The School For Good And Evil

The Art of Kidnapping

By the time the sun extinguished, the ponies were long locked away. Through bedroom shutters, they peeked at torch-armed fathers, sisters, grandmothers lined around the dark forest, daring the School Master to cross their ring of fire.

But while shivering ponies tightened their window screws, Rarity prepared to undo hers. She wanted this kidnapping to be as convenient as possible. Barricaded in her room, she laid out mane pins, tweezers, hoof files and went to work.

The first kidnapping happened two hundred years before . Some years it was two colts taken, some years two fillies, sometimes one of each. The ages were just a fickle; one could be sixteen, the other fourteen, or both just turned twelve. But if at first the choices seemed random, soon the pattern became clear. One was always beautiful and good, the filly every parent wanted as their own. The other was homely and odd, an outcast from birth. An opposing pair, plucked from youth and spirited.

Naturally the ponies blamed bears. No pony had ever seen a near  Ponyville, but this made them more determined to find one. Four years later, when two more fillies vanished, the ponies admitted they should have been more specific and declared black bears the culprit, bears so black they blended with the night. But when ponies continued to disappear every four years, the town shifted their attention to burrowing bears, then phantom bears, then nears in disguise . . . until it became it wasn't bears at all.

But while frantic ponies spawned new theories (the Sinkhole Theory, the Flying Cannibal Theory) the fillies and colts of Ponyville began to notice something suspicious. As they studied the dozens of Missing posters tacked up in the town square, the faces of these lost stallions and mares looked oddly familiar. That's when they opened up their storybooks and found the kidnapped ponies.

Jack, taken hundred years before, hadn't aged a bit. Here he was, painted with the same moppy mane, pinked dimples, and a crooked smile that had made him so popular with the mares of Ponyville. Only now he had a beanstalk in his back garden and a weakness for magic beans. Meanwhile, Angus, the pointy-eared, freckled hooligan who had vanished with Jack that same year, had transformed into a pointy-eared, freckled giant at the top of Jack's beanstalk. The two stallions had found their way into a fairy tale. But when the fillies and colts presented the Storybook Theory, the ponies responded as ponies most often do. They patted the fillies and colts heads and returned to sinkholes and cannibals.

But then the fillies showed them more familiar faces. Taken fifty years before, sweet Anya now sat on moonlit rocks in a painting as the Little Mermaid, while cruel Extra had become the devious sea witch. Philip, the priest's upright son, had grown into the Cunning Little Tailor, while pompous Gula had spooked ponies as the Witch of the Wood. Scores of ponies, kidnapped in pairs, had found new lives in a storybook world. One as Good. One as Evil.

The books came from Mr. Shine's Storybook Shop, a musty nook between Sugar Cube Corner and Donut Joes. The problem, of course, was where old Mr. Shine got his storybooks.

Once a year, on a morning he could not predict, he would arrive at his shop to find a box of books waiting inside. Four brand-new fairy tales, one copy each. Mr. Shine would hang a sign on his shop door: "Closed Until Further Notice." Then he'd huddle in his back room day after day, diligently copying the new tales by hoof until he had enough books for every pony in Ponyville. As for the mysterious originals, they'd appear one morning in his shop window, a sign that Mr. Shine had finished his exhausting task at last. He'd open his doors to a three-mile line that snaked through the town square, down hill slopes, around the lake, jammed with ponies thirsting for new stories, and other ponies desperate to see if any of the missing made it into this year's tales.

Needless to say, the Council of Elders had plenty of questions for Mr. Shine. When asked who sent the books, Mr. Shine said he hadn't the faintest idea. When asked how long the books had been appearing, Mr. Shine said he couldn't remember a time when the books did not appear. When asked whether he'd ever questioned this magical appearance of books, Mr. Shine replied: "Where else would storybooks come from?"

