Sonic Beats Rainbow Dash Who Beats Sonic in the Race
One day, Rainbow Dash was strolling through Ponyville. She was fast and awesome and had just finished eating a delicious cupcake at Sugarcube Corner. She was itching for a race to burn all that sugar off to maintain her perfectly stagnant waistline when suddenly, an interdimensional portal was opened.
On the other side of the portal, Sonic was tearing through the fabric of space-time. Tails had given him some moral support or something and it made him go faster than he’s ever gone before. In fact, he went so fast that he was about to become part of a crossover. That’s how fast he was going.
As Sonic escaped through the dimensional barrier which separated his reality from Rainbow Dash’s, Rainbow felt herself lusting after whoever was so fast that they could break the dimensional barrier as she had in that one fan episode that everyone for some reason disowned. She even entertained the thought that he may be breaking the dimensional barrier just to meet her. Her body was very much ready.
After he was on the other side, Rainbow Dash immediately noted his color palette. The blue was too dark and there wasn’t enough rainbow, so she already knew he wasn’t as awesome as she’d been hoping.
Rainbow Dash flew up to him and said, “Whoa. That was pretty awesome.”
Sonic immediately knew Rainbow Dash was trying to seduce him and said, “ARNBO DONT TRY THAT IM FATEFUL TO TALES”
Rainbow Dash pretended to be shocked. “Do you want to race me?”
Sonic, who was somehow expecting this abrupt change of topic, replied, “IM FASTER THEN U ARNBO U CANT BET ME”
Rainbow Dash’s eyes narrowed in anticipation. “Bring it on! What are the stakes?”
Sonic thought for a moment. “I WILL WIN SO I WANT ECESTRIA”
“And if I win?”
“U WONT BUT IF U DO WAT U WANT ARNBO”
“I want your delicious Sonic loins.”
“BUT ARNBO I WIT TALES”
“Well, I guess you don’t wanna race then.” Rainbow Dash started sauntering away seductively, her hips swaying in a most inviting manner.
“WAIT ARNBO I CHANGE MY MIND” Sonic’s words stopped the pony in her tracks. “IF U WIN I SLEEP WIT U”
“All right!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed. “I’m gettin’ laid tonight!”
ONE HORRIBLE SCENE TRANSITION LATER
Rainbow Dash and Sonic took off from the starting line at the same time. Sonic started out ahead, but then the racetrack left the ground, putting Sonic at a distinct disadvantage. Thankfully for him, there was an enormous loop-de-loop constructed directly nearby, allowing him to launch into the air, where a series of expertly constructed ramps continued leading upward along the racetrack. Thank goodness Equestria was of a similar climate and development team as Green Hill Zone.
Rainbow Dash pushed her advantage of not having to use the conveniently placed ramps, her wings letting her keep a slight distance ahead of Sonic, when suddenly they both finished the race at the same time.
Rainbow Dash looked around in confusion. “Wasn’t there, like, half a racetrack to go?”
Sonic nodded. “IT END EARLY NO IDEA Y”
Pinkie Pie bounced up. “You tied!”
Rainbow Dash and Sonic simultaneously said, “TIED!?” Then Arnbo—I mean, Rainbow asked, “For first?”
Pinkie Pie, forced at this point to make the episode reference, exclaimed, “For last!”
Rainbow Dash looked at Sonic. “Does that mean I still get laid?”
Sonic nodded. “N I DONT FELL LIKE RULING ECESTRIA 2DAY”
Rainbow Dash cheered loudly. “That means I’m gettin’ laid!”
Oh... oh boy. I’m only up to about 600 words here. I guess... I’ll do the next scene. Freaking FIMFiction and their minimum word requirements.
THAT EVENING
Candles burned throughout Rainbow Dash’s home while she awaited Sonic on the bed. Rose petals and champagne bottles on ice littered the floor, difficult to make out in the weak illumination of the candlelight, but Rainbow believed in Sonic to be able to navigate his way to her bedside.
In his dimension, Sonic was trying to break the dimensional barrier again. He knew he had to go fast, so he started playing his theme song.
Would he make it in time? Did he want to make it in time? Was he even really motivated at this point? Boy, he got promised a horse plot. Of course he’s motivated.
Finally, just as Rainbow Dash thought Sonic wasn’t going to show, he showed up. “Sonic! I’ve been lusting after you all day.”
Sonic was undeterred. “ARNBO I MUST CONFESS”
Tails came out from behind Rainbow Dash. “ARNBO SANIC BROT ME HEAR”
Rainbow asked, “How did you cross dimensions, Tails?”
Tails replied, “WE CANT HAVE STORY WITHOUT PLOT TWIST”
Sonic looked into Tails’ eyes. “WE IN LOVE ARNBO”
Tails looked back at Sonic in confusion. “BUT SANIC WE BOTH DUDE”
Now it was Sonic’s turn to be confused. “BUT I NOT GAY U FEG”
“WELL U R NOW SANIC”
Sonic turned back to Rainbow Dash. “I GEY ARNBO”
Rainbow Dash shrugged. “So am I. That isn’t stopping me from lusting after you.”
Sonic could tell he wasn’t weaseling his way out of this one. “FINE ARNBO DO WAT U WISH” He walked resignedly over to the bed and lay on his back.
Rainbow Dash’s hoof traced down Sonic’s sleek body to his expertly sketched ass. She grasped it firmly, a truly incredible feat for those with hooves, then realized something. “Sonic, this is wrong.” She looked at Tails, who was just kind of chilling, not really paying attention. “I can’t change who you are. You love Tails. It’s not my place to tell you to re-write a part of you just to satisfy my lusty mare loins.”
A tear sprang to Sonic’s eye. “ARNBO WAT U SAYIN”
Rainbow Dash replied mournfully, “I love you, Sonic. I just can’t bear to see you with somepony you don’t love.”
Sonic smiled happily, tears streaming down his face, as he went to embrace Tails. “THX ARNBO I NEVER 4GET U”
“I think you all learned a very important lesson here today,” a voice declared from their surroundings. A bright flash of light delivered Princess Celestia into their midst. Her gaze shifted to Rainbow Dash. “It sounds like somepony here learned a very important lesson about friendship.”
“Yes, Princess Celestia. I did.” Rainbow Dash flew over to Sonic and Tails. “I learned that friendship isn’t always easy, but there’s no doubt it’s worth fighting for!”
“Well-spoken, Rainbow Dash,” Princess Celestia replied. “Say, would you mind becoming my star pupil now that Twilight is a princess and all that?”
Rainbow Dash gasped. “Do I!”
Sonic spoke up. “GZ ARNBO WE SO HAPPY 4 U”
Tails added, “WE CUM VISIT OFTEN K”
Rainbow Dash blushed. “Aw, c’mon guys, I’m not that awesome.”
Sonic wouldn’t be swayed. “BUT U R ARNBO WE ALL NO IT”
Princess Celestia concurred. “He’s right, you know.”
And so, with fun fanfare over Scootareader finally reaching the 1,000-word mark, they all lived happily ever after.
THE END
