Chapters Cutie Mark Crusader Bounty Hunters
One hour later
If you know where to look you and who to talk to you can find anything in this city if you are willing to pay a price. The name given to me by the bitch that gave birth to me is Applebloom. That was all the bitch had to give unfortunately. I grew up in the shadows corruption casts on this city and now I make my living walking the grey area where the laws have no meaning. Places where ponies are not afraid to leave you for the parasprites if they think you are going to snitch on them. The sun beat down hard as if the Weather ponies had decided to go on strike. Since not even the scum likes to be out in the heat the streets were as clean and empty as a nun’s plot. I was keeping an eye out for my quarry; a hired gun who went by the name of Hawkeye.
“Um, Applebloom who are you talking to?” Scootaloo asked worried.
Applebloom turned pink. “Oh, sorry…for some reason I felt like monologing.”
“What do you mean shadow of corruption? We only have the one elected official and I don’t exactly see Mayor Mare leading a crime family.” Sweetie bell said grinning.
“Well what about all those “mares of easy virtue” in nurses’ outfits we passed by on the way here?”
“Those were actual nurses. The hospital lets them out for lunch at one.”
“Oh,” Applebloom looked almost disappointed at learning how safe the city she called home actually was. The trio of young fillies continued their search for the bounty hunter. They had wandered into the downtown edge of Ponyville which was as seedy as the town got. It was a very low level of seedy though. The three had wandered around the area looking for any sign of the bounty hunter. They were currently in front a bar called the “The Thirsty Griffon”. It had clearly seen better days as the sign was dented from rocks and cigarette butts littered the ground in front of the entrance. Nervously the three fillies entered and by some stroke of luck saw Hawkeye standing at the bar.
“Did you see him or not?” He said gratingly at the bartender a huge specimen of pony with an eye-patch covering one side of his face and hair cropped as short as it could be.
“I didn’t see nothing,” The bartender shot back more focused polishing his bar’s counter.
“So you did see something?”
The bartender snorted. “What are you an English teacher?”
“No, I’m a dentist. I use a sledgehammer to remove the teeth of ponies dumb enough to lie to me.”
“Okay, maybe we can take them if we have the element of surprise,” Applebloom said intimidated by the huge ponies in front of them.
“…Um Applebloom,” Sweetie Bell said nervously as Applebloom ran over to a rack of pool cues. The little pony wasted no time in grabbing one.
“Hawkeye,” She shouted the pool cue brandished like a spear between her fore hooves. Both Hawkeye and the bartender turned to the source of the shout the bartender reaching for something hidden underneath the bar. The previous tension between them dissolved into a stream of gut busting laughter though as they saw the filly accusing them. Applebloom was trying to look menacing but the size difference between her and the pool cue made her less like a wild and crazy action hero and more like the advance guard for the lollipop guild.
“Daww,” that bartender said, “Did you bring your little sister along to help out?”
“She isn’t with me,” Hawkeye tried to protest.
“Whatever, she breaks anything and you’re paying for it.”
“What?” The bounty hunter looked scared for the first time. This seemed appropriate as Applebloom decided to try advancing on them. Unfortunately, the pool cue caught on her feet and caused her to trip and fall against a side of the poker table tipping it and spilling chips and beer everywhere. The little filly’s friends gasped.
“I’ll get a rag,” Sweetie bell said running behind the bar causing the bigger bartender to jump back against the rows of liquor bottles behind him. This broke the shelf sending dozens of bottles to the cement floor and breaking about half. Scootaloo on the other hand chose to go to Applebloom her hoof catching on an extension cord connected to a neon Clydesdale beer sign snapping the chain holding it up. The sign fell to the floor breaking on impact into hundreds of little glass fragments.
“Oops,” the three fillies all intoned at once. Hawkeye looked like he was on the verge of running away in panic. The bartender meanwhile seemed almost gleeful at the destruction of his bar.
“Looks like I get to close early today,” He said looking over the wreckage.
“What makes you think you are going to get me to pay? They aren’t mine.”
“You are going to pay because they know you and because you want the info I have on the pony you are looking for,” The bartender said a smug smirk on his face. “You can start by buying a new round of beers for my friends.” The bar tender said gesturing at the three ponies who were now surrounding the bounty hunter. The bounty hunter reached into a pocket in his vest and felt around for the black jack he kept hidden in there. The three ponies behind him were big but they looked like farm ponies so probably not a lot of combat training between them. The bartender looked like an ex fighter so that was going to be trouble. This was going to be a tricky job. His best bet was to cause confusion with a level of violence beyond what they were expecting and then run. He braced himself to be able to buck harder.
“Did you know that this license back here is expired?” Sweetie Bell said still behind the bar. The bartender lost his grin.
“Damn, kids” the bartender said shooing the Sweetie Bell out from behind the bar. “Okay, idiot comes in last night. Real lightweight he started shooting his mouth off after only a few beers. He said something about pulling the biggest job of his life and going to see an old flame of his called Punky Pie.”
“Okay, kiddies follow me. Apparently I’m now responsible for you idiots.” Hawkeye shouted walking out into the sunlight the three fillies followed him bounding happily knowing they had succeeded in getting a clue. Once out of the bar Hawkeye turned to face his charges. “Okay, who are you morons and why are you following me?”
“We are the CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS!” The three fillies shouted. “I’m Sweetie Bell and this is Apple Bloom and Scootaloo.” She pointed to her two friends. “We are all trying to get our cutie marks and we heard about the criminal in town and we are hunting him down for the reward so that we can get the bounty and then we are sure to get bounty hunter cutie marks.”
“It doesn’t work like that you idiots.” Hawkeye said facehoofing as he cursed in some sort of tongue. “Look, I can’t just let you guys wander around here. Where are your parents?”
“No idea,” said Applebloom.
“I’m staying with my sister,” said Sweetie Bell.
“Chicken coop,” said Scootaloo.
The strange answers stunned the bounty hunter.“ …Well, then let’s go to them.” The bounty hunter said hopeful that he could pass the three to somebody.