Then the Elders noticed something else about Mr. Shine's storybooks. All the villages in them looked just like Ponyville. The same lakeshore cottages and colorful eaves. The same purple and green tulips along this dirt roads. The same crimson carriages, wood-front shops, red schoolhouse, and leaning clock tower, only drawn as fantasy in a land far, far away. These storybooks villages existed for only one life pose: to begin a fairy tale and to end it. Everything between the beginning and end happened in the dark, endless woods that surrounded the town.

That's when they noticed that Ponyville too was surrounded by dark, endless woods.

Back when the ponies first started to disappear, other ponies stormed the forest to find them, only to be repelled by storms, floods, cyclones, and falling trees. When they finally braved their way through, they found a town hiding beyond the trees and vengefully besieged it, only to discover it was their own. Indeed, no matter where the ponies entered the woods, they came right out where they started. The woods, it seemed, had no intention of returning their ponies, fillies, or colts. And one day they found out why.

Mr. Shine had finished unpacking that year's storybooks when he noticed a large smudge hiding in the box's fold. He touched his hoof to it and discovered the smudge was wet with ink. Looking closer, he saw it was a seal with an elaborate crest of a black swan and a white swan. On the crest were three letters:

S.G.E.

There was no need for him to guess what these letters meant. It said so in the banner beneath the crest. Small black words that told the village where its ponies had gone:

The School For Good And Evil

The kidnappings continued, but now the thief had a name. They called him the School Master.

A few minutes after ten, Rarity pried the last lock off the window and cracked open the shutters. She could see to the forest edge, where her father, Stefan, stood with the rest of the perimeter guard. But instead of looking anxious like the others, he was smiling, hoof on the widow Octivia's shoulder. Rarity grimaced. What her father saw in that made, she had no idea. Once upon a time, her mother had been flawless as a storybook queen. Octivia, meanwhile, had a small head, round body, and looked like a turkey.

Her father whispered mischievously into the widow's ear and Rarity's cheeks burned. If it were Octivia's two little sons who might be taken, he'd be serious as death. True, Stefan had locked her in at sundown, given her a kiss, dutifully acted the loving father. But Rarity knew the truth. She had seen it in his face every day of her life. Her father didn't love her. Because she wasn't a stallion. Because she didn't remind him of himself.

Now he wanted to marry that beast. Five years after her mother's death, it wouldn't be seen as improper or callous. A simple exchange of vows and he'd have two sons, a new family, a fresh start. But he needed his daughter's blessing first for the Elders to allow it. The few times he tried, Rarity changed the subject or loudly chopped cucumbers or smiled the way she did at Autumn. Her father hadn't mentioned Octivia again.

Let the coward marry her when I'm gone, she thought, glaring at him through the shutters. Only when she was gone would he appreciate her. Only when she was gone would he know no pony could replace her. And only when she was gone would he see he had spawned much more than a son.

He had borne a princess.

On her windowsill, Rarity laid out gingerbread hearts for the School Master with delicate care. For the first time in her life, she'd made them with sugar and butter. These were special, after all. A message to say she'd come willingly.

Sinking into her pillow, she closed her eyes on widows, fathers, and wretched Ponyville and with a smile countered the seconds to midnight.

As soon as Rarity's head vanished beneath the window, Twilight shoved the gingerbread hearts in her mouth. Only thing these will invite are rats, she thought, crumbs dribbling on her purple clump slippers. She yawned and set on her way as the town clock inched past the quarter hour.

Upon leaving Rarity after their walk, Twilight had started home only to have visions of Rarity darting into the woods to find this School for Fools and Crackpots and ending up gored by a boar. So she returned to Rarity's garden and waited behind a tree, listening as Rarity undid her window (singing a birdbrained song about princes), put on makeup and finest dress ("Every Pony Loves a Princess in Pink"?!), and finally (finally!) tucked herself into bed.

Twilight mashed the last crumbs with her hoof and trudged towards the cemetery. Rarity was safe and would wake up tomorrow feeling like a fool. Twilight wouldn't rub it in. Rarity would need her even more now and she would be there for her. Here in this safe, secluded world, the two of them would make their own paradise.

