Thou Shall Not Have Sense

Twilight's recent ascension to alicornhood comes with some great abilities... like inmortality.

[Bad Comedy] - [Teen (gore)]

"—and, without any further comment, I, Princess Twilight Sparkle, shall end this session." The lavender alicorn raised her head from the papers, a slight smile in her muzzle.

Her violet eyes scanned the room full of reporters, all of them looking at her expectantly, was she forgetting something? "Uh," she murmured, hesitating. Twilight's ears lowered and she gulped, her fear of failing resurging.

She shook her head, Celestia had trusted her this task! She just couldn't fail

After a moment of thinking, Twilight said, with a subtly nervous tone in her voice, "Oh-oh yes... Any questions, anypony? -" the minotaur at the end of the room snorted, doing it loud enough to be heard "- sorry, any questions, anybody?" Twilight grinned, her white teeth gleaming for the cameras.

Most of the ponies present—and minotaur, too—raised their hooves, or hands, respectively. One of the ponies, with a red fur and brown mane, made a question even before she pointed at him. Following the example of this reporter, the public started to get louder when all of them remembered that shouting was a good way to draw attention to themselves.

Trying to make order out of the mess of interrupted questions and loud—and unnecessary—comments about the Princess' sexuality, Twilight raised both forelegs, her hooves going up and down in a gesture of hushing. "Okay, calm down, everypony! -" Twilight heard a loud snort that was getting familiar by then, "- calm down, everybody!"

Her magically-amplified words resonated through the room, silencing the public of anxious reporters.

When she was absolutely sure that silence had been regained, she lowered her forelegs and, with a tone as serene and firm as Celestia's, she spoke again, "Now, I know many of you have questions, but order must be maintained so I c—" her sentence was abruptly cut off as a loud bang filled the room.

In the fraction of a second, her clear vision went black. Her wings twitched as pain went through her entire body, every nerve tensing up, only to stop as her body dropped dead on the wooden floor. The last thing she saw was an unicorn standing by the open doors.

The audience gasped, everybody turned around, where a dark blue unicorn with a white mane stood, his head lowered and his horn pointing where the Princess once stood. He smiled, his left eye twitching. "Eat dirt, bitch!" he shouted, grinning.

"Get him!" one of the guards ordered, running to grab the murderer.

The blue unicorn turned around with the intention of escaping through the doors he had opened, only to be stopped by another guard; one he had knocked up earlier. Knowing that there was no way he was going to escape, as he has used all of his magic reserves, he surrendered in the spot.

"Whatever, the bitch is dead," he said, trying to make the ponies around him accept that was just happened was real.

"Nuuuuuhh..." a squeaky, almost annoying, voice said. "I'm nuuuuuhhh..." A lavender hoof was raised, trying to find a place of support. The public gasped again as the hoof moved, found the pulpit and brought some balance to its dead owner. Following the first hoof, another came out, and when this one found support, its owner's dead body came out, almost stumbling in the way.

As if three was a number really important that day, the public gasped again. Over Twilight's shoulders, on her neck, a small part of what appeared to be her throat twitched, confirming that the voice was, indeed, coming from Twilight Sparkle's dead body. The magical blast had blown off most of her head, with the exception from her throat; now exposed for all to see.

Most of the members in the public felt their stomachs churning at the gory sight. The dark blue unicorn's eyes narrowed, his jaw open in surprise and disgust; even forcibly prostrated, he had a clear view of the body belonging to his victim.

"I'm not dead," Twilight repeated, this time more clearly. Her throat's walls were pulsing with every word, as if trying to confirm that, even when it was impossible, that she was speaking. "Just... just wait." Twilight moved her right hoof in a dismissive gesture, as if an—attempted?—murder was an everyday activity scheduled in her list.

After a few seconds, a small white bulge appeared behind the remains of her throat, growing rapidly. Accompaining her ever-growing spinal column, nerves and muscles followed.

"Ugh, this process is always a little gross. So, if any of you want to get ou—" she was cut off as the herd mentality of the ponies kicked in, the entire public escaping through the door. One brave pony with a camera took a photo, and then ran behind the others. Only the Royal Guard and Twilight's murderer stood in place.

"What. The. Everloving. Fuck."

"Can't see you," Twilight said, as of now, most of her head was restaured. Without skin. "Just waaaa—"

"What kind of demon spawn are you?"

"—aaaaaa—" Twilight continued.

"What. Is. This."

"—aaaaaaiiiiii—"

"Stop it!"

"—iiiiiit." Just in time, two eyeballs appeared in what was once two black, empty holes in Twilight's face. "Alright! The process is finished," she exclaimed, cheerily. "Pew, that was the third attempted murder this week. Who was this time?"

One of the Royal Guards, still stressed out by the events, pointed at the white-maned blue unicorn with a shaky hoof.

"Uh-uh, what is your name, little one?" Twilight asked, trotting over to pick up her tiara, which had fell during the attack.

The dark blue unicorn answered with silence, too stunned to form the words. Twilight Sparkle raised a questioning eyebrow.

"What was that?" he questioned, not wanting to say his name.

Twilight's eyes got a sudden spark of excitement and, out of nowhere, a big—ridiculously so—old book appeared on the pulpit, the dust it had collected over the years going out on a cloud.

Smiling a smile that could rival Pinkie's, Twilight cleared her throat and clasped her hooves. Opening the book on the first page, she started to read. "Alicorn Anatomy, by Thesaur Quill."