“Well Mr. No Name, we could do that or we could take you to Punky Pie,” Scootaloo said. The bounty hunter looked pained as he weighed his options of getting paid and or not having to spend another moment with these talkative natural disasters. Eventually his desire to keep his apartment and eat won out.
"Fine, lead away,” he said hanging his head. The three fillies did not seem to get the message that the pony did not want to be around him and walked in the direction of Sugar Cube Corner continually asking questions and running in circles around him. Hawkeye ignored them but they didn’t seem to get that message either.
“So how did you get your cutie mark?”
“Have you heard of Rainbow Dash? She is like the greatest flyer ever!”
“What is Manehatten like?”
“Have you ever shot anypony?”
“Do you have a special somepony?”
“Why are you wearing only blue? Can I get armor like that?”
“Isn’t it hot wearing all of that armor?”
“Do you have a sword?”
“Do you like apples?”
“Do you know any dragons? Spike is a dragon I know but we hardly ever get to hang out.”
Eventually he couldn’t stand it anymore. “Kids, you are drilling a hole in my brain. How do ponies put up with you?”
“They usually mutter something about our sisters being friends with Celestia.”
He sighed, “Are we close to Punky Pie?”
“Right in there mister,” Scootaloo said pointing at Sugar Cube Corner. The bounty hunter ran flat out to the door hoping to ditch the three problems behind him. The three problems on the other hand chose to stand against the wall next to entrance and cover their ears with their hooves. “Three…two…one” Scootaloo counted. A loud boom was heard and Hawkeye came flying out of the building covered in confetti. The three ponies went over to the side of their new friend.
“What… the heck… just happened?” Hawkeye asked wiping himself with his hooves trying to piece together the pink blur that had shot him with a…cannon? Who shoots somepony with a cannon? He had never had to deal with one before.
“Pinkie gets excited when she meets new ponies.” Applebloom said trying to explain.
“And people say Manehattan has the crazies,” Hawkeye picked himself up trying to shake off the glitter.
“Oops, I’m sorry about that new friend. The cannon is new! And I needed a party because I don’t know you and I know everypony…” Pinkie said running out of the shop. She jumped up and down next to Hawkeye as he continued to try to clean himself up.
“Hey Pinkie, did you once go by Punky?” Sweetie Bell asked the pink pony. Pinkie upon hearing the name immediately began to break out into a sweat.
“Of course not girls, I have never heard of Punky Pie” her eyes began to dart around.
“The girl asked about Punky how did you know it was Punky Pie?” Hawkeye said surprised he actually got to use the old trick. He hoped that he could convince the pony to play poker with him before he left. He had never seen such a bad bluff.
“OH, okay I admit it,” Pinkie said collapsing into a puddle. “I swear that if you girls tell your sisters about this then no more cookies EVER! That was a past life.”
“What’s the story?” Hawkeye asked raising an eyebrow. The CMC crowded around Pinkie It was juicy enough that even the dire threat of no cookies couldn’t stop them from being interested.
“Well before I came to Ponyville I lived in Manehatten. I was a filly fresh off the farm. It seemed like a good place to start out and full of parties. I found a busted up apartment with a bunch of other girls and a day job in a bakery. We were all broke and the only way for me to party with any regularity was to play with a band. We would go out and play some gig and in exchange we were allowed to stay and party. None of us could really play or sing so we stuck to punk rock.”
“Huh?” Sweetie asked.
“All you need is three cords and the truth,” Hawkeye said stealing that one with a smile.
“DON’T GIVE THEM IDEAS!” Pinkie said slightly panicking and bounding straight up in the air somehow. “Pinkie Pie didn’t sound tough enough to be a punk rocker so I became Punky Pie,” she cocked her head. “How did you guys find out about Punky? I haven’t gone by the name in years.”
“We’re Cutie Mark Crusader Bounty Hunters!” Scootaloo said punching a hoof in the air.
“This is not going to end well,” Pinkie said flatly.
“Really? I thought the pinkie sense only worked on immediate things.” Sweetie Bell said curious.
“I don’t need the pinkie sense for this. Not after that fireworks incident.” Pinkie said rolling her eyes.
“Did you date my cousin?” Applebloom said brimming with the idea of what the gossip could do. Pinkie’s expression however gave another meaning to the words that the Cutie Mark Crusaders would not understand until much later in life.
“He was a mistake. Biggest one I had ever made.” Pinkie focused on the bounty hunter. “Why are you letting little fillies follow you on this job?”
“Sorry, that isn’t how this works, you answer the questions of the well-armed pony first and then you get to ask me questions. It’s cleaner this way,” Hawkeye took a seat. “When did you last meet Crabapple?”
“He showed up this morning. He acted like I was an old friend and asked to borrow my friendship wagon.”
“Did you let him?”
“No way, I aimed the cannon at him and told him to leave. I got chewed out by Mrs. Cake for threatening customers.”
“You shoot every stallion that comes into your bakery with that thing?” Hawkeye asked raising an eyebrow. He was somewhat surprised at the lackluster quality of Ponyville’s justice system.
“I don’t usually stick the silverware in the cannon first.”
“You know what he was going to do with the wagon?”
“I didn’t want to know.” Pinkie frowned.
“Fair enough, and as for your question the idiot squad decided to try busting up a bar to threaten me. I didn’t want to leave in that part of town so now I’m looking for someone to take them.”
“Ahh,” Pinkie said softly.
“Thanks for the pity,” Hawkeye said sarcastically. “If you are so close with them could you point me in the direction of the ponies responsible for their wellbeing?”
“It isn’t pity. It is just so cute that you think you can stop them from causing havoc. Let me know what the final damage is before you leave town,” Pinkie said bounding back into the shop. Hawkeye felt his legs turn to jelly.
“Kids, what exactly was the fireworks incident she referred to?”
“It was nothing we swear!” Applebloom said going from zero to panic in three seconds flat.
“I mean compared to the time we brainwashed our teacher and she almost ended up married.” Sweetie Bell said quickly, “or the time we were exposed as the gossip columnist who managed to find dirt on the entire town. “
“If you look at it side by side with that time we set Discord loose it was barely a blip,” Scootaloo added. The three took a second and suddenly realized what exactly they were saying. This caused them to all spout off new explanations at once.
