Love Letters

by IGNORE IGNORE

Rating: teen
Tags: Alternate Universe, Romance, Spike, Comedy, Sex, Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1814

It's that time of the month once again for little Spike. The time of month were he ends up getting drunk pretty badly. But for some particular reason while being drunk, he wants to write the perfect love letter.

Dear Applejack,
This is Spike writing to you. Okay well I guess you already knew that. Or did you? You probably thought it was Twilight writing to you right? Okay well no, i'm writing to you. Not Twilight okay! Just reminding you cause it is easy to forget. Okay anyways, wait hold on let me get Twilight to help me write these.

It's that time of the month once again for little Spike. The time of month were he ends up getting drunk pretty badly. But for some particular reason while being drunk, he wants to write the perfect love letter.

Oh yeah by the way, the "Sex" and "Teen" tag are for language. :twilightsmile:

EDIT> Featured on, August 13th of 2014 :rainbowkiss:

Published 2014-08-13 23:00:05 UTC
Last updated 2014-08-13 23:00:05 UTC

Chapter 1

"Ohhhh yeah!" Spike shouted. He blinked a couple of times before entering Twilight's library. "Ohhhh hey Twilight i'm home! Oh yeah, also have you seen my lips? Have they come through here? I can't find my lips!" Spike entered the room looking around crazily. Twilight just face-hoofed herself, as she had heard that.

"Spike are you drunk again?" Twilight asked dropping her book, while ignoring Spikes question. She had then looked Spike dead serious in the eyes, demanding for a answer. "Spike answer me now!"

"What! Naw, naw, son I don't know what you talking about. I am just a little intoxicated! Am not drunk at all!" Spike laughed. While walking over to her, he stumbled a few times.

"Spike! Your too young to get drunk! Besides it's bad for your health," Twilight scolded. "Here Spike let me help you get into bed." Twilight took a held of Spike then carrying him upstairs.

"Let go of me! I don't need your help! And i'm not to young in fact, in pony years i'm about the same age as you," Spike scoffed. He then jumped out of her hooves. "Besides, I wanna write a letter!" Spike shouted, then running into the room. He groaned then slamming the door shut.

"Dragons.. Oh Spike your too young! Then they're all like, noooo! Shut up i'm not fucking young! One of these days he will just regret not listening to me." Twilight rolled her eyes, going back downstairs to continue her reading.

"I heard that Twilight! If I were you I would shut the fuck up!" Spike yelled angrily. Stomping away to Twilight's desk, to start some serious writing. "Yeah.. Like I would ever regret not listening to her! Please that girl got it bad. I mean she can't even walk down stairs without tripping over every step!"

"Spike!"

"Leave me alone Twilight! Go read your creepy porno book. Just leave me alone! I am trying to write a letter! I don't care if i'm to drunk to write one," Spike yelled. He froze then waiting for some crazy response from Twilight. A few minutes passed by, still not hearing a response. "Okay weird... Ah yes! About time I found that pencil. Hehe quill. You know quill your my only friend! All my other friends just treat me like a quill. No offense quill. Oh speaking of friends, for some reason I wanna write the perfect love letter. But not to anypony.. But to Applejack she is the nicest one out of the six. Wait isn't there seven? Okay nopony cares lets now get to work!"

Dear Applejack,

This is Spike writing to you. Okay well I guess you already knew that. Or did you? You probably thought it was Twilight writing to you right? Okay well no, i'm writing to you. Not Twilight okay! Just reminding you cause it is easy to forget. Okay anyways.... Wait hold on, let me get Twilight to help me write these.

"Twilight come back! I need your help writing! My claws are being bitches right now."

"I'm coming Spike.." Twilight sighed, trotting upstairs to help the drunk dragon. Spike then curled into a ball and started crying, as Twilight had opened the door. She froze staring at the drake crying, trying to find out if it was real tears or drunken.

"Spike are you o-okay?" Twilight asked with concern in her voice. Never seeing Spike cry like this before, made Twilight feel a little guilty.

"Oh Twilight it was horrible! It was like writing mean girlz all over again! Do you know how bad season 1 was Twilight?! It was so bad it brings manly tears to my eyes! I don't know if I will be able to pull through this one Twi.. If I don't make it please tell the quill that I love him!" Spike cried out.

"Yup.. Drunk tears I just knew it!" Twilight fake smiled. Then giving herself a pat on the back for being right as always.

"Twilight please help me write the perfect love letter! I can't keep going on like this. Celestia knows if season 2 was actually good! It was so bad I didn't want to find about season 2... The horror!"

"Okay Spike, if you wanna write the perfect love letter you gotta...."