As Twilight tramped up the slope, she noticed an arc of darkness in the forest's torch-lit border. Apparently the guards responsible for the cemetery had decided what lived inside wasn't worth protecting. For as long as Twilight could remember, she'd had a talent for making ponies go away. Fillies and colts fled from her like a vampire bat. He adult ponies clung to walls as she passed, afraid she might curse them. Even the grave keepers on the hill bolted at the sight of her. With each new year, the whispers in town grew louder-"witch," "villain," "Evil School"- until she looked for excuses not to go out. First days, then weeks, until she haunted her graveyard house like a ghost.

There were plenty of ways to entertain herself at first. She wrote poems ("It's a Miserable Life" and "Heaven Is a Cemetery" were her best), drew portraits of her owl that frightened mice more that the real owl did, and even tried her hoof at a book of fairytales, Grimly Ever After, about beautiful colts and fillies who die horrible deaths. But she had no pony to show these things until the day Rarity knocked.

Her owl hooed as she stepped onto her squeaking porch. She heard singing inside-

"In the forest primeval

A School for Good and Evil . . ."

Twilight rolled her eyes and pushed open the door.

Her mother, back turned, sang cheerily as she packed a trunk with black capes, broomsticks, and pointy black witch's hats.

Two towers like twin heads

One for the pure,

One for the wicked.

Try to escape you'll always fail

The only way out is

Through a fairy tale... "

"Planning an exotic vacation?" Twilight said. "Last time I checked, there's no way out of Ponyville unless you grow wings."

Velvet turned. "Do you think three capes is enough?" she asked, bug eyes bulging, mane a greasy purple and white helmet.

Twilight winced at just how much they looked alike. "They're exactly the same," she muttered. "Why do you need three?"

"In case you need to lend one to a friend, dear."

"These are for me?"

"I put two hats in case one gets squashed, a broomstick in case theirs smells, and a few vials of dog tongues,  lizard legs, and frog toes. Who knows how long theirs have been sitting there!"

Twilight knew the but asked anyway. "Mother, what do I need capes, hats, and frog toes for?"

"For New Witch Welcoming of course!" Velvet trilled. "You don't want to get to the School for Evil and look like an amateur."

Twilight kicked off her slippers. "Let's put aside the fact the town doctor believes all this. Why is it so hard to accept I'm happy here? I have everything I need. My bed, my owl, and my friend."

"Well, you should learn from your friend, dear. At least she wants something from life," Velvet said, latching the trunk. "Really, Twilight, what could be a greater destiny than a Fairy Tale Witch? I dreamed of going to the School for Evil! Instead, the School Master took that idiot Spike, who ended up outwitted by a princess in The Useless Ogre and set on fire. I'm sure if the School Master could have done it over, he'd have taken me."

"Twilight slid under her covers. "Well, every pony in this town still thinks you're a witch, so you got your wish after all."

Velvet whipped around. "My wish is that you get away from here," she hissed, eyes dark as coal. "This place has made you weak and lazy and afraid. At least I made something of myself here. You just waste and rot until Rarity comes to walk you like a dog."

Twilight stared at her, stunned.

Velvet smiled brightly and resumed packing. "But do take care of your friend, dear. The School for Good might seem like a festoon of roses, but she's in for a surprise. Now got to bed. The School Master will be here soon and it's easier for him if you're asleep."

Twilight pulled the sheets over her head.

Rarity couldn't sleep. Five minutes to midnight and no sign of an intruder. She knelt on her bed and peered through the shutters. Around Ponyville's edge, the thousand-pony guard waved torches to light up the forest to light up the forest. Rarity scowled. How could he get past them?

That's when she noticed the hearts on her windowsill were gone.

He's already here!

Three packed purple bags plopped through the window, followed by four-glass-slippered hooves.