“You have to understand it wasn’t really all our fault. Rainbow Dash was trying to win a bet that Fluttershy actually could herd cats…”
“…Those bunnies made a full recovery...”
“Celestia seemed okay with being covered in chocolate pudding …well sort of…”
“Stop,” Hawkeye shouted cutting them all off. “Apparently, you guys cause more trouble than dime cider nights. So, here is what is going to happen. You idiots are going to take me to the nearest adult who is responsible for you. You are going to stay with them and think nice happy thoughts. Then you are going to grow up, find some nice colts and spend the rest of your life avoiding me. In exchange I will buy you all cookies. Deal?” he asked trying to figure out why no one had decided to ship them to a boarding school somewhere far far away.
“Deal,” the CMC agreed.
Hawkeye sighed, “And if I find myself married through whatever voodoo you do when I leave Ponyville I will find you guys and…” He reached a blank trying to figure out a punishment that was bad enough to scare them without causing unneeded trouble from the police. He shoved his face right next to the CMC, “convince your parents to feed you nothing but broccoli for the next five years.”
Cutie Mark Crusader Bounty Hunters
“So, your sisters all hang out in the library?” Hawkeye said passing Applebloom another cookie from the bag. He wouldn’t have picked the library as the hot social spot in town but maybe the town really was that boring. The cutie mark idiot squad was running around him in circles again but at least the questions had stopped.
“Yep,” Applebloom said taking the cookie eagerly. “It’s a weird situation.”
The library was a tree. It wasn’t shaped like one but an actual hollow tree. Hawkeye wondered what the town would do if they wanted to expand it. Would you hire a contractor or a gardener? The stallion opened the door and was treated to the magnificent sight of four shapely young mares crowed around a table. He had to bite his lip to keep from letting off a whinny at the sight of the flanks alone. They came in a variety of colors. The spectrum of purple, blue, yellow and orange gave the impression of a candy store. “Idiot squad, you just earned my forgiveness,” Hawkeye said quietly to the three fillies as they pushed past him
“Hey, everypony!” Applebloom shouted at the top of her lungs. The four looked up at the new sight from their chairs. The CMC had come in followed by a strange armed pony in barding. The four ponies looked reasonably disturbed.
“Hello girls,” the purple mare, presumably Twilight said trying to size up the new pony. “And who are you?” she asked trying to figure out a polite way to ask why someone escorting children would need to be so well armed.
Sweetie bell interjected before Hawkeye could say anything. “This is mister Hawkeye No Name. We’ve been showing him around town.” Realizing something she checked her flank. “Dang no tour guide cutie mark.” This caused the other fillies to check their flanks but they didn’t have any luck either. The scene was smile worthy and succeeded in defusing whatever tension there was in the room.
“Shucks, hope my sisters and her friends haven’t been causing you too much trouble. I’m Applejack and these here are Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash,” Applejack commented coming over to the girls and the bounty hunter. Twilight meanwhile stepped to Hawkeye’s side trying to get a better look at the barding he wore. It was pretty boring being completely one color and not shiny in any way. The princess’s guards were much cooler but that was probably what happened when you went from being state funded to private. This careful investigation alarmed Sweetie Bell mistook the looks that Twilight was giving the stallion.
“Don’t fawn over him Twilight. He doesn’t like girls.” The little white pony stated. The stallion’s jaw dropped.
Twilight sighed, “I swear all the stallions are either gay or taken.”
“What are you talking about kid?” Hawkeye asked focusing all his attention on the white filly.
“What? You said if you didn’t want to get married,” Sweetie Bell tilted her head trying to figure out just what was complicated about the situation. She was just trying to help.
“Celestia take you …” Hawkeye remembered he was surrounded by young foals. “…turkey son of a hamster” he shouted. Not only were these foals annoying as heck he couldn’t curse worth a darn around them. This half curse didn’t even phase them but simply elicited another round of giggles.
“So why are you here Mr. Hawkeye?” Twilight said having to fight back the giggles at the display of ineptitude.
“I’m a bond enforcement agent with Sunshine Bail Bonds over in Manehatten. Right now I’m looking for whoever is responsible for these chaos machines.”
“Um, that would be me,” Applejack said nervously, “Am I going to have to pay bail because I didn’t budget for that this month?”
“Nope,” Hawkeye said nudging the three towards Applejack. Well, less nudging and more putting his entire body mass behind them and forcing them forward. “Please, just keep them away from me.”
“Aw, are you afraid of a few foals?” Rainbow Dash said leaning against a wall.
“Ma’am, I have had the pleasure of serving with the Royal Equestrian Army in operations I am not allowed to talk about. I have journeyed to the ends of the land hunting beasts that the locals dared not to name out of sheer terror. I ran across the Great Zebra Deserts with the warriors of forgotten tribes. Take it to heart when I say that these things scare me.” The bounty hunter turned to face Twilight.
Rainbow Dash couldn’t help laughing. “Oh, the big bad bounty hunter is afraid of little girls.”
“From what I have heard of the fireworks incident I would think that appropriate.” Rainbow Dash stopped laughing. Hawkeye opened a vest pocket and gave a business card to Twilight. “Despite what your little sister said I do like girls. Give me a call sometime if you are ever in Manehattan.” Winking suggestively he walked over to the door. “One last thing though could you girls recommend a bar? After this I think I am going to need one.”
“The only one in town is the Thirsty Griffon.”
“See, I’m only in town for one day and they already destroyed the only source of alcohol. FEAR THEM!” The Pegasus took off through the doorway flapping as hard as he could.
“Did you girls destroy the Griffon?” Twilight asked stunned.
“Only a little,” Applebloom said shuffling her hooves.
“Kids, what did I tell you about causing trouble?” Rainbow Dash said annoyed.
“Don’t get caught and kick up at least twenty percent of the loot to you?” Scootaloo said obediently. The rest of the ponies glared at Rainbow Dash. Rainbow blushed at being caught.
“Well, I am adding don’t destroy businesses I like to the list.” She said trying to hide her face. Luckily for perhaps everyone in that room that was the moment Rarity chose to barge into the room in typical overly dramatic fashion.