Dear Applejack,

Hello this is Spike once again! Did you miss me babe? Oh wait don't answer that I knew you already did. So your probably wondering why i'm writing this am I right? Okay well you probably don't care but fuck it! The reason I am writing to you is cause you need a love letter. Not just any but the perfect love letter! Oh and this is so NOT a spoiler of to what i'm writing.

Okay so anyways... I think your pretty? Okay well no I know that you are! But like I don't mean it as in frou-frou pretty. But hey your flank don't look that bad for wearing some frou-frou things. Not that your flank ain't hot already! Oh yeah, did you fall from heaven? Wait I forgot the rest to that pickup line! Dang it! And Twilight won't help me write the rest of it. She says it's to you know old! But what does she know about picking chicks up. Okay well probably a lot more then me...

So I think you buck apples just right? Buck hehe what a naughty word. Wait you don't fuck trees do you Applejack? Wait of course you don't! Cause your a farmer and you plow fields. Plow huh? Have you ever plowed a tree? Well I have and it was sooooo fun! But like other ponies were staring at me weirdly.

Also, you mean everything to me. Twilight told me to write that.. But I really do mean it! Cross my heart hope to fly and stick a cupcake in my eye. Does the pinkie promise convince you enough? Or is that way too much? Oh no it isn't! You know Applejack I do read fan-fictions about us.. Okay now that is too much! But hey it gotta convince you right?

We really do make each other a whole. Now you probably reading this and being confused right? Well I am confused as fuck as well! So... We make a whole in bed?

So if I gave you 11 real roses and 1 fake rose, I will love you till the last rose dies? Wait that makes no sense! And Twi found that one off some cheesy website. But I am cheesy when i'm not drunk...

Last night I looked up into the stars and matched each one with a reason why I love you. I was doing great till I ran out of stars. There was only 2 stars in the sky. So yeah I think I was on a roll. Speaking of rolls did you know that I can roll my tongue? It likes to roll all around Equestria! Not like in a bad way okay moving on...

So Twilight says a picture tells 1,000 words but when I see yours all I see is 3.... You are hot. It is true and you know it is AJ. I mean the way you your hair flows is perfect! And that perfect gold pineapple color it has. It's so good that it remind me of Spongebobs pineapple under the sea. Which makes you hot and your hair.

If I had to choose between fucking and loving you, I would use my last fuck on you. Wasn't that the best one yet? Your totally blushing! I know you are don't hide it babe.

Life with out you is a broken quill, pointless in every way. No really it is, being left would Twilight all alone is the worst... Don't tell the others this but when me and her are alone... We like to act like son and mother. You heard nothing!

I miss you when i'm not with you... When i'm not with you all I do is write love letters to you. Speaking love letters are you enjoying this? Wait you gotta! It is the most sweetest things a dragon ever said to you. Oh yeah, you know that is a great thing when a dragon flirts with you. Or you know attempts at it by writing love letters...

You are my best friend, my hoof to drag everywhere around, the one pony who I know can read 50 Shades of Grey with me.You know that is big cause most ponies be so busy watching mean girlz! What is so damn good about that show? They be licking and ticking.

If you were a booger I would pick you first. Now that was the best pick up line i've used today! You really would make the perfect booger.... Okay that sounds gross moving on.

I could conquer the world wait! I already have on my birthday. Oh yeah and some guy kept walking to a beer stand, not so far away from me to get to first! Then he got there first before me and asked if he could have more. Then the ponies said no, 5 minutes later he was there again and every time he insisted that he wasn't drunk. And that has nothing to do with this love letter.

So Applejack if you were to go to my bed I would drop everything for you. No really I would hehe! Great now I sound like a school girl... Okay forget that! Oh yeah and babe I think your hooves are so shiny. I could see the future from them!

Well that is my love letter you Applejack. Wasn't that great? Aw geeze don't tell me how great it was cause I already know. Oh my Celestia I tottally forgot to ask! But before I ask don't leave to heaven please.... Oh yeah also will you be my marefriend?

Love Spike

"That sugarcube is a real love letter... Ah will be your marefriend," Applejack grinned kissing Spikes cheeks. "Oh yer also, Spike were you drunk when you wrote that?"

"No! I was just a little intoxicated that is all really..." Spike grinned. "But you know I really did mean most of those things I said.. And I don't feel so intoxicated anymore."

"Your ah idiot but somehow ah love that about you," Applejack smirked.

"I love you Applejack, I forgot to mention that in the letter."

"Ah love you too sugarcube.." Applejack blushed.

Author's Note

Yes another Applespike story with a cheesy ending! I really do deserve a gold star for this one. :ajsmug: