Welcome to Ponyville

by Orion Nightvale

Rating: teen
Tags: Other, Crossover, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Alternate Universe, Main 6, Original Character, Comedy
Length: 1739

A friendly Equestrian community where the Celestia is hot, Luna is beautiful, and Discord reworks the fabric of existence as we all pretend to sleep. Welcome. To Ponyville.

An interesting tale of two worlds colliding as one man, or stallion, or... I don't even know, try to make sense of their strange combined world, while also reporting to all of you, listeners. Whatever manifestation of reality, however dark and twisted you may be, we will be there for you. And, should you believe otherwise, please take yourself to the nearest factory to be repurposed as an appreciable weather phenomenon, thereby replacing worth worthless husk with a societal beneficiary.

Published 2014-08-13 20:40:02 UTC
Last updated 2014-08-13 20:40:02 UTC

Welcome

As I fall through the vortex, unsure of where I will end up, I fall asleep. While I sleep, I think of my listeners, to whom I made a promise to return. I think of Carlos, whose feelings I didn't even consider when stepping into what may just kill me. Right here. Right now. Or, you know, at some point in the future. Or maybe the past. Maybe I'm already dead. Or...maybe, this vortex just, transcends space and time. Oh look, a 5-eyed ice demon. I apologize for writing that. That is, in my journal. That I am currently writing in. Right now. As I sleep. "Oh, hi Elsa!" I shout in my dreamscape to no one in particular. It's almost as if...

THUD

I awake with a thud, as I just wrote, to a strange new world. I'm not even trying to be dramatic, or poetic, or anything of that sort. I am literally in a totally different world. One in which, I might add, has a very strange set of laws governing optics, or perhaps photons, seeing as everything in this world is brightly colored, though not incapable of having in shadows and demons, as I turn around and find myself roughly 1/5 of a mile away from a deep, dark forest. Even from where I currently stood, I could see... log dogs? Yes, while I may have suffered some minor brain damage upon impact in this strange world, I am fairly certain I can see moving logs of wood, with leaves for ears, occasionally glancing in my direction. I have no idea why, but they appear to be menacing, and so I choose not to approach them.

And so, hoping that the woodland beasts would not pursue, I turned around a few times, observing my surroundings. I noticed there was a hill obstructing my view, and so, like in all government official approved movies, I walked over the hill, expecting to Radon Canyon, and then be promptly removed from the premises, and then, existence. However, I did not see Radon Canyon. I instead saw a village that resembled Old Town Nightvale, and wondered who inhabited it.

"Certainly not Desert Bluffs. If it was, I'd be probably feeling an uncontrollable rage, as would all the creatures that lived in what seemed to be the Whispering Forest."

I then went on and approached the small town, not knowing what to expect. As I proceeded towards the town, I noticed a small, woodland themed house. Sort of like the ones that were occupied by the elves from my mother's bedtime stories. But, anyway, I can't continue with this degree of specificness, diverting into every possible offshoot for every possible topic. When I'm doing my job as a radio talk show host who talks primarily to himself and therefore brings to question the term "talk show", all of my listeners come to my radio station to hear me. There are of course, some who come just because the Sheriff's Secret Police has made not listening every week a crime, and for no other reason. But then there are some who do genuinely enjoy my show, and to you I say, thank you. I really appreciate your support. I will ensure that nothing. Absolutely nothing; not the Sandstorm, and maybe not even this world, will stop me from coming back.

However, I am getting distracted again. I must focus. I approached the elvish house, not knowing what to expect. As I came closer, I noticed several small woodland creatures. Among them was a jackalope or two, several different birds, I may have even seen a phoenix. But, wonderful woodland creatures aside, I examined the house. It was, as I said, in possession of a very woody feeling, with everything made up of gnarled and archaic wood, some with dark green leaves. As a matter of fact, the mailbox actually was a tree, with the slot being a natural hole in the tree. I was naturally curious, and lost, and a bit hungry, so, mustering my inner journalist, I approached the house to ask who lived here, and where I was. I knocked on the door..

I was replied to by a very quiet, timid sounding voice. Now, listeners, or at this point, readers, I'm not going to lie: that voice was ADORABLE!!! I mean, it was just so... so... words fail me to describe it. And, oh ho ho, readers, did this pale in comparison to what I actually saw when she opened the door. She was a yellow-coated, pink-maned pegasus with light blue eyes, and she had her eyes closed when she initially opened the door, and when she did, she opened her adorably bulbous eyes, and she asked, "Umm.. yes? Hello? Who is it?"