“Twilight, I have encountered an angel and his name is Pomme,” Rarity burst into the library practically floating off the ground. “He is a reporter from Canterlot and he is going to put out a full article about me! The great designer and most beautiful pony he has ever seen!” She collapsed onto a cushion near her friends. “I am in love and it is glorious,” This prompted eye rolls from everyone.
“So what does this stallion look like?” Twilight asked.
“That is half of the fun darling. His flanks look like they were carved from marble and his white coat goes perfectly with mine. We are having dinner tomorrow and I just know that it is going to be fabulous.” Rarity collapsed on a couch that she appeared to have brought with her. Everypony had long ago decided that it was for the best if they did not question how this was possible.
“Well I’m happy for you Rarity,” Applejack stated trying to get around the couch to her sister.
“Oh, I just know that this is going to be the one. Once we are married and living in Canterlot I’ll be sure to invite all of you.”
“Oh, I’ll make sure to clear my calendar,” Twilight said rolling her eyes. Applebloom finally managed to push around the couch and reach her charges.
“Well I have some good news for you foals,” she said quietly. “Mayor Mare declared the park open for sleeping.” Due to the fact that most of the houses in Ponyville lacked porches the park often served as a makeshift sleeping quarters during the summer heat waves. The whole town seemed to pour out for a slumber party which was good news for the crusaders who had been banned from holding their slumber parties inside. The three cheered loudly at the announcement.
“Scootaloo, do you need to ask your parents?”
“My parents believe in raising their children free range,” Scootaloo replied turning around.
“What does that mean?”
“Pretty much don’t get yourself killed or injured in a way that will require medical treatment and you are free to do as you wish,” Scootaloo said shrugging. Applebloom sighed shaking her head.
“You girls are welcome to go to the park. I’m going to go to back to Apple Acres for sleeping bags and a cooler. Rainbow, you mind helping me to drag the stuff back?”
“Sure, if you think you can keep up.” Rainbow said grinning wickedly. Applejack shot an identical one right back at her and ran for the door followed immediately by Rainbow.
Applebloom walked over to Twilight’s side, “Twilight, do you think I could I have that card that Hawkeye gave you,”
Twilight tilted her head. “Why do you want the card?”
“Uhm, because?” Applebloom stammered.
“Applebloom, I know that you want to help Mr. Hawkeye but I think he got his fill of you for today.”
“Well, it is actually because…uh,” Applebloom tried to think up a good explanation. “Umm… I find him cute!” she finally blurted out.
“Oh my,” Twilight said blushing. Sweetie Bell and Scootaloo both stared at Applebloom.
“Love is in bloom for everypony,” Rarity declared rising to a sitting position on the couch.
“I think Hawkeye is a little old for you Applebloom,” Fluttershy said politely.
“Fluttershy, this is a crush we are talking about not a marriage.” Rarity said getting off the couch. “I say give her the card after you copy down the info you want.” Twilight and shrugged and levitated over the card to Applebloom.
“He isn’t exactly my type.” Twilight said still slightly blushing.
“Thanks Twi,” Applebloom said quickly gripping the card in her teeth and immediately hurrying away outside. She didn’t get far before her companions caught up with her.
“You find Hawkeye cute?” Sweetie bell said tilting her head slightly with a dumbfounded expression.
“Maybe if he cleaned up and wore something other than blue I could agree with you but I don’t know about now.” Scootaloo added with a grin. “Besides, he is a match for Cranky in the personality department.”
Applebloom looked at the ground. “I just wanted the card. It’s enchanted.”
“Really? That’s pretty cool” Sweetie Bell said crowding around the card for a better look.
"It’s nothing right now. Apparently you have to burn the card to activate the spell.”
“So what does it do when you burn it?” Scootaloo said.
“It summons Mr. No Name.”
“That’s it? I think he is going to make good with the broccoli threat if we bug him more.”
“Sure, if we bug him now… but still being able to call up a pony like him ought to be useful if we get in trouble.”
“Oh yeah, Diamond Tiara will never know what hit her.” Scootaloo said hoofpumping.
“Well, yeah but Miss. Cheerilee probably won’t like it if we use it for that.” Sweetie bell said imagining the possibilities.
“So where do we go from here for the cutie marks?”
“Eh, I say we give up on the bounty hunter cutie marks. I wouldn’t want to have to put up with that much walking in one day.”
“Wanna try for barbeque cutie marks?”
Cutie Mark Crusader Bounty Hunters
Scootaloo couldn’t sleep. She should be asleep by any measure having spent the last few hours running around the park with Applebloom and Sweetie Bell. However, her mind did not seem to agree and she was stuck being very unsleepy. Normally she would just walk around or get drinks of water or just… do something until the urge overtook her and she finally ended up asleep. However, she was in a huge field of ponies. They were all, or at least seemed to be, asleep. Sweetie Bell and Applebloom were curled up next to her and both were sound asleep. She couldn’t just walk around or she would end up waking them. So she wriggled around trying to find a comfortable position that she could lie in until the sandpony came and let her sleep in peace. She stared up at the sky. The stars were beautiful tonight. The moon was a quarter full and as silver as she had ever seen it. The stars seemed to glow as brightly as any nightlight she had ever had in her room. She could feel the breezes that swept across the park passing over the grateful ponies in a reprieve from the heat of the day. However, no matter how beautiful the sky or how welcoming the temperature she just couldn’t get comfortable. She ended up on her side starring at the Carousel Boutique. She sighed and just continued to stare at the shop hoping that somehow the clothing shop would work some miracle and be so boring that she would have no choice to fall fast asleep. However, fate had chosen something else for this little pony. A light appeared by the door to the shop. Scootaloo blinked. It was faint and far away but a light had definitely appeared next to the shop. Scootaloo looked to her left to see if Rarity had decided against sleeping in the park and had decided to go home. Apparently she hadn’t as Rarity curled up on a red silk cushion she had brought from the shop to sleep on. Scoots turned back to the shop. The light wasn’t bright enough for her to make out any details was but she guessed that somepony had to have either lit the lantern or cast the spell that was creating the glow. She nudged the pony next to her.
