a deadpan, sleepy tone.

"...what?"

"Say what again," Maud said, pointing her gun right at Scootaloo's head. "I dare you. I double-dare you, motherfucker. Say what one more time."

"He...he's tan..."

"And?"

"He has...he has a slicked-back mane..."

"Does he look like a bitch," Maud said, glancing boredly at the back of the room.

"...what?"

Maud shot Scootaloo in the flank.

"Does he look like a bitch."

"No!" Scootaloo screamed in agony.

"Then why'd you try to fuck him like a bitch," Maud said, her tone never changing.

"I didn't!"

"Yes you did."

"Is this makin' any sense to anypony else?" Apple Bloom wondered.

Pinkie shot her in the face.

Maud blinked slowly. "Fuck it."

The Pie sisters shot up the place, grabbed the briefcase, and left.

After they were gone, the bathroom door slowly opened, and Button Mash nervously peeked out.

"...I missed my cue, didn't I?"