Twilight lurched up in bed, jolted from a nightmare. Velvet snored loudly across the room, her owl at her side. Next to Twilight's bed sat her locked trunk, marked "Twilight of Ponyville, 1 Graves Hill Road" in scraggy writing, along with a pouch of honey cakes for the journey.

Chomping cake, Twilight gazed throuh a cracked window. Down the hill, the torches blazed in a tight circle, but here on Graves Hill, there was only one burly guard left, arms as big as Twilight's whole body, legs like chicken drumsticks. He kept himself awake by lifting a broken headstone like a barbell.

Twilight bit into the last honey cake and looked out at the dark forest.

Shiny red eyes looked back at her.

Twilight choked and dove to her bed. She slowly lifted her head. Nothing there. Including the guard.

Then she found him, unconscious over the broken headstone, torch extinguished.

Creeping away from him was a bony, hunchbacked pony shadow. No pony attached.

He shadow floated across he sea of graves without the slightest sign of hurry. It slid under the cemetery gates and skulked down the hill towards the firelit center of Ponyville.

Twilight felt horror stangle her heart. He was real. Whoever he was.

And he doesn't want me.

Relief crashed over her, followed by a fresh wave of panic.

Rarity.

She should wake her mother, she should cry for help she should - no time.

Feigning  sleep, Velvet heard Twilight's urgent hoofsteps, then the door close. She hugged he owl tighter to make sure he didn't wake up.

Rarity crouched behind a tree, waiting for the School Master to snatch her.

She waited. And waited. Then she noticed something in the ground.

Cookie crumbs, mashed into a hoofprint. The hoofprint of a clump so odious, so foul it could only belong to one pony. Rarity's hooves punched the ground, her blood boiled -

Hooves covered her mouth and a hindleg booted her through her window. Rarity crashed headfirst onto her bed and whirled around to see Twilight. "You pathetic, interfering worm!" she screamed, before glimpsing the fear in her friend's face. "You saw him!" Rarity gasped -

Twilight put one hoof over Rarity's mouth and pinned her to the mattress with the other. As Rarity writhed in protest, Twilight peeped through the window. The crooked shadow drifted into the Ponyville square, past the oblivious armed gard, and headed directly for Rarity's house. Twilight swallowed a scream. Rarity wrenched free and grabbed her shoulders.

"Is he handsome? Like a prince? Or a proper schoolmaster with spectacles and waistcoat and -"

THUMP!

Rarity and Twilight slowly turned to the door.

THUMP! THUMP!

Rarity wrinkled her muzzle. "He could just knock, couldn't he?"

Locks cracked. Hinges rattled.

Twilight shrank against the wall, while Rarity folded her hooves and fluffed her dress as if expecting a royal visit. "Best give him what he wants without fuss."

As the door caved, Twilight leapt off the bed and threw herself against it. Rarity rolled her eyes. "Oh, sit down for goodness' sake," Twilight pulled at the knob with all her might, lost her grip - the door slammed open with a deafening crack, hurling her across the room.

It was Rarity's father, white as a sheet. "I saw something!" he panted, waving his torch.

Then Twilight caught the crooked shadow on the wall stepping into his broad silhouette. "There!" she cried. Stefan swiveled but the shadow blew out his torch. Twilight grabbed a match from her pocket and lit it. Stefan lay on the ground unconscious. Rarity was gone.

Screams outside.

Through the window, Twilight watched shouting villagers chase after Rarity as the shadow dragged her towards the woods. And while more and more villagers howled and chased - Rarity smiled ear to ear.

Twilight lunged through the window and ran after her. But just as the villagers reached Rarity, their torches magically exploded and trapped hem in rings of fire. Twilight dodged the gauntlet of firetraps and dashed to save her friend bedore the shadow pulled her into the forest.

Rarity felt her body leave soft grass and rake against stony dirt. She frowned at the thought of showing up to school in a soiled dress. "I really thought there'd be hoofmen," she said to the shadow. "Or a pumpkin carriage, at least."