“Applebloom,” She whispered as loud as she dared but the little filly didn’t rouse. “Applebloom!,” she whispered again a little louder. Again nothing happened as little filly was sound asleep. Scoot thought for a moment and then covered Applebloom’s mouth and nose with hoof like she had seen in action movies. Suddenly the tan pony was wide awake and shouting. The hoof muffled most of the sound though Scootaloo learned not trust action movies as she caught a glancing blow to the face before Applebloom calmed down.
“What the hay was that for?” Applebloom asked accusingly. She obviously did not take well to being awoken by suffocation. Her hair was in a mess and hung over her face as it wasn’t tied back with its ever present bow.
“Something weird is happening at Carousel Boutique.” Scootaloo said pointing in the direction of the glow.”
“Is Rarity going home?”
“No, it’s something else.”
“Like what?”
“I don’t know that’s why I woke you.”
“Well it can’t hurt just to have look.” Applebloom said tilting her head slightly.
“Okay, but you wake up Sweetie Bell,” Scootaloo said still a little tender in her snout.
Apple Bloom shrugged. She leaned down close to the third member of their group. Applebloom cleared her throat and whispered into her friends ear in her best impersonation of Rarity, “Oh, Sweetie would you mind helping me decide on what to wear tonight?” Sweetie Bell suddenly sprang right to her feet eyes darting wildly for an escape.
“How did that work?” Scootaloo asked mildly confused and annoyed that Applebloom had been able to do it so easily.
“You have never had to help Rarity choose outfits,” Sweetie Bell said trying to shake off the mind fog from sleep, “She once kept me trapped for hours trying to help her decide between light purple and lavender.”
“Well follow me Cutie Mark Investigators.” Applebloom said trying to make her way through the collected mass of ponies. It was tricky to try to get around the field in the dim lighting but the three little ponies managed to get through with a minimal amount of stepping on tails and ears. They eventually got to Rarity’s shop only to find a white earth pony standing in the doorway. The light had had attracted them came from a dim lantern perched on a wagon nearby.
“Whatca doing?” Applebloom asked startling the older pony. He jumped and turned around to see the three small fillies staring at him.
“Oh, I’m not doing anything that involves you little ones. Why don’t you go back to sleep?” The pony said with a charming half smile. The pony had carefully positioned his body between the ponies and the door to the boutique so the ponies couldn’t see anything.
“This is my sister’s shop you know? What are you doing?” Sweetie Bell tried to get past him to see what the heck he was hiding.
“Oh, are you related to the,” the white pony let out a loud sigh,” ABSOLUTELY stunning Miss Rarity? I left my notebook in the shop and I need it to write my article about her?”
“So you decided to wake her up in the middle of the night to get the notebook back?” Applebloom said with the reinforced understanding that adults were weird.
“Well…I wanted to get a head start on the article for sending back to my editor tomorrow. I REALLY think you should go back to sleep,” the white pony said pointing his hoof at the park.
“What is with the 5th degree homepony? Wakin’ fillies from needed beauty sleep to mess around with a mare’s home? A mare you just met? That sounds like some buckin’ suspicious shit mister. Maybe I bring the coppers round to arrest your ass you don’t get out of here right quick yo,” Everyponies’ jaws dropped with the little orange filly suddenly developing the personality of Shaft. What surprised the Cutie Mark Crusaders even more however was the stallion’s response. With a smooth practiced movement a crossbow appeared from underneath his saddlebags and was pointed at the jive talking little filly.
“You are too smart for your own good little one,” the pony’s highbrow accent was replaced with a lowborn Manehatten one. With a rear hoof the earth pony bucked the door behind him open. The Cutie Mark Crusaders could clearly see what he had been attempting to hide. In the door’s lock was a lock pick and a tension wrench.
“Now listen to everything I say and you might just live through this. This Rarity,” He spit at the mention of the name, “apparently keeps a load of jewels here and you are going to help me find them.”
“What?” Applebloom said stunned by the turn of events.
“You know her right? Well you are going to lead me to them so I can get them in this wagon. Now get yourself in gear and get me some rubies.”
“You can’t shoot all of us,” Scootaloo said defiantly and somehow able to think coherently.
“Maybe, but do any of you want to live knowing your friend died because of you?” Pomme said the three little fillies finally obeyed and headed into the shop with Sweetie bell Leading and Applebloom bringing up the rear end. “And for making me repeat myself,” The white stallion kicked Applebloom into a wall stunning her. “Don’t buck with me got it?” He waited for Applebloom to recover her balance before following her and her friends further into the house.
“How the hay did you figure out that he was the guy we were looking for?” Sweetie Bell whispered to Scoots.
“I didn’t. What are the odds that the one time I do that I get an actual criminal?” Scootaloo said shrugging nervously.
“What?” exploded Applebloom in disbelief.
“Hey, you got to do a monologue earlier. I guess it kinda rubbed off.”
“Rubbed off? You sounded like some sort of zebrasploitation feature.” Applebloom thought about the card hidden in her bow. If she could only find some way to burn it she could probably alert Hawkeye. She glanced at the lantern on the wagon. She turned her companions. “If you guys could buy me some time I could use that lantern to contact Hawkeye.”
“I have an idea. You know how Rarity distracted those diamond dogs?” Sweetie bell suggested.
“That whole annoying them until they begged us to take her away thing?”
“Yeah, why don’t we try that?”
Scootaloo gave her a side glance. She played out the whole scenario in her head“No Crabapple, this is whining,” Applebloom said beginning to cry even louder. Crabapple didn’t say anything and instead grabbed a large pair of fabric scissors off the top of the nearest table. Without a word he smacked the little filly across the face. As Applebloom attempted to cry out he grabbed the bottom of her jaw with his hoof. Forcing it open he inserted the scissors with his other hoof and opened them around her tounge. Without a moment of hesitation he quickly closed the scissors to sever the tounge from her head a fearful gurgle escaping her lips. Watching coldly as the filly struggled not to choke upon the blood gushing out of her mouth he replied “This is me being mildly irritated. Do you wish to continue?”
