Tag, You're It! (Or, Blossomforth Saves Equestria)

by Super Trampoline

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, Comedy
Length: 968

I am cursed by a rather unusual and mostly useless talent: I can't be tagged.

I am cursed by a rather unusual and mostly useless talent: I can't be tagged.

Inspired by the great Blossomforth Needs Her Own Tag by Twinkletail

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-03-18 19:56:40 UTC

Chapter 1

Tag, You're It! (Or, Blossomforth Saves Equestria)

http://www.fimfiction.net/user/Super%20Trampoline

Scratchy Records hoofed the microphone to a fidgety Blossomforth. “Now dear, no need to be nervous. Remember, this doesn’t have to be big or fancy. This is just your story, and you should tell it like it is.”

Blossomforth, a colorful mare of magenta, green, and white, took the microphone in her hoof. “Um, what do I say again?”

“Just tell us a little bit about yourself, then go ahead and recount your story of bravery and derring do!”

“I never met Daring Do!”

“Figure of speech, darling. Go on.”

“Right. Well, um, my name is Blossomforth Cherish, I’m a thirty two years-old pegasus mare, and uh, I live in Ponyville, where I’m an allergy specialist. And, well, I guess this is my story of how I saved Equestria with my useless talent.”

Pony Oaks Elementary School, Trottingham. A pleasant school with a recently remodeled library. Fielded the third place Academic decathlon team in the Oats Islands regionals last year. But that is not what is important. At least not to this story. I’m sure little Pippington Haberdasher’s parents are quite proud of the “Our Son is a Winner!” placard sitting on their icebox. What is important to this story is the scene currently taking place out on the playground.

        “Wow, Blossomforth, that was amazing. I thought for sure Lickety had you! How’d you do that?”

        A young filly blushed. “That’s just the thing, Piano Strings, I don’t know. One moment he was about to tag me, and the next, he was just… he just couldn’t tag me!”

        “That’s so cool! You’re so talented Blossomforth. I bet not getting tagged is your special talent!”

        “No it’s not. I still don’t have my cutiemark. You said the same thing about my flexibility, remember?”

        “Yeah. I remember. Thank goodness Peach Cobbler was there to help you out!”

        “So you’re also really flexible?” Scratchy Records inquired.

        Blossomforth produced a rare grin. “Yeah. Watch!” She proceeded to contort herself as if she… heck, I can’t describe it. Have a picture:

”Uhhhh, very nice Blossom,” a concerned Records commented. “Um, you need help untangling yourself?”

“Nah, I’m an expert at this by now,” the contortionist replied, seeming to defy the laws of anatomy as she stretched herself back into a normal shape. “So yeah, I guess I have two useless talents. Where was I?”

        “You were telling me how you first discovered you couldn’t be tagged back in primary school.”

        “Exactly. Unless I start off as the tagger in a game of tag, I’m never ‘It’. I’m simply never tagged. No matter what. I somehow dodge, or outgallop the other pony. If I’m playing with other pegasi in the air, sometimes I’ll do maneuvers I didn’t even know were possible. There are a few times where I think I’ve even teleported. And I can’t control it. As long as I know tag is being played, my body just acts on its own. ‘Weird’ doesn’t even begin to describe it.”

Scratchy Records smirked. “Really? Let me try. Tag, you’re--” Her hoof phased right through Blossomforth’s body, as if the mare was a ghost. Scratchy’s eyes widened and her face blanched. “Uhhhhhhh.”

Blossomforth smiled weakly. “That--I don’t think I’ve seen that happen before. I, uh… yeah, I’m a freak. I’m just glad my body didn’t decide to try to evade you. This is a tiny room.

The archivist, still pale, nodded. “Let’s, um, continue with the recording. So, how does this all relate to what happened two weeks ago?”

“Well, it all started when…”

        Applejack’s voice rang out through the town square. “Citizens of Ponyville, you need to stay inside! Board up your windows. If you have a basement or cellar, use it. Tirek may be coming, and we want you to stay safe!”

        Blossomforth winced. Tirek. The Terror from Tartarus, the papers called him. And he was coming to Ponyville. She was coming to steal their magic. He was coming to hurt her two little colts. This would. Not. Do.

[need to write scene transition]

The pegasus watched in horror through a slit in her window as Discord betrayed his friends. Soon

        “Has he hurt anypony yet?”

        “Well, no. But still, Sugarcube, facing him one on one? That’s suicide!”

        Rainbow Dash limply disagreed. “Bloss, I know for a fact you are an awesome pegasus. One of the coolest around. That being said, even I think you’re crazy. But if you think this weird quirk of yours can help you buy Twilight some time, by all means, you go girl!”

        Blossomforth smiled. “Rainbow Dash, it is an honor to work under you, and now I want to repay you. The rest of you, I won’t let you down. Oh, and Fluttershy, Bulk Biceps is taking care of your animal friends.

        “That’s good,” the lifeless mare said, managing a smile. “Now go get that monster. Woohoo.”

        “I will. For you, for Ponyville, and for Equestria, I shall defeat Tirek in a game of tag!” She spread her wings and lept off the ground, the imprisoned heroes looking on.

        Five seconds later, she was back, touching down in front of Discord. “And you.”

        “Me?” The lifeless draconequus echoed.

        “Yeah, you,” Blossomforth confidently confirmed, towering over her former tormentor lying limply on the ground. “This is for being a lying snake!” And she punched him in the face.

        The blow barely seemed to hit. “Ow,” Discord said passively, drained not only of magic but also histrionics. He turned to face his former friends. “I deserved that, didn’t I?” They nodded somberly in unison.

        Blossomforth took off, ready to save Equestria.

Okay, that’s a wrap folks. Thanks for dropping in. I gotta go sort clothes. Have a great day, and thanks for the help wise cracker!