Twilight trotted ferociously, but Rarity had almost disappeared into trees. All around, flames spewd higher and highed, poised to devour the entire village.

Seeing the fires leap, Rarity felt relief knowing no pony could her rescue her now. But where is the second child? Where is the one of Evil? She'd been wrong about Twilight all along. As she felt herslef pulled into trees, Rarity looked back at the towering blaze and kissed goodbye tot he curse of ordinary life.

"Farewell, Ponyville! Farewell, low ambition! Farewell, mediocrity -"

Then she saw Twilight charge through the flames.

"Twilight, no!

Twilight leapt on top of her and both were dragged into darkness.

Instantly, the fires around the villagers were extinguished. They dashed for the woods, but the trees magically grew thick and thorny, locking them out.

It was too late.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" roared Rarity, shoving  and scratching Twilight as the shadow pulled them into pitxh-black forest. Twilight thrashed wildly, trying to wrest the shadow's grip on Rarity and Rarity's grip on the shadow. "YOU'RE RUINING EVERYTHING!" Rarity howled. Twilight bit her hoof. "EEEEEYIIII!!!!" Rarity brayed and flipped her body so Twilight  scraped against dirt. Twilight flipped Rarity back and climbed towards the shadow, her clump squashing Rarity's face.

"WHEN MY HOOVES FIND YOUR NECK -"

They felt themselves leave the ground.

As something spindly and cold wrapped its way around them, Twilight fumbled for a match from her dress, struck it against her bony wrist, and paled. He shadow was gone. They were cocooned in the creepers of an elm, which ferried them up the enormous tree and plopped them on the lowest branch. Both mares glared at each other and tried to catch a breath to speak. Twilight  managed it first.

"We are going home right now.

The branch wobbled, coiled back like a sling, and shot them up like bullets. Before ither could scream, they landed on anoher branch. Twilight flailed for a new match, but the branch coiled and snapped them up to the next bough, which bounced them up to the next. "HOW TALL IS THIS TREE!" Twilight shrieked. Ping-ponging up the branches, the mares' bodies collided and crashed, dresses tearing on thorns and twigs, faces slamming into ricocheting limbs, until finally they reached the highest bough.

There are at the top of the elm tree sat against a black egg. The mares gaped at it, baffled. The egg tore open, splashing them with dark, yolky goo as a colossal bird emerged, made only of bones. It took one look at the pair and unleashed an angry screech that rattled their eardrums. Then it grabbed them both in its claws and dove off the tree as they screamed, finally agreeing on something. The bony bird lashed through black woods as Twilight frantically lit match after match on the bird's ribs, giving them catches of glinting red eyes and bristling shadows. All around, gangly trees snatched at the mares as the bird dipped and climbed to avoid them, until thunder exploded ahead and they smashed headfirst into a raging lightning storm. Fire bolts sent trees careening towards them and hey shielded their faces from rain, mud, and timber, ducked cobwebs, beehives, and vipers, until the bird plunged into deadly briars and the mares branched, closing heir eyes to the pain -

Then it was quiet.

  "Twilight..."

Twilight opened her eyes to rays of sun. She looksd down and gasped.

"It's real."

Far beneath them, two soaring castles sprawled across the forest. One castle glittered in sun mist, with pink and blue glass turrets over a sparkling lake. The other loomed, blackened and jagged, sharp spires ripping through thunderclouds like teeth of a monster.

The School for Good and Evil.

The bony bird drifted over the Towers of Good and loosened Rarity from its claws. Twilight clutched her friend in horror, but then saw Rarity's face, glowing with happiness.

"Twily, I'm a princess.

But the bird dropped Twilight instead.

Stunned, Rarity watched  Twilight plummet into pink cotton candy mist. "Wait - no -"

The bird swooped savagely towards the Towers of Evil, its jaws reaching up for a new prey.

"No! I'm Good! It's the wrong one!" Rarity screamed-

And without a beat, she was dropped into hellish darkness.