“I don’t think that would work.” She said a different idea coming to mind. “I’ve been here before Mr. Apple she uses this main floor as a display floor for her work. Her workshop is in the basement. That is where you are going to find the jewels.”
“What prompted this sudden change of heart?”
“Nothing, Rarity can find more diamonds but she can’t find a way to bring us back from the dead.” Crabapple nodded at the statement satisfied. He nodded in the direction of the stairwell and the CMC lead the way to the basement. With a flip of a switch a treasure-trove of chests were illuminated. Boxes full of rubies, sapphires, opals and gems of every hue could be seen?
“She uses these things in dresses? With just one of these I could buy an industrial blow dryer.”
“Well you can’t really compare after the whole industrial pet hair dryer speculation crash. How did anyone see that as a smart investment?” Applebloom said shaking her head.
“So how are we going to get these out of here?” Scootaloo said pausing before adding, “Boss?”
“Look, I don’t want to be here any longer than I have to be. No offense but I don’t want to be near a stallion with a crossbow aimed at me. If you let us help you load you will be out of here quicker.”
“Come on, as long as you keep that bow trained on one of us we are not going to risk running off.”
“Are you sure you aren’t a criminal?” Crabapple said slowly blinking.
“Don’t know really. I’m not old enough to know what the laws are enough to figure out if I’m breaking them,”
“What is wrong with your parents?” Crabapple exclaimed stunned. “Okay, you white one stay near me. Little miss mafia princess and red head you take a case each and load it on my cart.”
“I’ll need a lantern.” She said pointing to the lantern currently in Crabapple’s hand
“I’ve only got the one so make do,”
“You also have the owner’s sister,” Scootaloo said pointing not to Sweetie Belle but to Applebloom. “She knows this place well enough to find a candle and some matches.”
“If that is true then get to work kid.” Suddenly Applebloom was immensely grateful for few things. One, that Rarity was enough of a self-absorbed drama queen to not talk about her sister. Two, that the Apple family bred large enough for cousins to not recognize each other and three that Rarity had a scented candle collection that could only be described as whopping. Heading off before he made the connection between the small white and purple unicorn filly and Rarity’s own color scheme. A convenient supply of aroma therapy candles were located in a close basement bathroom along with a supply of matches. Pulling the card from its hiding place she felt her heart quicken in her tiny chest. Her hooves shook as placed it on top of a thick lavender candle and picked up a small matchbox. Sliding it open she took one of the few remaining matches. She placed on the strike pad only to have it snap immediately from her shaking hooves. The second snapped just as fast.
“Because I hate lavender that’s why. It took a while to find one that is carrot scented.”
“You took the time to find a carrot candle in the middle of a hostage situation?”
“I really hate lavender,” she stated matter of fact.
Crabapple groaned, “I swore I would never come back here again,” He straightened up. “Okay, Now that you have a candle we can get a move on. You two carry whatever you can.” Grabbing one end of a chest with his free hoof he pulled the chest with surprising strength. The three fillies worked together to barely put up one chest to every two that Crabapple put up. The wagon filled up quickly as the three worked together to split the load.
“Alright then, that should be enough,” Crabapple said practically drooling at the sight of a wagon full of jewels. Already he was thinking of all he could afford. First he was going to get a good lawyer who could get the charges he was on trial for thrown out and then he was going to buy one of the best nights he had ever had. He turned around to look at his three helpers. An open window caught his eye. When had that happened? “I appreciate the help but I’m going to be leaving now.” He produced a length of rope from his saddlebags. He tied each of them up quickly with scrap cloth serving as gags. “You really should look into being a criminal. A score like this is just a wonderful feeling.” He booped the little orange one’s nose and turned around just in time to see a pair of hooves drop out of the dark ceiling, connect with his face and throw him across the room. Three eyes widened as Hawkeye appeared out of the ceiling’s shadows. His coat and armor blended perfected with the dark recesses and his cloth vest prevented the chain mail from making a sound.
“I looove vaulted ceilings. Nobody every sees a Pegasus above them indoors.” He pulled a nightstick from his vest. “Normally I would have had you knocked out already but this day has been rather stressful and I need an outlet.”
By this time Crabapple had managed to pull himself together. His crossbow had been knocked away by the first attack so Crab decided to forego style and instead charged head down at the bounty hunter. Hawkeye drew himself to standing position on his hind legs, puffed out his wings to their full extent and held his ground. A smile filled his face. When the collision seemed impossible to avoid Hawkeye flapped his wings and drew himself up into a somersault. As Crabapple passed underneath him he pulled out of the mid-air ball and used his momentum to buck Crabapple and send the stallion crashing into the wall. A sharp crack could be heard as some of the boards in the all broke.
“Forgot I had wings didn’t ya?” The three fillies knew from years of classes that they should probably go get a police pony. They also knew a fight like this wasn’t something a pony could just pass up. Crabapple got up a second time. He wasn’t looking so this time good as blood was rushing from his nose and running down his face. One eye was already beginning to swell.
“Shut up,” Crabapple shouted as he tried to simply hit Hawkeye with some wild haymakers. Hawkeye took an unexpected left hook before blocking the right swing and snapping at the back leg with the nightstick. A sick snapping sound was heard. This time it wasn’t wood.
“LUNA,” Crabapple screamed as he fell to his knees the fight completely forgotten.
“Crabapple, You are hereby captured for your frakking bounty,” Hawkeye was breathing heavily as the adrenaline left his system. He produced a set of hoofcuffs from his vest and shackled the prisoner. After he was sure that Crabapple wasn’t going anywhere he walked over to the CMC. “Pardon me,” Hawkeye said pausing before untying the group. A breath later he ungagged the fillies. “Just wanted to enjoy the silence one last time.”
“That was awesome!” All three seemed to chorus at once.
“And there it goes…” Hawkeye said both exasperated and soaking up the admiration at the same time. He produced a knife from the seemingly endless pockets in his vest and cut through rope tying up the three fillies. “How did you kids get ahold of one of my cards?”
“I told Twilight I thought you were cute. She gave me the card.” Applebloom said shrugging off the ropes.
