Pony Fails

"Good afternoon, Sweetie Belle!" Rarity called as her younger sister trotted into the boutique, all smiles. "You look as though you've had a lovely day!"

"Mm-hmm!" Sweetie Belle said, beaming. "I ate a dick!"

"That's lovely wait what?" Rarity turned to fully face her sister, eyes wide and mouth agape.

"I ate a dick! I really liked it!"

Rarity pursed her lips. "You ate a dick," she repeated flatly.

"Yup!"

"In Ponyville. Somepony offered you a dick and you ate it."

"Uh-huh!"

Rarity's lips thinned and her eyes narrowed. "I see. And...who, pray tell, coerced you into eating a dick?"

"Mr. Cake!"

"I see..."

* * * * *

Rarity stormed into Sugar Cube Corner, snorting steam and pawing the ground. Her barrel heaved with rage. Her eyes fell upon Mr. Cake. "YOU!" she roared.

Mr. Cake blanched. "Err...yes? Is there some problem, Rarity?"

Rarity stalked up to the counter, eyes burning like the fires of Hell. "WHAT, precisely, did you do with my sweet, innocent, defenseless little sister?"

Mr. Cake blinked. "Huh? You mean Sweetie Belle? She was here a little while ago--"

"I AM WELL AWARE OF THAT, YOU...YOU FILTHY, DISGUSTING DEGENERATE!" Rarity slammed her hooves on the counter. "I heard all about you asking her to eat your DICK."

Mr. Cake's mouth worked wordlessly for a moment, his ears pinned behind his head. "Uhh...yeah," he said at length. He reached behind the counter and pulled out a brown dessert covered in currant and raisin, with a dollop of custard on the side. "It's an old recipe from Trottingham I've been dying to try. Spotted dick. Want one?"

Rarity blinked. "Spotted dick?" she repeated.

"Yes ma'am."

Rarity withdrew her hooves from the counter. A sheepish blush crossed her face. "Umm. Ahem. Aheh. It appears...I have made a slight...ahem...boo-boo..." She sampled the offered dessert. "Oh, this is quite excellent," she said. "I really must recommend this to all my friends!"

"Glad you like it," Mr. Cake said.

"Well...sorry for the...aheh...awkward misunderstanding," Rarity said. "I'll just...be going now...ta-ta!"

Once Rarity left, Mr. Cake rubbed his hooves together. "Heheheh. Soon, I'll have every mare and filly in Ponyville saying they ate my dick..."