Now, this revelation, that the pegasus could talk, was, at first, a surprising one. I was not aware that such creatures even existed, let alone had sentience, and completely forget about the idea they were intelligent, and, from what it looked like, they were even capable of architecture. And so, after staring at her blankly for a few moments as she reciprocated, I answered her question "M... my name is Cecil, and you are?"

I then heard a new voice. This one was of a man, significantly older than the young... mare, I suppose? And this new voice called out "Fluttershy, do you mind being a dear and telling me who is it? I don't recall this voice... though it sounds vaguely familiar. Distant friend, perhaps?"

The pegasus who now had a name responded, "No, I don't know who he is... In fact, I don't think I've ever seen him, or anyone like him..."

And with that, I heard some foot steps approaching, and they sounded strange, with one hoof sounding like a hoof, possibly a goat's, and the other sounding like a lizard claw, one with 3 claws. I couldn't imagine what it'd... he'd... I don't know, would look like, though I imagined that he was some form of chimera, one with different feet on either leg. I've seen my fair share of chimeras at the Nightvale zoo, and let me tell you, they made for excellent conversationalists.

And then, I saw him: a tall figure, very slender and limber, and he had the following, an eagle's claw and lion's paw for hands, and a three-clawed lizard foot and a goat hoof for feet. As for his main body, he had a serpent's tail, and his mid torso was a horrendously spaghettified eagle's torso, with his neck and head being a goat's respective body parts, also modified in the same manner. However, I intended to make a good first impression, seeing as Hyrum McDaniels, you know, the 5-headed dragon who's been running for mayor for the past year, give or take a few months, towards whom I took a strong defensive stance for him when his mayoral candidacy was being challenged because of his race and manifestation of reality, might be related to this creature.

He approached the door, looked over me a few times, and while he was gazing intently at me, scanning my body for what I assume he'd be looking for: any features that would make me a species that he'd recognize, seeing as there's at least a few intelligent species in this strange new world.

And, just as I had presumed, after a short pause he said "Human, aren't you? Favoring a 'hipster' sort of look, with your glasses, and purple jacket, and... Ooooooh... what's this?" His curious pondering face grew a sly smirk as he said "You're from Nigh.. Mph! Ack!" A shoved my hand into his mouth, keeping my home a secret, seeing as his knowledge obviously very wide, considering the fact that he knew I was human, but at least one... pony? didn't know who or what I was, based on her bewildered expression from observing our little altercation.

"Um... I'd like to introduce myself, if that's okay." whispered Fluttershy, obviously intimidated by this strange scenario that was playing out before her, though, based on her appearance, she might be just a very nervous and or shy individual. After she paused for a moment, she said "My name is Fluttershy, and.. um.. this is my friend, Discord."

The Discord character gave my a look of total and absolute ambivalence and said "Charmed." and stuck out a claw, glancing at me and expecting me to shake it. I myself, feeling a mixture of joyous curiosity, terror, and political ambiguity towards Hyrum McDaniels, grabbed his claw and firmly shook it twice, the traditional greeting where I am from.

Fluttershy, feeling a tiny bit bolstered by her friend being forward towards me, she ever so slightly louder "How did you, um, get here, exactly?"

I was just about to answer, but when out of the corner of my eye, I noticed a small, white bunny glaring at me and rapidly tapping his paw of the floor, apparently displeased with me about... something or other.

Ignoring the bunny, I responded "Well, I'm a radio host - my name is Cecil Palmer - and, how do I put this?" and, after a pause, I just decided to be blatant. Considering what I just saw, and who I was talking to, it's not like there was anything that they'd find 'unbelievable'. Come to think of it, I don't that word has any meaning any more. "A sandstorm was raging where I from, and, a vortex appeared in the middle of my broadcast, and I sort of just, walked in. I felt like I was in a dream for a while, and then I woke up, on the ground, roughly 1/5 of a mile from the Whispering Forest." As I said this, I noticed Discord glare at me, shrink his eyes, and walk away. This bothered me, leading me to believe he knew something I didn't know he knew, and, again, this bothered me, though I out it aside.

Fluttershy then nodded and gave me questioning look and said "Oh, you're new here? Pinkie Pie'll want to see you. She's really excitable, and loves meeting any new pony... or, new anything."

"Oh, okay. And, where would one go to meet this Pinkie Pie?" I asked, curious to meet these ponies, or if there were other ponies.

Little did I know what this would bring me into, and what I was in for.