“You know I was just kidding about the broccoli threat right? You don’t have to keep trying to keep me away from girls.”
“Can you teach me to fly like you?” Scootaloo asked loudly. “If I can learn those moves Rainbow Dash will have no choice but to pay attention to me.”
“Kid, I’m awesome at fighting not flying.” Hawkeye turned away from the fillies and threw away the cut rope into a trash can. He walked back to the captive. Hawkeye hoisted the distraught Crabapple on his back.
“But your Cutie Mark?” Scootaloo cried loudly in disbelief.
“Cuties are weird. I was raised by my grandparents on a farm. They were earth ponies who didn’t know anything about flying...” Hawkeye opened the front door and came face to face with the wagon full of gems. The veteran’s eyes widened to the size of dinner plates. “Celestia’s holy heat! Who has this many gems in one place?”
“My sister the dressmaker,” Sweetie Belle answered. “Crabapple was flirting with her today to get them.”
“Point her out to me when I drop you off. I’m gonna borrow it.” Hawkeye dropped the heavy moaning stallion from his back to the cart and hitched himself up so he could pull it.
“What were you saying about Cutie Marks? Can farming help you get a flying Cutie Mark?”
“Which way is the Police station from here?” Hawkeye asked ignoring the question. It seemed most of the crowd was too far away from the Carousel Boutique to have heard the fight and the masses of ponies were all sleeping soundly.
“That way,” Scootaloo said pointing out a direction guessed more from experience than what she could see in the dark.
“Well, you see my grandfather could tell you anything you wanted to know when it came to farming but he didn’t know the first thing about flying. When it came time for me to learn we were too far out in the country to find a teacher so my grandfather told me to watch birds since he figured that they knew how to fly and I could copy them.”
“But birds and ponies fly completely differently?” Scootaloo had often listened to everything Rainbow Dash had told her about flying. Birds were creatures of nature while ponies had magic assistance to help with their heavier bodies.
“Yeah, but my pappy didn’t know that and neither did I. So I watched the birds when I didn’t have any chores to do and started to copy them. I saw a hawk chase down a rabbit and I think it is cool. I try. I fail. So I try again and again. Eventually I somehow manage to do it. I see a hummingbird and think I should be able to hover. Again something I shouldn’t be able to do. Somehow I succeed. Since I attended a school with only earth ponies I thought I was just a normal Pegasus. It was only once I joined the army that I learned just how crazy the stuff I was doing was.”
“So that is how you got the hawk cutie mark?”
“Yeah, my talent isn’t flying. It is succeeding in things that I shouldn’t be able to do due to not knowing I can’t”
“So your talent is being so dumb and stubborn you warp reality?”
“That is a bit more brutal than I like to put it.”
“I don’t get it. We caught the bad guy. Why no cutie marks?” Applebloom asked out loud.
“Probably for the best. Violence is a skill that is really limited. The 1% of the time you need violence it can make you a hero. The other 99% of the time it just makes everyone else really nervous.”
The police station was a small brick building in the middle of the town square. When the group entered there was just a young rookie manning the desk and looking asleep on his hooves. This condition was quickly dispelled when an armed and armored pony entered towing a load of jewels and a hoofcuffed pony. The three young foals quickly learned the meaning of beaurcracy as forms were passed and filled out, statements about the kidnapping made, written down, photographs taken and so on until the authorities were satisfied with the situation. Eventually the three passed out on a couch in the break room. By the time the police were satisfied about who was telling the truth it was already dawn.
“Not bad for a police station. Yes, I am going to have to mark it down for having worn out old furniture but I must say I love the coffee. 9 out of 10 would be arrested in again” Hawkeye was the only one of the group who was still functioning after the night of excitement. As soon as he stepped out the door he was face first with angry mares.
“Girls we have been looking everywhere for you? Why were you in the police station? Mr. Hawkeye what is going on here?”
This time it was Sweetie Belle’s turn to monologue. “Last, night I could feel it. The chill down an honest mare’s spine when evil is afoot. I can never sleep when evil rears its ugly head. Too many years on the job have taught me that. I roused my Watsons’ so that we might begin the game once again. “ She looked Rarity deep in the eye. “Do you know the true blackness in somebody’s heart? The evil that lurks where angels fears to go? The Sweetie Belle knows.”
“Oh, neat,” exclaimed Pinkie somehow producing popcorn. “I love radio serials.”
“Okay crazy train stopping here.” Hawkeye exclaimed. “If anypony could direct us to a place where I can find some breakfast I’ll be glad to explain what happened.”
“And then we all went to the police station.” Hawkeye said finishing up the story.
“Will you be staying long Mr. No Name?” Twilight asked her curiosity still unsatisfied.
“No, I’ll catch the first train back after I leave here.” Hawkeye said. “I’m needed to testify at a trial in two days.”
“I can’t believe Pomme was a crook. Or that someone that sophisticated was related to Applejack.”
“Hey,” Applejack protested.
“I am a pony shamed.” Rarity cried draping a hoof over her face. “However shall I go on?”
“Change your name and move to another city?” Pinkie Pie suggested.
“Oh Pinkie, where do you get these ideas?”
Cutie Mark Crusader Bounty Hunters
It was a slow day on the farm for the apple family. Ponyville was currently in the middle of heat wave and Apple Acres was not excluded from the shared misery. The cross breeze in the barn’s hayloft was a nice touch but Applebloom was still sweating all over with her hair sticking to her forehead in individual strands. The heat was making her sleepy and she was currently in the state between awareness and dreaming. She lay in a heap watching the wind move the apple trees’ branches back and forth. A dark figure appeared on the edge of her vision. At first she thought it was a bird but it grew bigger and bigger until it could only be a Pegasus pony. This didn't seem interesting enough for the young filly to rise. Pegasus ponies were everywhere. So what if this one had a rather unusual coat? The black figure circled the farm once and landed in the middle of the clearing next to the Apple family’s home. A closer look at the figure caused interest to rise in the young one. This Pegasus was a stallion that looked to be about the size of Big Mac and just as muscled. He appeared to be in his late thirties or early forties. The clothes were the most unusual thing though was the Pegasus wore what appeared to be a navy blue vest that went all the way to his flanks. The vest was covered by what appeared to be dull dark blue chain mail. Over that layer he wore a mesh vest and saddlebags that were small pockets over larger ones. Every available pocket seemed stuffed to full capacity. On his flank was a cutie mark in the shape of a hawk’s talons. It is a natural instinct of ponies that when somepony comes to a house in armor to expect trouble as very few ponies will take the time and money to prepare for conflict without expecting conflict to happen or expecting to make it happen. It was enough to rouse even a sleepy pony to investigate what was going on here. However If the new pony had come to ransack the house and the family he was being polite about it. He knocked on the front door to the house and waited patiently for somepony to answer. Applebloom rose up from where she was laying and scurried down the barn’s ladder. By the time she had reached the house Granny Smith was in the doorway.
“Oh hello, how can I help you?” The elderly grandmother asked in her usual drawl.
“Hello ma’am I’m Hawkeye. I’m a Bond Recovery Agent with Sunshine Bail Bonds over in Manehatten. We are looking for a relative of yours by the name of Crabapple. He missed his court date and we need him to reschedule.”
Granny Smith retched and spit into the dirt. “Crabapple is a low down, idiotic, cheating, apple stealing, son of an idiot. The last time I saw that dirty rat I put a barrel full of buckshot in his rear end. Why in the hay would you think that he would come here?”
“It’s just a lead Ma’am. I talked to one of his known associates and he said Crabapple mentioned something about coming to Ponyville for a big score. I’m just talking to everyone Crabapple might have reason to contact.”
“Screw that little weasel and the train he came in on.” Granny Smith shouted. Applebloom blushed at the way her grandmother was talking.
That seemed to satisfy the pegusus though and he unbuttoned one of the pockets on his saddle bags and pulled out a business card. “Alrighty then Ma’am if you wouldn't mind here is my business card.”
“We don’t have phones out here boy.” She said matter of fact.
“You don’t need them with this.” He said cracking a slight smile that comes from getting to show off. “A unicorn friend of mine came up with these. If you happen to see Crabapple set the card on fire.” He pulled a second gadget out of his belt. This one looked like a small square hand mirror. “This thingy picks up the destruction and gives me the location of where the card was burned. Neat, huh?”
“Won’t need it I reckon,” Granny smith said taking the card none the less.
“I understand the need to protect family but I am going to catch Crabapple. It is only a matter of time if you help me or not. “
“That’s not what I meant. If I find Crabapple first I’ll have the doctor who puts him back together give you a call.” Granny turned and went back inside. The Pegasus shrugged at the reply and took another look around the farm stretching out his tired wings.
“So are you a cop?” Apple bloom asked the dark haired Pegasus.
“No, kid I’m a bounty hunter.” He replied annoyed at the young filly.
“Cool, like old westerns?” Granny smith had a collection of those and she let Applebloom watch them sometimes. The older stallion started to walk away but Applebloom followed.
“Sure, I’m the pony with no name and I hunt the baddest desperadoes you have ever seen for rent money,” He said sarcastically as he flexed his wings.
“But you said your name was Hawkeye?” Applebloom said tilting her head in confusion.
“Oy Vey kid,” The pegsus decided to try flying instead of walking away from the curious child. Unable to match the Pegasus’s speed or altitude she watched the dark speck fade as she walked down the road into Ponyville. The chance meeting had given her an idea of what to do for the day and a new way to earn her cutie mark. Wind carrying the smell of apples passed by the young child but the heat of the day still was present and soon the young filly was sweating. The road wound around trees and rocks that it had been easier to just build around than move. Eventually, the road met a bridge crossing the stream between Ponyville and Apple Acres. While this was nothing new, Applebloom must have crossed the bridge dozens if not hundreds of times, this time she was greeted by the sight of her fellow cutie mark crusaders. Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle were splashing around in the water as it wasn’t really deep enough to swim in but clean and clear enough to get wet in.
“Hey Applebloom,” Scootaloo said catching sight of her first.
“Hey, I thought you guys were hanging out at Carousel Boutique today?” Applebloom asked.
“Rarity kicked us out when some reporter came to interview her,” Sweetie Bell said not bothering to stop splashing.
“Guess what? I have a new way to earn our Cutie Marks,” Apple Bloom said beaming.
“I thought we were taking a break after the whole Cutie Mark Crusader pyro-technicians thing?” asked Sweetie Belle tilting her head.
Applebloom stomped a hoof, “We’ve waited long enough and it was an honest mistake. Who knew that they were keeping the town’s firework display in that shack?”
“Or that when you fill cardboard tubes full of bottle rockets that they explode instead of creating one big rocket?” added Scootaloo sarcastically.
“Besides we got to try being Cutie Mark Crusaders Firefighters as well until they threw us out. Plus, we got that invitation to work for Maretallica until they found out our ages. Anyway I have a cool new one CUTIE MARK BOUNTY HUNTERS!”
“How would that work?
“A bounty hunter came to the farm this morning to ask about a criminal who came to town. If we catch the criminal before he does I’m sure we will get the cutie marks; Awesome badass ones too.” She and Scootaloo high hoofed at that as they thought of the respect they would get from their classmates. Sweetie Bell shrugged figuring that it would be better to go along and have fun than protest the numerous insanities occurring right now. Applebloom lead a charge into town followed by her two compatriots.
“So what does this criminal look like?” Scootaloo asked.
“His name is Crabapple and beyond that I have no idea.”
“Anything else at all?”
“Nope,” said Applebloom.
“Cool, just thought I would ask,” said Sweetie Bell.
“Well we need something to track him down.” Said Scootaloo
“Well I have one lead.”
“What?”
“We follow the other bounty hunter. A stallion by the name of Hawkeye No Name with a cutie mark shaped like a talon. We find him, find out what he knows and then catch the crook before he can.”
“That sounds stupid. The guy has years of experience on us and probably will squish us.” Remarked Sweetiebell
“Stupid yeah…but exciting I say we try it,” said Scootaloo.
“Alrighty then,” Shouted Applebloom running forward into the town her two friends hot on her heels. “I think he went this way.”